And I'm alright

Standing in the streetlights here

Is this meant for me

My time on the outside is over

We don't know how you're spending all of your days

Knowing that love isn't here

You see the pictures

But you don't know their names

Cause love isn't here

And I can't do this by myself

All of these problems, they're all in your head

And I can't be somebody else

You took something perfect

And painted it red.

grannies & grandpas can be real cute & amusing you know.
:)


But, after a week of being in the same cubicle, i have been assigned to a different cubicle. I am =(
Not because my current cubicle has more to do. But i would miss my patients. One of them said "Aiyo, when you go, i have no friend already.."

___________________________________________________

I should be sleeping now.
I'm so tired, my eye is tearing.


I thought i can finally have a whole day to rest and to just to laze at home this Saturday. I was wrong! Eeks! Going to school for the SINDA Excellence. A month ago, i thought it would be nice to do some duty during the 3 weeks of attachment.

I am shaggedz.

9th October coming soon!
and 10th October, what do i do? I have Work Assignment / Out with new found friends / Chalet with CLS people and the next day would be Wedding & Work Assignment.

and that last week of holiday before school starts, i have it all planned out!
GO OUT WITH PEOPLE!
I MISS MY FRIENDS!

I feel disconnected with the outside world of my friends. I'm too lazy/tired to reply sms-es or to return missed calls. and of course, i'm too tired to do the proposal!

Why are you still in my dreams?

I finally got myself to do what is needed.
I feel accomplished!


and the weekends have been over SO FAST!
i repeat, SO FAST!

I wish the weekends could have been longer.
It's gonna be a week of attachment again!
This coming Thursday and Friday will be morning shift :(
But tomorrow will be afternoon shift, which i prefer to morning shift.

HELLO TO ACHEY ACHEY FEET, HELLO PATIENTS AND HELLO TO THE BUSY, CRUEL WORLD OF BEING AN INVINCIBLE LOST STUDENT NURSE.

“ Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the

mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it

whole, flows from heaven to the soul. ”

- Uknown

Hello Kidney!
and so the picture says it. My ward kinda specializes in renal cases and sowhathaveyou.


i want to say..


the past two days have been G R E A T!
and so i conclude,
I very very much enjoy my attachment!


Well of course, minus the negativities like being treated invisible, being looked down upon doctors/staff nurses, doing things that i would never do before and all.

but!
I feel a sense of satisfaction. Although it has been what, a few days only and i feel a bond with the patients i have been taking care of. Some are mean, some are funny, some are cute, some are pitiful. While some are really in need of care.

It feels so good to hear the patients say 'Thank you' to you though they are weak when they said it and it sounds so sincere. It feels good to see them smile at you with appreciation. It feels good they trust you to care for them. It feels good that i am building rapport with them.

________________________________________________


On Wednesday i was on morning shift. and i was shagged like shitz. The next two days which was Thursday and today, Friday, i was on afternoon shift. Did i mention that i love afternoon shifts?
I get to wake up late, get to reach on time, the workload is manageable comparable to in the morning and lastly, it is so cooling to go home at night!

and OMG!
THERE ARE HANDSOME AND HOT DOCTORS!
yes, handsome!
but i would like to smack the files on their faces one day. They're kinda proud and haughty.
Doctor so what? I am a nurse!


________________________________________________


Building rapport.

'I think I felt a tinge of "nurse-ness" in me today. It really is quite fulfilling to see the patients under your care being discharged, albeit a little sad because you have already developed a bond with them.'

Jeanette

I agree with her. I feel sad that i might not be able to see the patients again after the weekend because they might be discharged already. But on the other hand, i feel happy for them that they can be discharged already. I'm gonna miss them.

"Are you an Arab?"

That was the question of the day for me today! I laughed of course as my reply! Many are confused to what is my race. Most of them concluded i am Malay, while some thinks i am Chinese. The very out of the blue question was if i am an Arab. HAHAHA!

ANYWAY!

I had a great day!
If you want to imagine how my face look likes now, it would be like this --> :D

I had such a great day, that i went home with all smiles on my face just thinking of the day's events in my head. With great music and a cup of really Iced lemon tea too!

Okay, so i had convinced myself to blog today.
I am so exhausted.


After shift, i took a bus with Farhat & Shaqila and slept all the way in the bus. Alighted at bukit panjang plaza to get some ice cold ice lemon tea from mac. Took another bus and slept again. Arrived at home, changed and slept again till everyone had their dinner. Then i stoned.

Yeah, i was exhuasted.

Cos you see, today i was assigned to a different 'cubicle' to yesterdays. (i dunno why they call that cubicle, it reminds of the toilet cubicle!) and so today was W O A H. Compared to yesterday, i had more things to do, washed my hands so many many times, done stuff i would never do before, caused blisters on my heels.

IN CONCLUSION,
today was such a tiring day because mine was the busiest cubicle compared to other student nurses cubicle. Yesterday i was just standing, nothing much to do. Today, i was everywhere doing this and that. No, i am not complaining. At the end of the day, when i see one of them being able to eat with an expression of satisfaction and ease, it makes me smile.

The past two days reminds me so much of my experience at Earle Swensens you know.

AND OH OH!
This morning, i could have a heart attack out of fear (Could anyone die of fear?!). At 6.30am, i was still at Chua Chu Kang mrt! I am on morning shift, meaning we have to be ready, out and about by 7am. I quicjky hailed a cab at 6.50am. I reached at 7.03am! Eeeeeeeeeeeeek! I hope i won't be marked down la.

Dum dum. With my experience yesterday, it took Beverly and i to arrive in Buona vista within 30 mins to meet Chalotte. I thought there was sufficient time. Now i know. Never underestimate time.

“Right now there is a dust storm in Sydney turning the sky and everything under it red.”

Sydney, Australia.

HAPPY 13th BIRTHDAY SISTER!
<3

Selamat Hari Raya to all!

No, sleep has not eluded me yet.


As i lay on my back, i think of the day's events. and my coming days ahead. Especially on Tuesday. and then i feel a sudden sense of panic and i worry.

A T T A C H M E N T
yes, i am dreading it.
because i am so not ready for it physically and mentally!
(Though i had planned weeks ago on how i should be prepared for attachment!)

• i have not personalised that green booklet we were given. Is it called 'the student's handbook'? Omg!
• i have not bough shoes, oh shooooes!
• i have forgotten the 7 steps of the hand hygiene. If i should get the contagious disease, you know why. I'm kidding.
• hair issues! my hair is being pretty sucky you know. i need a good hairnet and some rubberband to tame the wild hair of mine.
• i have not read through our lecture notes yet!

I AM GOING TO HAVE A PANIC ATTACK!

I should be sleeping now.
But i missed the blogging world.

I don't want to sleep because in about 72 hours (or maybe lesser by the time you are reading this) I AM GOING TO NUH FOR ATTACHMENT!

*Pulls hair with wide eyes*

I'm not really ready for it you know.
This week has gone by too fast, i have just realised i have not accomplished quite an amountful of tasks! They are not much to do, but being me, i would like to things to fall in place just nice and steady for things to be smooth sailing ahead.

Here is what i have to do:

1. Cut my nails! They are so long, i can scratch your face!
2. My cupboard is in a mess with clothes strewn about and it is driving me crazy!
3. BUY ATTACHMENT SHOES! ( i know, it's pretty late and i haven't gotten em!)
4. Send a belated birthday card, thank you card to aunt Janet & auny Sally.
5. READ UP FOR ATTACHMENT! (OMG!)
6. Blog about Bethany's package.
7. Make Jemima's birthday card. (I bought her a birthday gift which left a hole in my pocket okay!)
8. return library books.
9. The proposal, THE PROPOHSAL! Oh my goodness, everyone had send me their drafts, their part of the work and i am to compile it all. and i have been to freaking too occupied these couple of days!

SOMEONE STONE ME!
I suck at time management, like really. 24 hours in a day is never enough.


Like what i have tweeted about,

3 Weeks of Holiday = Never Enough

gah, who am i to complain?
but for now, this is what i really really need.
Even during these holidays, i wasn't getting enough of beauty sleep.

OH EM GEE!


Attachment is in a few days time!

and no, i'm not ready for it yet.
3 Weeks of a holiday is just too short!

I wonder if this layout of mine is getting boring to anyone who has visited my little space here on the internet for the past 8 months.

Yes, i had this skin/layout for 8 months!

The longest, ever!


But, i'm not sick of it. The fonts, the colours and everything. It's just perfect.

30 Satisfying Simple Pleasures in Life

1. Sleeping In on a Rainy Day
2. Finding Money You Didn’t Know You Had
3. Making Brief Eye Contact with Someone of the Opposite Sex
4. Skinny Dipping
5. Making the Yellow Light
6. Telling a Funny or Interesting, True Story
7. Seeing a Friend Stumble Over Himself
8. Hearing the Right Song at the Right Moment
9. The First Sip of a Beverage When You’re Thirsty
10. Catching a Glimpse of Bare Skin on the Opposite Sex
11. Saying the Same Thing Simultaneously
12. The Pull-Through Parking Spot
13. Realizing You Have More Time to Sleep
14. People Watching
15. Putting On Clothes Straight from the Dryer
16. A Familiar Smell
17. The Feeling You Get When Your Idea Works
18. Fresh, Clean Bed Sheets
19. A Beautiful View
20. Reminiscing About Old Times with Your Closest Friends
21. Receiving an Unexpected Compliment
22. Having a Good Laugh
23. The Feeling After a Healthy Workout
24. Receiving a Real Letter or Package via Snail Mail
25. The Celebration in the Instant Something Makes Sense
26. Relaxing Outdoors on a Sunny Day
27. Holding Hands with Someone You Love
28. Playing in the Water
29. Making Someone Smile
30. Finishing What You Started


Source

Did you know.. ?

i agree on this, heehee.



Thank God, there is sunshine after the rain.

oh yes, let's move on and forget about the past week and back to being carefree and not caring about anything for now.

:]

Picture Credits

How time flies.
and how the events unfold quickly, unexpectedly and unsought after.

I am back, from a crazy, tough and emotional week. I can say, it has been a thunderstorm and i would label this week as the worst week of my 2009. a week ago, i had wished for a great week to enjoy my holidays. i guess i had a hell of a week instead.

It had been a mess of emotions raging inside of me. I did not know what to do, helpless and i felt alone. There were moments when i felt so much anger, so much hatred. and there had been moments that i felt so much in denial on why this is happening to me and leaving me wondering "Why everyone else could be happy but us? " and there too, had been moments when i felt so so scared, i felt so alone.

Damn, there has been so much pain, i felt my heart was gonna burst. and i can't believe i had even think about it, about being so like there's no way out but just to die. Shoo away those thoughts.

for now, the future ahead seems dark and uncertain. my future is threatened. What if everything i have, my life here, my friends, my studies will be taken away and be back to a life which i had long forgotten?

Would you say goodbye to me, and remember me still?


I wish i could easily open up. and have someone who understands and lends a listening ear. Oh wells.

“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.”

Someday, i want to tell you to your face how much i hate you.
Someday, i hope you realise how many people you have hurt.
Someday, i am going to go as far away from you.
Someday, you will show me with love not to have fear.
Someday, i want to be able to share my day, my ups and downs with you.
Someday, i want to stop hiding informations from you.
Someday, it will come to you that you have been wrong all along.
Someday, i hope you will understand me.
Someday, i will be able to talk to my aunt who understands me most.
Someday, i want to share my feelings with someone who cares.
Someday, i will stop praying that you'll be a better father.
Someday, i will not envy others.
Someday, i will feel loved by you.
Someday, you will come to realise all this.
Someday, i will be able to let go of all this hatred and rebelliousness.
Someday, i will be happy.

Someday.

you know the feeling when you are so looking forward to it, only to have your feelings cheated when it did not turn out right?
boooohoo :(


anyway,for now, i just feel like being away. i don't really feel the need and want the interactions for now. Somehow it feels good to be alone these days. and no, i'm not being emo.

Sorry for late/unreplied messages!

"Loves are like empires: when the idea they are founded on crumbles, they, too, fade away."

Minda Kundera

Ahh. This would be perfect on a sunny, lazy afternoon.
To just lie down, with good books to entertain you and with iced lemonade.
Perfect!

My holidays, which is in a shorter length compared to the people from other schools has only about 2 weeks left before the much anticipated or should i say, dreaded attachment. Eek! I'm kinda not sure what to expect.

and this two weeks will soon fly by in no time.

These two weeks i have, there is a lot to do :(
I want to get things over and done with. In actual fact, i don't want the responsibility. There are many at times i feel like walking away from it. But oh wells. Two more months to go. Boo!

But anyways, the past week had been good. Sleeping in the early morning and waking up when the sun is up and blaring into your bedroom window. Got my sleep, whee! and teevee! I get to watch national geo shows. Hah, they're kinda interesting you know. and i've been surfing a lot lately. and it makes me think, the world is such a crazy place and the people are getting more wackier than ever.

I want to wake up to a good day ahead tomorrow.
I know it will be.
It's the 7th.
:D

Have a goodnight!

Picture Credit

"You are defined by the way in which you treat the people you love. And, the people you hate."

Ah, Hate. and anger. There has so much of it in me these days. I need to take a breather.

There are times when there i feel utmost emotions in me, and when that happens, i always like the idea of writing down my thoughts and feelings. I feel better that way. It makes me feel like i am writing and relating to someone who understands me the best. Hmmm, it is like writing to yourself though. I don't know why, but i don't take solace in telling friends, even close friends of what is really bothering me or how i am feeling inside. Even when it's a mess of emotions inside, i rather keep things bottled up. Taking a nice cold shower is also a nice therapy, especially in this rainy season. It's awesome.

But i think. Sometimes, too much hatred is too much.

aren't they oh-so-adorable?

I MISS HAVING A DOG.

Picture Credits

Dear papa,
I SO HATE YOU.
Yes, i still do.

A week ago, this unfamiliar lady requested to add me on facebook. I asked her, like i normally would if i know her. Apparently, she was my kindergarten to primary 2 classmate! So Lisa had scanned and uploaded our K1 class photo.

When i left the Philippines for Singapore officially at the age of 8, my classmates had no idea what happened to me or no news of me at all till now. I left without a goodbye or a word you see. and i, of course literally forgotten them. That was a freakin' 12 years ago. I only had a vague memory of a few close friends like Andre, Nicole and Abigail. and i remember always being the first to arrive in school. While waiting, i would practise on my penmanship book. That explains the neat hand writing eh :P

K1

12 long years ago.
Try and spot me :D

Not having any news of me, Lisa searched for me in fb. And tada! I was reunited with everyone, though i don't remember them at all and i bet they don't remember me too.

Well, i just think it is so cool to have found my long lost classmates who are miles and miles away in the philippines. I don't even have their names or any inkling idea of how they would look like now. (Thank God for Facebook and its pictures)

I think if i were in the philippines on a visit, i would probably be able to recognize them if i do bump into any of them!

What would life have been if i had stayed on instead?

It is 4.40am now, and i would very much like to hear my laptop crash on the ground with a big bang.


i woke up at 12.30pm today to the sound of my phone buzzing. "Hello? Is this Jemima's sister? Come over and fetch her. She has been vomiting." I would have slept longer. And my, my parents left early in the morning, and the house was kinda in a mess. I had chores to do.

Fetched sister from her school. I looked to the other direction and saw her schools DM whom she often talks to me about. He was talking to another staff personnel and waved his hand at me when he saw me looking at my direction. He looks like Mr.Channan Singh okay! My secondary school's OM! I smiled to myself, i was reminded of Mr.Singh. The other day when i was in Queenstown, i asked him:

Me: Hi Mr.Singh! Got remember me not?
Mr.Singh: Of course! You're that girl!
Me: What girl?
Mr.Singh: That girl la!

My sister was feeling sickly and kept vommitting. I saw the opportunity to use my nursing skills! (Omg!)Think foundation of nursing! (Omg!) I let her sleep in the other empty room, complete with a basin to she can reach out for it easily if she wants to vomit, a box of tissues and a cup of lukewarm water. The FON lecture notes came in handy. They said wholecream plain biscuits helps to prevent vomitting. BOO! It didn't work. Instead, she vomit more and i have to clean up more vomit.

Get well soon Sister!

i kinda miss my secondary one friends.

"For my part i know nothing with certainty, but the sight of the stars make me dream."

Vicent Van Gogh

Dinner

met up with Lynna, Anira, Ain, Yanti, Daniel & Aliff.
As usual, i thought i would be late. Instead, i came earlier than i expected. Just like last Saturday, i rushed out of the house, only to rush back in after i reached the bus stop because i left my ez-link in my bag.

Off we went to Seoul Garden for dinner. Been ages since i had eaten there, probably 2 years back. I'd say, not really worth my $27. I'd prefer Suki! But nonetheless, it was fun out with the people!

aliff actually tried to fry an egg. it got black and he gave it to me!

i'm always not using my own camera nowadays.

picture credits: Aeen