i hate how life is full of doubt

i bet everyone have came across this point of time during some form of reflection where you would hope to raise some questions targeted to some people and get an truthful answer. although there are time whereby you have the courage to direct those sensitive question to the person, you wouldn't trust that totally. this is like the chicken and egg story where you ask because of the uncertainty but yet, the answer you have gotten is not trustworthy.

shit. that excessive self doubt that is piling within me is forming that dagger of jealousy.
i felt so lonely and painful.

hello folks! its been a long time since i last blog. man, i just dont have the passion for blogging, but still i wouldnt want to let this little space of mine die. just a little update on my life.

in case if you are wondering my life is great, nah, same old same old stuff. im working in this travel agency which i used to work in 6months ago because im waiting for my NS letter. it is through work, i realise that people really do age. my memory are failing me which i have taken eons to adapt to this flaws of mine and commit several mistakes. i always calculate the wrong price, keying wrong name, typing a man's name and saluting it as Ms or vice versa. conclusion, my work is totally fucked up HAHAHAHA on another note, i conclude that travel agency just isnt the cup of tea for me and hell yeah, not going to work in this industry for the rest of my life (unless i wanted a real part time during my uni life etcetc)

oh, i finally received my NS letter too. my enlistment was on the 2 august, shortened by two months because i passed my napfa. whatever it is, time flies, so the 2 years gonna past by rather quick. no worries, but just dislike how i am tied down by this and 2 years of not travelling.
not going to think more, the vicious cycle of negative thoughts just start to circulate around my mind.

on another note, i am going to graduate on 23rd may! imagine how hard you have work for it, how much effort you put in, and wanting to get over and done with, finally, i am moving on to my next phase of life. (no, im not looking forward to NS) COME FASTER 23rd May!!!

end of april, come quickly. never in my whole life receive a hard-earned cheque of more than 1000! not much, but well, its still the first for me. :D :D :D

okay, goodnight everyone. i shall sleep before 12am everynight and lead a healthy lifestyle!

3 years of tertiary education has ended
everything seem like yesterday only and i cant believe how fast time flies.
and tomorrow, all of us would be wearing the robe we had always desired of wearing, taking photographs with parents, throwing the rectangular hat, holding the certificates tied with red ribbon.

on the first day, i could still remember everyone was quietly sitted at MLT 9, and a while later, introductory statement was everywhere. we were then brought to classroom at T21 where we sat down in circle for some ice breakers. it was there where we start to know a glimpse of everyone like some people love apple, online shopping, fencing, basketball and my not-at-all funny statement of not borning in KK Hospital. it was also at this time where we chose our paegeant and our hyper active class rep.

second day was a rainy day. a dull atmosphere but everyone was still excited. we met up at dover station and walk towards the convention for some activities. it was over there while we felt like tourism kids singing the tourism cheer and bombing game with other courses. although yeeyen and yeechuan eventually did not win the paegeant, it was still, just-for-laugh.

our last day of orientation was at woodlands, doing flag day donation. our class, being concentrated at northern side of Singapore, do not have the hustle of reaching woodlands at 7am. while liying, angie and I was searching for seats so we could catch a nap on the train. we ended up laming at long john silver after 30minutes of persuasion for donations. our movie plan failed and eventually, we settled in some ulu corner to play the 20cents game. being chased away by security guard, we bought some ice creams and settled down in whatever spot we could and it was here where boey and yeechuan was mentioning about their job at banquet. reaching the school late afterward, we try to gave serser all our donations so we could win some cruise ticket. wenjie end up with a pathetic total of 70cents and a nickname called johnny.

first semester of the school term was very relaxing. many look forward on thursday as classes end at 12, having ITB in the morning and CD from 10-12. at times, classes ended at 10 because Andrew Loh had the tendency to cancel classes. for the subsequent thursday, our bonding session started where we would hit the town for movie session, settling in pastamania restaurant, starting to gossip about anyone in the class. being unfamiliar with everyone, we chose members in our own cliques. we also went for the crusie ship. at night, gathering at the basketball court to learn the hawaii dance and fashion show. sometimes, we would end up in somebody's room, and start playing polar bear.

our second semester was the semester with ideas. i could still remember that raimi's group was presenting the bra shopping experience, and viting's group presenting the feeling's cafe. while shufen's group spend over $100 on buffet experience ranging from some steamboat shop at bugis with ants all over bowl and magnificent food at Koka. it was from this semester onwards, where we begin to familiarise with everyone and felt comfortable of drawing lots for project groupings. it was at this stage where it was characterised with uncertainty where we start to observe who are the slackers in the class and gossip how losers they can be. afterall, as we progress, we accept each other strengths and weaknesses, willing to compromise.

as we moved on to our year 2, we begin taking tourism-ist modules like TTP, F&B. i believe everyone had fun in TTP, touring around Esplanade, Little India, Haw Par Villa and Chinatown. as for most of our projects, we became so competitive that each presentation, video is a must. it was also this period of time where we would stayed in school until 1am, and decide to give MST a miss using MC. those who attempted scored pretty bad. although we were tied down by projects, trying to hurry at very last minute, no doubt, we enjoyed our company and the last minute tension.

end of year 2, something which i could always remembered is how Christine Ying being so paranoid with every single grammer error. i cant believe how much we have growth. at year 1, we are so particular about slackers and at this stage, and at the same time one year later, we hold no grudges against anyone. in some groups, there are definitely some chiongster and they had enjoyed the fruit of success, their result. while in most groups, there were many last minute people around. we can even play bridge or dai dee when the deadline was tomorrow. i believe everyone of us had enjoyed ourselves, wasting our life away playing cards and having totally no sense our urgency.

next, was our ITP. we once thought being us as everyone is familiar with, we would not be meeting up for the next 6 months. friendship between one another had blossomed. we diligently met up with one another on saturday or sunday, at times, after work, sitting at some dessert stall , catching up each other lifes. not all enjoyed their ITP, but we have definitely each other company. it was at this time where we know even if everything are not flowing smoothly, your friends are always there to allow you to pour out your sorrow, lending you a listening ear, mutually supporting each other. it was at this stage where im quite certained that our friendship would not stop after our polytechnic education.

just months ago after being back from ITP, we complete our last lap of polytechnic education together. the projects deadline was a blast, but us being us, we managed to finish it last minute. honestly, it was the company which makes the project fun. like we would order pizza hut at hilltop and while taking a break from projects, we camwhore. it was also this semester where raimi would always seize the opportunity to scream in the lift.

now, everyone would be moving into their own chapter of life.
regardless to what extent we hope we are not progressing, hoping that everything was still be the same, being realistic, life have to go on. God is cruel to split us out, but He has left us something which is most important, Friendship, something that connects us even we are in different parts of the world.

Aim for the moon, even if you cant reach it, you get the stars.
from here, i hope everyone would reach their ambitious goals of their life,
and most importantly, live happily for life is too short to be sad.

after much inspiration from melissa's blog, i decide to came up with list of stuffs i did during the 90s!

1. everyone use to have phone card. especially during the 90s where we don't have something called handphone. everyone else would then try to show off their phone card to see whose card is the nicest.

2. instead of running for our breakfast during the recess, all the kids would run to the hop scotch area hopping to secure the hop scotch area that is of bigger square size. i could still recall that each time we see nobody was at that area, we would literally jumped for joy.

3. monkey see monkey do. just when someone have something, everyone else have it. remember the diary which was selling at the bookshop at $1.30 for a beautiful well designed mini book? i remembered using it as to record phone numbers instead of writing my daily life which revolve only at playing hop scotch, catching, and going home on time at 1.30pm sharp.

4. especially when we are 8 years old where your parents feared that you got kidnapped, they forced us to take something called school bus, nah not magical school bus. lol! each month we have to pay $28 and the worst part is, there is a standard time to wait for it. i hate it because the bus came at 6.30 and i would need to wake up at 6am. i end up being too lazy and calculated that it was much cheaper to share cab with 3-4 friends, hence taking cab to school everyday at the cost of $2.80, each one paying 70cents. you probably got rejected by bus driver for paying 70 cents in 2011.

5. between each period from science lesson to maths lesson or whatever, everyone would then challenge each other to the game of eraser. it was so cheap at 10 cent each and with a country flag on top of it. everyone will behave naively and say 'hey, this is my king eraser, sure win'. when we lose, we end up being sad and looking back now, how spastic can we get?

6. remember your appearance? in case you are watching shows that featured historical stuff, where people are dressed in high waist pants and tucked-in shirt, dont laugh because you have done that before too. on top of that, i never knew ankle sock existed until secondary 1.

7. on top of point 6, everyone look exactly like one another. believe me, all girls literally have the same hairstyle with either pony tail or short hair. whereas for guys, nah boys, most adopted the durian hairstyle and with no hair touches the eyebrow. fringe at that time sound so girly,ah beng or weird for guys.

8. another top favourite thing-to-do is the hand game. chopstick, ji-ko-pa (scissor stone paper), and the 'vampire,vampire,vampire cheh, vampire copycat' game. i dont know what we call that, but everyone knows that. now, they only know what is called the PSP.

9. bag ,bag, bag. primary school kid will have this huge gigantic backpack which consists of all the subjects in a year. thank godness for the invention of lockers. maybe this is one reason why i am so 'tall' right now.

10. everytime the school term start, i would cry and would not want to attend school. okay, back then was still a cry baby HAHA. who like school in the first place?

okay. im lazy to think already! i want to share this with all my friends! (:

in case you are wondering why the hell i am here during first day of new year, it's simply because i got nothing better to do. nah, im just kidding. i am simply too lazy for anything, trying to slack at home, lying on bed, doing self-reflection or something. HAHA, i dont really do self reflection!

like each and every year, i would be invited to my bro's friend party or house for a gambling session. however, this year, i tried to be different and rejected it, LFL. i just want to live longer and stay smoke-free during my chinese new year (: afterall, chinese new year doesnt mean gambling session or meeting friends, whatsoever! it's just another day which i get the opportunity to really stay at home, thinking of nothing, doing nothing, and simply nothing all the way!

although this year was indeed weird that i do not have reunion dinner, but there is this unexplanable feeling within me which i cant use any words to describe. the main thing about reunion dinner is to get unite with your family, sit together, talk about anything and even gossip about my aunt blah blah blah. this year, when i asked my mom, she just merely commented something so insignificant that i dont even recall it or even think that she's beating around the bush. but whatever, since im not a great fan of celebrations or festive stuff, i shall not take it to heart and live the best out of it (:

i used to think new year was great because i am in malaysia busy visiting relatives, having tight schedule to see who to visit first. however, as i grow up, all these become so rare that chinese new year became so ordinary that i felt i am the only person on earth, camping at home, using mess-tin to cook baked beans. HAHA i am just kidding! sound like life of an army boy uh? :D

maybe on the next chinese new year, i should really consider going back to malaysia because singapore is just not the place for me to celebrate chinese new year.

on another side, i get long weekends and yay, something which all students would probably love (: i wish everyone a great happy chinese new year (:

thanks many who have made my birthday great! to be honest, im not really a birthday person. but this year was a good start especially with so many cards and presents coming in. anyway, dont waste money on me on next year! okay my birthday was as ancient as the time dinosaur were still alive, but i am really so busy with school work!

okay, i shall really go sleep now especially i have school at 10 later! aw, so many plans this coming week and projects to juggle. i need to buy time! :S