12 Signs of Substance Abuse

Someone in the office has posted the above magnets all over our office building. It is titled (since I cut it off in the scan), "Twelve Signs to Look for in a Person With Possible Substance Abuse Issues." What is really funny about it is that everytime someone in the office sees it, they come in and ask, "Is that directed at me??" I, personally, rarely even drink other than the occasional glass or two of wine, but still everything on that list applies to me.

I'm thinking someone at work is trying to send everyone a message.

In fact, former Boss #2 came into Jess and my office this morning, slapped that list down in front of us, and declared that he's staging an intervention.

What a funny guy because we knew he was joking.

The list goes as follows:

1. Inconsistent quality of work;
2. Reduced work pace;
3. Difficulty focusing on tasks;
4. Increasing mistakes or errors in judgment;
5. Sudden inability to fulfill complex assignments;
6. Coming to work inappropriatedly dressed or not well groomed;
7. Unhealthy appearance;
8. Extended weekends or excessive absenteeism;
9. Consistently arriving late or leaving early;
10. Overall reduction in productivity;
11. Increase in arguments with other employees;
12. Accident prone.

Now tell me that this doesn't apply to everyone on the face of the earth.