music of the piano
Sunday, June 17, 2012 . 9:43 PM
答应过自己不再为他落泪。
为什么会因为他的三两句话儿控制不了自己的情绪？
真的是我做错了吗？
Nvm, i'm having prefects camp tmr. Have to maintain high energy level. Shall take some time to stop thinking about him.
Thursday, June 7, 2012 . 12:58 PM
Since day 1, you've been stopping me.
You've never liked me doing it, but you choose to walk away this time round.
you said u're afraid of disappointing urself, but i don't understand. what has it got to do with you. it's just a matter of whether you support or you don't. it's quite apparent that this time round, u don't, and you never will.
Sorry to say, i won't give in this time. This is what i wanna do, and what i will do, at least until i'm satisfied. i will never understand why u're against it.
For this next two months, i wish u happiness.
Till we talk again~
<3
Tuesday, May 29, 2012 . 11:05 PM
I'm back after a short hiatus (again)!
Haha, this time i'm back with a rather good reason. For the past few days, I was rather caught up in my very FIRST EVENT!!! Omgosh! it's so super exciting!
Super Import Nights (SIN) 2012!
It was held at Expo Hall 3, and got to see many gorgeous cars and models! hot rods and hot bods indeed.
As the name suggests, Import nights = Imported cars and imported models.
This time round, I was under concept35mm, a newly set up company (which actually i dunno what they do also). I was an admin girl, who was supposed to register photographers who wanted to join the private photoshoot for the many many (very super hot and chio) import models.
I really have to thank Derrick Khoo for giving me this chance for such exposure cos i really got to meet a lot of different good photographers (and not so good ones of course), and get into closer contact with the import models. Great exposure! Some approached me for photoshoots and one guy actually came to ask if i wanted to model for their new online jewellery shop. seems like a nice guy though, and quite handsome also.. kekeke:P
Anyway, other than the registration, my other jobscope is also to go to the models' resting area to get the import models to our booth. It's something like their body guard cos i have to prevent them from getting stopped to take photographs or anything, and of cos, prevent them from getting touched and stuff. so yeap :) got to chat with the taiwan and USA models like Lina, Nicole, Swallow, Eva Skye, Jeri Lee and Melyssa Grace. They are such nice people! so friendly, totally not like the stuck up models portrayed in movies and shows :)
So yeap, this sums up about everything for my three days (25th-27th May).
Then yesterday, 28th May, i went for my first ever casting! hehe so nerve wrecking lor!! :/
It was for this new energy drink promotion at different 7-11s. It was just smth like a short interview with the people, so I had to answer some questions and it took me about 2 minutes! a one hour bus ride to that venue for a 2 minute interview, then 1 hour bus ride home again! haha sounds retarded but didn't really matter cos the adrenaline was pumping through my whole body luh..
Then, today morning, i got their sms to say that i got selected!!!!!~ lalala~ so i will be starting my first job (employed with no help and networking) next week on the 8th of June:) so super exciting:) Pretty glad that I'm getting more known and things are going on quite smoothly now.
Of cos things that are going smoothly applies to only my side luh..
Regarding things with wally, I wouldn't say it's too good.. I screwed up too, and right now, i'm not even sure if he's angry with me or just don't feel like talking to me or don't even bother. sigh, guess i'll have to fix it bah. have to make it up to him..
Cant wait for school to start so i can finally feel that my life is on track, without my parents and sis breathing down my neck every other day. sad life though..
Come home kena nagged, everything i do also u all wont agree one, so i come home for what right? might as well just move out. kinda want them to move to malaysia now though.. just sell the house and move there, then leave me and my sister alone. at least i wont feel so stressed all the time and i can do whatever i want.
Done with ranting~
Signing off~
Tuesday, May 22, 2012 . 10:49 PM
When people want to get recognised, are they necessarily fishing for attention?
I don't think so (may be a biased comment)
For me, I don't mind if you don't praise me or anything, but once in a while, i do need that little bit of appreciation and recognition, or i'll feel like all the effort i've put in, is just invisible, and probably negligible to everyone.
Definitely not a good feeling.
Been there, done that!
Maybe it's a pisces thing. Ive seen it somewhere that said that pisces are creatures that require the recognition and appreciation. Its really true for me though.
Yesterday, i got one of the best news i could ever ask for. (ok exaggerated a bit)
There is this big event (Super Import Night) coming up, and i applied for an admin slot under Concept35mm (since I know i'll never get chosen as a racequeen - at least not for the time being).
Yesterday, Derrick, the guy in charged gave me a call (when i was on my way to a class), and confirmed my slot. Even though it's only as an admin girl, i think it will still give me great exposure and IF i get spotted, then good for me la:)
Hahaa another reason why i'm so happy, is because this is my very very very first event and i'm really excited for it!^^
I really hope this will go well because if i screw up, i'll affect Angeline and Kyi also, since I kinda got employed because of them.
Gosh, this stresses me up a bit cos i really don't wanna ruin their career and reputation in this industry:/
Anyway, it's from 11-9pm @ EXPO and for all three days( 25th-27th May 2012). Can't wait for it.
Well, a breakthrough is that i already told my mum about this job opportunity:) hehe obviously she doesn't really know what it is la, but i told her it's admin for a roadshow/event (which is 100% true mah!)
Hahahaha okay i'll get my retribution, but i'm really trying very hard to slowly tell her about my plans la..
Anyway, thursday is my last day in Kranji already:) counting down till the last day! hahahaha
Monday, May 14, 2012 . 10:18 PM
Well, my close friends would have known about whatever happened, but whatever it is, i'm really hoping it's the last.
The moment you said ur feelings became lesser, my heart died. on the spot.
Maybe i should say it was numbed for a second, because all i knew after that was just pain, and more pain.
The hurt won't stop. It was hurled at me like thousands of strong waves, merciless.
and you didn't stop there.
you went on to say how u wished i can help you forget ur past with E.
Was it really my obligation to do so? Wasn't it supposed to be YOU who forgot totally and completely about her before you came to me 2 years ago?
Now, it's not that fair right?
Ya, it is always other people's fault and not yours.
"Just because someone don't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with everything they have."
This was the exact quote you gave me when I started complaining about you not being attentive enough and whatevernot. I learnt from it, and I realised how true this quote was, so I stopped expecting anything from you, because from the bottom of my heart, i believed u loved me, i really did.
Now let's take a look at what's happening between us.
You think I don't love you enough. Really?
When u were ogling at other girls, telling me blatantly how pretty they are, how hot/sexy and what shit, I remained silent. you probably won't understand how hurtful your words were to a girl whose self-esteem has never been really high.
Hips too big, Double chin, Fat tummy, Fat arms, Fat legs. You won't stop. All you have is just complains and complains. Let's recall. How many times have you called me pretty or beautiful for the past two years we've been together.. Erm less than 10?
If you don't love everything of me, then why still keep me? There are so many other pretty girls out there for you what.
When you want to go out with E, i said yes, because i know u'll enjoy ur time with her, maybe even more than the time spent with me. You think i really want you to go? You think i don't know u still have feelings for her? Come on, I may be blur, but i'm not ignorant to such things. Accompanying her for chinese new year shopping for two years in a row when we were attached, was not everything. Tattoo, late night supper, marina barrage, porridge. Yes, i'm making my own life miserable by constantly thinking of all these past occurences. But u really think i wanna remember them? i'm not so sadistic. i want to move on too ok, but u're not allowing me to. Everytime i pass by a place that will remind me of her, i think of how happy you two look tgt. Hah! To think she was the one who gave you up to me initially.
All i need, is a guy who will care and make me truly believe that he only has eyes for me. For once, i wanna be that special to someone.
Someone so special that he don't mind delivering porridge to my house when i'm sick.
Someone so special that he won't mind accompanying me to the doctor.
Someone so special that he treasure every single thing i made because everything is from the bottom of my heart.
Someone so special that he will surprise me on my birthday
someone so special that he will think i'm beautiful even without any makeup on
Someone so special that he will feel like settling down.
Ok, so what if "decreased feelings" was just a blur of emotions for you?
Fine, then how do you explain ur "Mmm okay let's talk when you chill down". when i was complaining to you about my family problems.
you used to listen thru everything and once in a while, drop some comforting comments (which isn't all that comforting in actual fact). I was waiting for you to say things like "just go to your room and blast music" or retarded things like that. But no, u wanted to talk only when i "chilled down".
Wow, so u're the victim now? cos you have to listen to all my rants? Hmm, let's see. U used to flare up everytime i couldn't reply you cos i was at dinner. OR when i couldn't cheer u up with the words you wanted to hear. all those "you weren't there when i needed you."
So WHERE THE FREAKING HELL ARE YOU WHEN I NEEDED YOU?
Honestly, the moment i saw that from you, i knew it was over. Well, for one, u were being truthful when saying ur feelings for me is lesser than before. now i can totally believe what you said. Proven and Certified. Well, maybe i'll find someone who can treasure me more.
Oh yes, and one more thing. Your jealousy for A is totally not qualified. I think i have more rights to be jealous than you. Let's see.
1) A and I are not going to be together
2) Ive never thought about dating him AT ALL
3) You are already thinking of dating another girl
4) and oh, surprise, i'm not supposed to be jealous of her, and just simply accept the fact that u're going to date her.
Great, isn't it? Talk about gender equality.
For your information, girls fall deeper in love is time goes by in a serious relationship.
I know it's damn evil of me, but sometimes i really wish u meet a girl who can wake u up and make you realise how fortunate u were to be with me. Am i a failure as a girlfriend, maybe to you, yes. but to me, no, bcos everything i did, was for you, and you only. Going against my family and my friends? come on, u don't even have to hide anything. The only obstacle you face is probably from your friends asking you to stop looking at other girls (which of course u get pissed off with).
Ok i realised my post is getting from emotional to PISSED. Yes, i'm typing so hard i think my keys will drop out. but whatever, i feel better venting it out.
Maybe a few years later, i'll look back and laugh.
After all, i really appreciate you for being with me these two years and three months. Honestly, i loved you so much that all the hurt didn't really matter? Seeing you was sufficient to make my day (provided we didn't quarrel on our date). I choose to believe that you used to love me too. But for some reason, maybe i'm just not good enough for you anymore. Well, at least thats' how u made me feel with all ur sharp comments. I love your truthful personality, but not the blatant and insensitive side.
U probably won't see this anyway, and it's going to come down when one day i decide to make my blog public. But either way, i wish you all the best in ur future relationships. I hope u find a girl nice enough to tolerate all ur girl-watching and adventurous character and pretty enough and fashionable enough.
And i hope i'll find a guy who can just accept me for who i am, how i look like, and what i want to do.
Well, Best friends forever, bud.
Time to move on. Bye Yihan, Hi Aryn.
Sunday, May 6, 2012 . 11:17 PM
I didn't expect this from you at all..
After so long, I thought I could at least place some trust in the feelings we had for each other.. I knew we still ha feelings for each other, that's why I couldn't believe my ears.
Was I supposed to just accept the fact that I'm about to share ur love for me with another girl? A girl that is not better than me?
I just couldn't believe how easy it was for you to do this. It doesn't seem fair to me.
Well, at least I made my point very clear.
It's either her or me. If u want to go for her, please make sure u forget abt the feelings you have for me completely. As much as I will hate her for stealing you away from me, I don't want her or any other girls to go thru what I've been through. It sucks to know that ur boyfriend is two timing you. Even if u're not tgt, te very fact that u have To share ur love with someone else, it just can't get any worse..
Sigh, idk how to feel now either. I want to hate u for doing this to me, but I rly can't bring myself to do so. Everytime I see ur face, I can't help myself. I miss ur hug, ur kiss and I miss how nicely my Hand always fits into yours.
I rly hope this gets better.. I need a closure soon..
Friday, May 4, 2012 . 9:02 PM
Just when i thought things are going fine, you had to spoil it.
So what if i didn't tell you about that photoshoot? Does it really matter?
It's only modeling what.
PLUS! you started the cold war with me when i went for that shoot. Am i supposed to tell you i'm going for the shoot? wouldn't it have made things worst? COME ON! u started it! not me! Don't start blaming me for things i'm not responsible for. And stop asking me to prove things to you. If you can't rmb, too bad. I don't have to show u evidence of what you said. I'm just merely quoting you. If you don't believe me that you DID say those things before, then too bad. I don't see why I have to try so hard to keep you happy when I have to report everything I do to you, and you'll end up getting upset anyhow.
What am I supposed to do? Lament over the fact that I can't make you happy?
If I cant, other ppl can. Stick with me, bcos u like me (whether as a friend or something even more).
Don't stick with me just bcos u're used to having me around in ur life.
It's just not right. maybe you won't find someone better, but u'll probably find someone more suitable. someone who can tolerate the other bees flying around you.
