i feel old... cant relate to alot of people.

old and ignorant and childish.

Labels: time tames my soul.

i just ran today. decided to blog about this run.

it was a 29 minute run. pretty long... however, i stopped at 12.09 to enter a park to do some pull ups and sit ups. ended up walking around for 10 minutes through a dark quiet park looking for the fitness park. lol. the more interesting bit of my run came at the end.

in my last 15 minutes of run back. i was dying, running up a slope towards my house. initially i was moving very slowly, listening to reuben morgan. then suddenly, this girl overtakes me from the left. omg, she ran past me so steadily. so i decided to pick up my pace and keep up. but she just kept pulling away.

in my beaten body. i was seriously reminded of my Christian walk. am i always running to catch up with someone? is status important to me? does it matter if i become a CL, UL, SDL, Ministry Leader or whatever? am i running to become someone? am i running to become more like Daniel? to become more like Shirley? to become more like Pastor Jeff? more like Gideon? Dennis? the answer is no. none of the above. I run to become more like Jesus, and only in Jesus i will become Qian Jin. for i am found in Jesus.

as i looked at the person running further and further ahead. i've come to concluded that if that person was in my Spiritual walk, that person would already be Jesus, for Jesus has already completed the race before me.

my thoughts raced on, lactic acid burned my calves and my mind was wide awake despite the lack of oxygen. im racing this race, against myself. no one can make me drop out, only myself. no one can make me slow down, only myself. as i asked Jesus to save me from myself, i found myself running faster and faster. if you know my house, the hill up isnt exactly the best hill to sprint up. in the end, i caught up with that person and even over took her, right until i finished my run at my house.

i wasnt tired when i went past her. i want my race with Jesus to be like that.

in the end, i'm satisfied. i wanna be able to say that i have run the race, i have kept the faith.

(my legs are killing me. LOL)

Labels: run

got to spend a lot of time with my sister from Australia and my two nieces and my dad. it's a great day

Do not love the world or anything in the world. 1 John 2:15a.
We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands 1 John 1:3

its simple as that.

hope I'll have a fruitful time with harry =) thank You Jesus.

Labels: new year

Losing more of myself to find more of You.

had a very slow morning today. basically my brain was kicking, body was motionless.
Had minops retreat last night. hahaha, i went so late! basically when i reached, daniel and congsie went off already. get well soon jian cong! we played mahjong till late, so sorry to puay for being a sloth in your house. haha, basically the girls cleared up and the guys lazed around. then we watched dodgeball till like, 5 am. and yao went off home via cab. me and ian slept on the tatami till like 6.30 and took a bus home...

the slow morning was actually mostly in my ride home. the bus ride home was freezing as usual. was listening to Glorify Your name. i have no idea why, but everytime i hear this song. i'm just... moved.

Jesus Jesus
Holy One, God's precious Son
You gave
Jesus Jesus

On the cross You took my shame
Forever from my heart I'll say

I live to worship You, Lord
My King of glory
Brought me to life
Gave me wings to fly
You are holy
Heaven and earth declare Your praise
Both now and evermore
I glorify Your name

Jesus Jesus
On the cross You took my sin
Forever from my heart I'll sing
You are holy

Glorify Your name
Jesus Jesus Jesus
I glorify Your name

all i am, all i do, all that i will be. Lord, let me glorify Your name. You gave me life. You gave me wings. You give me purpose. everyday, Your love ever surrounds me, You grace never fails me.
God. i want to fall in love with You.

Labels: lunar new year's eve.

lets blog about anything that comes to my mind.

Yay! am on off today. shall accomplish several things with my off. 1) rest. DOH. 2) pray. 3) suntan. 4) shop. 5) ESS MADNESS.

omg im sleepy already.

i refuse to sleep my off away. haha.

i so wanna blog about sat's ess. what's been happening, what happened, how God has been moving with us. but i just CANT. if i do, i'll be letting the cat out of the bag man.

shall blog about events today then.

rushed to work this morning. somehow, 67 didn't come. again. because of this, my neighbour, jun wei was LATE for school. he is how unlucky la. seriously, i think buses are rather inconsistent at times. but i saw this as a blessing. for me that is. managed to talk alot with him due to the waiting time. haha, a God given chance to build relationships. seems like God has been granting me alot of chances to talk to this friend of mine. i still remember the first day i saw him. bus came super late. sat next to him for like 40 minutes and Holy Spirit was like poking me - "hey go say HI to him". was until the last 1 minute when i actually opened my stubborn mouth to say hi. hahahaha. that was a very interesting encounter man. and now i have yet another friend. lols.

fell asleep in the store for 2 hours. apparently i was a log.

during lunch time, i've been the one abandoned to the counter for several times. then this mdm would come and measure her blood pressure. hahaha. apparently she likes me taking her blood pressure because everytime i do it, her bp seems to be low. i'm really wondering if its my fault... maybe i heard wrongly man. =X give her the wrong readings and give her false hopes. lol, i should seriously show more confidence in my own blood pressure taking skills.

am reminded of myself talking to gwen regarding singing ministry. it is so so so very true that i'm uber inexperienced. haven't even been a real CL, and i'm entrusted with a unit size of people. i am more than unequipped. in the world, i would be just lamb to the slaughter, someone doomed for failure. but apparently, God has more faith in me than i have in myself. haha. after feeling inadequacy for a while (perhaps just the day i spoke to gwen), God decided to snap me out of that and gave me a verse.
Hebrew 13:21 [equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen]

how cool is that. God spoke. in my face man. haha. basically through this i learnt that God is indeed faithful. He will bring about completion what He started, what He called. afterall, His gifts and His call are irrevocable.

time seriously flies. its almost chinese new year already. that means im almost one year to serving my ns. have i grown? God knows. i think people around me would know as well. i'm certain i've grown, especially in the area of emotional independence. [OMG SOMEONE IS SMOKING AT 3 AM, VERY SMELLY] anyway, i used to be someone who fluctates alot. emo emo = qian jin. haha, people can blackmail me emotionally, ANYTIME. i would definately fall for that. but now, it's not so easy la. haha. i guess this is linked to an increased security in God.

in bmt, God has shown Himself so so so so so so so so so so so real to me. haha, seriously, i'm probably the only one who passed bmt doing only like, 40% of the things. basically i was like, favourite attend B, best storeman, etc. i know where to get the things needed for water point and i set it up without hesitation or instruction. now... i think basically my bmt was just staying in there. i hardly did all the runs and physical trainings too. all because i tore my meniscus in field camp. all these things i didn't do, and yet God allowed me to pass my bmt, and i even made it for like last day of Encounter camp. seriously, if its not God, who can it be. =D

i'm blessed. very blessed.

God has given me amazing people to speak into my life. yg, harry, daniel, gwen, shuz. thanks.

Labels: rantings.

recently, there was an incident in my camp whereby a few of my camp mates were sitting around and talking. somehow, they ended up chatting about nightclubs in taiwan. basically i'm pretty much excluded in alot of conversations due to the stands i make. i really dont want to have a "im holier than thou" air around me. God, help me be an approachable salt and light.

Labels: impressions.