I do wonder... who comes to my blog to read.
As i was surfing about earlier, several thoughts came into my head.

What really matters to me?
People?
Impressions?
Enjoyment?
Satisfaction?
Relationships?
The Gospel?
My Faith?
Jesus?
My calling?

It seems like the further i venture on this road, the more impossible it is for me to turn back to my old lifestyle, one of pleasing myself, buying anything i wanted, watching anything i wanted, sleeping as much as i wanted; basically doing anything i want. The more i invest in this kingdom, the more impossible it is for me to turn back because it has already become intricately entwined in my life. Where do i go on saturdays? Others to go to MOS/DXO, i go to HOG - HOUSE OF GOD (xD). What do i do on sundays? Others go for fishing, i prepare to be a fisher of men. I toil, i invest. I am willing to go through things which people in the world would note tolerate. And whether i know all i do is worth is, i will know when my time in this body goes. Imagine, if all you do comes to nothing, the rest of the world would laugh at you. What a fool you've been.

This is a thought from the devil.

Because i believe in Jesus, He isn't a liar, and i'd rather be a fool for Jesus than someone who lives for his own purpose, his own agenda, his own desires. [John 4:19][Because I live, you will also live]


Back to the question of what matters to me.
I used to be someone who lives for the impression of people. Being accepted was my cause. insecure was the word. so back then, impressions was the thing that mattered most to me. i want to be outstanding, outrageous, known. now, im quite known, but frankly speaking, i don't mind not being on stage. where-ever God wants me, i'm very very willing. send me to design, i don't mind, send me to decor, i'm willing! God i just want to put that smile on your face. God, i'm all about you.


Lost my voice since... last thurs?
Realised that sometimes, i tend to forget the giver as i'm so used to using the gift. As my voice fails me, i know that God never does. i know that even if i lose this voice for good, (by God's grace i hope not) i'll still have other things to do in this kingdom. i can shepherd people, i can go evangelise on the front line! this is ministry, this is building God's kingdom. i'm just a servant, a steward holding unto temporary gifts to serve an eternal master.

Losing my voice is good in a sense. Reminds me that i have to be faithful with what i have before it's taken away.

Another cool idea came to me too... i'm gonna have a retreat with God, a day whereby i speak with no one else, but with God. leave my phone, the internet, everything at home, take a walk out into nature with just my bible, a notebook and a pen. hope to do that soon! =D


thank You Lord for these people whom i have a unique relationship. life is different without them, to receive, to pour, to share.
deb, kim, mau, jen, star, sam, freedy, shawn, harry, ian, louis, jon, gwen, yushan, dai xuan.

Lord.
all i have is Yours, with open hands, and a willing heart. take my life, turn it into something beautiful.

If there were no struggles, there wouldn't be victory.
If there was no pain, there wouldn't be joy.
If there were no challenges, there wouldn't be satisfaction.
If there was no sin, there wouldn't be a Saviour.
If there was no impatience, you wouldn't know what it feels to wait.

In all i do, i do it for You.