i'll run into Your arms.

hmm... its storming right now. really, when we were in orchard, after our last choir performance, there was lightning everywhere. its really damn super scary, the lightning was practically right above our heads. we headed straight into shelter. haha, i went home la, alone. when i got off the bus. it was drizzling slightly. (for those who doesnt know, i live on a hill and need to walk about 200 meters home, up the hill) bolts of lightning were dancing through the sky. i was freaking out at first... almost starting to run. den at this time, my ipod wad playing "All i want is You" by Planetshakers. well, it calmed me. soothed me. taught me something too.

"Take me to the secret place,
where i can only see your face.
You take away my guilty stains,
the things i've done that i can't change.
its only by the power of Your name.

I stand here in this place,
see the glory of Your face.
taken by the wonder of Your love.
im desperate for Your touch,
never needed You so much,
All i want is You."

regardless of all the storms, regardless of the rain. it's God's presence that really matters. we were made to praise Him, we were made to worship Him. nothing else matters when im in God's presence, cuz im His child and all i want is Him. i felt so calm and undisturbed in the storm. and of course, God is in charge of the storm. He protects HIS people. =)haha, maybe that's God's call for me. not to be so obsessed with choir, cuz it's Him that really matters, nothing else comes close. so~ SJI is gonna grow faster!

the more i contemplate, the more regret and the more i wanna do things better. i wanna join the alumni choir. really, and take part in competitions and produce syf 2003 finals quality of songs. i wanna do better than that. but does God have plans for me? i wanna create music. with a choir i love. God, teach me to worship you and not the worship. i feel so torn.

kopped from serene's blog!! =))

Your Birthdate: July 22

While sometimes employing unorthodox approaches, you are capable of handling large scale undertakings. You assume great responsibility and work long and hard toward completion. Often, especially in the early part of life, there is rigidity or stubbornness, and a tendency to repress feelings. Idealistic, you work for the greater good with a good deal of inner strength and charisma. An extremely capable organizer, but likely to paint with broad strokes rather than detail. You are very aware and intuitive. You are subject to a good deal of nervous tension.

i wanted to sleep. but i couldnt. too much to think about tonight. so much running through my head. choir got gold. i guess i should be happy, but all i feel is disappointment. syf is really one of the worst competitions ever. i hate it alot, but it made me learn alot too. well, i think that gold isnt really a gold cuz its second to gold with honours. yea. so many IFs going through my head. we could have gotten that gold with honours. but why is my mind revolving only around the gold with honours? i guess its because we've been aiming for that so much, that results are everything.

i think God has a message to tell me through this too. firstly, i wanna give thanks to God. for being there all the time, to show his mercy and faithfulness when i was so unlovable. i guess its a miracle that i could even go on stage today. i sprained my ankle the day before, right after choir prac. i felt so much love from the choir ppl and God reminded me that He loves me through the people around me, so i dun need to pursue other forms of relationships. yea, it was quite bad a night, i couldnt sleep too well. i woke up and hobbled around for some time and i could walk normally like 20 minutes before our performance. wow, God really answered my prayers and all the people who prayed for my leg. really, thank God for that. i wanna thank God for this Gold as well, cuz it might have been worse. i believe we'll do better next time. im gonna ensure that =))

God is telling me that the quality of the process and not the end product is important. i mean, the choir has grown so much. really. i think the choir will keep growing in terms of discipline as well. i dun we wanna be a fluctuating choir which terrorizes miss lim again. its like our road in ministry as well, the size of your cg doesnt matter, what matters is that the quality is good. God also used CK to teach me about being blameless, not faultless. what matters is that we tried our best right? =) Thank you God.

and lastly. i cant stop thinking about me leaving the choir now. i finally understand how lost the seniors felt last year at this time. lost in transistion. im gonna miss all my juniors. im gonna miss all my seniors too. im gonna miss joan, the girl i used to stand next to while singing. im gonna miss shu xian's UTOFU part in hara hei. im gonna miss timmo's inspirational speeches. i'm going to miss kee loon's whining about him not being able to sing. im gonna miss ben alot. =( so many changes. im going to miss everyone. but we all have to move on right? i've decided to come back as alumni so that i can help grow this family. just as im gonna push on even harder to grow God's family. change is inevitable, what matters is how you face it.

either way, the future ahead seems so uncertain, i want to thank God for all the people he's placed in my life, cuz i will always always remember them. CK, Ash, Ben, Cheryl, Eugene, Thomas, Beng hee, Wen Lin, Reika, Joan, Xiang Ting, Felicia, Serene, Juanita, Sida. the comm i worked so much with. i wanna thank God for Timmo, cuz i never knew him, but now i do. =) i wanna thank God for my juniors. such an interesting bunch. special mention goes to Siew Peng, Jerry, Chee jun, Andrew, Louis, horrible Prashanth, Hao Guang, Vivek. (oh that's all my tenors) i believe that you guys will do well, just need to instil more discipline for the choir to really start shining. we will shine. haha. i'll miss my J2 pals. jun kai, su, perl han, marissa, mun yee, mae yue, kee loon, shu xian, michelle, AND SO MUCH MORE. haha, dont worry, we'll continue with acapella groups. you wont be deprived of my powerful vocals. =))

i think im nearing the end of a phase in my life. but i think God's making me face it as a stronger person too. haha. all the best guys. i love you all lots. now its time for studies and sji. oh btw, i have a BRUISE (BLOOD CLOT) on the bottom of my foot now. do pray for me. thanks.

OMG TIMMO. you know its dead scary to suddenly hear your blog post being read out? i was like... hmm, that sounds familiar. OH ITS MY POST. lol. haha but im glad it was used as an encouragement =)) today's choir was great! i would say it is. haha! so happy, it turned out nice. we prayed for the choir and stuff after the hc prac. felt... invigorating. EXTRAVAGANT was the word embedded into my mind.. it seems like i've lost my ability to get messages from God. much too concerned with the things around me and not concentrating on God... yea, must learn from that and get it back. =) ty Jesus.

YAY SYF IN 2 DAYS