wahh... yesterday was a cool day, had choir and as always, things were very stressed and tension was sky rocketing. im glad i managed to survive it. =)

went for service after, rushed about cuz im on stage singing again. haha this time, someone commented on me not to look down all the time... but actually i had to do that cuz i was not sure of the lyrics. lol... oh well, den i was feeling very weird, i was wearing this corny shirt and i felt like everyone was looking at the cow on my shirt. haha... well, service was great and i loved "Into your presence"... really brought me to God.

during seed, i learnt about renewing my spiritual life as well as the process where by people actually leave God. i realised that i went through the first few points myself. hmm, at least they are no longer there... whee! that's means it's good. i hope =) anyway, i wanna keep myself refreshed!

went for dinner or something of that sort with CK and Ash... was really my first time eating with CK and talking to him so much. i remembered the last time i ate with him at KAP, was really quite scared to say anything lah, or at least we were still not that familiar back then. well, after this talk, i realised again that he's someone who looks very deeply into things, told me things about attitude and not having a lack in self confidence... which somehow is so very true. he told us stuff about choir ex-co and stuff.. then i felt very stressed again, lol... no idea why, i just keep getting STRESSED. we somehow came to the topic of learning how to teach music and stuff... then they started teaching me stuff from the scores. SO SCARY! i almost died when Ash was like, WHAT'S THIS NOTE?! WHAT'S THAT NOTE? WHAT DOES THIS WEIRD SYMBOL MEAN?! (T.T)... haha, then we were chased out of the sushi bar cuz there was a long queue outside...

went derrick's place... we were suppose to play mah jong, but everyone went home. so it was just derrick and me left... haha, didn't do much really... just talked talked and talked. the dogs were hyper.

well, on my way home. in the 171. there was really very little people around. i started praying and thinking of what happened the day before. well... the renewing of spiritual life point came back to me, but what hit me was really the talk with CK and Ash about the choir ex-co... will the next batch, my batch, be able to make a good ex-co? there's so much talk about it and stuff. then i started thinking about where i would fit in. where can i play the best at, where i can contribute the most? then i realised that joining the ex-co is something like taking up the leadership position... im actually thinking about where i can take part in the choir. then God plopped this thought into my mind. if i can imagine myself running for the student council, running for choir ex-co, and everything else, why can't i imagine myself as being a CL for God? maybe even a UL. why ain't i dreaming big for God? my shepherd always told me to dream big for God, but i hardly dream cuz i don't even think much about venturing out for him. living in my own world seems to be the best choice i can ever make. SEEMS is the word, that's why that choice is not. now im even having second thoughts of running for ex-co, no not because me thinking that there are better people fit for the job, but it's because i should be thinking of running for God. given my current schedule, im already at my neck with work and trying to give my sheep spiritual vitamin pills. bleah!!!!! maybe i should give up running for ex-co, the same reason why i didn't run for student council. For God.

lets put that topic aside first... too many possibilities... well, let's get over Cantabile and the homework i have now. Jesus rox. SJI for God.

wheee... so much homework... haven't done anything... i think God's scolding me... he's making me sluggard and the ant thingy... must do work ready..

Excited for choir concert... it's coming up! yay!~...

more importantly, im down for backup singing this week again... i think service is gonna be great. 2nd last week for CG404! kam pa tei, sji for God.

Oh i forgot to say... my mum's alright now :D

Take a quiet moment. stop and enjoy the silence. realise that you can't do everything through your own sheer will, but with God's grace. i feel disconnected. just a dead tone, a dead phone line. cut off from many people.

swept away by the hectic pace in jc. tutorials, choir, back-up singing, tutorials, choir... i've been rushing about all the time. i have no idea what im doing. everything becomes like a mild routine. just work, work, work. finally i have time, to settle down and think. just savouring the moment of the quietness of the wee hours in the morning, listening to worship songs.

i remember what Shirls said to us before we went ahead into jc life. education is the means to the end, not the end itself. i pray that after this choir concert, this big wave, i would be able to come back to the reason why i joined choir in the first place. i dun wanna just sing for the sake of cca points. i initially joined choir cuz i liked singing, and besides that, i wanna develop this gift from God... but now, i've strayed abit from the main point. oh well, as long as i remember to enjoy singing in this rush, im sure that i will pull back to why i even joined in the first place :D

oh well... we'll pull through! like 2 more weeks till the concert. let me worry about my napfa first. (T.T)

tension has really been running high in choir recently, especially today. and i didnt even realise until i saw the blogs of my 2 SLs. waaaaah i feel mega blur lah, oblivious to most stuff happening around me... maybe i was preoccupied with the aches in my legs. i hope that this concert would not break the bond in the choir, make it, not break it. all i can do now is, just keep trying to do my part nicely... ask if there are queries. just don't screw up.

my mum got admitted to hospital last night. she even had an operation. well, it's nothing really serious, the operation lasted for bout 2 hours or something... and she was discharged back home to rest. basically, she swallowed a fish bone and had to take it out. when i first heard that my mum was in the hospital, my heart lunged into the depths of my abdomen. Cheryl was there and i told her about it. I messaged Zach about it and he replied immediately, then Shirley replied as well... i was really touched by this incident. so much love, so much care. Thank God for sisters and brother like them... i prayed at that moment as well, then after that, i was not really worried about my mum... it's not that im not close to her or something... but i think God really gave me a sense of peace, he told me that everything is in his hands.

indeed, God protected my mum from any harm and i saw her the next morning... well, prayers do come true and i really wanna thank Shirls, Ethan and Zach for helping me pray for my mum. It's great to have a family like you guys. THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO CARES.

gonna try to make relationships better... so many people i wanna talk to.

shoutouts.
[Ck] you're totally committed, something i wanna learn and i admire you for that.
[Matthew] every chat with you makes me feel nice.
[Ash] thanks for teaching and teaching! haha we'll go to service together next week!
[Ming Hon] thx for tolerating my nonsense.
[Zach] thanks for showing genuine care.
[Quan bin] we'll bridge that gap.
[Joshua] im praying that you even have a glimpse of my blog. lol, anyway, we'll get to meet up more.
[Kian long] cannot stay blur for long hor... heez
[Raphael] meow meow high will be won...
[Derrick] take care of Ian and Eugene...

okay.. before i end, i wanna say that God wants us to look through his eyes. i think we need to see it through a spirit of trust and faith. We can do all things not by ourselves but through Christ.

LASTLY, PLEASE BUY CHOIR TICKETS FROM MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! 30th April, friday, VCH, 7.30 pm

Why.

We rode into town the other day,
Just me and my Daddy.
He said i've finally reached the age,
and i could ride next to him on a horse.
That of course, was not quite as wild.

We heard a crowd of people shouting,
And so we stopped to find out why.
And there was that man,
Whom my Dad said he loved.
But today there was fear in his eyes.

So i said,
Daddy why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why is he dressed in that bright purple robe?
i know that crown hurts him more than it shows.

Daddy please, can't you do something?
He looks as if he's gonna cry...
You said that he was stronger than all of those guys.
Daddy please tell me why,
Why does everyone want him to die?

Later that day,
The sky grew cloudy.
And Daddy said that i should go inside.
Somehow he knew things would get stormy.
Boy was he right,
But i could not keep from wondering,
If there was something he had to hide.

So after he left,
I had to find out.
I was not afraid of getting lost.
So i followed the crowds,
To a hill where i knew man had been killed.
And i heard a voice come from the cross.

And it said,
Father why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why are they casting their lots for my robes?
This crown hurts me more than it shows.
Father please, can't you do something?
I know that you must hear my cry.

I thought i could handle a cross of this size.
Father remind me why,
Why does everyone want me to die?
Oh, when will i understand why?

My Precious Son,
I hear them screaming.
I'm watching the face of the enemy beaming.
But soon i will clothe you in robes of my own.
Jesus this hurts me much more than you know.
But this dark hour i must do nothing.
I heard your unbearable cries.

The power in your blood destroys all of their lies.
Soon you'll see past their unmerciful eyes.
Look there below, see the child.
Trembling by her Father's side.
Now i can tell you why.
She is why you must die.

Woah today's service was really great! i reached nexus at 1.50, changed into the dress code clothing in a flash, den went backstage to get my makeup done. everything was like BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ and over. ran back out to my seat and waited for the arrival of my guests! i was the backup singer for today, really unprepared and was in a totally hurried mood. but thank God, he really helped me do my best today.

2 sji visitors came today! yay! though they didn't convert, but they already knew God for themselves. thank God. i hope and really pray that he'll help me find those lost souls out there.. today's service really spurred me on even more, it's like telling us that if we don't do anything, Jesus might had gone through all that pain for nothing.

the PAIN could practically be felt and imagined. especially when the whip was shown... ouch... God's love is so amazing lah. and the finale of the service was a song called "Why". it's like been so long since i teared till the point it was flowing out freely. She is why you must die.

just came back from the docs... it's not overstrain! yay... but it's a case where im close to tonsilitis or something.. just not there yet.. yay no PE! i have mc from choir as well... but heck it man... im still gonna go for it :P

wow... we sang over the rainbow yesterday at the ritz carlton... we had dinner there!!!!! WOW right. pooi ah... it was zha cai fan. so crappy too... lol. well... i think it was actually a good experience... many big shots were there and i only spotted the nj principal.. oh well.

den we walked like 20000000 miles to reach suntec and we settled down at the food court. the choir people are really fun lah... basically we grouped ourselves into 2 groups, the introverts and the extroverts. im in the introverted group... haha no surprise :P we walked another 100000000 miles to reach the bus stop which we coincidentally missed 961 and i thought 171 passed by there... in the end we waited like 20 minutes for the bus and i felt so guilty cuz i led like 4 other people with me... Su ended up going a whee bit bonkers and called me puteh or something cuz i was fair. lools.

in the bus, we chatted the whole way through... Cheryl started tearing at some point when we were talking about leg hair. no, she's not emotional about leg hair... it was her contacts :P. we also saw a few queer stuff in the bus... haha... best not to mention it here. =) den my throat started to hurt alot... its like the soft pellet part in your mouth where the little punching bag is hanging from... dranks lots of water but to no avail... ended up just going home and sleeping to ease the pain.

woke up this morning with a terrible headache due to the continued presense of the painful throat... smsed CK telling him that i was feeling terrible and he called me immediately to tell me to rest and not come if i was feeling sick... my head almost split when the phone rang... laid in the bed for like 30 minutes till my sister finally crawled out of the bathroom like a hermit out of a shell... she spends at least 1 hour once she enters her sacred zone or something...

well, i ended up going for choir and i kept swallowing lozenges... now i realise why strepsils help, they practically take away the pain from your throat. CK and HS and Ash were all quite concerned lah, keep asking me to rest if i was feeling bad, but the lozenges actually helped lah and i felt alot better... we went through so many songs and it was really kinda rushed, oh well... the concert is really coming up, we gotta chiong all the way... well, i wanna say a BIG THANK YOU for all your concern, especially to CK... i was really touched lah... really kept my spirits up.

went for service! haha got stuck in the 174 and was kinda late. i didnt get a seat with the CB guys... ended up sitting with the CD girls... wahhh when Shirls told us to scream our schools, i was practically covering my ears lah, cuz girls were all around me.. almost fainted. haha. i think today's sermon was really meaningful, to live influential lives cuz it's all we have and will leave behind, a legacy. joshua came with his gang of aunties and parents and cousins... too bad i didnt really get to talk to him... i need to talk to him, i so pray that today's sermon woke him up. Kian long fell sick, viral infection... fever, didn't come today... well... i'll be praying for him along with a tonne of other things. for lots of people. so much to do, so little time. altercall really hit me in the face, God reaffirmed me of his love, of his power, not to give up amidst times of trouble, hardship but keep striving. and more importantly, to live my life as a model.

after service, i was kinda grumpy cuz the effect of the lozenges actually died out... pain was coming back and the headache returned. raphael was the first to receive my explosion. i was doing stats and he kept banging the table and i actually went off on him lah... SO SORRY!!! i have no idea why i'm writing this here lah, i think raphael doesnt even look at blogs... hehe. den Zach prayed for me and all... really thankful for the concern im showered again :D thanks.

it's kinda late, im in a very groggy state and im kinda dazed... quite amazed that i actually could recall what happened today... really wanna thank God for the people he put around me to bless me and really care for me. To those who didn't even know you were placed there by God, or may differ from my point of view, i still wanna say a big thank you. and my mouth is actually aching due to over straining of my vocal chords... over the rainbow had quite a few high notes... oh well, i still enjoyed singing it. thank God for giving me my voice, that i may join the choir and meet such great people.

oh yea! last thing... to my sheeps... JIA YOU MAN! almost there!