oh yar... as for the reasons... firstly its for Choir. secondly for some cool people i met, thirdly for the studies... lastly but more importantly, i think God put me here in the first place.

I've decided... staying in NJ. :D I only can think of reasons to stay lah... and the only reason to leave is that the JC is very KIAM POK. Electricity also dun want to give. hehe... Today i went for service... learnt quite alot... mostly about taking breaks! that's what we need but i think im too proficient in it... hehez. Today's seed was more striking to me... about being shepherds. I really gotta be a better one. And i must learn alot from people...

O level results are out. All i wanna do is praise God for giving me my results. i think he really blessed the whole lot of us :D All glory to him... cuz he gave me my brains... i just hope they don't grow mouldy...

SHEESH MAN! my prayers did not come true lor! exam results coming out on FRIDAY. BAH i still have to go for econs test tomorrow and must face the torment of sticking my fingers in my eyes to stay awake for PHYSICS. ultra boring i tell you... can beat the boring econs teacher ready. haha funny right, maybe its because i haven't hit the panic button yet... i may act anxious about the results... but actually im not. What's done is done i guess... God holds the results in his hands, so i really have nothing to worry about. :D

What im worried about is... having to memorize ALL 14 ++ songs for choir by end march... SO DEAD. i can't read scores, i can't do alot of things. i feel musically handicapped or something... hehe its okay, its time to learn more stuff! I'm trusting God to help me develop the gift he gave me in the first place. lalala!

alright... to all the O level people out there... don't be worried... you can't do what's beyond your limits... "being anxious won't help your results become better, if it did, the whole Singapore would score straight As"- Phyllis Chia, i.e. hellu hellu. Furthermore, God is in charge :D

I just quarrelled with my mum. She saw me playing the computer and started saying that i have to finish my homework first and went on and on. so i told her that i had already finished already or else the homework isnt urgent and all. then she went to to scold me abit more and i said that she was asking stupid questions. so in the end, her face went totally black and here i am, blogging about it.

its the inner sense of frustration, when your parents always say, "oh... look at other people's children, they're so perfect, so wonderful" and all those kinda stuff. its like, i wanna just tell them in the face, people's children behave the way they do in front of outsiders, i do that too. hey, i mean everyone has a nasty side to them and sometimes, you just get agitated and words that shouldnt come out just comes spilling out accidentally.

expectations expectations. my mum wants me to go HC if i can, but i don't want to. she pesters me all the time to do my work and everything else under the sun, i really cant understand why parents are so intervening about things, but im pretty sure there's something good for us in it.

okay... lets hope things look nicer tomorrow... tata~

I really don't know how to break down the walls that people put up when i approach. All i can do is pray and wait in anticipation. Only two words can describe how i feel now. Worried,Helpless.

Believe the unbelievable,
Receive the inconcievable.
And see beyond my wildest imagination.

-Great expections

That means, everything is possible with God. If you're trapped in sin, hand it over to God. If the road ahead of you seems hard and tough, let God carry you through.

Speak to the mountains and they,
Will humble themselves.
Nothing is impossible.

Stand on the promise he makes,
With a heart full of faith.
Nothing is impossible.

-Prophesy.

Jesus is coming back for us! i believe i believe!!! Nothing is impossible with an awesome God.

though i sometimes, i may be disappointed, by the very things that fail me, but i know that God never fails, for he is faithful, he is steadfast, he is my rock. I'm not gonna give up even though i feel like i should have ages ago, holding on to the hope, the hope i have in him.

haha! new song~ reallie applies to me, you too i guess! i cant do pull ups... only a miserable ONE. gonna fail pft...

Have you ever wondered if people actually do like you? It's that indecipherable thought of how others think of you. Well, i've been rather nasty lately and really got on so many people's nerves... i'm pretty sure i'm very irritating at times, maybe its because of the way i grew up. No matter what it is, i'm not gonna shove the blame of my actions unto something which is way beyond my time.

As we walk with God, i realised that we really gotta grow to become like Jesus, we will get deeper insights on how he thinks, we will become more Godly in a sense in our ways and mannerisms. I think Jesus was a wonderful man and still is, a gentle, subtle warrior who is sensitive and strong at the same time. He still is and i'm sure that he was very well respected and loved at that time, especially those he touched. I want to be like him, not for the attention, but so that i can really be someone who is an enjoyment to be with, not a pain.

I guess our actions are really closely related with our thoughts and mindsets. I tend to want to get attention all the time... dunno why lah... hope it doesn't get worst. All i need to know is that God is waiting for me to talk to him anytime, so he's GIVING me attention ALL the time... haha... but really, it might be because im kinda immature as well. It's time to grow up. Change is the word.

Alright, back to basics. Todai was a looong tiring day, its amazing im still awake and not sleeping like a log yet. Had cross country at the turf club today, i realised why horses have such a short life span - the turf club course is so long... very demoralising as well. Its like, you have been running for 10 minutes, you overcome this steep hill and you come into the main racing area where the horses ran. It's like WE'RE ALMOST DONE!! As we could hear the radio from the distant tentage. But when we reached the racecourse, the long, winding road lay taunting us from afar. We just gave up and started walking all the way. There was like 3km more to go. Walk walk walk... we decided to jog lightly in at the last 100 meters to avoid us looking really bad. So we started jogging near the end. Suddenly my friend Richard shouted "QIAN JIN! JUSTIN! THERE IS STILL MILO!!!!!". "MILO!" the ringing word keep popping in my mind and then the two of us went into pure frenzy and sprinting in all the way. What a way to end. FOR THE MILO. hehehe.

After the long boring walk around turf city which smelled like the zoo, we headed for lunch. I was not feeling too hungry and ordered just a Mcnugget meal. I had free Mcflurry too cuz of the free student bonus thing. Then my class representative suddenly delivered 4 ice cream cones to the four of us eating. We were already quite stuffed and the ice creams just made it worse. THEN the girls came with more ice cream cones were screaming for us to finish it up. I was gonna BLOW. So how? In the end, we had a frantic search of people to give away the ice cream to... lol...

Went to school for Choir rehearsal for Miss Phua's farewell... Well... was quite bad actually, everyone was rushing in the song as we were all quite nervous... oh welll such things will never be noticed especially to the untrained ear :D At two i asked for early dismissal as i rushed down for service. By then, i was feeling really shagged out. Ran out to get a cab... for like 3 minutes no cab came... I was desperately praying for a cab. *DinG!* God answered my prayer... he gave me a high class answer furthermore, i boarded mercedes benz cab :D

Was so happy to see Kian long, Quan bin and Joshua... really happy to see all three of them around, i was just tired though... that's why didn't really talk much to them... So sorry... Don't think im ignoring you guys hor... I think today's teaching really hit all my sheeps in the face. It sorta applied to the point about parental objection. I know my sheeps are facing those, i'm facing that myself. Thank God for the wonderful message that we'll pull through this together...

Well well... i think now is the time to grow, God has given the signal for me to mature and really ponder on my actions. It's time to be even saltier salt and a brighter light both in my school and my family. Must keep trying... we will be able to do lots of things if we are willing. Especially if its with God. That's what i learnt during seed as well... selflessness is the key.

Wow... im in my school's computer lab now. I have never been here lor... amaingly, its for chinese lesson which im here. LOL. Well... i actually have alot to say lah... but didn't have much time to blog lately... It's okay... i'll do it on sat man! taa taa~~~~

Thinking back... i lost my phone. God does everything for a reason. Then im reminded of something Zach told me some time back. He said something about the people of the past, they had to present all the burnt offerings, guilt offerings and many more just to sanctify themselves to get close to God. It's like... so inconvienient, but the people still do it. Look as us now, we can pray ANYTIME and just click the connection with God in an instant, we're really blessed i must say. So losing my handphone really made me see how inconvienient it is to contact someone... it's like plucking my out of my present reality and giving me a taste of what it was like long ago when it was so hard to pray to God. I really thank God for his Grace and really, letting us come to him whenever we want. I'm gonna pray more!

Today we had service! I left the house in expectancy of a great day. i went to Dan's house for a long shepherding first... really interesting teaching... lots to apply. It took so long that we had to take a cab to service lor. The taxi driver ah... i want to complain you know. i purposely remembered his name. LOH something 9668 comfort taxi. He obviously trying to con our money lor! He went a HUGE detour thinking that I'm a TOURIST or something and the roads are foreign to me. Just because's he a old man then i didn't scream and make a big racket about it. He purposely went by this small road which had a big jam when he could have just gone by the normal newton way. We decided to not tolerate anymore of this and got off the taxi and just take 190.

While i was in the cab, i was using my dear shepherd's phone to message binni. Then i found out that he couldn't come because his parents were very naggy and would kinda check if he pon tanged tuition. Nevermind lor... that was quite understandable lah. Then when i got off the cab and boarded the 190, guess what, Quan bin was in the same bus. The situation was really kinda awkward. I could see that really really really felt quite bad, he wasn't in the best of moods. I wanted to just sit with him quietly, and try to go through this with him, but i couldn't as the bus was packed with people... So sorry...

Later i also found out that Kian Long wouldn't be coming for service as he went to do a project at his friend's house... okay... i was kinda discouraged at that point because my stats just fell from 5 to 3. Later at service, i was waiting for Joshua and Kenny to arrive, but i didn't get a glimpse of them for quite long. In fact, i didn't see them at all. I was very very very discouraged at that point. I couldn't concentrate at that point at all, in fact i was extremely disappointed with myself to the point where i just wanted everything to just stop. My stats dropped from 5 to 1. I was the only one present. I thought to myself, did satan just dealt such a big blow on me that everything was just taken away? Did i do something wrong? Haven't i tried enough? Really demoralized too. The worst thing was, Joshua didn't pick up a single call which i made to him. I made like 5 calls. It was only at the end of the service during altercall, then i spotted Joshua at the top corner of the auditorium. Hey, i'm not the only one after all, but that didn't really lift my spirits at all... Oh well... I hope that these things won't happen again and Joshua should learn how to pick up calls even if you don't recognize the number.

After this incident, i'm really really afraid of it and i hope it doesn't happen again... i'm gonna try harder to get build strong relationships with my people so that i can trust them more and such a thing won't happen again... It's really scary to have everything just thrown at you at once, i know i will go through it again, but this time at least i know that i've been through this once with God before. Well... really gotta see the urgency in follow up... this really taught me a lesson.

Lots of homework due on monday... Chinese, Chemistry, Maths, Physics... that's practically everything... bleah... i hope i survive the weekend. I'm sure i'll pull through cause Jesus is with me :D

Everything's alright,
I've got Jesus with me.
Everything's alright,
My Savior's walking with me!

Guys can't always be strong and macho all the time... it's only when guys really do put away their pride, when the humble themselves and acknowledge that they are weak, then God can be able to show himself through us.

I've tried!! but i still cant get the tagboard in... so please tolerate if you have any comments... heheheee. Oh yar... today ah.. i went to Joshua's house. HEM HEM. Suppose to shepherd him one... i reached his house for 10 minutes and then, his father announces that they have to go for dinner. I'LL REMEMBER THIS! Whee...

Haiz... i lost my handphone... feel so useless... so depressed. AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO CHANGE MY BLOG TEMPLATE LOR! *miserable*

It's 6.30 on a public holiday. I'm awake so early for choir. Bah! so tired... -phew~ bad breathe man- Well, i just saw my sheep's blog. All i wanna say is that im really really very happy for him. :D Things are picking up!