rockin' my world.

Make a memory.

it's just only almost 2 weeks. But so much has happened. The only reason why i'm putting this post was just to remind me of this short journey.

Thank you so much. Thank God for letting me know you.

If only i met you at a different place and a different time, you'll be so mine.
I knew for one after this day ...everything would be different.

Man what can i say... My best friend was with me the entire while. When Mr " not very nice guy" over here ... started to feel those feelings inside we can't describe.

And i asked myself ... How can somebody with no emotions, started to feel this. Then i knew you were different. I started to feel emotions, my heartbeat raise when i saw u, I felt nervous when i'm with u, I smiled when i saw you, I really laughed out loud when we were on the phone.

I started to visualize .. the day we would collect our Porsche together ... The day we first enter our new apartment, Reflections@ Keppel Bay and our higher end living, our endless holidays.

I wanted to go along with my heart says, to go all out to get you. i just need time.

But i was faced with reality again. - The reality monster. Then all the flashbacks came back, of why i do the business. When i gave up so much .... I cannot allow even 1% of compromising.

My logical sense came in. Then i knew my decision. Emotionally fucking wrong, but logically fucking right. I had to make a decision.

This is business. Business sometimes is the best reality check ever.

Ytd morning .. I woke up, having mixed emotions. I felt so angry with myself .... and sad too, with my fate ... I knew i didn't want this to end on a bad note. I wanted it to be a perfect memory.

I need 3 years. Give me 3 years .... I'll be different. I won't be the same.

I fell in love with u. You made me felt that I'm human again and I might have a chance to experience romance and marriage. Pure happiness.

When I was driving back .... i knew it was the last. After this day ... I'm gonna have no emotions once again.

That drive wasn't easy. I wanted to send u back fast because i wanted it to end fast and not have anymore emotions. But yet i wanted to drive slow so that everything could just pause.

Thank God for letting all this happen and allow me to feel happiness from deep within in this matter of short time. But God, you probably understand my objecives and priorities very well. I'm sure it's all in your plans and my life will always circle around this 2 words. - Forbidden love. That's why you didn't allow me for one time to stray off the track.

Let this be a perfect memory.

Love. Ben.

posted by Ben @ 11/10/2009 10:52:00 AM