rockin' my world.: December 2004

Friday, December 31, 2004

2005 : A year of beliefs and hopes . A year closer to the new beginning of the world.

Hmm , managed to save up some cash lately .. gonna donate them to the fund .. i realised i missed the timing to donate the medication and clothes .. i just opened the mail sent by Ngee Ann ... WAH LAO !!! haha ...

Must try my best to help .. i can't go over there .. so i shall do my part as a resident on this planet ! well , maybe when i'm older , bout 20 plus , i shall go over and help when such a world disaster happen again .. and i hope to get the support of my family . Their support and blessings is what i need most . i hope they understand .

i read what is written in the STarhub Game forum by a clanner .. i was sad to read what was written. The reaction by people , by rich countries , by the teenagers . it's such a sad thing .

I was wondering if i can find a way to go there to help ... but if i managed to , nothing will stop me , even my parents . and i hope they really understand , why i see the need to go . even if i don't come back in one piece , i don't mind . even if i'm gone , i have no regrets .

" i know They say if you love somebody , you shld set them free .
I know they say if they don't come back again , then it's meant to be ."
- Ronan Keating , Long Goodbye .

My fav by Ronan Keating ! it's such a sad song .

well , if you really love somebody , you should set them free . i believe everyone watched this in the dramas . If they don't come back ... then it's meant to be .
i hope soon , i will really understand this . I will know how to set my loved one free , cause i must trust our love , that it will stick us together .

Haha .. i'm so proud to tell my parents that their son has understood and learnt so much more through all this times ... through the obstacles i have encountered , through failed relationships , through the quarrels we had . through the issues society encountered . And he knows his responsibilities very very well now . For Mum and Dad , i'm willing to let go of my passion . it's worth it .

heading to the gym now , kick butt baby !

Thursday, December 30, 2004

The Ray of Hope - Heal the world , i beg you .

Tsunamis attacked the world ... Tidal waves hit the earth at one of the critical spots . Is this all planned for ?

i can't bear to see the news ... cause i feel so sad . Thailand , my homeland . i feel a connection with them as well , although i'm not directly related to them . Heal the world , Heaven . Stop your experiments and jokes . it's enough .

The few countries were already suffering before these disasters hit them , and now this , what do u want from them ? i don't understand , instead of taking lives of people like me , u take newly bornt lives , people who struggle just to live , and people who live on ,as long as there is hope .

if i could , i wanna drop my studies now , and go over to help . i wanna help , i wanna contribute . I won't care bout my life , my career or my studies . i think it's time to help . i don't care to be a racer anymore , i don't care bout the need for speed , at such a crisis , everyone who lives on this earth should be there .

Isn't the tears and blood enough already ? How much more do you want ..

I told my mum , imagined we didn't go Thailand at feb this year , but at this time , we won't know what beholds us . we are so relieved .

Singapore is a very fortunate country ,but why doesn't all the teens and kids appreciate what we have ? esp the younger kids , they think Heaven owes them a living . Sad , it's such a sad world .

i pray for them , deep inside my heart , i hope . i believe .

And i hope they won't give up . Even if there's just a small ray of light , hold on . Hold on tight . Don't let go .

i just read bout the article of the Singaporean Tour guide .. looking for a japanese tour grp family ... i'm so touched by what he is doing . i think .. Good guys do exist in this world . Good people aren't extinct .

My heart bleeds . i took a look at how much i have , a mere ten bucks . and i guess i'm gonna donate all i have to them . Whatever i planned to buy , can wait . just material stuff , i rather use the money to heal this people .

I'm glad my Clanmates from Malaysia are still fine . They are people who are really nice and give me nice gaming experiences with them . Hope their relatives are fine as well . Doctor , Buddkid , Ku'a . Once teammates , forever we shall be .

All i can do now , is row better at Dragonboat . Well , i hope the sea will be touched by what all of us did . The tears and blood we have all cried and bled . the pain that we went through . The injuries we went through . i have to work harder , relive the Ngee Ann legend .

Do they know it's christmas now ? - a song by BandAid twenty . When will peace come to Earth .

i beg the one who's in control of everything , please stop and heal the wounds you have created . It should stop now .

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Who am i ?

Hmm , i was chatting to pame .. and i am still chatting with her .. and we talked bout some stuff .. life issues bah .. then i came across something ... that i have changed . and i didn't really succeed in changing myself back to who i was ... from a mr nice guy ... to what u can call ... " fit in any word u think is best "

Well , i really loved the old me .. i won't care whether i am suffering .. or whether i'm really feeling a lot of pain inside .. as long as i can help others , i don't care bout myself .

But what happened to me .. did a demon obtain a space in me ? what could have caused such a drastic change ...

hmm , u can say i matured as well .. i matured a lot a lot in this 2 years . and i know .. this will never stop as well ..

i missed the old ben . the old hong bin .

i'm not sure who i am now .. well , i need to find the answer .

Haha , i always thought .. that having someone new in my life would be the key to healing all my scars and wounds ... well , actually .. i have gotta fight that demon within myself . it doesn't matter whether i'm alone or not .

well , at least i have turned a little better than what i was quite sometime ago ... haha , still on the way to completing the journey !

hmmm , i wonder why i was thrown so many responsibilities at such a young age .. even from primary sch .. i was forced to handle things on my own . And when i really needed help .. i have no one to look to . i still gotta face everything myself .

and right now , i have even more .. it never ends . if i could , i don't want to sleep or rest ,i wanna work and work , cause i have come to a stage where i think , sleeping is a waste of time ...

i'm in a race against time .

Well .. my parents were always doubting me as well .. whether i'll be filial to them when i grow up .. i'm not sure either .. i won't know whether i'll change and this demon will take over me ... but i hope for the best ! i love my parents and my family will always be the ones i love most ! including my future wife and kids ! they'll be all i ever wanted ...

thinking too much ? well ... maybe , it has been quite some time i have enter this Portal again , where i think a lot and all that ... haha , let me sort out my tots bah !

hmm , well , bout the kim issue .. i thought the guys have finally start to got sick of it .. cause in the morning , they only mention one or 2 times .. but the afternoon , it starts all over again . i hate it when such stuff gets to the lecturers or higher authority . i hate the FALSE and lies in the world . i hate to lie . i hate lies stuffed into my face .

oh well .. my mood hasn't improved .. i haven chatted on the phone for ages , it's so unlike me ... i used to chat everyday .. cause i love to talk .. i love to express myself .. i love to talk bout life issues .. the world .. anything ...

But now .. there's no one left . i don't know what happened , or shld i blame the one above . Well , that's life . gotta live with it .

well , i think the only thing that can make me feel better .. is none other than singing ! and for my classmates , i don sing that bad when i really sing .. haha , don't expect that little from me all right ...

i gotta go . b4 my mood gets worst . same quote " ming tian hui gen hao " never stop believing.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

i feel like a little child , life has just begun .

Ok .. enough talk bout christianity .. i just realised , i shouldn't hate christianity ... let people believe in what they believe in . Just like what i believe in . There's nothing wrong , it may sound consoling that there's at least someone who loves them , or watching over them . oh well ...

hmm , i have no idea why i'm not in high mood today ... well , can't say i'm buay song and angry .. or sad .. just a little lost i guess .

Well , i guess i was overboard today in sch . haiz ...

What's wrong with me today ? the guys are getting overboard with the "kim " issue as well ... haiz ... although i'm unhappy inside , although i'm a man who can't stand people stuffing words into my mouth ... as least it brings laughter to the guys .. well ... i guess i still can tolerate and smile along with them ...

every night , i look up on my wall . i see 4 posters . 3 final fantasy 8 and one cyndi ... and the first poster writes .. " i'll be here . For what ? ... i'll be waiting ... if you come here , you'll find me ... i promise "

hmm , this seriously embeds a lot of meaning into my life ...

you know , i think my life is a mistake , but as long as it's not too late ... i still can turn things around ... well , i think i feel only love from my parents .. i nv get to feel love from friends or my girl friends .. i have only felt it within myself ...

yup , piak , guess you're right .. i think too much ... for now that is ...

Life is never a bed of roses , that i gotta agree with you Andy .

Oh well , i guess life is a long journey , so i shan't fret when i lose patience on the search of her ... it might be a long long way ... or just a breath away , to where you are .

i hope i can meet someone like Kyoko in the initial d series , someone who loves cars as well .. and can share my passion and understands why i have the need for speed .. and don't stop me from that . i may have huge responsibilities in my life ... but if she understands me in that sector , she'll be the bestest person to be the one to spend my life with . Not every girl can . i guess almost none .

Me living in a fantasy world ? well .. you can say i am , but i know i'm not ..

my left arm is injured . i don't exactly know what's wrong .. but it's stopping me from all my vigurous workouts . i'm pumping myself with as much nutrition , calcium and protein .. but doesn't seem helpful at all . this better not become a permanent injury . i already spoilt my legs . i cannot afford to lose any more assets .

oh well .. ming tian hui gen hao ... give me a good day tomorrow baby ! i shall vent all my frustration in the gym tml ...

Monday, December 27, 2004

christianity ? think again BABY !

where is GOD or JESUS DURING WORLD WAR 2 ? NOW CREATE EARTHQUAKE ???!!!!

haha , my friends risen the issue , that WHERE IS GOD ???!!! innocent lives he took .. well THANK YOU !! i won't forget world war 2 , THANKS FOR THAT AS WELL !!!

i won't forget Terrorism , taking lives of small kids as hostages .. THANKS DUDE !! u DID WELL !!!

Well .. for once i cleared all my breath once bcos of this damn issue ... Stop ur crap bout Jesus Christ or whatever crap ... Telling me those who don't believe in him go to Hell or bullshit ...

I'm keeping my words to myself .. if i let out whatever my friends and i said bout ( ncc buddies ) , i may just get strike my lightning ...

i shld go to Presbyterian High now and start my buddhism society and call for so called " cell grp " everyday .. if they disagree , i will tell them that this is a GOD DAMN IT Democratic society !!

I'm very glad i believed in myself . our paths and destinies is created and formed by ourselves , NO ONE ELSE ! whatever we achieved , is bcos of our hardwork , NOT GOD !! CREDIT GOES TO US !!! if everything is bcos of him , we are just dogs , or SLAVES !! we control our lives ...

Innocent lives he took , note the word innocent . Martin was very right bout telling me the issue bout WWII , if not , i won't know what harm God created to us . Go take a look at the Graves of those who died in the WAR , GOD!!!

Well , i'm so glad my parents and my whole family tree is buddhist . u can say me , now very the buay SONG !

christmas just passed for GOD's SAKE !!!! god Damn , u understand anot ??!! u call christmas a day of joy ... u bullshit me BABY !!!

i won't care if i end up in hell . at least i know , i never regret my actions . i hold myself well . I believed in myself . No one else .And i know , if i'm in hell , my buddies will all be with me . And we'll never regret .

i won't hold back my words for u , u piece of shit . i was reluctant to insult u , but now not anymore !

ARRRrrrGGGhhh ..Sri Lanka is as bad as it is ... u bloody sucker ... go do some soul searching !

gotta stop ... if not i can whine the whole day ... haha , and guys , this is a serious post , but not meant to be a insulting , insane , post . just wanna shout out loud to the " one " above . don't take it too serious .

Back at one .

Hmm , just noticed the words isn't very easy to notice .. bcos of the fancy background and all .. shall change it when i have a better one ...

Haha .. just watched intial d episode 9 and 10 ! For the 2nd time of his life , Takumi might just get beaten ... So excited bout the Race coming up . Even the team is worried . Cause the opponents hit them right in the blind spot .

Man ! if they really lose liao arh , the whole thing is gone .. the team , the winning records ...

haha ,i think this will even prove even more on a characteristic on me ...i'm a car Fanatic !!

Wah ... jia lat lah .. haha , and to think that my bro said Stage Four is a little boring ... WAH LAO !! then don't watch lah .. get lost ... Lol .

Today class ends at 11a.m ... and there's only one thing to say .. SONG BO !!! haha .. reached home at 12 somemore ... haha .. could have went out to hang out or something ... my bro lah .. everyday at home sia .. makes my life miserable !!

hmm , glad that i only spent $2.80 bucks today ... haha , here starts my saving spree ... lol .. must save and save ..

New year's eve is coming !! haha .. and the day after that is shopping SPREEEEEeeeEE !! muhaha , gonna get a lot of clothes ( ahem ahem .. i'm supposed to save up .. ) maybe not that A LOT lah ... nice clothes =) , this time my taste must be better than my bro liao .. muahhahaha !!!

Bro is still on his bed sleeping .. wake up lah ! i wanna GAME u idiot ! don't waste my precious time SLEEPing ...

hmmm , i guessed quite a lot happened this year . haha , and the whatever international weather association said that this year is the hottest year so FAR ... aiya , every year also HOTTESt year lah ... 2000 EL nino shi mah ? :S

oh well .. cannot tolerate sitting in excitment on my chair bout initial D .. must wait another week for episode 11 and 12 to come out .. YAWNX !!

haha .. shall get going le .. so boring .. maybe sleep better sia ...

Sunday, December 26, 2004

Free me .

Take a new look ! haha .. the craze of rx-7 suddenly rush thru me so here comes a rx-7 look ! based on the same planout though ..

but a new video right below ! haha .. but it doesn't really fit into my blog .. but i have tried my best.

hmm , this is one of my best loved songs in my life . Brian Mcknight - back at one .

He's a singer that came out in the year 1999 ... long ago though .. but i love his name as well ! so AWesOME ! ok .. rmb to switch the volume to the max below ...

haha .. after watching the video a few times .. i finally get the meaning . Go find it out yourself , it's not easy to understand . but it's a cool song . i intended to put " GEt Low " -by lil jon & eastside boys ( Need for speed : underground main Theme ) but it doesn't really fit lah ... haha , u guys will probably think since when i'm a hip hop guy ... but it's a very very cool song . i would call a song that comes every decade .

man .. i'm going mad over Rx-7 !! recently watched initial D stage 4 ... and way it was awesome ! The main characters are finally on their journey to rule japan's streets ... i wonder if this story was true . it could be because of a true legend that inspired the writer .

Haha , my FAv character keisuke has finally met his Darling !! lol .. and she's a car lover as well , or shld i say , a racer as well ... drives a Rx-7 as well !! woo ... imagine i have a rx-7 and my girlfriend has one as well ... haha ...

oh well , u guys sure don't know what i'm talking bout ... haha .. so inspired right now ... can't wait to get my DEgree !! pls pls singapore pls lower ur speeding restrictions ... haha ...

haha , i think if i really crazy liao , i would go to the arcade and Race already . haha .. it's only the arcade that can give me the feel . Plaza singapure one best ... best sound system . The soundtrack blasting in front of u and the sound of the engine right behind ur ears ... although the music really blasts very very very loud .. But the sound of rotary is just too awesome !

gonna go gym later .. then go running ... today's distance 5-8km ! yesh , i shall do this everyday ... muhaha ... get my "jin GAng " leg back ...

well , i'm off ... merry Xmas .. no xmas present this year :'(

Saturday, December 25, 2004

Last Christmas . i gave you my heart .

it's Christmas !! haha ... u know .. when we were in discussion on when to go .. i just thought of something .. and i told my friends , why are we having this problem of " go where ? " , then i say , it's because of Jesus !!

haha ... it was meant as a joke of course ...

Then we went to orchard in the end ... saw a few friends .. haha .. it's great to see friends on the street ... then i was in my crazy mood as well .. when we saw a church grp performing .. i shouted " Satan !!!" haha .. for my sec sch friends , u guys should know why bah ... haha .. it's something that my ncc buddies came up with to go against the school ... but it's mainly for fun and laughter lah ..

Hmm , wah .. maybe i'm that anti christ after all ... lol ..

We took a very long time to get from wheelocks to Tangs .. which usually will take us 10 mins or 5 mins .. but this time , is much much much longer .. haha .. first , we have to avoid people spraying us .. and we have to squeeze thru the crowd ..

the worst is at 12midnite . Traffic junction . Situation , i would call , Chaos + disastrous . haha .. we were squeezed like hell and jian sheng thought he was going to die .. haha , this is the most funny part .. but it was this exaggerating .. must know where to walk next year .

Then went over to watch kungfu hustle .. but on our way to tangs , we lost everyone at the traffic junction . then i was tip toeing to look for jian sheng , who was behind me . Then i was like SHIT , the phone lines are jammed . i waited and waited . Denny and guys weren't in sight as well . Then i was thinking , if we knew each other well enuf , we would wait for each other at the cinema . so i headed there straight away .

we were late , cause we went to wash up , as our head and hair all that were full of crap ... particles that stuck to our hair .

Kungfu hustle ... was indeed disappointing . i expected a very high standard from Stephen chow . Maybe this shows that , no one can be HOT forever . man , really disappointed .

Then we headed home with night rider ... man , waited very long .. and a bunch of kids , 14-15 .. boarded as well . Gi kian said , if singapore had no law , he would have whacked them . haha ... i agree . I can't stand kids these age nowadays . And when i feel like whacking somebody , maybe that someone is just probably having a really bad day . But i always kept to mind that singapore is a place of Law , esp when i'm aiming to go to the Police as well !!

Huh ? Police ? tot it was Air Force ? haha .. yes , if i can't be a pilot .. i'll go pursue my automotive degree .. then i'll use my logistics diploma and this degree to go to the logistics dept automotive engineering and management . Haha , catch those people with illegal MODS .. ahem .. except for myself ... haha !

Spent my whole day today looking for initial d soundtracks and all that ... woo .. man it was tough ! haha ... the internet is so wide and vast ... it's tough to look for something .

Added some pics to my blog .. haha , ain't Matsu Takako pretty ???!! i'm totally mad over her .. and why is she dating a OLD MAN !!!??!?!!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!? i was so shocked when i read the article .. that guy , not really very very old , is someone in her recording company .. wah lao , why i not in Universal MUSIC ???? haha ... hmm , crazy over , cause i think she's the most beautiful woman alive ! haha , note the word beautiful , not cute or chio or whatever crap , in my opionion that is ... pure , innocence , elegance is what i think she represents .

haha ... so crazy today .. feel so contented today .. bcos i managed to download so many initial d stuff today ..

But i was feeling down in the beginning of the day . Cause i had to make the decision whether to get the new desktop . my mum says the money is gonna come from my dad's bonus of the year .. Then i was so reluctant . They were reluctant . Then when they said ok ... i'm still hesitating from ordering it . cause it's my parents money .

So i told them , the mouse and etc , i'm gonna buy myself and save up . i have to .and my mum was going to give me 250 bucks for new year clothes . i said .. just give me 200 bucks . she instructed me to get new shoes .. i told her .. no need lah ... haha , my shoes really very very old liao ... but as long as can use , never mind lah .. i use it for gym , dragonboat , going out btw .. haha .. it was a shoe bought last year somemore ...

really feel guilty . But i can't take it when i'm wasting time . when i have nothing to do . at certain times , i really go mad .

Then my parents keep asking me whether i already ordered it .. so i just call him to order . somemore , Jerry went to a lot of trouble looking for the parts and all that . If it wasn't a friend , i would have just said no when my parents were reluctant .

i told myself and my parents , this desktop is not going to affect my studies . i know it myself . I have to study . and if i can , i wanna keep studying and studying . if my life is gonna be filled with studies , yes , i'll take it .

oh well ... start to save up baby ! i have told myself not to get money from my parents anymore for any extra stuff ... i have to save . i've gotta learn to save someday , so let it start now . including the dying of my hair .. i think i shall save up for that as well .. can't wait for a re-born set of hair ( not rebond arh ) .

i'll blog some other time . One day of my life gone . Another day nearer to the meeting of my guardian angel . can't wait . another day nearer to Rx-7 !!!

Friday, December 24, 2004

what a day . pissed off to the max .

well .. i started discussing bout xmas plans with my buddies for don't know how long .. and we didn't reach decision and i decided to spend it with piak mer edwin and co. ..

Hmm .. ever since secondary sch .. i was the one who kept asking them out for bball and all the shit ... and all the shit comes to me , sorry , i had enuf . For today as well .

we never come to a decision . it's bcos anything , also don't want . anything also wanna stay at home . anything also sianx . then na bei , anything also don't do lah . i am so pissed that i cannot tolerate anymore to use vulagarities .

Ask them for suggestions ..they don't give ... all they say , is NO To my suggestions ... hey guys , just wanna spend some time with u guys relax and chat somewhere ... and say this and say that .. forget bout it ! i think to u guys ... time = infinity . we take things for granted .

i hope ,i die soon . to wake them up from reality . i have gotten sick of life as well . and i know , i won't live long , heaven has been sending this msg to me long ago . i don't care where i'll be .

i really feel sad bout this as well . i think i need to rest . To forget everything in a day's sleep , to calm myself down .

pls don't tell my life is beautiful and all that , i know , i experienced it . but somehow i know my time is short . it won't be for long .

Thursday, December 23, 2004

it's one more day to Christmas !

one more day to christmas .. and yet i still have no plans ! haha .. my friends and i seriously mind blank ... and also don't have much money to spare ... hmm , 2nite then discuss bah ..

Now in sch .. lesson end le .. waiting for dragonboat ... haha .. guess what ? after intensive training and the holidays .. i'm thinner ! haha .. but still not as thin as my sec sch days ... i must become as thin as last time ... haha ... will still work hard ...

Hmm ... haha , do i live in a fantasy world ? obsessed with initial d and final fantasy ... haha , nothing to say bout myself ... obsessed with matsu takako and cyndi wang as well ... haha .. haven bought her concert vcd though .. hmm , maybe not that obsessed with cyndi ... can't find her vcd anywhere though ...

Cars and more cars ! the best christmas gift ... a RX-7 !!!! haha ... kidding .. impossible ... but i think i'll be a very very very happy man if i ever have a rx-7 one day ... esp when someone who i love very much gives it to me .. haha .. thinking too much le .. if my dad ever buys me a rx-7 .. i bet i will work hard man ! get myself famous on the roads with my automotive engineering and management degree ... haha ... hmm , and i bet i'll go underground racing ... haha .. if not , the Legal way of racing .

think too much le .. haha .. i'll be happy alone if someone gives me a gift on birthday or xmas .. *ahem *ahem ... haha , i always wished for someone to give me a final fantasy item on my birthday .. and i told someone b4 ( can't rmb who it was ) i'll be very touched and glad to recieve that certain final fantasy item ... although it doesn't costs a bomb .. haha .. you want bomb one can .. FF8 necklace and ring .. can cost u 500 bucks ? haha .. not sure ...

oh well .. i hope i can come across a nice Rx-7 model someday ... stop the lamborghinis and WRXs and Evolutions !!

and yes yes .. i MUST MENTION THIS ! i'm getting indeed sick of my friends talking bout kim , from the other class ... keep saying and saying ... oh man .. sometimes , u can play around .. but u must see what type situation it is ... and the limit .. although i may not get hurt or whatever .. u still must not put things into my mouth .. yes , i guess i can only end this by getting myself a GF !! haha .. santa send me my guardian angel ! i don't wanna wait for heaven liao .. his delivery very slow sia ... lol ..

Josh Groban is coming to singapore soon !! next year august i guess .. haha ... totally love his songs and voice ... i call him , someone too talented to be true ! haha ... his dvd concert is out as well .. if only i can possess such vocals like his ... haha , i'll be hotter than Jay chou !

Jay chou as well .. ROCKS !! haha .. yes yes .. the girls please calm down ..

Yawnx .. life is getting more boring ... haha .. wonder what happened to edwin and wan hua as well ... saw his Msn nick as the popular HAIZZzzzZZZZzz , hmm , relationship on the rocks huh ? i guess jian sheng was right bout relationship ... u can't stick very long with ur partner ...

i'm afraid as well ... oh well ..

oh sorry arh , it's not 1 day to Xmas .. it's a day plus plus ... lol .. got it wrong ..

hmm, no presents for me this year ! :( haha .. guys don't exchange presents with each other .. that's our theory .. haha .. we are too TypiCal MEN .. even birthday also don't do much ... well , i hope Christmas next year will be a different one . cause i always believe christmas is always a nite of joy and love .

oh well .. that's it from me then . Merry christmas everybody . a year has passed . i haven changed much as well . well ... life goes on !

Sunday, December 19, 2004

All is over . a new beginning awaits .

NCC annual camp is over . Well .. that's a breather ... and i also had a lot of fun with the CLTs . i will miss the times i spent at NCC .

After this camp .. i'll be back to my Dragonboat and poly life ... my dyed hair life as well .. my look good life .

Life goes on ... gotta start mugging ... start studying and all that ... and find a way to spend christmas and new year ! gotta start cracking brains now ...

It was just a blink of an eye and another year is over .. well .. that's fast ... So much has happened in my life in just a year . I can say this is a pretty nice year for me . thank god for that .

Well in a year .. i lost a lot too . A lot has changed ...

When i was in PHs during the camp .. i recalled the times in sec sch . my NCC pals ... everyone else . it was just a year since i graduated ... and it was so fast . Time passes so fast . And soon , i'll be already a working adult . Dad was right ... time never waits .

And also .. when wei ling and gang was in sch , it reminded of our relationship . Well , some how or rather , i started feeling sad again . i'm not too sure of myself as well .. But i blamed myself for being so childish . so stupid .

There are many things ... that i lost .. is not because Heaven took them from me .. it's because .. i discarded them myself .

I don't know ... i'm tired . Hearing all bout society .. makes me so stressed thinking bout my future . How i'm gonna compete in this society . If times and technology freezes . how good will that be .

And soon ... i'm gonna be 18 .. and that means ... i can drive !!!

i'm a weird guy ... i want time to fly fast .. yet complain that it's too fast . i guess i wanna hold on to my teens tight . If only time can fly all the way back to the time when i was a kid .

Hmm ... i just strained my left arm ... and the worst is .. i also don't know why ! haha .. it better recover b4 training on tuesday ... Dragonboat starts again !

oh well ... i wonder what the future hold for all of us . Am i ever gonna find the person i love soon ? are we gonna excel in our studies ? Will the distance between me and my lian hua dang gang drift so much further apart ? am i gonna play basketball again in my life ?

Haha ... hmm .. i'm starting to think bout Wei Ling again .. haha , arrrGGgHHH ! shldn't think bout it anymore .. i has caused me enuf depression and pain .. i don't wanna be Bo Liao to go think bout it again ... haha , make urself SAd for nothing .. it's all in the past ... let's move on ..

hmmm ... haha ,i'm so in love with the song by backstreet boys " how did i fall in love with you " .. i think i'll be crazy enuf to play it in my wedding . i will sure do that !

Oh well , i think i gotta sort out my tots ... and spend the new year in a joyous mood ... can't wait !

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Flash back . i don't wanna go back to the past .

Hmm .. Pame , just wanna let u know .. that i used to thought i had a very good friend beside me .. best friend , in 2 interval of my life . but they just weren't . They didn't treat me as one .

i believed i had blog this one long ago . nah .. shan't repeat .. too long story le ..

Just that , on the search of a best friend , it's a long journey .

Hmm .. Final Fantasy 8 taught me something .. and i can't say it's good or bad .. you know .. the main guy .. presumed when people passes away .. everyone will start talking bout him in past tense .. and that person no longer exists in everyone's lives ....

So i had a thought one day ... if i died one day .. will everyone talk about me in past tense ? Will everyone forget me soon ? will everyone forget bout me eventually ? will anyone cry ? What will be the last words i will hear b4 i go ? will i still exists in everyone's heart ?

sometimes .. when a certain good friend haven msg me for very long , or msn or phone .. and she/he have been online everytime i see her .. and yes of course i did msg her .. but she didn't attempt .. sometimes , i will scold the hell outta her , that she's taking me for granted and all that ... i have told everyone again and again , not everyone is entitled to live forever , just some day they have to go . it may be tomorrow , it may be a week later .. so cherish time and ur friends . if u wanna treat them as acquaintances , then whatever it is . i give up .

that's why u see .. i'm no longer very active in msn .. or in my life . i don't know what i'm doing ...

well , Good news , my lecturer said that i was one of the top scorers .. so don't know got what prize or whatever ... then i told myself .. if i could put in so little effort into last Semester and get such results .. i gotta work hard this semester ... i gotta prove myself . prove to my parents .

i really wonder why did Heaven remove all our riches in just one day . if not , i can have a car right now , drive everyday to sch and home and drive my friends everywhere . and we'll be all living in a condo , my friends can come to the gym everyday .. swim .. play ... and i can have a dog as well . my Bro can have more of his clothing /gaming desires ...

But i guess heaven has this in planned . If we had the same luxury life , i'll still be a spoilt brat . Just like the way i am now too . i'll take things for granted and treat my parents the same way as i did .

i guess ..if i really want a car , i shouldn't dig one out from my parents . all beacuse i see my friends owning cars . i think it's only right to work hard for one .

am i still a boy .. in his fantasies ... a year went past . no sight of a guardian angel . Nah .. i don't pity myself . Cause my buddies pass their lives very well without girls .. so let us be in our guy world , of course not forever . we have been in a guy world for 10 years already anyway . so let it be . haha .. anyway , i've got sick of gaming ... i wanna do HomeWORK instead !

and recently , i have been researching on car systems and car components .. i'll do it everytime when i'm free .. this way , it won't be hard for me to cope in my next degree ... but all those stuff can be so sophisticated ! gotta go ... business in the toilet !

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Fantasy Stories .

Longer Trailer of advent children is out .. i saw it at a display laptop in Funan .. can't wait for the movie ! won't miss it for the world !

again and again , i have seen people going for the wrong decisions .. and of course b4 they make that decision , i have already told them .. and reminded them too , u gotta be strong and firm .. such a case happened again .. i always see people falling into traps right in front of me . and all i can do ..is just stand and watch .

fever for 4 days .. how bout that ? haha .. missed sch for 2 days .. gonna skip sch again on friday bcos of NCc .. oh man .. this is BAD ! i have a lot to catch up .. and i think it's time to start project also ...so we will have enuf time to touch up and all that .

Been busy..and became sick of gaming as well . i think i like to resume life in the past , hang out , basketball and more . Life was more enjoyable in the past with that style . Basketball and more basketball . Life isn't bout gaming ..

Can't wait for Xmas and new year to come ! A new year marks a new beginning ! hope a better year awaits ! haha .. a year passed .. so fast . Just a blink of an eye . I still could remember .. the time when the clock struck 12 and it was new year ...

I wonder what i'm gonna do this year .. will i be with my poly mates . or will my buddies will have a unexpected plan ?

Remember that oldies song " Nothing's gonna change my love for you " haha .. the cd in my restaurant keeps playing it over and over again .. til i'm sick of it .. but when i listen to it seriously for the first time on my desktop .. it's a beautiful song .

Anyway .. sometimes , we wish for time to pass so quickly . when we were kids .. we wished we were adults the next moment . But sometimes we wish for time to freeze .. but time is always constant . It is neither fast nor slow . It never waits .

Monday, December 13, 2004

Frozen .

Had high fever for 3 days .. saw a doc on sat but he didn't help at all ...

Skipped sch today .. cause i dont' feel very good too .. fever didn't away as well .. then i thought .. i shouldn't force myself to go sch since i'm in this state ..

Also .. i have spent some time thinking , sorting out my thoughts . i guess .. i should be myself ... i won't want anyone to sympathise with me .. or pity me ... and i'll just wait ... wait .. til someone who really appreciates me to come .

oh well blog some other time .. no mood and not feeling well ..

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Dead beat .

woo .. went to children's home today ...

Well , my grp was the ones with the biggest age .. 10 to 11 .. and 2 small ones .. haha .. taking care of them .. makes me so so so tired today .. i think it can really get tiring to take care of kids ..

Well .. there's only one small boy in the grp and the rest are girls .. and they keep asking me and wen zhong qns .. pestering us .. can't take it ! haha .. ask me " u got girl friend ? " don't know how many times ... wah lao eh !

Then a small girl named Vanessa Chia keep attaching to me .. haha .. pull my shirt everywhere i go .. then want me to piggy back her .. and when i sit down .. she sit on me also .. ARrrgGGhh ! then the other small one also come .. haha .. i have to entertain to so many people ... really tiring .. i was dead beat at noon .

When i was given a task to handle the whole grp ... i realised i can't . i kept thinking and thinking .. and i discovered the reason . I'm a coporal punishment guy . That's why i can't handle kids or children the kind way . I guess NCC adopted me to such a leader . I can't change that easily . I use shouting , commands and of course punishment to handle people ... man ..

And i realised one more thing . I have too much pride . Way too much pride . haiz ..

well .. the girls made me really really tired .. until now , i'm still tired .. esp my legs ... well , they are the people that make life interesting too ... til now , i still cannot get the girl that keep attaching to me .. oh well ... i'm not good with kids anyway . Know my Strategy ? ( get a good wife that is good with kids ... muhahahahhaha ... ) haha .. kidding lah ...

Haha .. u know there was a horoscope website that i trusted pretty much .. cause it was always so true ! haha .. lately like different lei .. Said i have love opportunities or what this weekend .. but nothing lei ! haha .. everytime so CHUN .. now no more ... haha ..

i'm gonna have a early nite .. haha .. i realised how dumb i was sometimes .. and i wish i can be like them .. so young with no worries ...

haha .. when i look at the kids .. i realised .. how time actually flies when u become a parent .. cause when ur kid is 10 ... u saw him grew 10 years ... then when he's 20 .. it's 20 years .. haha .. it's just like a flash ...

Like what my dad said .. shi jian shi wu qing de . Time won't wait for u .

well .. i'm really tired now .. wanna go sleep now le .. haha .. yawnx ..

Saturday, December 04, 2004

Lan Tian . Sunshine after the rain .

Just came back from ncc though .. did nothing ! haha .. wasted my time . woke up today at 11 .. actually 10 .. but too tired le .. so set alarm to 11 .. then forced myself to wake up ... yawnx .. still tired now ...

School's gonna start in more than 24 hours .. woo hoo ! this sucks baby ! haha ..

Pame :.Kexin , this is for u .

Hmm .. don't blame urself when sometimes u get so sick of life .. and u just simply snap at anyone when they show concern to u .. esp when they are ur family .. it's ok . It's human nature . u just wanna be left alone don't ya ?

I have such times too .. that i knew it right inside of me .. what i was doing , was totally wrong ... and Mum got very worried bout his son ... but she can't do anything bout it . She knew her son was going thru a tough time .. and the only thing she can do is pray or hope .

Well .. when such times happen .. i always tell mum , that i hope she doesn't nag at me for today .. that my mood is bad or whatever .. i don't wish to pick a fight with them blah blah .. u get what i mean ? let them know why they shouldn't bother u ... they'll respect ur decision and don't take things to heart .

there are times .. God seems to be playing with ya . I guess we're not just the ones going thru this . I guess everyone are going thru this crap too . We all wished for answers from heaven .. but we never recieved any . But as we go through life ... time ... the answers become clearer . And that is up to u to go discover them .

i know how it feels to get played by Heaven , God , fate ... And it totally sucks . it makes u feel that you're so sick of life , that life is meaningless .

hmm bout love ... i just wanna tell u , you've gotta to let go of the past . Look at it this way , we're still at our teens . Me 17 , u 18 . How old are our parents ? 40 50 ? See , we still have such a long way to go . Life goes on , no matter what . It's a matter whether we wanna be determined , to move on , to let go . Love doesn't end here , love goes on for a very very long time in our lives . So take it easy ! Look on the bright side of life ! Time may move very slow , but it actually doesn't . love will come to u one day . Trust me .

As for yourself .. yup , sometimes u can find that u love others more than urself ... that's true . cause that is me too . It's natural .. unless you're an evil person .. haha ..

I also wanted to be a perfect man . I tried . but reality caught up with me . I ain't . U see ... u can't be a perfect girl in every guy's eyes . But there will be one guy , the one , who will find u perfect . So relax and wait for him to come by . Haha , imagine if every girl were to find me perfect , won't i be a very lucky man ?

And just to let u know ... i care for u too ! cause i'm ur friend . i'll be there for ya . haha .. that goes out to any humans out there too .. unless you find me a neurotic mess and a nonsensical talker so u don't wanna talk to me , i guess that's fine ! haha ... Told ya , no matter how late it is in the nite , no matter where u are . I'll be right there . =)

Haha .. i feel great .. i'm having a pretty nice break after dragonboat .. it's time to move on to school ! but YAwnx ~! life is so boring ! haha .. my bro is getting moody lately ... man , why can't he be a better person ! haha , if he ever ignites fire in his brother , he's gonna be DEAD ! haha .. cause this is a 17 year issue . i had enuf ! haha ... but i guess i won't kill him anyway . i'm not jia en , a guy who lives to kill his Bro .. haha ..
ok , time to end this crap . I still have a long day ahead of me ... and a long nite !

Walk this endless road with me .

Woo .. lately have been watching a lot of Naruto to kill time .. hmm .. haven watch finish my whose line is it anway ...

hmm , the crew of Whose line is it anway , which is coming to Singapore .. is not Drew Carey's crew .. it's the grp that comes from England ... Haiz .. haha , but i heard that they are a very funny grp .. so maybe they are better than the ones from America .. who knows .. but if i'm not wrong , the tickets are not cheap at all .. i think $66 bah ... it was different from what i heard from radio ! it was $20 bucks ! haha .. oh well .. but if Drew Carey's crew come .. i won't miss it for the world !

Today went to HQ for interview .. man , did Sea commander say a lot ... i stood til my whole body ached and numbed .. and my eyes were almost dead ... i think his air com was extracting Spirit from me man .. haha ... no lah , maybe his aircon dried up my eyes .. made my eyes so tired ... cause he spoke for so long !

Managed to catch up with Wei Jie and Michael from 46Th CLT course .. haha .. my buds .. Missed the times during the time when we are supposed to "die " ...

Haha , there are several times .. when a obstacle was stuck ahead of me .. and i knew i was going to be dead when i meet up with it , REALLY DEAD .. but soon , everything was over . As long as i face the music . Face the reality . ( this happened mostly in my sec sch days ... what else .. nv hand in homework lah ! no lah .. more serious stuff .. haha .. ) maybe meet parents session ? maybe a little more serious ...

Hmm .. i'm glad that Taufik wins .. I knew after all , Heaven's not blind . Sharon Au revealed it all so obviously that day . " Taufik is the one with the vocal talent .. while Sly is the one with mass appeal .. " and in this world , the ones with mass appeal don't last . Even for the boy band 5566 , they seem to suck , but they can sing . Only that sometimes their songs .. er .. haha .. u know ? So u think mass appeal's everything ? nope .. unless you're actor or DJ .

Hmm .. to be honest , the ones that shld have lasted in the grand finals . Are still olinda and Jessea . Jessea did great by Singing Independent woman that day , and i never doubted her . I won't be suprised that a recording company already approached these 2 for contracts .

So is Sly really something for MandoPop ? hmm .. actually , i thought to be in Mandopop .. it's pretty easy . it's bcos i underestimated the industry . But after listening to Daniel Chen .. Zhang Jing Xuan , Lin Jun Jie blah blah ... u still gotta have something . The X factor in ur voice . i remembered this issue hit me back 2 years ago . Dancing .. that i have to have the X factor . U gotta be born with it ...

oh well .. haha .. do i sound serious ? Hmm .. Went to take a look at the Car Mags i bought from Car Expo ( yes ! i bought them that long ago and i didn't have a peek at all ! ) and i saw a Section bout Jay Laub's Rx-7 ... and i never knew such a Rx-7 existed ! It was a award winning Rx-7 .. that until today , no one can beat it ... And it's totally AWesome ! it's not something u can see at the motorshow or Car expo ... haha , it's a award winning Car show Rx-7 , and also a racing one . no one has ever beaten this guy .. He's totally cool dude !

Haha .. so inspired by so many people . I wish i could be them . But .. i bet it takes a lot to be who they are today .. like Jay Chou .. Pilots , Jay Laub .. Pilots i see ... they are all amazing .

I think next semester is a new start . I bet it is ! haha .. just wanna find someone to walk this endless road with me . Forever and ever . At the mean time , KIck some butt !

rockin' my world.