WHat the ,,, HELL IS THIS ???
i'm gonna start my entry based only on what happened today ...
Went downstairs to eat breakfast with andy and gi kian ... was thinking what to order .. so i ended up ordering a plate of carrot cake ..
and here comes the carrot cake ... and i took out something that looked like a wing ... Tot it was some garnish shit or what ... then i dig out a little more .. COCKROACH WINGS !!! OH MY GOD !!!
I rushed over to Auntie's side and say " AUNTIE WHAT IS THIS !!!! ???!!!!!?!?!!!"
She say she change a plate for me ..... i went back to sit .. thinking bout this SHIT .... wanted to tell her .. Auntie .. No thanks la . Cause the guy fry it in the same wok .. and the cockroach died in that same wok .. so the new plate of carrot cake ... still contains substances of COCKROACH !!!
Here comes a new plate and ... i wanted to give her face ... so i ate a few mouths ... EEEEEKKKSSS !! then i gave up ... cause this SUCKS !! then she came over and gave me back the money and said sorry for all this ...
WAH LAO !! this auntie i trust so much for fishball noodles and carrot cake .... Then now like that ! Luckily GOD LET ME SEE THE WINGS AND THE LEGS FIRST ... if not , i will be doing the most disgusting thing i've ever seen .
Oh man .. i better not get food poisoning ... Dragonboat race is so near !!! I can't afford to fall sick now .... DESTROY ALL COCKROACHES ON THIS EARTH MAN !! I'm not gonna show mercy to any cockroach i see next time in my house ... NO MERCY . BayGon's gonna kill kill kill .
Happy Birthday to .... ME ?
Just came back from ABc hawker with piak , Wz , yuan hao and eric ... maybe it's too simple a way to be called celebrating .. but it's great enuf ... Thanks ... very touched this year !
Pame , Piak , SQ , Wz , Valerie , Alex , Wan Xin , Sam , May Anne ... still got don't know who .. all wished me happy birthday ... it's a change all these years ...
Recieved a present from My bro too ... well .. i tot he would forget ...
I've made a wish on the bus at 1200 sharp ... i was thinking of what to wish for ... a Rx-7 ? My guardian angel ... nahx ... I made it plain and simple . shan't say it out ...
Although there's not a lot of presents ... but i'm already very contented .
Well .. what am i supposed to say ? haha .. so speechless ... Dad and Mum gave me a hong bao too ... but i would really like one day ... they get me something .. i really like ... Dad's very thoughtful too .. he came across a car model and bought it for me some days back .. Lotus Elise ..
Haha .. my bro just came over and told me that his gf wish me happy birthday too ...
I'm touched by my friends esp bcos they wished me on 12 sharp .. or at least some where ard 12 .. bcos of clock differences of course ... i was always doing that for people and never for once people wish me at 12 sharp ...
although i'm tired ... but i don't feel like sleeping .. i feel like as if .. i sleep now .. my birthday is over ... but tomorrow's still my birthday what !! haha ... what a dumb thinking ...
i really hope to feel happy and free always .. i will wanna really feel happy . Not laughing my heart out but actually ... i'm not really happy inside . it's time i move on with life !
Thanks guys ... i really appreciate all of your effort .. even it's just a msg only ... it's Good enough ... I didn't expect so much actuallly ... thanks once again !
Life is a rollercoaster , just Gotta Ride it !
Today went back to NCC HQ ... sianx . Then Sea commander tell us this this that that .. yeah yeah ... haha ... Who cares anyway ?
Gonna go to the gym later .. muhaha .. tomorrow don't need go back ncc HQ for interview le !! yeah ! Piak , i'm free on tuesday ! haha ... Only that got DB training but .. ahem ahem ...
I'm so touched by u guys actually . You guys are my true friends . No one ever celebrated my birthday before . Except for last year , my newly formed ncc buddies juniors +seniors group ...
Really thank god for you guys , I'm really happy to be in LEm 1L02 ! I won't forget you guys .
Every birthday of my life ,is always forgotten , never remembered . Only some wishings from some of my friends last year ... But i'm so glad u guys will go all out to celebrate . No maggie Mee this year ! haha ..
I saw my Cadets and Sebas today when i went back school ... I missed them . Saw Hafiz , Chun Fu , Benjamin and Gary ... Seriously missed them . And the senior CLts Marcus and Sebas ... Mr Lai , ms Tan and others . Sorry i can't commit . I have too many commitments .
Well , i still wish to come back to teach u guys and have fun with u guys ... i drew a too big line between Cadet Lieutants and Cadets .. it's time i cancel that line .
Hmm .. i was suprised yesterday .. when i was in the bathroom after DB camp ... checked out my HP .. of course check whether got any Babes message me .. haha , Kidding ! Then May Anne messaged me ...i was shocked ! Actually .. Didn't really give a damn bout it ... but i thought bout it , ya , it's pretty nice of her to msg me happy birthday ... cause she didn't forget .
Well , in our friendship , i have to admit i had some pretty big mistakes . Sorry ... i was talking to Yeok Theng on Msn and i realised .... That how dumb i was , how impatient i was .. i guess , our friendship wasn't a mistake . believe me . I just wish we can rewind time . I wanna help u change . And i hope u can help me change . But ...
Oh well ... Guess , it's time for me to start anew ! I always claimed i needed my guardian angel to heal this wounds of mine .. i guess , it's not true after all . I can pick myself up and move on. With friends and family , this journey i'll walk on bravely.
Haha .. SQ wanted to get me a Rx-7 model .. oh my god ! if u really get me one ... I think i'll really love it . same likewise for something Final fantasy 8 ..
I guess i'm so in love with Final Fantasy 8 and Rx-7 , not to forget , Rx-8 ! i'm so mesmerized by these stuff .... i once said that ... i'll make Rx-7 famous again . Well ... i hope i can ! Dreams are not fantasies . They can become Reality.
Oh well ... there's problem in my ET ( Wolfenstein :Enemy's Territory ) team lately ... haha , our clan name very funny , it's o.0 (Operation Zero ) so when i put my nick it's , =o.0=/ Zan Rx-Kei / 27 , haha .. we are so comical when we are deciding on our team name ... Well , at least i've made so many friends ! from Singapore , to Malaysia and Phillipines ! haha ...
Anyway ... u guys always realised the reaction and expression of me when i saw a Rx-7 on the road ... is like .. in heaven right ! haha ... i will go ... " RX-7 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! " like i just saw a goddness . The best time ... was before the day of my first o level paper .. i was on the way home from Changi Airport with Derrick ... i was so bored ... When i saw a Rx-7 Spirit R Flew past the bus .. i can't forget that moment . Was on the expressway ... The 6 lights and with GT wing . Oh man ... haha .. if u are a Rx-7 owner , i won't mind to wash ur car every week !
Oh well .. i'm such a fantatic . haha ... i'm blogging off ... so long an entry .. haha .. thanks guys for everything !
A time for a change .
Woo hoo .. dragon boat camp just ended ! equals to hell just ended ... oh man , they said this was just this beginning ! but i feel good ! i feel incredible .. muhaha. ..
Had a fever on friday .. the day before the camp .. didn't tell my parents though .. cause they wouldn't allow me to go for the camp the next day ... so sorta forced myself to do every excercise ...no matter how tough it was .
Long distance run in the morning was bad enough .. then Conditioning ... was crazy too . Then next up ... Sea Rowing !! In that section .. i gave up after 2 sets of 1000m . Really cannot take it .. fever plus headache .. somemore my whole junior team wanted to win the senior team ... i can't pull them back as the pacer . one of the most impt guy on the boat . I don't wanna cause them to lose . So i backed out .
Reached school ... quickly rushed to take some panadol .. then Conditioning by Ah Huat ... haha .. this one is totally crazy ! push-ups maniac ! My arms almost died .. haha ..
Then after the "lecture session " by ah huat ... was time to get some rest and sleep ... but .. some of the guys were like so so so so so hungry ! Then we heard we were forbidden to go out and eat ... we were like " OH MY GOD !!! "
But heard that some guys didn't give a damn and wanted to go out le ... then william went upstairs to check it out ... we told him , if really can go out , tell us .. Then he never returned to us .. but they did go out to get some food in the end .. William la ! never come tell us ... straightaway chiong Go Mac ....
Had a tough nite sleeping ... my feet very cold .. cause i was wearing track pants and jacket .. that jian sheng la ! Keep pulling the blanket ... idiot ! Jun wei and me keep complaining the next day ...
Today was gym in the morning and some games stuff .. woo hoo , morning was no kick ..
Then next was .. Sea rowing again ! But i felt so much better but still a little unwell .. i pushed myself to the limit .. didn't want the team to lose u know ? so i gave all i got ... Good job guys !
So tired ... my bro called me up after my camp to irritate me bout some shit ... bout the bike locker . I'm sick and tired of his shit . I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind if he dares give me attitude tonight . Tonight , i'm on fire !
I guess it's time for a change . Maybe learn some time management ... learn to be a better guy . Learn how to study .
I think i've make some progress . I wasn't as impatient and bad tempered b4 ... but i'm still am ! haha .. so i hope to change that too ! Be a patient and better tempered guy .. meditate if i have to ! =)
Yup .. thanks pame , i know , life is beautiful . I guess it's just some changes i need to make to myself ... Learn how to be optimistic too !
Maybe enjoy my singlehood at the moment ... way to go Ngee Ann Dragonboat !
Thoughts running through my head .
What a day . I totally don't feel good bout today . Thought kept running through my head ... bout my life ... bout my purpose ... bout who i am ...
I thought about my whole life ... how i'm treated by everyone .. how i'm treated by people ... Well , i feel like a total loser . As i try to become a perfect man both in life and love . I become a better loser .
I've been played again and again . I've seen situations when girls yearned for a good man . But .. Heaven just didn't planned it to be me . I see such situations so ironic .
I thought bout my NCC life .. that the kids didn't cherished me . That NCC serves no more purpose in my life anymore .In NCC .. i felt like a dog in a cage with almost no breathing space .. i yearn for Freedom and peace .
I went back to PHS today at 5 plus ... and while i was waiting for Mr Lai outside the staff room .. i had some time with myself . I enjoyed the peace of the school . And i asked myself .. how come i didn't get to feel this all these months ... i didn't have a peaceful moment all this months .
My bro called me today ... to ask me to hop over to my cousin's house to get the Pearl Harbor DVD for him .... am i his dog ? His puppy Dog ? Am i borned to serve u ever since i'm borned ? am i supposed to do what u ask me to do ? i'm just a follower all my life ... am i ?
I was always within control of girls everytime ... i didn't had any say .. anything they do wrong , i'll be the one to say sorry .... is things supposed to be this way ? I don't think so ... I know , Ladies first .. but sometimes , can't girls take initiative ?
My friends ... i'm always their puppy dog also . I'm the one who always call everyone out for bball ... and to tolerate their nonsense . To persuade them to come ... while one doesn't come .. the other doesn't come .. and all won't come . Is it this way ? They seldom ask me out .... right ?
Are my lian hua dang friends ... Fake buddies ? All these years i didn't realised ? Where did our Yi QI go to ... u guys didn't cherish me . U guys never did .
In everything , i'm always looked down in . Basketball especially .. i don't know why Heaven ... plan for my every match .. to play so badly .. when i know , i'm not a simple player . I know my talents , i know what i can do . But i just cannot perform in a match .
In Gaming ... i would always lose to my bro , my friends . Looked down upon .. Initial D , CS ... ET . What's wrong ? Why i always lose my standard ? it's all my bro's fault ..
In looks , i wouldn't wanna say .. i don't understand why girls or some girls .. go so Gaga over a handsome guy . or guys wouldn't go take a look at average looking girls . Are looks everything in human life ? If we're not pretty or handsome , then we are not worthy to live on this earth ?
I feel like a dog everyday ... I can't pursue my dreams . Aeronautical is gone . No more air force . My mum says she is not gonna send me overseas . if i rely on myself ... by the time i graduate ... i'll be thirty . To start my career from scratch at 30 . What is this ?
At a age of 27 , i'll then be able to learn racing . By the age of 18 in Japan .. people are already Profession drivers .. So what am i ?
I envy family with cars .. whatever car it is , from a nissan march to WRXs . Everytime i get to sit in a car ... i will wanna enjoy every second of it . The feel of speed .
am i thinking too much ? Yes .. i'm definitely thinking too much . I guess .. i wanna change . I don't wanna be a follower anymore . I have my own stand ... i will not give in everytime . i'm no longer a puppet under girls anymore . I once said , i will die for the girl i love no matter what situation it is . Now , no more . Only if that girl is worthy of my death.
yes yes .. i'm getting a little nuts today . i'm not sure why either ... i feel like .. i've wasted my day . This day wasn't for me .
i wish .. that everything in this earth can talk . Dogs can talk . Trees can talk . At least when i'm sad ... or lonely .. i can find a companion to chat . i hate this life . i don't even know what i live for anymore .
I've claimed that i have dreams .. ambitions . Passions .... but all of a sudden , i start thinking they are all bullshit by me .. my friends were right .... whatever i say is bullshit .. Getting A1s for my test are all bullshit by me . God never walked the same path with me .
I no longer know who are true friends anymore . i no longer know who i shld love anymore . i don't know .. i'm all alone .
Share this moment forever with me .
Life's been once again smooth ... haha .. i know , in the past i wished for a smooth life .. but not this smooth right ? i need some action man ! haha ..
Singapore idol is not worth to watch anymore ... Yawnx let's start with Taufik . No comments ... haha ... i guess i have so high expectations bcos i'm a guy who watches American idol , adapted to their standard , listen to lots of music , i can even tell which artise released their song with mistakes or whether he CAN't SING the song bcos he doesn't have the voice or vocals when he was the one who released it .
Taufik ... what a mess . Wrong song pal . Nv hear u sing cause i was playing Games .. haha .. next , Chris . Hmm .. Ok ok .But you gotta work a lot harder if u wanna win this competition and become a well known guy .
Daphne ... Atrocious . You don't have what it takes . Sorry ... i'm like Simon cowell ? haha ...
Olinda ... nice one , but u gotta let it out more , you're holding back i'm sure , haha . i'm not repeating what the judges are saying . But you have to reach higher levels to win this .
Slyvester ... A MESS !! i agree with Ken . I was so disappointed with the other 3 judges with what they said . I WAS LIKE " WHAT !!! " you totally don't have what it takes to be A idol . Looks aside .
Chris's has some potential seriously . It have the VOICE . well , just a little of it , cause if he has it , he'll be Ronan KEating now . haha .. But he's the one of the outstanding ones inside . Jessea left ..David yeo left ... Nahx , no more . Olinda and Chris are in for a fight .
But chris , u gotta change your style soon . REal soon , if not you gonna get out of this Competition b4 u actually show u actual Talent . Chances only come once . Try Clay aiken songs , his style is your style .
Leandra ... have talent . She has a little of Fantasia's voice didn't u realised ? just a little .. but .. something's just wrong with her . She's not going along with the tune it should be . And her movements are all a mess ... haha , but that's ok , as long as u have the voice ! You're someone like chris , have talent but yet it has been shown . You notice the way u sang , wasn't really the way how Selena Sang . this song was supposed to be ultra touching and moving , But yours was just 1/4 thru .
Do i sound like Simon Cowell or what ? haha .. me holding back some words only ... but pls .. don't hold another SI ... wasting of resources ...
All right .. enuf of SI ... tomorrow's going to school again ... YAWNX !! to chronograph some dance thingy ... well , i can't dance anymore for sure ! i'm a inflexible man right now . No more hardcore or crazy dance moves u know ?
The thought of going to school makes me sianx ... Well , it's for the kids isn't it ?
U know .. yesterday 2 men came to my doorstep to ask me to donate $10 for some organisation .. for elderly and unfortunate kids ... at first , i asked DAD to see to them while i have my dinner .. then he asked me .. i was like .. -__- ...
The guy briefed me pretty long on it .. and i asked , can i make a contribution or donation that's lesser than $10 ? cause i felt it was too much ... i wasn't really willing to let go of so much ... somemore i just started saving up lately .. then i said no thanks .. he tried to persuade me again ... Then i said ok .. I was holding back bcos i'm afraid my parents would scold me .. cause it's TEN BUCKS .. Then i just didn't care and handed him ten bucks .. for charity mahx ..
in the end .. parents didn't scold me .. Phew .. i told them , i didn't do any charitable stuff lately so let this cover for all ba ... hahaha ... glad they understand .
Bro's sick these 2 days ... had to be puppy dog for him ..get lunch ..all that crap .. and the worst is that .. he didn't allow me to use the com ! SAID he wanted to sleep or what crap .. then next he will be playing ... He's SO SELFISH !
For Pame ... i hope u don't give up in love . GUYS ARE jerks i admit ... Well , am i right guys ? haha ... but good men Exist right ? RIGHT guys ? haha ... so Open your eyes wide and your guardian angel may just be right beside you ... like what i'm doing ! OPening my eyes so wide til my eyes are gonna pop out le ...
For the incident of your friend .. i hope she can take it well . Life goes on . Fate has decided . If this is what Heaven has decided , you just have to accept it . If you love someone ... then let him go . Set him free . Let him fly . If he's the one ... then one day , fate will bring u guys back together ...
I watched chao Ren Qi Xue Yuan last disc .. well , i know this may sound stupid ... but it thought me quite some thing bout love ... Willing to let your girl go to chase for her dreams .. not holding her back ... Time's the test ... to test whether this distance and time will break u 2 apart ...
Er .. don't get it ? haha .. of course , i said it so briefly ... like turning roti prata and frying it immediately and then comes out a roti prata .. u guys won't get it .. hahaha ... -__- ??
All right blogging off ... i've been such a nag today . Bout SI esp .. haha ...
Another year none other than any other .
History repeats ..i'm sure . Well .. at least i didn't go publish bout it so loudly ...
in school right now ... to meet Eric and Alex .. for biz Stats ! manx .. i'm so tired ... sleep at like 12 or 1 yesterday .. haha ... i'm so mad .. reached school so early ... guess i should go toilet do BIZ and then go eat breakfast while waiting for them ...
Feeling bit weak lately ... guess it's lack of sleep and all that ... Gonna get sick soon ... haha , but of course i don't wish to be sick .. cause Dragonboat Camp is coming .. i don't wanna miss this chance to bond with my team mates ..
Wah lao .. everytime see Alex and his gf like that arh , i also sianx ... haha ... cause my whole clique is like ... all LONELY MEN ! haha .. and Piak is no exception ..
Well , i'm not too sure if i will like it if i stay on this class for 2 more years ... everyone's great ... except a few idiots ... haha , u guys know who i'm talking about ... MORONS !
I guess i have something to tell u today . I've forgiven you . I no longer bear that grudge against you . You were right , life is short , no time to bear a grudge at all . But i'm very happy with my life right now and i don't wish for u to come into my life again . u know what i mean ? Something that is gone , i rather it be gone forever . i cherished the friendship we once had . But right now , i'm contented already .
I guess i'm still right ... everyone takes everyone for granted . How much i wish for people to change this characteristic of theirs .. I hope they realise this someday .
ARRrrrGGGhhh ! Biz Stats totally suck ! i tot i was a BIZ guy in the past ... but now i know , i totally cannot make it man ! guess i'm still a engineering guy .. or a project task guy .. haha .. i can't study , but i'm damn good at projects and oral communication ... ok la , maybe not THAT good .. but oral communication i confirm get distinction ... if i don't get arh ... SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG !! haha ..
What a day .
SO i rushed home ytd after EALS paper ... and ended up slacking .. haha .. i'm too too tired to do anything ... watched Jackie and slept .. then head over to Kenneth Cousin's house for his 1mth baby thingy ... haha .. nv seen a 1mth baby .. he seems so .... Tiny weeny ? haha ... Ryan is his name . Man ... he should be called Zeave ! hahahahah.... That's my brother's stupid nickname ..
Great to chat with my bro and cousin .. so long nv catched up .. of course , they are still PRos in the GAme ET ... and thanks to my brother , i'm so lousy , cause his time in the Game is 15times more than me ... so he sort of has no right to comment me when i play ..
I played til 1 plus ... so tired liao .. actually wanted to continue .. but in the first place i'm already very tired .. can't take it any much longer ...
Haha , then guess what ? cause i very unhappy with the results of the game ... so i took out my dumbells from my bro's room and went to the living room and worked out.. then go for a nice bath .. Cause the weather was so hot anyway ...
Then i ended up sleeping an hour later ... haha .. Complain tired yet i still sleep an hour later ...
Tomorrow is Biz Stats exam ... man , totally no clue how i'm gonna do ... But i really hope this Biz Stats to be over .. cause CIPR exam won't be much of a problem .. as long as i browse thru the text book ... and know what to say can liao ...
Suddenly Feel so empty in my life once again .. i think i can might as well don't come MSn le ... no one msg me onex :( . I guess it still goes back to what i have said , taking people for granted . Not everyone la ... You guys probably won't know what i'm saying .
Yeok Theng msg me in friendster .. haha .. although it's just a message of how are u doing all that .. i'm so glad . That's she a real true friend . Hope to catch up with her sometime ... it has been 4 years since she left the school .. haha .
Dragonboat Training camp also comign liao ! Die le ... sure very very crazy training ... i better bring along some supplements ... To make sure my body doesn't
break ! haha ...
I'm so disappointed with life around and my friends (some ) .. of course not my buddies but some others ... I really hope , people will appreciate what i do , or how much i care for them . I guess i'm still a speck of dust in their eyes until the day i'm gone . Then they will regret . Must they take things this way ?
The end of him .
Well .. Finally jerry is out ... but i admire him .. he took all the critics strongly .. he never backed out in the end ... i guessed he have done his best . Not every man is borned with a Angellic voice .
Tomorrow's EALS test .. and seriously , i am not prepared ... i guessed i was too distracted .. let this be a lesson .
Dragonboat Race is drawing nearer and nearer everyday ... Can i get into the team ? i doubt so ... Well , i'll start working hard from today onwards ... And i hope to be more high profile in the team ...
Wan Hua and Edwin has some tension yesterday ... Shocked me totally ... Well , everything's resolved now .. they are back to their lovely dovey life .. That suits them more =)
I guess everyone is going through a tough time .. if i say my life is unfair ..everyone's also no exception . isn't it ? Life is hard ... but life is beautiful .
Soon i'm gonna go back to Swissotel to work .. i wonder how's everyone ... sure to See kelvin and Larvina back there .. haha ... and of course my indian buddies ! and Melvin ... i'll be back soon ! To kick some butt !
You were right ... Love keeps no record of wrongs .
Yawnx*
Wah .. exams really suck man .. i'm totally unprepared for Biz Stats and EALS .. now in school .. supposed to study EALS but ... currently still slacking .. haha .. sianx !
Want to change my blogskin ..but can't find a cool one .. the slideshow picture thingy totally sucks man .. haha .. somemore my blog very cramped ... arrGGhh !
Bored bored bored ... i want to go out soon ! or go buy some clothes or something .. this sucks ! haha ...
Hmm .. hope this year is a different day ! History shall not repeat ... i hope *
Aiyo .. there's this girl who messaged me in wholivesnearyou.com .. said wanted to be friends .. then ended up asking so many qns .. keep asking bout Poly stuff ... wah kao , i not ur answering machine la ... I decided not to reply already . Like an IDIOT ! haha ..
Dragonboat stopped training le .. haiz .. now so sianx when there is no dragonboat ...
Have to back ncc soon .. If i go back NCC i must dye back my hair and my hair style sort of cannot work le .. cause it sort of needs to contrast .. u know u know ? haiz .. i love the days of dyed hair .. haha .. hmmm , maybe warm blonde next time ?
Been chatting with someone new lately .. and she is so alike with me ! other than age and studies ... the kind of music we like .. Stars .. and many more ... ?? well , so nice to chat with her .. haha , other than the time when i was playin ET yesterday .. so can't really chat .. haha ..
Well , life goes on ! hope i can get a new laptop soon ! MUHAHA !!
Are u my miracle ? M |- i -| r | a | c | L | e | [x]
Getting better everyday .. =)
I spent the whole day at school today .. and i slept when Mrs Tan was giving a lecturer on HYPOTHesis TEsting .. yawnx .. so boring ... haha .. tired !
Then on the way home ... was the first time i can't get a Seat !! man ... i was so so tired ... had to stand and sleep .. haha ..
Business stats really turns me off man ... what kind of module is this .. haha .. well , i guess there are worser ones coming along ..
Today's a happy day ... hmm .. don't wanna emphasis .. but i'm really pissed off when my internet all of a sudden went down ... arrrrrrrggggHHHhhhh !! haha .. what to do ...
So bored lately ... hope a miracle fall on me soon as i wish for a shooting star . Hope wishes come true .. cause i think my birthday wishes never ever come true .. haha ... weird ..
The Flame is dying . Heaven save me .
i know i shouldn't feel this way .. but i can't help by feeling this way .. i'm losing hope in life .. The flame is dying out . i know i shouldn't admit defeat to this battle ..
I'm losing hope . I've about to give up in life . Why do i have to face things this way ? i'm so tired .. i can't walk this endless road anymore .
Well .. life goes on . My fate hasn't change . Heaven is still pushing me til the end . Heaven and Reality are so cruel . i'm only a 17 year old kid . why do u have to give things to me this way ?
The past , i don't wanna recall , neither can i forget . What happened to me , will forever stay a permanent scar in my life . Just why doesn't Heaven send someone to save me ? Send me a guardian angel , cause i know , my battle with him hasn't end . i cannot manage this alone at all ...
Thinking too much .. i guess tomorrow will be better ... maybe the battle was already over .. i won .. but i just kept thinking it wouldn't be that simple at all .. my buddies don't even know what happened to me . No one understands . i only told a few people . But they don't seem to care bout me now .
*Always look on the bright side of life " - i guess i should remind myself this way ... i have to believe. Believe in myself . Heaven's not that cruel after all isn't it ? Get him outta my life , once and for all. Give me peace .
Temper's the only one thing you can't get rid of , by losing it .
Wednesday's a free period day ! haha .. EALS in the morning 9 to 10 ... then no practical or CIPR .. then later EALS 1to3 ... so it's a free period day ! we were practically playing CS the whole day .. Crazy Taxi also ...
Hmm , agree that Temper's the one thing you can't get rid of , by losing it ? guess i got it from where ? ANGER MANAGEMENT .. haha .. i really love that movie man .. TOtally AweSome !
Skipped dragonboat yesterday ... man .. not supposed to do that but .. i forget bring towel and underwear ... then how am i supposed to go home ? wet ? haha .. somemore Jian sheng not going ... then don't go lo ... i went to gym today to compensate .. haha .. but i don't think it's enuf .
Well , maybe at the mean time , i should think about changing myself .. to be a better person ! hmm .. of course , my bad temper ! That's why i like to say , temper's the one thing you can't get rid of , by losing it ! there are so many weaknesses in me .. it's time for a change. a new life .
But i hope everyday , my position in your heart will rise everyday ... =) Never dying spirit !
Cold world . But flame in my heart's still burning .
Thanks Ci yu for your encouragement .. i really appreciate it ..
after yesterday's training .. my body was full of bruises , cuts , blisters .... not to forget my butt ! haha ..
hmm , i guess i have to tell myself to cheer up . No one can pick me up , unless i pick myself up isn't it ? Kristie was right ... we have to live our life to the fullest ... we shan't waste time .
I've decided . I'm gonna join the subaru Impreza WRX challenge . I guess nothing can stop me from having a car . Even if stamina takes me out , i'm still gonna stand . Nothing can fight my passion for cars . Somemore my bro encourages me to join .. why ? cause if i win , he can use my car , that's why ! haha ..
Haha .. Ci Yu , i understand how u feel about the 2 uh-huh uh - huh .. saw your blog .. i know you cannot help but feel disgusted .. this is the world i guess .. u cannot stand that girl .. i cannot stand the other one .. haha .. Same thing too , i feel like disgusted , like what u said , feel like vomitting . haha ..
U know , actually , you should express whatever u feel in your blog .. cause keeping it all inside yourself isn't very good .. maybe u can get someone to talk to .. don't fret , it's not gossipping or whatever .. and there won't be retribution . That's what i believe .
Luckily OCOm is over.. so i don't need to see that girl anymore ... haha .. my friends were very buay song after i told them bout the incident that she called me ... my friends were like " WHAT THE HELL!!! *$%53^&* U call her then ask her call back your HP LA ! " haha ...
What a day .. i woke up .. had breakfast .. then i played a little of CS first then move on to project .. haha .. not really do project right away arh .. i was chatting on msn with Ci Yu ... then i move on to project after quite SOME time ... then after project .. go to the gym with derrick and JS ..
After gym .. family went out to eat buffet at some thai restaurant .. haha .. i was ike the "dustbin " .. whatever they order liao .. cannot eat finish , it's up to clear the thrash ... then right now .. i'm feeling so full .. i have a pretty weak digestive system i guess .. haha .. but i have a huge appetite !
Hmm .. What's wrong with HX again ? haha .. she seems to have many troubles in the heart always .. Look on the bright side of life dude ! I guess u always pick the wrong guy .. but sometimes there are so many wonderful guys out there , and u don't even look into this grp ... open your eyes wider all right ? you gotta learn how to differentiate which are the good guys and the bad guys .. u know ?
So life goes on ... my heart still beats . And that's great ...
A guy just knocked on my door .. a teen selling ice cream .. he tried to persuade me .. but he was polite .. i liked his style . He keep asking me to buy but .. haha .. i don't have the mood to eat ice cream somemore i don't have money .. but he's a good guy i guess . The other guy .. i didn't buy from him .. he walked away and shouted some vulgarities ... hey , don't think i'm a guy to be played with ..
Haha .. i'm a guy who is particular about service .. cause when i was a waiter .. service was a constant factor in my mind . Smile and be polite ! Well .. of course , people loved me .. hehe .. and my managers loved me too .. but soon i left .. i felt real bad .. cause they were treating me like their own le ... but i'll back always to help out . Somemore i'm popular around there .. the people next door came over just to see me on my 2nd day of work .. even the manager ! haha .. they spreaded that there was a handsome guy next door .. so the next door cafe people in to see me ... they were mad ! haha .. i'm not that handsome anyway ...
Well , i bet my class girls strongly disagree bout this .. Ya LA ! i look like shit ! all right ? haha ..
Final fantasy 7 , i cannot wait for it to be out ! It's just too spectacular .. well , i'm off .. my entry already so long liao .. haha ... :)
Long Juan Feng
my mood is flucuating lately .. feeling all right .. then next i can be sad .. what's happening ..
Why do i see everyone in their happy love stories .. while i'm here .. Life is just so disappointing ..
God doesn't give me a chance to heal my wounds .. so what does he want ? does he understand what i have been through ? Send me some answers please . i need some answers for my life . Why do i have such fate ? That i'm against all odds ? Am i some special guy ? Or the One to save the world ? i don't think so right ?
Everytime i fall in love with someone .. she never feels the same way . u guys can say maybe something's wrong with me ... this this that that .. but in this case , it ain't . And i know , the fact that love cannot be forced .
Why do i have such fate ? Never be able to be together with the one i love ? Forbidden love ? or is Heaven forbidding me to feel love ?
What kind of life am i leading ? i need some answers ...
Troubles . One go and one come . Well .. that's life isn't it ? so sad ..
I Wanna scream my lungs out now ! i really cannot take this feeling ! i wanna go nuts and i am going nuts ! No one cares ...
Heaven .. please stop torturing me . i really cannot take it anymore . First u put me up with an incident i never imagined would happened to me . U Were the one that Allowed him to take away my heart ,mind and soul . SO what's next ? another test ? are u challenging my life ? I fought a impossible battle and are u gonna put me through another one ? sorry , miracles don't happen twice .
What's up with ya anyway ? i'm so sick of life man . SO so so sick . if u want to , just kill me anyway , i don't give a damn since that is what u always wanted to do . I don't care . if not , give me a change in fate .
The biggest joke i've seen .
well , i don't know how come , i can see such a story in my life . esp when this joke involves me too . And i feel like such a big fool too . but i still feel like laughing . ( i'm feeling so evil ! haha .. )
Ever since a girl and a guy , went steady , quarrel and quarrel , a never ending quarrelling relationship , and everytime after a quarrel , they claimed they settled things quickly .. if that is , then shouldn't the quarrel start at all ? or after so so so many arguments , shouldn't such stupid things stop ?
Then after break up ... they get together again .. then break up .. and soon together again ... what's the point . haha ... i'm gonna laugh my head off .. Stupid i say .
Good luck for this two . U were right bout yourself . U lead a perfectly , rotten life .
i need someone .
I posted a very long entry yesterday .. expressin how i felt then .. but somehow or rather .. the post didn't get through ..
This is what always happens when i'm feeling down or feeling lousy and when i blog my feelings down .. it always don't get thru .
We lost today . Well .. we felt that we shouldn't lose .. but we lost bcos we don't play regulary .. but they do .. plus , they are an established clan ..
Coming up soon , i have to face my bro's clan . sianx .. i don't feel like playing .. cause it's has been quite some time since i touched that game ..
i guess .. i really need someone . Singlehood .. isn't that great after all . The worst .. is loving someone .. and everytime , the one u loved never ever become yours .. the worst way is to miss someone when they are right beside you and you can't have them ..
Just watched the trailer for Advent. Children . So cool .. i will not miss it for the world when it's out ..
i'm off ... just feeling a bit lousy now ..
