rockin' my world.

my CLASS ROCKS BABY !! ~ woo hoo .. i get closer with my grp le .. which the girls call us F4 .. what the hell ! haha .. then i say .. not we not F4 .. H4 .. " handsome 4 " .. haha .. ~ My class a little boys only .. and the boys always pon one .. so the girls sort of outnumbered the guys .. only the H4 always ard .. haha .. ~ My grp is great .. i've got a Jay chou jie lun .. but the girls call him ZAi Zai .. ?????? haha .. move on .. got to know another guy from yishun also .. hmm .. don't know call him what la .. maybe Vaness ? ~ then the girls were trying to find a daoming si within us .. what the heck !! better not be me .. very stressed .. and besides .. i not as good looking either .. haha .. ~ so that's it bout class .. and the girls are very noisy !! their gang very big arh !! laugh only will kill the 4 of us man .. my lecturers are great .. one great lady who teaches well .. another one that likes to flood our mail .. another one that likes to talk to himself .. and one that talks crap .. haha .. i was talking crap with him when he asked me qns .. ~ when u come to my poly .. it is .. COMPUTER COMPUTER COMPUTER AND MORE COMPUTER !! everything also computer !! oh my god !! can we don't touch the coms ? very lazy leh .. ~ haha .. gonna install ET on my laptop and play in school .. the library is a good place to sleep and play games .. love my school . only that the food .. getting sick of it .. so the H4 always venture ard for food .. haha .. ~ hmm .. don't know whether i wanna join dragonboat leh .. i got ncc le .. think i can make it in top5 % .. but i have to compete with business students .. wah lao !! ~ oh man .. i know one girl is interested in me le .. she's the prettiest in the class .. and my friend a little attracted to her yet she like that !! wanna kill me on 2nd day of school ? and i better not get the dao ming si name man .. ~ my friend introduced a girl to me .. she is like my type one but .. nahz .. she's quite a good catch too .. but nahZ ..bought OU DE YANG OCEAN CD .. and i love his 2 songs !! woo hoo !! must learn how to sing .. muhahah !! ~ of course .. coming up .. Jolin Cd ... and then .. er ... what arh ? aiya .. nvm .. ~ book books books .. so many books and notes !! will die leh ... then my laptop for what ? ~ my advisor is great and he's very popular in the course ... great to have him baby . ~ hmm .. so my poly life is gonna be great ? with a great grp of friends .. both girls and guys ... ~ Basketball on thursday !! great !! PE on thursday and i gonna kick some butt baby !! haha ... ~ Oh .. that's bout it .. think i'm gonna have a new life after all , the chapters of pain have ended .. but hope another one does not open .. ~ and my that friend arh , guy and girl also intro me , bit siao onez .. haha .. but it's ok la .. know more people mahz .. But how come the girls he know so pretty one arh ??!! this shows that my sec school is .. uh huh ... haha ... ~ wah .. the more i look at mazda 3 and Rx-8 .. the more i love it man .. Rx-8 sound of the Renesis engine is just incredible .. like a space ship man !! of course .. i still love the rx-7 .. i cannot wait to get one .. ~ moving on the Finland next year !! i wanna go attachment to finland next year .. told my parents that i'm deciding to get my ass there so i'm working hard .. and my parents support it .. my parents are the best in this world man ! and my bro sucks ! haha ... ~ may get a Xbox soon ... my dad wanted to buy at the time i went to sim lim .. but i told him let's wait la .. later i poly so busy.. cannot play then wasted .. ~ i'm so crazy bout everything .. all of a sudden .. Cyndi .. Jolin .. Ou De yang .. haha .. i go off le .. i wanna sleep and watch tV le .. or is it watch tV and sleep le ? same same la .. my life is great , except for the fact of .. HOMEWORK !! haha .. but i'm sure gonna love life here .. NGEE ANN ROCKS !! and wait wait .. my the other class got one guy .. Benjaming NG Hong some thing one .. what the heck !! haha .. me go le .. take care everyone .. me go kick some butt.

posted by Ben @ 6/29/2004 09:47:00 PM 0 Comments

is this a new beginning ? or another u - turn back to where i am .. ~ i changed my mind .. i initially decided to give u up .. but i don't want to now .. u are all that i ask for . i shouldn't ask for more ... and i ask myself to cherish u more .. ~ i don't know when ever again in my life will i find a bettter girl than u ... u may not be my typical angel with the angellic looks all that .. i shouldn't ask for more . So i tell myself .. not to give u up ... ~ Hope this is the right path .. i really do hope . ~ Tomorrow is school !! man am i excited to kick some butt .. meeting Zhou jie lun at 1045 with another friend .. woo hoo !! found out that my class is interesting .. although there are no chio bu all that .. hope this is a brand new start !! And with u in my life , this is just perfect .. ~ my brother is still a pain in the ass ... i still can't wait to kill him . next time he kao pei or scold ch** by* .. i will give him the most vulgar word i have to make him shut up . i gotta stand up man . ~ oh my god !! all the pics i have taken in the car expo is useless !! they are all blur ... my bro la !! BUY a professional digital cam for what !! must set many things b4 taking A PIC ... then this ain't user friendly at all what u punk !! then u think mum and dad are IT humans arh ? u think they can use it ? u idiot !! a whopping 700 bucks u punk !! car expo ... Skyline .. rx-8 .. rx-7 !!!!!! haiz ... i'm gonna get u back for that one u idiot . ~ gotta go .. sleep early .. school just rocks baby !! except for the distance . that sucks . can't wait to get a car or motorbike .. rule the roads man ! Need for speed . woo hoo !! * gonna get my licsense next year !! so excited !!

posted by Ben @ 6/27/2004 10:04:00 PM 0 Comments

So down .. down .. felt like i lost the world ... ~ just lost a clan match to FX in an online game .. great ... how great .. the lousiest team we also lose to ... how can that be .. it could be my fault ... it could be .. i think i really maybe suck in the game ... ~ great .. my bro is in one of the strongest Clan there ... he will be laughing at me for sure .. i hate him .. ~ my bro is in hospital .. and my parents are forcing me to go see him ... i don't feel like going to see him .. his own damn f***ing world .. i hate him. ~ i still haven't done something .. and i really don't know how to say or start ... how am i supposed to say to her ... haiz .. how complicated this world can get .. ~ i think i can get along well with my classmates .. maybe not ... haiz .. hope i can get along well .. ~ today the lecture talked bout oneself to be optimistic .. then the world will be totally different .. i know i shouldn't be so down now ... guess it's human nature ... my team's morale is really down .... including me .. ~ i never expected i come to a state like today . lost everything . Lost my best friend . became a neroutic mess ... ~ when will my life settle down i wonder ? i have been searching for a new life since last year .. ever since my life was in a whirlwind .. yet no one came to give me a hand .. came to console me .. came to support me .. When i need someone so much .. is there anyone ? ~ i've realised .. i'm just a loser ... i stretch out my hands to help people .. but will anyone stretch their hand back to help me ? No one did ... ~ No one ever called me .. to ask how was i doing .. just became a memory .. history .. pieces of memories in people's minds ... is every person's image so small in everyone's minds ... ~ so what should i do ? even if i write so much here .. no one ever cares .. no one ever msgs me to ask how i was doing ... what a beautiful world ... i wonder whether i have true friends .. people misunderstand me .. people misjudge me .. people hate me .. people dislike me . what a stupid world .. they condemn people bcos of one point ... never ever look at other good pts of the person ... ~ lies lies lies ... i have been blinded by a devil for so long .. can an angel clear my vision .. to let me know and touch what the world is really like .. No one cares . Bullshit ! everything is just bullshit ... ~ Car expo . i waited for this car expo for 2 mths .. really looked forward to it ... then my friends like don't wanna go , want to go . haiz .. really sad they are not supportive .. Cars . they knew that cars are my life yet ... i'm very disappointed . think i'll go myself ... ~ i think .. i'm still a kid inside . my bro is in hospital yet .. i still having a mind of a kid .. bcos of some minor things i don't wanna go see him .. giving my parents a hard time .. Give and take . Give and take .... ~ i wish to be a small kid once again .. when dad and mum would always bring us out on sundays .. for exhibitions .. pasar malams .. circus .. sentosa .. everywhere . When my bro and me will quarrel over nothing ... when money can never be an issue . ~ why is this world so selfish .. i'll be honest . i feel very puzzled ... When i'm still down here suffering .. and may anne is there happily going on with her a little smooth life . Why this arrangement ? i have suffered so much !!! and god damn it , u make me the person to suffer ? not her ?!! didn't i have enuf hell !! is this world worth for me to carry on in ?!! i don't see anyone having a hard time like me .. look at my bro , being such an evil guy .. and yet he still has a gf who is there for him everytime .. who gives the whole world to him .. when god knows what is within that body / mind , yet he still allows him to enjoy life so much ?!! ~ People say the world is not fair ... The world was never fair !! ~ so .. is the song Solitaire actually talking bout me ? without her .. i can never achieve anything ? it's time i get some answers ...

posted by Ben @ 6/25/2004 11:33:00 PM 0 Comments

That's it . It has to end . My heart can' take it anymore . And i don't wanna know . Endless story . ~ So tired lately .. what's wrong with me ... Got to work tml too .. sianz !! all my friends are going to edwin's hse to watch soccer .. while i can't go ... gotta wake up at 6 tml .. SUNday leh .. sort of family day .. man ... i hate working . I rather study ... ~ Having probs with my bro again ... haiz .. problems never seem to end . Laptop is back .. with a SCRATCH . what the heck man ... ~ EVeryone is not coming online lately ... what's going on ? ~ Hmm .. i guess u are not even reading my blog . i'm glad i did resist , that i did not pop that qn . I would be the one who suffer . I don't know what u mean by u try to squeeze out time for me , but i don't think u did ur best . i don't wanna hear ur explanations anymore . Pointless . ~ If a girl and a boy were to be together .. and the girl have no time for him .. u guys think is it worth to contiunue ? Man .. fireworks right outside my hse .. what's going on ? back to the story .. And the worst part is , she claims she has no time and she is trying her best ... it ain't true . i don't know what the heck is wrong with her . but if this is the case , she may anytime put her career in front of her fiance . Sorry . u ain't the one . and i know i have to leave and i wanna leave . Lead ur own life from now on ... u gave me up . not me . ~ Edwin's driving me crazy bout this girl he wanna intro me ... wah lao eh !! aiya .. someday bring me go see her la . so simple . sickening lehz .. haha .. ~ Hmm .. the story is rather complicating , lazy to explain it ... and u can call it dumb too . VEry dumb . can't believe i'm still trapped in shit for so long . almost 6 months plus le . in total hell . Unable to recover . can this stop ? ~ A new life . i need a new life . without u . ~U know .. actually i wanted to make a real nice present for ya .. cause i gave u shit for ur bth ... i came up with this idea which is totally cool and sweet .. but as time goes by , my mind has made up . i'm not gonna do it . wasting my time ... that present would take 2 weeks to complete and i told myself nahz ... ~ may anne , i think u know what i'm about to say . i still can't forgive u . i don't wanna be a loser , who has made a decision and yet doesn't tell u . Accept it . Go on with ur life without me .. ~ if u still wanna give me the present .. i'm ok with it .. i'm still free anytime to get it from ya . No harsh grudges .. :) ~ School in a week . yeah .. new life awaits baby !! can't wait to make friends ... and of course meet that angel of mine . Hope .. pray .

posted by Ben @ 6/19/2004 08:53:00 PM 0 Comments

In a chaotic world . ~ Stressed up with life now . Got ncc , and a lot more issues in my hands now . Have to cut my hair for ncc camp ... and u expect me to go in poly with such short hair ? that sucks .. And i finally reached a quite good length for hair ..and now i have to cut . Just came back from mt ophir and i have to go for this 5 day camp ? that sucks .. ~ My laptop is in a frenzy now ... spoilt and a lot more shit la ... sickening , have to recieve so much pressure for this stupid issue ... ~ Then my clan also a lot of stupid things also la ... ~ Anyway .. hope that this stupid period get thru real fast . i mean , what's up with u god ? i just collected my laptop for 9 days and u created a big prob with it ? are u nuts or what ? 9 DAYS k ! and the engineers have to send to IBM to check out what's the prob , i don't know what's up with u but i know it's nuts . ~ so angry also .. don't wanna blog anymore .. so sick of life man .

posted by Ben @ 6/09/2004 03:41:00 PM 0 Comments

Another day another night . In a world undone . Guess it's time to move on . To move on to another chapter of my life . My mind asks me to go but yet my heart leaves the chapter open .. ~ i'm very tired .. i really don't know what to do . i really think i should let go .. no point holding on . I know what's good for me but yet i can't bear to . Guess it's human nature . But this time ard .. i must do it . Face reality . How big the monster is .. i still have to face it in the end . ~ Regrets ? yeah .. there may be regrets . But what can we do ? fate ... Forbidden love . No one can say what happens in the future . So just let it be . ~ i don't know whether u are reading this a not .. hope u don't get very hurt . Be strong . i want u to forget me . Forget whatever i have said . forget what type of man i am . take it that i don't exist . Sorry , this has to end . i know what's best for the 2 of us .. and definitely not staying in this dark dungeon .. trapped forever . No way ... ~ don't want ya to think that it's ur fault . As i have said , fate . Don't blame it on anyone ... Don't be sad . Be happy . that at least our pathes crossed ... ~ Thanks for the happy moments u have brought to me . won't forget ya . U will still be my friend .. be there whenever u need me k ? ~ Guess u guys don't know what i'm talking bout .. it's a very complicated story .. it may sound really dumb . u guys can call me dumb too for waiting for her .. but , it's my decision anyway .. Waiting for something that nv comes . Even heaven don't wanna give a hand . so it's really time to go ... ~ i need peace . guess someone new should come in now . Heart still left untreated .. but i'll be patient for heaven up above to send her down .. ~ Everytime .. if a relationship is not sucessful .. i always tell myself .. yeah .. she's not the one . i just have to move on . i no longer hog on to her and all that le .. cause i realised the fact .. that whatever u have lost . u can't get it back . ~ i'm off . disappointing world . i have seen too much .

posted by Ben @ 6/06/2004 06:28:00 PM 0 Comments

Fantasy is no reality . They call it .. Reality monster . ~ It has to end 2nite .. i don't wanna hold on anymore . Sorry . i'm letting go . I don't wanna get played by heaven again . it happened too many times . it has to stop . ~ now i wonder , god damn it , is it a curse set upon me ? that i can never love again , that i cannot find the one ever in my life ? ~ so tired ... The odds all against me . The odds are far away from people who deserved my situation .. i don't quite understand . i don't get in . Yeah i don't . ~ Selfish ... a selfish world . Just came back from Mt ophir then .. i understand a lot more bout my cadets . And i tell u , i don't like what i have just found out . ~ i really feel bad now ... i hate this world . F*** it . F*** everything . Humans are all selfish . and i hate them . ~ Perhaps i haven met really nice people .. could be ... and i know .. This is a cruel world . Individual is what everyone thinks . Never for others . Seldom for others . ~ i don't wanna blog anymore ..i am so sick of life for now ..bye ...

posted by Ben @ 6/02/2004 09:21:00 PM 0 Comments