rockin' my world.

Another day . Another night . Here without u . ~ Just had a few games of bball after work .. bit tired now .. but still gonna write some entry .. Haven't been updating lately .. ~ Eric left my workplace liao .. comes a new man .. Richard !! he's currently waiting for NS .. so he has come to join me . Hmm .. he's pretty interesting .. i tot he was some punk ..but when he opened up today .. seem like there's many things we can share .. ~ Where did that drive of my life went to ? ya .. in the past i had initial D .. but now ..even initial D doesn't fulfil my life anymore ... ~ Just now the basketball game .. had a game with some people around our age .. there's this very thin guy .. I reject him quite some times .. then he say Foul .. hey hey .. u sissy shi ma ? Haiz .. should have handled u one on one .. reject every ball u shoot man .. Stupid guy . Kill u next time man . ~ hmm .. i have nothing to complain bout my life .. only that .. it's too smooth going. No excitement .. no obstacles .. no nothing man !! ~ Oh ya .. mum found out bout my bank a/c .. And boy was she mad ! haha .. the other time i spent quite a lot on one girl ... so hence the result of the extremely big hole in the bank !! Was planning to slowly earn back the money .. but .. mum found out too early . ~ I don't wanna lie to her . so i just went home to face the music . All i can do , is to slowly earn back ... i'm so tired of life . Work . NCC . get me all outta this . ~ NCc .. my 2nd major concern ... haiz .. i don't wanna say anything here .. tongues will wag man ... ~ I can't wait to go to poly .. Perhaps get myself a CCA ... ~ Richard ,eric and me talked bout Bikes and cars today ..he said he used to earn a bike .. and says it costed $4000 ... I'm very attracted to the idea of earning a bike .. but i better restrict myself . i know myself . NEEd for speed . I will die . So i better don't think bout it although going to Ngee ann maybe a little inconvenient .. ~ i feel like giving up everything now . Don't pursue anything anymore ... i'm so tired .. so tired . I just wanna be with my friends , my family , and if i have , my girlfriend .. all i wanna spend time on is these people and my studies . No other than that . ~ i'm losing that Faith already ... it's running out soon ....

posted by Ben @ 5/21/2004 10:37:00 PM 0 Comments

Fantasy or reality .. ~ 2 days since i saw u . 3 days since we talked . And i'm missing you badly . Guess i finally found my answer . And i wanna tell it to u so much . ~ then i wonder .. if u feel the same ? do u miss me ? I hate for the reason for forbidden love to be constraints . Forbidden love .. is there really such a thing ? That u can't be together with the person u love no matter how deeply u 2 loved each other .. Guess it's the saddest thing . ~ if only we could Fly away from here , to another world , with only u and me , forget whatever bad memories we had , only bring along the good ones ... ~ perhaps ... i'm under a curse all this while . For 4 -5 years ... i have been under this curse . Whoever i'll be together , i won't last long with them . Whoever i liked , will not feel the same . it's too much of a coincidence . But don't let me know if the curse is set by God . ~ Hmm .. ridiculous ? yeah .. a little .Really driving myself crazy ... ~~ Yesterday , i've found out a little more bout the world . And i'm very disappointed with this world that i am in .. People's dark sides get revealed ..and it's a little too shocking for me to take . Misunderstandings due to assumptions . Concluding b4 the actual truth is found out . But how disappointing can this world get , everyone still lives on . i will still walk this road of my life . And how much i wish u can walk with me . ~ hmm , my blog too emotional or serious sometimes shi ma ? yeah .. it really sounds a little too emotional or serious .. haha .. no la , it's my kind of style . I don't add hahas or hehes in the middle . ~ I don't wanna do anything now . The only thing i wanna do is to talk to u soon ...

posted by Ben @ 5/16/2004 02:40:00 PM 0 Comments

i .. can't breathe easy .

No .. i can't breathe easy .. can't sleep at night .. til you're by side . ~ Didn't talk to u for a few days .. can't help feeling uneasy .. There's so much that i wanna say still ... guess i just have to wait . So glad u called just now ... but it wasn't for long .. can't say much .. ~ So .. am i missing u ? or what .. it seems like i can't cope with life without u .. i don't dare to say i love u , or even i like u .. i don't know what that's inside of me .. I just wanna speak with u soon .. ~ Denny has arranged a chalet in end may .. and the worst part is .. i can't join u guys !! i'm going to mt ophir .. like just WHY !! so sad that i can't join u guys .. haiz .. what the heck ... ~ i don't have much to blog today .. just wanna say .. that i really miss u . And it's for true of course .. Hmm .. i have been thinking bout it for some time .. bout whatever we said on that day .. tell u next time we chat k ? Anyway .. i'm getting outta here .. tml got parade somemore .. hope after that i can have a good time with my friends ...

posted by Ben @ 5/13/2004 10:02:00 PM 0 Comments

Keeping to himself he plays the game , without her love it always ends the same .. ~ Just wanna tell u guys .. don't frown if u are hearbroken by another failed relationship .. It's not easy of course . But u just have to tell urself , if she ain't the one , then she AIn't that one ! U just have to be patient and wait for Her to come by .. Love cannot be forced .. Of course .. we may never wanna let go .. but it's just part and parcel of life , of course we wanna be with the one we love , but what's the pt of being with someone who doesn't love u ... yeah ? if u love somebody , u have to learn to set her free ... always true . ~ Actually ... i deserve to what state i am in today . I always complain that i don't have a girl or whatever... i now know why . God is punishing me .. Not that He didn't give me any chances , he did . Many chances . But it was me who crushed them all . Everything's coming to light ... and i'm finally getting it . ~ Yeah , i wanna tell myself , God damn it , looks are not everything . Cause bcos of this , i lost the ones who could have been my wife . ~ anyway , thanks for what everyone's doing for me k ? Wan hua and edwin , all my friends ... Thank God for these humans man !! haha .. And thank the people who have changed my life but who are not with me now .. not that they died .. they left .. if not i left them .. I thank them . ~ May Anne , just wanna tell u , i don't hate u that much anymore . i'm still not prepared to accept u as a friend again , but as an acquaintance .. yeah .. i hope u know what u are doing for now . Good luck . ~ Just wanna tell everyone now .. i'm doing pretty fine now .. i've got my initial D , Rx-7 rx-8 to be with me to remove my worries , my friends .. my pals . and perhaps someone too ...

posted by Ben @ 5/10/2004 08:23:00 PM 0 Comments

There was a man , a lonely man . Who lost his love .. A heart that cared .. That went unshared . And solitiare's the only game in town .. and every road he takes , takes him down .. And by himself it's easy to pretend .. He will never Love again . And keeping to himself he plays the game .. without her love , it always ends the same . While life goes on around him everywhere , he's playing solitaire ... And through the night .. his sleepless nights .. his eyes are closed .. His heart is broken . And by himself it's easy to pretend .. She's coming back again . ~ Solitaire by Clay aiken .. really love the concept of the song .. and love the song .. ~ Another day .. went to school ... played basketball with my friends today ... really loved the time i spent with them .. ~ My horoscope ytd said that i have to be mentally prepared for something ... and yes .. ytd was indeed a bad day .. i saw someone .. who i did not wanna see ever in my life again . Guess it's just a bad day .. ~ Wan hua and edwin , glad what u guys are doing for me , Thanks . But .. i really don't wanna do it this way . And .. i don't think i will like her , since there are so many many constraints , like what Wan hua told bout me , it's totally impossible . I'll just be getting myself hurt again ... i know what u guys are tryin to do . But although i really want someone new .. but let's take it slow and easy k ? Fate .. Destiny .. Heaven above , will do it all . When sometime i see someone i really like .. i know what i should do . My taste is pretty hard to understand .. those who may be very very pretty to me .. but i won't want her . I like girls who look pure .. innocent and all that . She may not be very pretty .. but .. u know u know ? just weird la me ... ~ i believe in that sentence " Without her love , it always ends the same ... " can u guys get why is that song called Solitaire ? i was like thinking .. what type of song is this man ? u mean that Windows Game arh ? solitaire .. but when i go think bout it .. then i finally understood . It's my fav song now .. also like the song Bao feng yu by toro , i know .. u guys have a lot opinions bout him , i'm no exception k ! but i really like that song , gives me a very carefree feeling ? dl the mtv and u will know ... ~ Wanna say sorry to pei wen .. promised to give u ur present today .. but i can't find a chance to give u ... But next time i come to school , u can be assured that u get it ... Sorry ! But i did bring ur present .. i didn't forget k ? ~ I've found out .. that my real buddies lie in ncc ... they are the ones who made my life real meaningful .. really love them . i wanna be in contact with them all my life . Remember guys ? We are the Brothers 7 ... actually 8 or 9 liao la .. haha .. ~ So how's everyone doing ? haven't been in contact with much of my friends liao .. Hope all of us can find friends in Poly ... Hope everyone can achieve their dreams .. Me too .. i have a dream .. many dreams in fact . Pilot . Car Engineer . Car racer . ~ i've another option now .. was reading the newspaper one day .. and i saw this course offered in Australia . Automotive Engineering . Is that it ? i ask myself ... I really hope to follow my passion .. really i do . Just too worried bout my parents ... bout everything . It's sad if i have to leave Singapore for some time ... Cause i love this place . My friends ... everyone . ~
Just wanna tell everyone to take care ... If anything knocks u down .. be sure to stand up again .... Take care .

posted by Ben @ 5/08/2004 05:57:00 PM 0 Comments

Dreaming of u 2nite . ~~ Another day .. of course .. slept in office again .. sleep the whole morning .. after lunch do work .. then bout 3 i will do finish liao .. then sleep again !! if not slack lo .. haha .. ~~ Find that CLay aiken's cd is very cool man .. Measure of a man .. what a cool album name .. but what type of Cd cover is that !! come on .. at least put some effort what ... Solitaire really sounds cool to me .. Can't wait to listen to it again !! ~ Ok .. indeed life sucks now man !! But with Daniel Ong and That heikal guy in the morning on perfect ten .. they sure lighten up my day !! Love the 2 of them man ... If not i wouldn't laugh out loud like last time .. U know .. in the past .. when i was with derrick they all .. we are always laughing .. but now .. ain't laughing as much anymore ... so sad ... ~ Oh man .. can't wait to change my hairstyle man .. so sick of it .. but i can't dye my hair .. how sick is that man !! oh well .. see what i can do bout it .. ~~ Mother's day coming ? oh man !! what the heck .. time to spend cash again .. my bank a/c has one big hole man !! now i have to spend again ... hope my bro try to keep it low .. not 100 bucks one person i happy liao ... but i actually wanted to get my dad a Colour Hp for father's day leh.. then like that not fair right ? mum very easy unhappy one sia ... headache !! cause me and bro didn't give dad something for so many years liao .. haiz ... headache man !!~ Oh do i sound like i'm all right ? not really la ... but everytime i'm sad .. i just go to bed and next day i'll be fine .. so i say .. tomorrow is always better ! but .. perhaps should i say .. sleeping is always good ? haha .. ~~ i sure miss school life ... i wanna see all my friends again .. i wanna touch basketball again with all of them again .. miss that feeling of flight . ~ " Keeping to himself he Plays the game .. He's playing Solitaire ... " love how clay sing Solitaire man !! if only i have such vocals ... if only man !! Just heard solitaire on radio .. love the last part of the song man ... the starting .. bit too slow and silent liao ... wasted ! ~ And what song is playing on radio now man ? must be that mr slim shady again ... wah lao .. hate him sia .. haha .. ~ Oh .. my whole entry is bout crap man ! Ok .. i wanna stop blogging for now .. don't know what to say liao ...

posted by Ben @ 5/06/2004 08:58:00 PM 0 Comments

Until you're back here . Miss you . Want u . Need u so . ~ A new life ? yeah ... it was a short rough period i've been through and i'm back , brand new once again ... Got my new Mazda Rx-8 in initial D version 3 ! Love my new hot machine man ... ~~ Ok i'll be totally honest here man . Hmm .. there is this girl who i have known for quite some time ... find her a real special angel .. although she's a little rough sometimes .. but really nice girl .. Then of course .. i did liked her a little .. but our relationship can't get any closer so .. it's not good to take a big step just like that yeah ? Then i got closer with another girl .. liked her too .. but it was just a small crush .. glad that everything's over ... So i'm back .... and i am back talking with this girl again ( i mean , of course i didn't neglect her while i'm wooing the other girl ) .. but i found out ... the answer may just be her again .. cause i kept thinking of her lately ... it wasn't the same for the girl who i just liked u see ... ~ Starting to miss her quite a little ... so what should i do guys ? my buddies all confirm will " Chiong dude ! Let's get It ON BABY !! wOO HOO !! SinGLEHOOD IS OVER !! " right ? haha .. ~ Sometimes .. looks are not everything .. so i hope every guy will try to look for what's more on the inside ? yeah ? ~ it's been a year plus since i had a gf ... pretty long though .. so when is my time coming God ? wasn't it supposed to be in feb or march ? cause every year at feb or march i will have a stead .. haha .. pretty standardized ain't it ? My horoscope says .. my relationship this month is treading on thin ice ... er .. but i don't even have a relationship now .. how to tread on thin ice ? maybe at the last min .. but ain't that pathetic .. to have to enter the danger zone when u just started ? ~ Yeah .. i'm a lonely man now all right ! No girls in my life ... where's everyone .. Mei ling .. Pris .. Wan teng .. Ying hui ... Adelene .. and Michelle and gang .. Lost all contact with my girl friends .. oh yeah .. why is my pranky buddy mark too ? haha .. kinda miss the kiddish jokes we had with each other ... ~ Is it .. that everyone's changed ? or is it me ... ~ I watched my sassy girl again ... i really loved it .. Really touching story between two fated partners .. Funny of course .. but it's a real special relationship between the two of them ... Will i have such a special love story too ? ~ So quickly .. another chapter of my life closes .. the chapter and the book i always hope to open again to start writing .. never seems to open .. and that's the Story of Love . ~ I watched An jing MTv again and again .. and i simply love the song and the mtv .. Really describes us sometimes .. We loved the other party so much .. and bcos of that fact .. we have to learn to let go of him / her . He / she always says that she's upset bout leaving .. but yet it's just another piece of her lies ... Everything that was reality became history .. And if she asks .. are u ok ? How's life .. U just smiled and said ... " Yeah .. i'm doing well .. " And your heart cries and u wanna tell her how much u loved her and want her back ... U only hope for one thing . That he loves u more than i do ... ~ Right now .. i wanna take ur hand .. and run away from this cruel world .. and spend forever with u . But .. as time goes by .. i can't get any closer .... ~ why do i have to learn life the hard way ? Why do other people can have it the easy way .. i don't get it ... Why do i have everything at the beginning and i lost it all ? Why was i a ignorant kid at my teens ? Why didn't i learn to appreciate everyone more at the beginning ... What if tomorrow never comes ? There are still so many words unsaid ... that i loved her . That i loved my family . That i loved my friends . That i loved everyone . i have so many wished unfulfiled ... ~ EAch day goes by .. each day i see my own friends taking everyone for granted .. Even ask urself one qn ? How would u feel if one day i die ? i really wanna know how everyone would feel u know ... am i someone who makes a difference in everyone's life ... Or am i just a tom dick harry passing thru ur life ... Guess this world is pretty selfish , cruel huh ? yeah it sure is .. if only Love could be all around us ... ~ Best friend ? i always thought i'll never have one ... then i thought i had one .. but i never had one . I guess .. there's a dark side hidden behind all of us .. whether we wanna reveal it to others who actually are .. or keep it all a secret .. and when the time comes , u show everyone who u exactly are . ~ Guess for the meantime .. this road i'm walking alone now .. Hope there will be someone who come in .. to walk this endless road with me .. ~

posted by Ben @ 5/03/2004 11:09:00 PM 0 Comments