rockin' my world.: March 2004

Wednesday, March 31, 2004

What the world needs now... is Love . ~ So how's life everyone ? are we getting all further apart Lian Hua Dang ? Edwin Leong and Gang too ... all stressed by work .. we no longer speak Yi Qi . Right ? i once who would speak Yi qi most .. no longer does .. bcos of some reasons ... ~~ i really don't know how what to write now .. so sick of life .. why can't we be like kids once again ... yeah ? where we would play bball and go mad ... I just wish so much .. to be a kid again .. where i wouldn't have these problems ... ~ was feeling pretty down today .. luckily pei wen is online today .. to lighten up my day a little ... very nice talking to her ... At least God wasn't too cruel ... ~~ what does all this mean ? is he keeping the best for me ? or is he just playing with me again ... ~ Actually ... so what if i have a girlfriend now ... it makes no sense ... i will be going overseas after my NS .. will be joining SIA .. then after that ... i going overseas to study .. so still the same .. even if i have a gf now .. we can't last til we get married ... see how la ... ~~ For the mean time .. just have to wait .. be patient ... God please .. bless me so that i can be patient .. i won't go out of control ... ~ Actually .. i always say that God don't exist all this .. but somehow i feel .. that there's someone up there ... i don't know whether it's buddha , guan yin or Dear lord .. i just want him to be with me ... ~~ So .. that's about all to update ? i just wanna buy more time now .. my bro wanna sleep liao .. i can't use net anymore .. please let me use net just for a little more ...

Friday, March 26, 2004

If i could get another chance .. if i could just steal one final glance .. one Final step .. one Final Walk .. i'll play a song that will never ever end ... ~~ Been listening to Luther vandoss's Dance with my Father song .. i really love this song .... The first time i listened to it .. i was real really touched ... cause it just reminds me of my family too ..The days when my bro and i were small .. we really enjoyed life back then .. and i'm sure my parents did too .. esp my parents b4 my bro and i were born too ... Anyway .. just reminds me of memories back then .. and i love the song ! haha ... don't think any person around me will appreciate .. haha ..~ FD3s Type R / Running in the 90s . ~~ Been playing inital D everyday ... i just love my FD !! haha ... me currently 2nd in one of the map ... actually i lost o the first by a timing of one second ... then i don't know what happened .. a Nissan Sileighty came in and what the heck !! faster than me by 5 secs !! how am i supposed to catch up on that ... ~ oh ya .. i challenged this nerd someday .. then of course on my record breaking map ( hahaha ) .. i thrashed him by like ..400 m ? and he's a skyline R34 .. muhahahaha!!! definitely.. his engine is better than me .. of course he sets off first ... he lost my the first major turn .. and the 2nd was where he got thrashed ... I won of course .. then he challenged me again .. But b4 that , finally changed my spoiler !! so happy .. and my spoiler looks damn incredibly big !! Then level up too ... Ok , he challenged me to the last map .. don't know what that's called la .. the many u turns one ... (my hand got real tired after all that u turn .. cause i set the pressure of the sterring well pretty high.. ) .. i cut him at the first or 2nd turn .. after that .. i don't know what happened ... my steering wheel went loose ... i started to lose grip .. that's where he started to catch up on me .. and i was like .. Damn !! The engine wasn't that smooth that round too .. wonder what happened to FD ... i shouldn't lose at all man !! haha .. never mind la .. i thrashed him can liao ... but he's such a nerd man !! he everyday wear same shirt .. siao kia man !! Tug in somemore .. bit mouthstache .. what a B*tch !! haha ... Gonna thrash him someday in Akina and Akagi someday .. muhaha!! ~ ok .. enough of CAr talk .. been crazy bout Rx-7 lately man ... and oh ya hoh .. Why did initial D made Integra to be such a god like car !! why !! it's a piece of junk man !! why why why .. integra will never win rx-7 or skyline or whatever car there is ... and it always do in the game ! what the heck .. ~ Ok ok ! me shut up .. so how's life everyone ? Eric took 3 days leave .. so it's me myself and i in the office .. great !! so sian .. have to do his work too ... and i've got additional work cause he made errors in his past assignment ..so i must redo everything again ! then must help him do his work , and mine !! and he took 3 days off .. it's gonna be pretty hard to catch up on everything .. hope when he come back .. we can get back on track ... ~ oh yeah ... of course .. there are girls everywhere in the office ... of course .. not to mention .. Aunties and all that ... yeah .. but .. even though there are great or pretty ones .. i mean .. they are in their twenties yeah ? so i stand no chance to even knowing them at all .. besides .. i'm supposed to be stuck in that ROOM .. nowhere else so i can't find any excuse to know anyone outside ... and besides ... i'm not that desperate to find a lame excuse to know a girl outside .. But say again .. there's one real pretty one outside .. in her 20s .. she's someone that is like mrs Yeo in our school yeah ? she's really my dream girl type ... but .. if we are friends that's enuf yeah ? good enuf to know her .. i don't need to think anywhere further ... ~ Oh yeah .. i admit .. i'm pretty desperate for now .. i wanna quickly get over my pain ... i wanna erase all those bad memories .. i wanna start a new life .. with a new someone ...but i mean .. yeah i'm desperate , but i will still judge on whether the girl and me are compatiable .. whether we can click on all that .. whether she's the play type or the really love type .. i don't wanna get hurt again u know .. and i don't wanna hurt anyone for no reason .. like let's say for Larvina . She's great .. great figure and pretty all that .. but i don't wanna take another step ... cause i can never discover happiness with her . never.... ~ Man .. i miss all my friends .. when are we all ever gonna hang out together in one big grp and go mad like how we used to .. Martin !! where are u ? My Brothers 7 Gang too ... don't u guys remember this is what we called ourselves back then ... Adelene too .. did not contact u much since that phone incident .. ~ i just wanna know .. how much everyone cares for me ... whether it's little .. or not at all .. even if it's just a few words .. a small action ... i will appreciate .. ~ Ok , i admit la . I'm really in this own lost loner world of mine ... i'm really really very lonely !! i wanna go back to the days of sec 2 ... where we would study and have fun in class ... and after school we have ncc .. so awesome ! yeah baby !! But apparently .. God does not allow us to walk back the paths we have chosen to take .. we have to suffer whatever consequences we are meant to take ... ~ Let me say out something .. i finally found a mistake in my relationship with wei ling .. and thanks wei ling .. for allowing me to realize that mistake ... and i will change ... hope our friendship still stand ? take care .. ~ all right ... so god .. what more u want me to change ? think i'm pretty ok liao ba as a Bf ... or u want be to be perfect ? i'm fine with that .... haha .. Bless me k ? ~ Haha .. i'm still so excited bout FD man ... i just wanna see one soon .. or even drive one ! can't wait to get my car ... can't wait to go the japan too !! oh what the crap ...~ Edwin my dear edwin ... haha .. thinking u are in ur honeymoon now ? only that school work is the only constaint in ur current sweet days .. don't ya think studies just suck ? haha .. it's all right .. soon it's all gonna be over... Hold on to each other real tight for this year k ? don't let studies destroy the relationship .. whatever obstacles come by .. conquer them with confidence ... True love will take u through every thing together . Take care and God bless .... ~ oh ... me ? nah .. don't have any target for now .. so happy to see our edwin finally not on the shelves liao ( what the heck ? u mean he was a girl all this while waiting to get married ? ) .. haha ... what bout people like Ting xian ? Jian Sheng ... Jun Xian ? Denny ... and me .. what u guys waiting for ? i think Ting xian and JS pretty mature to go have a gf liao ... only that .. u guys should change some things yeah ? Jun xian .. i love the personality of urs now .. funny and hilarious ... so when u are gonna turn serious to have a gf .. i'm sure that will be a big change yeah ? ~ Remember ting xian .. u have gotta tell urself ... no matter how sucky ur situation is .. No matter how many girls u had and they don't work out .. no matter how many time u get dumped .. No matter how many times u tell the girls u loved them and they don't care ... God is watching . Definitely .. whatever God la .. May it be Oh mighty God or Guan yin or buddha .. i'm sure someone up there is watching yeah ? he has eyes .. i bet he's not that unfair . It's just that ... our time hasn't come ya ? don't rush things .. try to be patient ... of course .. there will be some times .. when u feel so lowly on this earth .. that u have no one to love and all ur friends have ... just look forward to a better tml .. i'm sure tomorrow will always be better ... yeah dude ? i'm still waiting for mine to come by too .. so let's be patient ! ~~ So Life is indeed very meaningful indeed ... have to go ... bye ..

Sunday, March 21, 2004

So how am i ? i wouldn't say i'm going well ..or i ain't . ~ it's almost ... 2 mths right ? that since we saw each other or meet up .. never seen u ever since that day .. Ur present is still here .. untouched ... i just wanna hand u that letter i have written for you .. V day card ... ~ i don't really know what's going on in your life .. u don't really know what's going on in mine ... is it better this way ? Do you still want me back ? ~ will things be better now if at that pt of time i have forgiven u ? or will things be the same as b4 .. these are the qns i wanna know ... Definitely .. my life is going pretty smoothly now ... but ..~ Best Friends .. i have erased that history of us , once best friends .. that no longer exists in my mind .... i never once had a best friend . Never .... ~ Remember the days 5 years back ... how we knew each other .. how i would call u everyday ... how cheerful i wa way back then ... would laugh very loud .. jump around like a primary school kid .. isn't it ? Those days are over ... i'm a totally different man .. i do not have that spirit in me anymore ... ~ it was a mistake to fall for you isn't it ? yes .. i agree and i don't agree ...if i didn't .. we wouldn't have to go thru so much pain ... i would have been there for u .. no matter what u did ... not being there for u , unsupportive of what u do ... ~ but it was not really a mistake .. bcos it made me see thru u ... ~ do you still hold on to that hope ? that i'll be back in one day ,someday ? Yes .. i have always taught u .. never to give up .. to have that determination even if the chances are 1% .. ~ All i wanna do and care now .. is to work hard in my new school .... shower my gf with all my love ( if one ever comes .. ) ... i wanna lead my new life well . it's time i start my life afresh .. Start to love my friends ... love my family . i wanna really spend more time with my family ..esp with my bro . I wanna gain back those days with my bro , in front of the TV .. playing video games ... and with martin too ! how the 3 of us would play video games and laugh aloud ... Getting a Ps2 soon ... ~ Taking care of all my expenses now ... Transport .. phone bill ... i wonder will there be any money left for my poly .. Cause if i end up in Dmd , i need a lot of money for materials ... if i end up in logistics , i need money for laptop ... please let me end up in logistics ... ~ U are still with him isn't it ? i really don't know what to say ... i don't know whether it's good or bad .. but i wanna wish u all the best . From the bottom of my heart ... hope that he's the one .. Hope that it's not a mistake ... ~ isn't Love a wonderful thing ? it can bring people from 2 totally different backgrounds together ... Edwin and his gf are going pretty well ... and i wanna wish him all the best ... After my Ns and his NS ... hope wedding bells will ring yeah ? haha .. kidding ... ~ Gotta go now ... mum's complaining ... have to go do housework ... [ Destiny lies in each's hands ...

Saturday, March 20, 2004

Great Great Great ... ~ The worse thing i ever can imagine ... i got into Digital Media Design !! What the heck .. same as my bro ... why ain't i in Aerospace !! Why !! At least give me logistics engineering and mgt mah ... give me what course ... what the heck !! man man ... although i'm into graphics and all that stuff , i really can't draw !! then how am i supposed to pass the first year ? And the worse it ... my bro also that course !! Dumb lo .... ~ Damn leh ... i really ain't happy !! haiZ ... what to do ... my results la .. who ask me didn't study very well ... i have only myself to blame ... ArrrGGGhh ! i better go overseas and study mechanical engineering ( cars ) ... ~ very very disappointing leh !! God ... sure loves to play with me man !! First , i can't go into aeronautical ... second , can't get into aerospace ... then now this !! Although people ask me go into this course cause got a lot of babes ... but i don't give a shit bout babes !! i only care bout my interests and career .... ~ and my friends all not in Nyp lo ... what the heck ... ~ So may anne ... i see that u are falling and falling deeper into the pit ... Good luck then . i see that .. only God can make u change ur mind . But apparently , God allows u to make ur own decisions and suffer / enjoy the consequences later .... i really .. don't know what's wrong with ya man !! what is it gonna take for u to leave that man .. must u wait til .. the day he says , he don't even love u at all ,perhaps he's after ur body or what the crap .. then u are happy ?? By then , please , don't look for me , i will probably condemn u more . Go thru that road urself if it comes .... ~ Had some great time at Sentosa that day ... but the thing is that ... the guys and girls don't really play together .. it's perhaps bcos we ain't that close ... if we are close .. then there's probably lots of stuff we can do together ... ~ Yes yes ... i'm still on my search for that girl .... still haven't seen anyone yet ... and i don't feel like aiming for my classmates once i get into poly ... ~ Ok .. that's all ... if it's digital media design i'm going , then let's get it on !! take care everyone ...

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Where is God .. Answer my prayers . ~ Normal day again ... ain't my life sucky enuf .. took early leave from office today with eric... to collect pay that is , in the hotel ... Payroll office closes at 6 . so we left at 5 ... got our vouchers , ready to get some cash .. then .... Payroll office out of cash .... i came esp from my work place , lost an hour of money and this ?! God god god .... what the heck we deserve ? we were honest , we told boss that we are leaving early ... then what u want ?? please .... don't anyone try to convince me to a be christian .. Never ! i don't even know whether god exists .. it's still me myself and i . no one else . U are the only who can pick urself up when u are down , no one else helps . Ain't it ? One's fate relies on himself .. nothing else , not god . Not anyone else . Then u people say " it's god who gave u a chance to become who u are so u should give the glory to god .. " Then when the hell are u gonna get ur own credit which u deserve ? The hard work that u put in ... it was not god who's doing it all right ?!! it's you ! yeah baby it's you ! And this phrase from the bible " Foolish is the man who don't believes in God ... " God scolds someone who don't believe in him and instead believes in himself ? Is it wrong to believe in himself ? See ... God is so selfish too ... Foolish .. is such a great word to use ... ~ arrrggghhh ! why the hell am i talking bout GOd now ?perhaps i'm blaming him ... ~ " F*** what i said , it don't means anything now ,F*** all the kisses u didn't reject , F*** you all , i don't want u back ! " - i don't want you back ( Eamon ) ... love this song now ... just like the tune although it's vulgar ? but seriously .. he's being honest to sing this song ... ~ No one cares ... No one ever cares ... just me myself and i ... no one else .... ~ Lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies .... sick of lies !! Promises broken ... everything !! i hate it man and i don't wanna hear any more of this !!! Please .. stop lying to me anymore ... God .. are u hearing this ?! Do u even feel sad for me ? ~ Life .. is for us to cherish ... God created us .. for what ? For what ... For some people to die as soon as they are born .. for some to lose their essential assets .. For some to die when young .. For some to give up everything just for money ... To Lose their loved ones when young ... Why some are rich ? why some are born poor ... Why some's destiny suck .. why just are leading a too beautiful life .... ~ EVeryone don't get a fair share of life ... God is fair ? never .... Please don't say " Life is unfair .. life is never fair .. " Why ? God . One word . God . CAuse u guys keep everything also god mah . u are who u are today also God . U are successful now also god . Now u are drowning is also God . Yeah !! ain't it ? ~ To think that God even allow someone who can take my life so easily to come so close to me !! What the heck is he thinking ? He wanna take a risk for me to lose my life la ? Oh .. that is just that oh mighty God !! ~ No one cares ... how many people read my journal just to find out whether i'm still standing or on a bed ... or in a coffin ? Not many ... just a few . ~ Why are some people so silly ? why do people have to suffer bcos of this type of silliness .... God .. is this ur doing too ? yeah man ... ~ In the end ... it's still ourselves . we are on our own . When we are going totally down ... God won't be there to save us isn't he ? ~ So please ... don't ask me to a christian man ! Please don't hope too ... Never !! i'm too sick of life that's why my entry today is so sick ! What the hell is happening to me ... ~

Monday, March 15, 2004

i thought ... i could love again ... but .. i've just found out that .. my heart is too damaged .... i can't love anymore ... ~ Ok .. now i'm left with no one again .. That girl that i tot .. was just a lie sent from Heaven .... ~ Great ... life is full of lies ... sickening lies .. God ? is there ever really someone call god ? really keeps me thinking ... ~ i really feel like running now .. just run and run ... endless road .... there will be no end ...the only time i feel warmth .. was during my baby days .. since .. i have never really felt it again ... i just wanna hug someone now .. and know how it feels like ... to know that this world is not so cold ... ~ The pit is never ending .. i'm still falling ... deeper and deeper ... god never did send an angel to bring me back up ... ~ What sins have i done ? Tell me ... to suffer all these ? at least , if u are not gonna send someone down to love me , let me be happy ! let me feel warmth and love in this world ... by my friends .. everyone ... u take everyone from me ... then u wanna leave me with nothing ? what do you want from me .. my mind , body , soul ? ~

Today is just so incredible !! ~~ saw a Rx-7 face to face today !! And heard it's engine ... it's just so incredible ! The spoiler too .. is just like what i really wanted ! the car really looked like keisuke takhashi's ... with decals and all that .. it's looks just like my dream car ! Modified engine .. headlights .. spoilers and wheels ... and guess what .. that guy driving it is so young ! 20 plus .. really admire him ... gonna be like him someday .. hope to get my rx-7 b4 30 ... ~ Hmm ... i have asked that certain girl whether she find Rx-7 nice anot ... haha .. then she told me she loves it ...i don't know of any girl who finds rx-7 nice ... she's the first ... hai.. it's just a pity that god is forbidding us ... ~ Rx-7 Rx-7 .. if only i'm a rich man's kid ... if only .. if only my dad is rich ..but anyway .. i'm very happy with my family .. shouldn't ask for more ... ~ Commercial pilot .. it's tough in this line .. won't be able to spend much time with family .. it isn't easy to be one ... ~ don't have much to say liao .. rx-7 just rock man .....

Saturday, March 13, 2004

Ain't life just beautiful ... i'm sure .. i have been a sucky person at times ... but i'm still trying .. to be a better person . ~ May Anne ... i know .. i should forgive u just one more time ... Just that one more time . I know .. u will prove it all wrong .. u will change ... but sorry . There's something in me , that cannot erase all that u have done . it's my nature ... but .. if u wanna keep all those memories u have of me .. it's fine ... i won't expect u to erase everything ... please .. give me some time k ? i need to sort out my tots .. this may take years .. and should take years ... ~ Hmm .. Ting xian arh .. if u really wanna go out , please tell us k ? we will definitely try our best ... although the others may not , derrick and gang will . ~ Now pretty worried bout hon siong ... i don't know ... he and his new school ... very worried bout his safety .. we have told him , if he's bullied .. we are always here to be his tactical team . Derrick .. Andy .. me and edwin . But .. i'm just afraid that he will keep his mouth shut ... ~ i don't want anyone to go yet ! that includes u may anne ! i wanna cherish everyone .. but sometimes .. it's beyond my limit ... Sorry bout u may anne . Just that i have something against u now ... i know i should cherish u but ... ~ Woo hoo !! i just can't stop my love for cars ... i'm still scanning thru every mag for Skyline and Rx-7 ... a new Chrysler car came out ... the fastest car on earth and it's just so amazing ! er .. i don't think i should say it's statistics here .. everyone won't understand ... haha .. but i just found out that Subaru WRX STi not bad .. cheap too ... i can't believe the prices of car dropped so fast .. Last year Evolution 8 was $171000+ .. now $141000+ ... a lot sia ..see see .. EVo no good car la ... ~ can't wait to get a car ! Haha .. so happy now .. sort of my plans for my future .. if i can't get into local U ... me going overseas !! with my bro that is ... then i can finally make dad and mum enjoy life ! ~ Last time hated my bro so much ... now i can't imagine if i were to lose him ... cause my bro just rock ! Haha... all my friends say he very fierce and all this ... ya .. bcos he's concerned bout me .. don't want us to waste time .. cause i said we are studying and yet we are playing ... ya ? so don't blame him ... ~ haha .. i know of 2 friends of mine .. girl la .. crazy over my bro ... haha .. ya .. think he's very good looking .. when he styles his hair la ... cause when everytime in his pics .. his hair is normal ... haha .. so pai seh when he's my bro . esp when his bro not very good looking .. sTressed !! ~ Oh .. today a lot of crap man ... feel like decorating my whole room with photos man ... oh ya , i wanna get a Gandalf toy figure man ! just love gandalf .. Think he's pretty cool in his poses ... esp the drawn ones ... is just too way too cool . Let me find a way to put them here man ... ~ seems like i'm one that has a lot of interests hoh ? cars ..final fantasy ... Media and graphics .. Initial D .. Lord of the rings .. Basketball .. Reading mags .. still got a lot la ... ~ Oh well ... no girl in my life but at least made a few new friends ! that is good enuf liao .. Going off .. everyone please take care ! Esp this girl that is going thru a tough period of time ! Although i may not care bout u anymore .. i still want the best for you . take care ..

it's In The Way Move Me .. TeaSe me ... ~ Thinking of you .. what is going on ... ~ entering the pool of love soon ... i think .. i have someone in my heart already ... but whatever's the answer .. i have to find out ... i'm very confused ... i don't dare to love anymore ... i'm too afraid .. i don't have that courage to take that step ... ~ Man .. sometimes .. i really .. drive myself crazy.. thinking of you ... but i should not be feeling this .. isn't it ? if i take that very step .. i won't be able to look back .. i better ask my heart again .. and think twice .. ~ Martin advised me against this ... and i jolly well know in right in my mind that i should listen to him cause it's the truth ... ~ i'm so confused .. i just wanna know the answer from God himself ..~ wonder if she thinks of me at all ? misses me ... or does she misses me everyday ... Does she feel the same confusion as me ... Forbidden love .. We are so alike .. and so right for each other .. but in between .. there are just some great barriers that cannot be passed easily ... in fact .. there's only one great barrier .. and it's a very big one .. parents . ~ i just feel a little different now .. cause when i have such things happening to me .. i will tell someone , and that's you . you were always the first to know ... sometimes the only one that knows .. now that i have lost u .. i can only keep this to myself .... ~ People change . People sometimes are not whoever they seem to be ... For your info .. Ben's still Ben . he has not changed or neither did he hide his true self from you .. Whatever u are seeing is definitely not true ... ~ just want u to live ur life well ... no matter how sucky ur life maybe now ... look on the bright side . Death is not an option ... everyone has to face up to reality ... somehow have to find the courage in whatever u wanna do .. Please , don't say that u ain't gonna live long ... For me , i know . I know it right in my heart , God knows it too . I may die soon , may die anytime later . Cause my health is always failing me . But i still .. wanna live long . i will try my best .... i wanna .. spend my very last breath .. with my wife .. ~ i'm so glad .. that i have not changed much ... i'm becoming the man i was in the past .. now .. is just that i have to show everyone .. that i'm myself once again ... i wanna clear my name .. ~ Sorry ... things have got too far ... that we totally can't rewind ... Be on your own . Hope that ... he will be the pillar that u can fall on from that day onwards ... i can't be there for u anymore . i have took that selfish route .. to lead my own life ... ~ My dear friends , i just wanna say sth ... please please don't demand things from me . i'm sort of always the one organising bball and u all keep changing things here and there ... how am i supposed to coordinate ? then in the end .. i'm always the one getting shot at . What u all want ? So is it really that bball have left ur minds ? left ur souls ? The time we all spent together in the bball court , all lost from ur minds ? i just don't know why ... u guys don't cherish time with each other ... it's not as if we see each other everyday .... u guys really hope that someone dies then u will realize right ? forget bout it ... seems like .. we don't have that bond anymore ...

Friday, March 12, 2004

Whatever said ... is just like water .. i can't take it back ... ~ i mean what i say with this sentence ... that's all i'm gonna say bout ytd ... You're on your own from ytd . my journey with u has ended .. ~ one thing i want everyone to know . Please cherish ur lives ... ~ Today just a great day ..had a lot of fun with Samuel ( new colleague ) and chun chiang ... seriously .. i think i will miss him man ... although i know him for only 3 days ? now it's left only me and chun chiang... office would be different without him .. anyway .. life still has to go on ... ~ i like my work ... i esp love to wear my g2000 shirt .. haha .. cause without this job , i won't have much of a chance to wear it ... haha . tomorrow is bball day ! hope u guys have time to spare ... ~ Although i have no one right now .. i'm pretty happy with my life .. but definitely .. it would be great .. to have someone special in my life again ... What to do ? Believe my life ain't that pathetic ... God will send someone down for me ... ~ find it a little weird ... Every year in the first 3 - 4 months .. i will have a stead ... Angeline Feb , Wan xin Feb .. wei ling March ... then this year ? don't think one will come by so soon bah ... But anyway , it can't be in this format for the rest of my life right ? haha ... ~ Arrggghhh! My life just rocks now .. but where are my buddies ? Where is my Lian hua dang gang !! miss you guys man ... it's time we get back into action with bball right ? ~ i never expected it to end like this .. our friendship .. i tot it would be forever . But no .. i took another path instead .... And one pt that's definite . i won't look back . ~ So it's the end .. sad . no one knew it would turn out to be like that .. no one expected this .... ~~ arrGGhhh!! Forget bout the sad stuff man ... i've got my new life man ! and i just love it baby ! signing off .. nothing to say liao....

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

i don't understand ... ~~ i was working .. when i recieved a msg from May Anne .. telling me she really need someone ... called her right away .. to find out what was going on ... Then she msg me again .. that she needed someone a lot ... asked me to drop by ... so i did . Rushed straight away after work at hotel .. Then quickly took a train to Yck .. Walked from Yck to her home ... Finally . Destination reached .. Switched on my Hp to use that very bit of batt left .. called her house .. then call was rejected cause of the too low batt.. Then saw her msg... saying she feel kinda ok liao .. ~ Didn't wanna wake her family up with the door bell .. saw her dad at the dining table .. then i just walked the way home ... ~ ACtually i was pretty pissed off ... telling me she really needed someone and i rushed there .. knowing that she don't need anymore .. But i realized the fact .. that sometimes .. at a pt of time .. one may feel very devastated ... then the next moment.. quite ok liao .. so i can't blame her ... although it feels like i'm cheated .. the only thing or person i can blame is God / fate . I don't know why he did this but i guess he has his reasons ... ~ i miss everyone back at the restaurant .. Kumar .. Hasbullah .. Paul and melvin .. They just rock man ... it's such a pity to let go of them ... haha ... anyway .. i'm sure i will still go back to help them ... ~ i really wonder .. and really wanna question God .. will May Anne and that guy make it in the end ? really eager to see the ending .. i don't know what i'm doing actually .. it's like .. when she still needs someone .. i will be right there for her ... but .. what am i actually doing ? confused ... ~~ i really wanna get back with my close friends .. Denny they all .. i wanna see ourselves together once again .. seriously i do ... it has been a very long time since we are together as one big grp liao ... ~ have to go .. just know that i'm not suffering for nothing .. working hard for money ... wanna lighten parent's burdens ...

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Shopping today !! ~ Finally got myself an And 1 bball shoe .. i have been wanting to get one for years ... wanted to get it last year Jan / Feb .. but bought my bro and wei ling present .. then no money liao ... Then bought a Nike Polo Tee .. and i just love it man ! Bought a t shirt too ... seems pretty cool but my friends don't really like it .. but i think my bro will ! ~ i got my and 1 shoe for so cheap man .. heard that it's limited edition or what la ... but it's damn cheap correct liao ... haha .. ~ i simply love Polo Tees now man ... Keep wearing my Nissan Nismo t shirt i bought a week ago ... planning to get Honda one too ... ~ ok .. today was sort of a total mess for me ... I was getting ready to go out when i saw a msg in my hp from May Anne ... called her immediately cause i knew .. she wouldn't come looking for me if things weren't serious .. Knew right away that she was crying when she picked up the phone ...Definitely , i couldn't turn down my friends for her . We have been waiting for this day for so long and i just cannot disappoint my friends again ..~ Chat a little with her just now ... but .. seems like we don't have much to say too .. and i didn't know what to say too ....~
So what's up with life everybody ? Is it totally miserable ? or depressing .. or are u devastated now ... Did the guy u loved all this while turn back on u ? Or that u person u like is right beside you and yet u can't have them .. Anyway , We have to help ourselves . No one can help us except ourselves .. so try to save yourself first b4 expecting anyone to come in and help u .. ~ Life's just great ... i'm missing you .. and yet .. can't see u ...

Monday, March 08, 2004

What a new life ...

My life just rocks now .. my life ain't miserable anymore and i just love the way it is .. i just wanna get into Poly and start studying man ... sick of working .. Just got a new job at a bank .. wanna abandon this job mine in the hotel .. they ain't giving me any good timeslots .. so off i go ! But i do love the people there ... it's a little of a pity to leave ... ~ i really feel so much better now .. not like in the past .. when i have to lose heart and soul ... So how's life without me ? is it much better ... without me demanding things from you ? You have him to make ur life perfect right ? Sometimes i do feel a little empty.. but it's only a matter of time i know more new friends ... i just have to wait and be patient . don't rely on you anymore ... ~~ Hmm .. i think i'm going back to Orchard to look for that girl again .. but my face is so black ! Sun burn again ... can see two white rings around my face ... ~ Lately Alden ( Manager ) has been treating me pretty well ... but i seriously don't think i should leave . Since i agreed .. i should tell him the truth.. but should i ? i think he will not treat me as well .. but i don't think i should lie too ... so what am i supposed to do ? what a fix man ... ~~ Damn .. my bball really sucks now ... how am i gonna go join any competition ... How am i gonna join SP team ? That's the worst part ! Hai .. ~ been missing someone lately ... so is this my chance ? i wanna know .. is it another trap .. or is it a door to lead me somewhere new .... ~ i feel so stressed !! Everyone has a gf and they are in their honeymoon world while i'm alone ! but no fear .. i still have my friends ... just wanna spend more time with them .. Going queensway tomorrow !! So happy ... gonna get bball shoes .. and get some cool clothes .. preferably Sports .. Nike / Adidas !! it's just like a while since i joined the restaurant ... it has already been 15 days .. and i earned $450 bucks from them liao !! Now currenly a little loaded .. but soon it's gonna be gone .. so i still have to save ! Gonna work more ...

Friday, March 05, 2004

God must have spent a little more time on you ...

Been chatting well with a girl lately .. Feel that she's real special ... someone very special .. i have never met someone like her b4 .. ~ My life is just plain great ... Being a Runner at the restaurant all day , everyday .. sick of that ! Dealing with rubbish everyday .. just rocks ! the only problem with it , is not dirty , is not tough , it is sian !! i'm just scared of that ... ~ Supposed to meet may anne today .. but due to some probs .. never meet . Guess i shouldn't have proposed to her the idea ... she don't sound keen or what ... don't know ... but don't care too . ~ i have planned out everything .. since aeronautical is impossible .. i have made plans to study overseas... after my NS that is ... i don't know if i will be able to bear to leave Singapore at that pt of time ... but i have to go . It's for materialistic reasons la ... Rx-7 , house ... parents to live well .. all that . ~ Can't wait to get into Poly man ! Can study .. don't need work ! Can go bball or other ccas can check it out ! My life is so boring right now lo ... i need some action man ! ~ i just envy some kids .. when their parents are so rich .. that their dads can get them a car when they are 18 .. and i can't ! Motorcycle .. nope .. my parents won't allow and my grandparents won't allow too ... ~ i want to go train bball liao .. so sucky at it now .. and i wanna join some competition leh .. love the feeling of competition .. my friends don't seem keen on joining .. maybe join my bro they all lo ... ~ i remember .. at almost this time of year .. i joined a bball competition at amk .. Then we were on the losing end .. i was msging Wei ling the whole day then ... and i still remember how she supported me ... really appreciate it .. But we still lost .. ~ i remembered too .. my bro warned me against this girl .. i didn't know why too ! can't rememeber ... ~ Initial d .. all of a sudden i feel like playing it .. i seemed to become more skilled ... i can drift around corners at a higher speed liao .. Woo hOo !! just love the feeling at crossing corners at 125 - 130 km /hr .. last time i would do that at 100 - 110 km/hr ... have to improve more .. but have to warn myself not to spend too much ... ~ Just bought a FF8 vcd ... relive the images man .. i just love the ending man ... Have to go play it again .. but too busy lately ... ~ Miss Andy man .. Miss martin and all of us together ! Where we would laugh til we go siao ... haha .. Andy and his lame and dumb jokes .. Martin and his talking crap ... hope we can all meet soon ... ~ hmm ... have to take someday off day .. so can stay over at someone's house ... maybe marcus or derrick's house and we can rock !!! haha .. tell them this idea some day ... ~ Ok .. signing off .. take care guys .. miss u all ! and my workplace just sucks !! hahaha ...

Thursday, March 04, 2004

When will the next come ..

i'm sick of life !! Losing friends one by one ... What's wrong with this world !!! Saying i got attitude ? i don't give attitude unless u guys do sth wrong all right ?? i really wanna name people man ... but i know i shouldn't . Cause mouths will talk again . EVerything will spread like fire . this is what i really hate . I can't even say what i wanna say . ~ Wah ... i'm sick of my working place man ! All i see is guys !! i've got a world dominated with men for 18 days ! and now this ... it's like as if God wants me to stay single all my life ... ~ wah .. i feel like running like a mad dog now ... sick of work ! Sick of life . Sick of routines ! what's up next man ? am i gonna lose someone real impt or what ? What u want from me GOD ??!! What the heck are u trying to do ? i don't get it man . I don't get it . i seriously don't get it. And now .. i feel so much like using vulgarities ... but no . they are sensitive words .. shouldn't be used unnecessarily .. ~~ My Ncc platoon is getting out of hand .. seems like i have to go back ... what the hell .. can't i even get a break ... i had enuf of such life !! a While Customers at my restaurant complain .. a while i do wrong thing .. then i getting so freakin blur lately .. kanna scolded by chefs .. what the heck man !! i don't even have anyone to confide in now ... i wanna bang my head on the wall man ! ~ Sick sick sick sick of life ! What's up with this world man ? what are their damn problems ? why is it that girls expect me to be perfect ? is it bcos that all the other guys seem perfect in front of them ? I rather be myself then fake it lo ... So which do u prefer ? False or truth ? or honesty ? Don't know what u girls thinking man ... ~ Then u all know my temper very crazy one ... then now have to hold it back .. i think i will go crazy b4 i burst man ... ~ i think i shall go running and gym later .. go mad man .... ~ Martin was so right .. the only fact ... that i will fall for May Anne again ..is only bcos .. she's the only girl in my life at that pt of time ... or is it ? But i won't walk back . i have the answer that u have been seeking right here with me .. u will know everything tml . ~ i wonder ... what will happen next .. am i gonna lose someone again ? am i gonna lose myself ? are my dreams gonna be dashed again just like that .. ~ i have wasted so many years .. it's time that i should stand up again ... be strong . ~ i'm so tired ... so tired of life , just wanna sleep now ... perhaps forever .

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

Let it be . ~ the present i've got for you , i will still give it to u but i can't get anyone to give me Valene's no. and i'm very sick cause some people get give yet they don't want to . What the heck .. ~~ All right ..i shall talk bout this only one last time .. U said did i give enuf chances ? Come on .. is 5 chances not enuf ? u are sure one funny dude ... 5 chances are not enuf then be it .. See through me then . u are assuming too . Whatever u wanna say la . i don't give much of a shit now... u just lead ur life . i lead mine . The hatred in my heart for you will be unerasable . Who says who's pushing the blame ? then u want me to push it to u ? Then tell me what the heck have i done wrong ? i think probably can't cause i have asked u so many times and u couldn't even name one . Even if u can now , it's probably after the day i've left u . ~~ That's the end . i will no longer care at all for u now . i will no longer look at ur blog . i will not care what u have said . u wanna say me childish for all i care . Your mistakes can never be converted to mine . Even til today , u still wanna push the blame to me . fine ... Childish ..? me ? ~~ That's the end of all things . Shut up bout each other . i'm no longer gonna talk bout u in my blog . and u should too . We just end our roads right here . ~~

Monday, March 01, 2004

it's just so amazing that things can turn out this way .. but i dont give much of a shit ... ~ All right , say what u wanna say . Put words into my mouth . It's fine with me ... u Msg me nicely on msn .. all these efforts is nowhere comparable for calling u for 4 years ... so what are u getting mad bout ? i don't see why .. ~ and i just love the reason we severed ties , no , i Severed ties with u . it's bcos of ur JER who came in and destroyed it all . and i really wanna thank him man ... ~ I have my nasty sides i'm telling u . I have already said u are playing beyond my patience and u went futher down . So don't blame me for being nasty . ~ Don't make me laugh .. u call me childish ? look who's talking ... u urself accepted a man who u don't even like and u don't even know why u accepted him .. let's look further man .. and u say u can't break up with him ? when steps are easy as ABC ? and u knowing what type of man he is , u still carried on ... Childish ? even if i am , all my friends and seniors are not . Do you know what is called Betrayal of Trust ? why do i ever think of leaving u ? Cause u've played with my trust , not for 1 time , but several times ... ~ Have u tried been understanding ? Do you know F*** up it is to get such grades when i'm supposed to get a lot better ? do you know how F*** up it is to lose ur most precious dream ? And do you think it is easy to think of courses i wanna join in such a quick time ? My interests is so few .. what can i think of ? ~ Now u feel how it's like to get this type of treatment when people treat u well right ? how ? is it good ? Do you now know how it feels to be treated this way ? ~ From that day onwards , u lead ur life . I lead mine . Let's just forget bout each other . I don't think i will ever forgive u . ur mistakes are too grave . Even if i do , my heart won't . Take it that i never existed . ~~ Just collected pay today ... then finally bought my bro's present .. it was a shirt from Nike .. costs me quite a lot .. but it's all right ... at least he says it's not bad !! Just bought a Skyline R34 too ... and a mazda Rx-8 small one .. Gonna fix my Rx-7 today .. hope to get it done .. ~ Seems like i still don't know quite much bout car assembling hobby ... the guy introduced so much to me and i was like " wah ! very money wasting leh actually .. " next ... maybe wanna get Limited edition Spirit R Rx-7 .. and Limited Ed Skyline .. ~ When Larvina came in .. or is it Lavrina ? .. Angela told her .. Hey .. Ben looking for u leh .. Then i was like !!! what the hell ! Since when i have said that !! ~ Now everyone call me Ah Ben ... Janet at chinese restaurant .. Angela .. then don't know still got who .. ~ Now my manger treat me quite well .. but i'm still not used to it .. perhaps he sees me as polite " Greeted him everytime ... Learnt from NCC " .. then when i have nothing to do , i will not slack .. i will find something to do cause i'm bored ! then maybe he think that i'm hardworking ... but that's not the case ! haha .. imagine i let him know ... ~ i'm getting very blur lately .. i'm losing that decisiveness that i had in my ncc days .. i no longer have that powerful initiative .. i'm losing my leadership !! Too rusty i guess ... ~ i don't know man .. Lavrina is definitely not for me .. so i guess is vivien then ? but .. she seems to be a little hard to pursue .. cause the way she speaks is so refined .. then .. our backgrounds maybe so different .. But anyway , let's just give it a shot .. U never know right ? ~ Seems like i'm getting along well in my new workplace .. the only thing is that .. very little youngsters here ! and Lavrina is sort of the only girl here ... guys only got me and Hasbullah .. i can get sick of this place man ! ~ i have another option for Poly now .. Multimedia . So that leaves me with 3 choices .. Air force , Cars , and Multimedia . i don't know whether i will be taking biomedical .. but definitely business is not for me . Cause it just bores me ... just like how accounts did . ~ Sp ? Or ngee ann ? SP has a better location .. but i just feel like going to Ngee Ann . the food there nicer .. facilities seem better .. and besides , SP don't have a very outgoing and " bright " image of themselves in the open house ... ~ just hope that i get into Bball team .. although how lousy i am . Cause if i enter .. my skills will definitely improve tremendously .. ~ damn .. sick of talking bout such stuff .. i'm just so sick of life man . i don't even know how warmth feels .. i just hope .. that this girl i'm going for .. is the one . She may not be pretty .. i don't care .

rockin' my world.