We're splitting up.
After 8 years and God knows how many months of unhappiness, we have decided to call it quits.
I have to say, my feelings about it are mixed.
As many of you know, we are not married. In many ways this is a blessing because we avoid all the complicated legal stuff and get to just part ways in a somewhat amicable way. It is also perfect for him because everything is in his name so anything I take with me, I do so because he was kind enough to "let" me have it. This part really sucks.
As the house is his, I am the one moving out. I am moving into my parents' second floor flat. I figure that this will make the transition slightly easier for the kid. There are a lot of pros and cons to this, including that my mother will be downstairs (both a pro for support and a con because you've read my blog), but I have decided that it is the best move for me to make financially and practically, if not emotionally. Everything in this house will stay here as Lila will be spending a lot of her time here and he is not willing to give me much of anything. This means that I have to figure out how I will furnish an apartment on a part-time income until I can find a full time job.
The car is also in his name. He has not agreed to sign the car over to me even though he told me it was a gift when I was pregnant because he has some plan to trade it and his work truck in for a new work/play vehicle. He has told me I can "use" it for a few months until I can get something. I say fuck him and keep working on him giving me the car as I feel it is the least he can do.
The worst part of this whole thing is that I have not yet told the kid. My feeling is that we wait until a week or two before the move happens so that she doesn't have too much time to worry and she has a little time to ask questions and be reassured. I dread this conversation.
Lila loves having us all together. She makes a point to force us into the same room to be with her and insists on doing things like grocery shopping together. I worry that she is going to fall apart and always cry for the other parent when she is with either one of us. I worry that she will lose that trusting happy-go-lucky personality and feel like her whole world was turned upside down. I worry that she will never forgive us.
I came from a household where my parents stayed together just for the kids' sake and remember knowing how miserable and angry they were all the time. I don't want to do this to her. But coming from an intact family means that I have no idea what to expect from her in the weeks and months after the split. I don't know how long she will need to adjust or when I should expect her to stop crying to go "home".
I am not completely convinced that this is the right thing for HER even though I know it is the right thing for her father and I, and even though everyone seems to say that splitting up is better than staying together miserable. I just don't know that this will prove to be the case.
I would like to hear from any of you who have had the experience of splitting with small children. How did you get through it? How did THEY handle it?
