“Red Flag”. Really? That Was So Not Very Helpful.

Elle C just commented in the last post to ask if we’re ok.  She is a super-sweetie.  We are not, as it happens, on fire.  Which is always a good thing, as far as I’m concerned.

Possum Kingdom is a ways away from us, which is where they’re continuing to have the Big Fires.  We’ve had a few more small ones today (which isn’t surprising, the surprise is that we haven’t had more before now).  We’re under a red flag warning, but we’ve been under that since… um… May.  So that’s not really telling us anything. At all.

On the other hand, my eagle-eye view on the overpass at 5:00 pm showed the entire sky for miles and miles was filled with a haze of smoke and right now (7:30 pm) everything on the ground is hazy and smells like the world’s biggest bonfire-night.  So I’m not sure if that’s blowing in from PK or if something else is burning that we just haven’t heard about yet.  Here in town we’re most likely not going to feel the worst of any fires, unless something really catastrophic happens or we just happen to be unlucky and have a local house fire.

Anyway, we’re all good.  Well.  The Evil Monkeys are on their second week of school.  Apparently they formed some sort of evil plan between them to the effect that they think their bedtime should now be 10 pm.  They are sadly mistaken in this belief but as they persist in trying to stick to this devil’s pact they are, shall we say, a wee bit crabby.

I’m contemplating making them run around the backyard in the smoke for a little while.  Surely a little smoke-induced asthma will make them, uh, sleepy.  Right?

What?

R.I.P.

 

It’s official.

The vintage look is dead.

 

In lieu of flowers, please send a charitable donation to a fashion victim of your choice.  Preferably, uh, me.  I like knit tops.  And whimsical shoes.  And red stuff.

I Bought A New Friend.

Her name is Fifi.  She’s French.  La. Dee. Dah.

Actually, I don’t like her much.  I mean, look at her.   She’s a size 4.

Sheesh.  Some people have all the luck.

Of course, I’ll probably like her better after a few weeks of my corruptive influence, after which she’ll end up looking Just. Like. Me.   That’s my plan anyway.  I’m all about corrupting bi-atches with hourglass figures who are a foot taller than me.  They will go from a size 4 to a size, uh, Not 4.  (You might think I’d at least be happy that I have size 4 shoulders… I’m not.  This just means the rest of me looks that much more Not 4 in comparison.)

Hmmph.  Stupid size 4 French friend and her 24” waist…

‘Course, I didn’t pay much for her.  I guess you get what you pay for in store-bought friends.

I’ll keep you updated on the ongoing corruption.  It requires quite a bit of effort from me, so y’know… it’ll be slow going.  I don’t like effort.

This Is Your Brain. This Is Your Brain On… uh… TV.

Seriously?

This made me laugh out loud at work.  Which isn't really a good thing.  Because then people want to know what I'm doing when I'm (theoretically) supposed to be working.  Because my job isn’t that funny.  Normally.

They're so annoying, wanting me to do actual work and whatnot.  Sheesh.

But this made me laugh.  Because really?  I think it's totally hilarious that a crass, mass-market-posing-as-exclusivity, "let's all pretend to be living in the Hamptons even though we really live in Indianapolis" clothing store has the nerve to claim to be offended by a crass, manipulated-and-edited-but-posing-as-real, "let's all run around like stereotypical idiots" TV show.

It's like a $500-a-night "escort" who's offended at being compared to a $10-an-hour meth ho.  I'm sorry.  You're both still prostitutes.  I think getting into the issue of "classiness" or a lack thereof is just semantics.

The best part?  This headline has been posted under "Also In The News" on BBC News for over twenty-four hours now.   Apparently, “Also In The News” is BBC code for “This Is Totally Ridiculous But We Thought You Could Use A Laugh Today… And Maybe Tomorrow Too”.

I was just telling Angie A. that watching reality TV is like binging on birthday cake: sure it's fun for a little while, but then you get all queasy and sick.  On the other hand, last night she recommended something called "Dance Moms" that really sounds too good to pass up and also last night my sister recommended something called "Family Restaurant" that, just based on my sister's impersonations of the participants, sounds like something I may have to watch.

I take it back.  It's not like birthday cake.  It's like crack.

Just Say No.

Knock, Knock, Knock-off, Moth… er… You Know The Rest.

I have Beyoncé the Giant Metal Chicken stuck in my head today.

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So check this out: “Beyoncé” is in Microsoft’s Spell Check.

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The mind boggles.

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I’m trying to think up other famous people with made-up unusual names so I can Spell Check them too.

Um…. Condoleeza Rice was the only one I could think of.  She’s in there. 

That is awesome!  Yep.  I think you’ve really made it when you can be generically Spell Checked.  (I can’t.  My life sucks.)

 

Anyway to continue with our story:  I was going to knock off this top from Modcloth.  Honest.

I figured I could use my custom-drafted knit top pattern with the smocked neckline, keep the neckline unsmocked, cut a binding the full length of the unsmocked neckline, make a nice little twisted-binding, run a pretty ribbon or tie through it and gather it up to the desired neckline length.  Easy-peasy.

And I could have done that, of course.  But I didn't.

Because I forgot that I was going to do that and I went ahead and gathered the neckline and then cut the binding strip to the finished length.  At which point I was highly tired of the whole thing and just wanted to get it over with already, so I just went with what I had.  I finished the neckline, tacked a silk tie to the front and called it skippy.

Hence, my version isn't quite so fun as the original.  And also not sleeveless.  Um.  If you didn’t notice.

On the other hand, it has a silk bow on the front.  That can't be a bad thing.  The bow looks better in person.  Trust me.

Of course, the first day I wore it to work my co-worker's immediate response was, "Oh that's cute.  And you can always change out that bow for a black one!"

Which I took to mean, "That top should have a black bow."

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However, today the garment-and-shoe combination seen above elicited (from the same coworker) a heartfelt, "Well look at that nifty outfit you have going on there!" and a ten minute conversation about where I got the jeans, so... meh.  What can you do?  I guess it's working.

I'm going with that.

Yes. I’m That Bored.

I’ve made two tops that actually fit and started a jumper for TLo’s school uniform.  But I still can’t get my camera to work properly.  Although admittedly, I haven’t really been trying that hard…

Still.  Here’s how bored I am, since I don’t have anything to show you from the sewing room:

Yep.  I made a double-sided meal planner/grocery list.  I reformatted my meal-planning sheet and based the list part off an existing list I apparently got from MelanieMauer.com, although I have no idea what I was doing there in the first place.  Literally.  No idea.

Anyway, meals listed on one side, groceries needed on the other.  Most Frequently Purchased items on the list and then a few spaces for extras as needed.  Fold it in half and laminate.  Voila!  Dry-erase magical goodness for the grocery store.  Or in my case, I use a fine point Sharpie and just wipe it clean with rubbing alcohol when I get home.  That way it doesn’t smear all over you.  You know, while you’re shopping in the 112 degree heat.  That you’ve had for 73 consecutive days.  Yeah.  That heat.

Or you can print on both sides, cut it in half and have double-sided disposables.  I actually have both, dry-erase and in a pad. 

Because I have padding compound at work. 

So I make notepads.  Lots and lots of notepads.

Did I mention I was bored?

Yep.

I was going to make a link to download the planner.  But of course, that would mean that you have to buy what I buy.   My co-workers seemed to think having bamboo shoots and coconut milk on my “frequently bought” list was weird. 

I have no idea what those people eat.  We wouldn’t make it through the week without bamboo shoots and coconut milk.

 

Ok fine.   If you want a blank one you can download it here: The I’m-Bored-What’s-For-Dinner Planner.

But it’s not nearly as much fun if you have to write everything in yourself. 

I’m just saying.

Mine.

 

I Am Wacky, Booooy.

 

I am SO SUPER PROUD OF MYSELF.

Out of the top five "Wackiest American Roadside Attractions", I've seen four.   Some of them multiple times.

I ROCK.

 

No, seriously.  I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve seen the World’s Largest Ball of Twine.

 

Don’t ask.

I also can’t believe that the list doesn’t include the World’s Largest Prairie Chicken which is just a hop, skip and a jump away from that ball of twine.  I’ve seen that a fair number of times too.  Like about a bazillion.

 

It’s big.  It’s a prairie chicken.  ‘Nuff said.

 

I can’t get my flippin’ camera to work, so you get to read about the Top Ten Wackiest American Roadside Attractions (and my fabulous part therein) instead of seeing the cute new top I knocked off from Modcloth.  I’ll try to work on the camera tonight.  On a positive note, I did find my tripod.  Apparently my dad had it.  He claims it’s his but I’m pretty sure it’s mine. 

It’s mine now, at any rate.

Datenight Redux.

 

Whoo hoo!  I have a date tonight!!

 

 

 

 

 

Oh yeah.  The Husband will be there too.

 

Whatever.

 

DATENIGHT!  WHOOT!