The Brightside of Lewy Bodies

Lewy Bodies Dementia is a horrible disease of the brain.  It is an illness that destroys ones ability to reason, with hallucinations of people and animals becoming more prevalent as the plaques grow.  Life, eventually is suffocated, simple things like remembering how to swallow food being the beginning to the end.   I'm learning that it's important to hold onto the good days because these will be the memories that I'll want to remember long after my mom has passed.

Lewy Bodies is a challenging disease to live with because it's not just my mom who has the issues, it's our entire family.  All of us are affected in one way or another.  Like plucking a string on a guitar, the effects of dementia sends a crazy vibration across all invisible and tangible barriers, no one is exempt from feeling the pain.  It sucks.  It sucks for everyone.

Now, we could sit and wallow in the pity pool, hiding and missing all the funny moments or we could look for the humor.  The humorous times that make us laugh and lift us up out of the sadness that can be pervasive like a swarm of termites.

My mom, she's been cracking me up.  For the last 2 days my dad has been visiting my mom; he passed in 1979.  He doesn't talk to her, he is just with her. 

Yesterday morning my mom got up excited.   "Susie!  Daddy was here.  I went into the bathroom and my feet were cold.  I didn't have socks on.  Then, I went back to bed, daddy was there and he put these socks on my feet.  He is so handsome."  My mom was giddy like a girl who is sweet on a boy in her class.  She giggled every time she talked about my dad.

All day she talked about my dad. 

"I wonder if he's home waiting for me?"  She said as we drove to her doctor appointment yesterday.  "Do you think he'll wait for us?  Hey, maybe he'll clean the house like he did the other night.  You know, he cleaned my room.  Made the bed.  He even cleaned the bathroom!  Oh, he is such a handsome man, I can't wait to see him later.  Do you think he'll come back Susie?  I hope he comes back.  I love seeing him.  You have no idea what it's like to see him after him being gone so long.  Do you think he'll stay for dinner?"

Is my dad really visiting?  I don't know.   This morning my mom was in bed sleeping, she was hugging her pillow like it was my dad.  She woke up and said, "Do you see him?  He's right here sleeping.  Be quiet, I don't want to wake him up, he'll leave if he wakes up.  Oh, he's so warm.  I love him."

My dad visiting is helping my mom to be happy.  She feels that he's near and part of her believes he's alive and goes off to work.  She always wants me to cook for him.  I tell her that he eats special angel food like my brother Ed.  That seems to make sense to her, so I use it as an explanation over and over again.

One day, I'm sure my dad will come for my mom and they can rest in peace eating angel food.  The brightside of Lewy Bodies is it brings loved ones back from the dead.

The Hawk Messengers

In American Indian lore, hawks have the ability to travel between both worlds, the now and the hereafter; bringing with him messages for the observer.

Red Tailed Hawks have made their way back into my life, flying over my back yard, with a message for me to receive today. 

Just last week, on Wednesday, one  flew low and glided by my office window.  The sight of this massive bird, took my breath away, I knew it was bringing me a message.  The day I saw the hawk fly low was the day my mom freaked out and cried, she believed that I was admitting her to a nursing home. 

Through the power of love, I was able to overcome this huge upset with my mom.  I got her to believe me, that this is her home and we love her.  It lasted about 5 days. 

Why the setback?

Writing today, I looked out my window and up toward the sky as I often do,  pondering my next thought ... I spot the hawk, flying in circles as it glided on an air current.

What message could the Hawk be bringing to me today, what is it that I need to know or do? 

Looking more closely, I observe a pair of Hawks flying in the sky above my back yard.  Annoyingly, crows attempted to chase the hawks, but the raptors flew unadulterated by the crow's nagging. 

Today, unlike any other day, the hawks flew strong, they flew together in unison, ignoring the 3 black crows who appeared to be on a mission to exterminate the great hawks from my view.

How does one determine the message from the Great Hawk Spirit that visits? 

My mom, she's a little uneasy today, thinking she's got to go somewhere.  She was up at 3:30am and at 5am this morning, she was up and fully dressed, waiting to go somewhere... when asked where she was going, she had no idea.  She told me that "the girl" was coming for her. 
Today I started my new job. Could my job be causing her confusion?  It is a change in our routine. But, something still wasn't right this morning, even after I seemed to talk her off the ledge that she put herself on.  I waited awhile and checked on her again. Upon entering her room, she had her coat ready to put on and a plastic bag filled with random things. 

Her purse.  A clean pair of socks.  A clean pair of jeans.  Two pairs of gloves. 

What hidden meaning is in the bag? 

Hidden clues, inside the bag, silent messages with no apparent rhyme or reason.   Something is making her feel that she needs to go to her "other house"... there is no other house, so what is the underlying cause for her searching for home?

Wherever she thought she was going, was only for the day, she told me that she'd be back tonight.  Uncle Al visited a lot today, he's still alive in a nursing home. My mom is worried that he's coming to live here, she does not want him in living here. I assured her that this is our home and Uncle Al will still live at the nursing home. I'm not sure I got through to her.

My mom was cold today, she told me that she was shivering to the bone.  The thermostat in her room was reading 78 degrees farenheit.  It was hot... I broke out in hot flashes.  My mom was cold and I had to do something.  I knew I needed to help make her feel at home.

The hawks message was for me to pay attention to my mom.  To listen and watch for the clues that could be causing her to be uneasy.  I did.

I heated the heating pad while she put on her pajamas.  I spoke to her in a soft and upbeat voice.  I hugged her a lot. 

We'll see what happens tonight, if she sleeps through to the morning.

Stay tuned.  I feel like I figured it out and that tonight everyone will sleep through the night.