Sigh

My doctor appointment yesterday went exactly how I figured it would and not at all how I had hoped. I am still not dilated at all, and Baby Bean is expected to make it to her scheduled birthday. What a stubborn little girl! Doesn't she know how badly she is making her mamma itch?! Needless to say, I was pretty bummed. Instead of hearing, "I could see you any day this week!" from my doctor I got instructions for the day of my scheduled c-section.

On top of that, I felt like absolute deuce. I hadn't slept hardly at all the night before due to the insane itching of my feet. I lay awake in bed for hours on end scratching and scratching them. Every time I would fall asleep a new spot would itch. I think I finally conked out around 2:30, too exhausted to scratch anymore. Of course I still woke up many times throughout the night. The next morning my feet felt like they were on fire from all the itching and scratching. Since I didn't get much sleep, I sent my PM at work a text telling him I had been up all night, was going to try to catch a couple more hours of sleep, and then be in after my doctor appointment.

When I did get up for the day, however, the lack of sleep had taken its toll on all of me. I couldn't tell if I was coming down with something or if I was just plain exhausted. I got into work around 11:00 and all I could do was stare off into space and think about how cruddy I felt. I tried to pioneer through my emails, and tried to focus on work, but I was just not mentally there. As soon as my PM walked by, I went to tell him the news from my appointment that morning. As luck would have it, I caught him in a awesome mood. Why? Because we passed the audit with zero findings and it was all due to him! (Yes, I am seriously honored to work for this guy.) I relayed the info that I would be in all week and then proceeded to tell him I felt like I had been hit by a Mack truck and why. He told me to go home and rest up and that he was honestly surprised to see me there at all. He said he had written me off for the week as it was and didn't expect that I would be there, so he didn't care if I came in at all this week, and if I did choose to come in, not to bust my butt getting there by 8:00 in the morning, but rather to take it easy, sleep in, and rest up before the big day. If I hadn't been so exhausted, my eyes would have welled up. I thanked him profusely for being so understanding and told him how much I appreciated him. Then I went home for the day, after only being in for 2 hours.

I can tell you I was thanking God for my PM last night as I had yet another sleepless night. My doctor told me I could take Ben.adryl and use the cream to help the itch, which is fantastic until it wears off at 3:00 a.m. I do like the added benefit it brings to the table of helping me doze off. :) I really wish that the false contractions would stop too. They are no longer fun since I know they aren't leading to labor. Now they are just downright annoying, especially all night long and while driving. The upside is I have no sleeping pattern, which will work fantastically once Baby Bean arrives. I'm up every couple of hours anyway to either scratch, go potty, or just plain be awake for no reason whatsoever, so I look at it as a blessing in that respect.

Today I didn't even make it into work, but it is more due to an ice storm warning that is supposed to take effect in a few minutes and last through tomorrow. I believe it, seeing as there is already ice accumulating on our crepe myrtles. I'm just going to spend the day relaxing with the pooches, watching a bit of TV, catching up on blogs (finally) and napping on and off while Baby Bean attempts to move around in her cramped quarters.

Hanging In and Hanging Down

So far Baby Bean is refusing to make her entrance into the cold, hard world. I was hoping that she would have made her big debut before now, but no. I even had my fantastic massage therapist dig her fingers into my ankles and rub my big toes yesterday in an attempt to trigger labor. No dice. I didn't sleep well last night, however, because I had contractions all night. Sadly, they were not the labor kind.

I wish that the only reason I didn't sleep was due to contractions, but for some reason an all over, insane, insatiable itching has set in. If it can itch, it does, and with a vengeance! Each individual finger and toe and their respective pads, on top of them, on the bottom of them, the tops and bottoms of my hands and feet, my legs, my arms, and of course, my belly all itch like crazy. I feel like all I do lately is scratch, scratch, scratch! Nothing seems to help it either. Has anyone else experienced this and have any ideas on how to quell it?

I did figure out how to get the elephant ankles to go away though... but that was before the itching. I put on some soft, light socks and then wrapped each tightly in ace bandages. Within two days of doing this, I had my ankles back. It was the awesomest thing ever! The sad thing is they had been swollen for so long they literally feel like they have been sprained only without the insecurity of a sprain. I don't much care though, I am just glad to see my ankles again. Too bad I can't wrap them up again tonight... STUPID ITCHING!

I spent most of today just hanging out with my contractions, which never seemed to turn into labor contractions. *sigh* I guess I get to wake up early tomorrow and go to work while praying the FDA auditor doesn't make his rounds near my desk. I've pretty much given up hope that this baby is ever going to come out. I just know I will get there on the day of my scheduled c-section and they will tell me she still isn't ready and needs another 9 months in the package. :p

My next doctor appointment is in the morning. I don't know if I dare hope for good news, or if I should just accept the fact that Baby Bean simply refuses to eject herself from my womb on her own. I am sure I can look forward to another week of trying to keep my house clean between fits of exhaustion and another couple of trips to the grocery store to restock up on items used since the last trip. I realize I sound a bit negative, but believe me, I am saying all of this with a laugh and a smile. I plan on using the remaining days of my pregnancy learning how to calm and soothe a newborn while also recovering from a c-section. A bit of last minute cramming you might say.

For now, I am taking my itchy self and contracting tummy to bed. Night!

Slow Progression

***UPDATE - BABY BEAN HAS DROPPED!!!***

This week has been crazy, yet laid back. I have chosen to spend the last few nights away from work snugging with Hubs while it is just to the two of us, which won't be for much longer. Once Baby Bean makes her appearance, we will be parents for the rest of our lives and our alone time will be scarce. (No, that is NOT a complaint, merely a fact.)

At my doctor's appointment on Monday I was happily informed that Baby Bean has begun her descent. Unfortunately, I was not dilated by that appointment. I'm not sure if Baby Bean has been floating back up and dropping back down the past few days, or if I am just getting used to the pressure from her dropping down. I do know that I was able to completely fill my lungs on my drive home from work yesterday, which made me smile because it has been a long time since I've been able to do that. It felt so good! I have also had a few occasions where she was pushing down so hard it felt like she was trying to skip labor and go straight to birth.

I haven't bothered taking a belly picture because I am only growing at the rate of 1 cm a week at this point. I probably should just to see if I can tell if the baby is dropping, but I have just had so many other things on my mind it hasn't been a priority.

One thing that is driving me insane is my itchy belly! It itches so much, and I occasionally give in to the insatiable itch and scratch like crazy, which has caused my skin to become really inflamed and tender. I just can't help scratching it though!

I keep asking Hubs to help progress labor, but he refuses. He keeps saying that he wants her to stay in there until she is ready to come out on her own. I jokingly say to him, "You don't want her to come out yet because you're scared." He admits that as she could be here any day, he is a tiny bit nervous. Her appearance is no longer something that is months away, but something that could be mere hours away. When people ask me if I'm nervous my reply is always, "I'm 9 months pregnant. I'm far from nervous."

I think we're about as ready as we can be at this point though. The car seat is installed, my hospital bag is packed, and I've bought the last of the necessary baby items. Now I am just waiting for my indication that it is time to go meet our little girl face to face. Too bad I can't seem to keep up with the housework! I shouldn't say I can't so much as I should say I have been choosing to relax and take it easy. I've been sore and swollen, so it is easier to think that I will deal with all the mess later. I did go on a cleaning binge the other night though. I bathed both dogs, cleaned two bathrooms, and cleaned the kitchen. I paid for it dearly in the form of exhaustion.

Speaking of exhaustion, its bed time and I have a big day ahead of me at work tomorrow. The FDA auditor is darkening our doorstep in the morning and I am sure the last minute documentation updates are far from over. Sorry if this post seems scattered, I have had a pretty crazy work week and just want to go to bed now, so I will. Sweet dreams!

Instincts?

I feel like things must be getting close. This past week I have felt like I absolutely had to get the house cleaned up, all grocery shopping to stock up had to be done, as well as purchasing any remaining necessary baby items. On top of those instincts, I am pretty sure I have been experiencing some prelabor symptoms, which I will not go into at this point.

I have also felt like my time at work before the baby comes is limited, and so have been busting my butt to get my latest document to a state where an outside company can take over it for me. It didn't help that the FDA has apparently decided to audit my company this week, which has thrown all current priorities off task for everyone, including me. Instead of finishing the reformatting of my document on Friday, I got to spend the day in emergency meetings and cleaning up my desk. I did jokingly tell my PM that now that my desk was cleaned up, I could have my baby any day. I just hope it is before Thursday when the auditor is supposed to set foot through the door. I don't particularly wish to be questioned about my job.

As it turns out mother nature also wishes to thwart my plans to have a clean house. I suppose I overdid things a bit on Friday when I went to the grocery store to stock up. I'm not sure I've ever pushed such a heavy cart before. I was really hurting by the time I got out of there. Then yesterday Hubs and I had our marathon parenting class, followed by a last minute stop to BRU, a quickie massage for my shoulder, Tar.get to stock up for the dogs, and then dinner. When I went to get in the shower last night, I looked down and noticed my massive elephant feet that used to be my feet. They were so huge they had dimples. They are still so huge I have a hard time getting them to flex to go down stairs. I've spent all of today pretty much with my feet up in a feeble and vain attempt at getting the swelling to go down. I'm not looking forward to figuring out the footwear situation for tomorrow, since I seriously doubt they will fit into shoes at this point.

Now I'm off to do a bit of work for Hubs, since it is pretty much the only thing I can do from a sitting position with my feet propped up.

Freaking Hilarious!

I just had to recount the dream I had last night because it was so freaking hilarious and out there. It is cracking me up this morning.

Last night I had a dream that I was fist fighting with a yeti in the desert for two weeks. We were beating the tar out of each other with sand flying everywhere, rolling down sand dunes, and neither of us letting up on the other. Then somehow we got to go back in time two weeks to before the fight began. We realized how stupid it had all been and that it was pointless. We had a whole discussion about how we now had the opportunity to fix things that had happened during the two weeks while we were fighting, like the fact that one of my high school best friends had gotten married to a girl he should not have married, and I now had the chance to stop him from making the mistake. The yeti also had things happen to people he knew during the two weeks that he could fix. No hard feelings and now good friends, we went to fix our respective timelines.

Okay, seriously? Who dreams about fist fighting yetis in the desert?! And then add time travel into the story line... (Hubs says the time travel is a lame plot device.)

I will be on the lookout for yetis the next few days....

We're Not Close Enough

I had my weekly appointment yesterday and I have to admit, I was hoping and excited that the doctor would give me news that I was at least starting to dilate. Alas, no dice. I am still completely closed and there are no signs of impending delivery on the horizon. The one good thing I did take away from the appointment was that I had not gained one pound in the last week, which is typical of the ninth month.

My c-section is scheduled, which was news to me, as I never got a phone call informing me of the date and time. I am going to keep the birthday a surprise for now though, but I will say that it is soon. :D :D :D

Today we went and met with our new pediatrician for the first time. We both really liked the doctor and we loved what he had to say even more. He basically told us that he or his staff is available to us 7 a.m. to 9 p.m. Monday through Saturday. He answered all of my questions the way I hoped he would and alleviated any concerns I had. I look forward to having him as Baby Bean's doctor.

The past few days I have been reflecting a lot on my pregnancy. I have seriously loved every minute of it and even though I am ready to meet my baby, I am loving every minute we still have left together. Each and every movement she makes is precious and even more loved because our time like this together is growing shorter. I realize I have complained about the pregnancy a lot the past few posts, but I am only complaining about the bits that are uncomfortable, like the reflux and aches and pains, not the bits where I still have the incredible experience of this precious little life inside of me. Right now I love that I can see her breathe and distincly feel her arms and legs through my tummy.

At my baby shower someone asked how long we wanted to wait before trying for another baby. Hubs and I have talked about this a couple of times throughout the pregnancy and the answer is always the same. We're afraid that if we choose to wait, we won't be able to have any more, yet we want to give my body time to heal. We came to the decision that we aren't going to actively try and we aren't going to actively prevent, that we will accept whatever happens when it happens. We definitely want more children, and in addition to my endo, neither of us is getting any younger. If all of my pregnancies are as easy as this one, then absolutely sign me back up. I just hope I get to experience it at least one more time.

Everything we did to get here was completely worth it, and I know I am going to feel that way even more once our precious baby girl arrives. I look at the 3D picture in the sidebar and think, "I just can't wait to hold that little baby!"

The Only Slightly Awkward Baby Shower

Well, I made it through the baby shower yesterday, which turned out to be only slightly awkward. As it turned out, I knew way more people than I thought I would or did. There were probably about 15-20 women there, including my fabulous BFF and her sister. I was amazed that I actually knew so many of the women. There were probably about eight or so that I didn't know, and they were all fantastic people. I couldn't believe how many people came!

J did an awesome job with the refreshments. She actually made this large cherry chip cake that was too big for the refreshment plates. The best was this berry punch she made that she sprinkled with fresh strawberries, blue berries, and black berries.

The only "game" we played was everyone got a 3x5 card and wrote down a question they wanted to ask me to get to know me better, then write down a piece of advice, and then I got to open their gift. Baby Bean got some new clothes, dishes for when she gets a bit older, a few toys, and some bath items.

One lady who is a month behind me in her pregnancy brought this fantastic cake made out of diapers. lol! It turns out she went through infertility with her first two babies and has endo that also prevented her from getting pg the first couple of times. She even has gestational diabetes. As you can imagine, we became fast friends.

This was another one of my favorite items, given to me by the lady throwing the shower. I had another favorite outfit, but I put it away before I brought the camera upstairs and was too tired and lazy to pull it back out. It was the cutest little outfit from The Chil.drens Pla.ce with a pink, blue, and white striped sweater and little pair of blue jeans.

I realized this week that the baby could technically come any day, and that I don't want my house to be a mess when she does. I don't think I am technically nesting, so much as I realize I will be having a c-section and cleaning my house after getting home from the hospital in anticipation of my mom coming is probably not going to be in the cards. I also realized that I only do laundry every two weeks and what if Baby Bean decides to make her appearance toward the end of the second week? I won't have any clean clothes! I decided I had probably better be a bit more on the ball about getting and keeping the house clean and doing laundry at least once a week. So yesterday I tried to go nuts cleaning before the baby shower, knowing full well it would knock me on my butt and I would end up spending all day Sunday sleeping, which is exactly what happened. At least my house is clean if the baby comes this week. Sadie even got a deshedding brush out today, much to her dismay.

I have been so exhausted lately I can barely keep my eyes open. Hubs and I have been getting in some extra cuddle time because I have been craving contact with him, but I can never manage to stay awake for long after we sit down to watch a show. Mags has been really snuggly too, which I just love. I can't count the number of times the dogs and I have sacked out on the couch together over the past couple weeks. I guess I'm just trying to get the good sleeping in while I can before the big day.

Now if I could just get my allergies to lighten up a bit...

I am So Ready

I discovered over the past couple of days what women mean when they say the last month of pregnancy is the hardest. I also see why women in the 9th month of pregnancy say, "I am so ready for this baby to come out now." I am so there! My belly is enormous and I have officially gotten to the stage in my pregnancy where I have a hard time sleeping because any position I get into is uncomfortable. Not only that, but there is getting up in the middle of the night to pee. Unlike the gentle first trimester when I could just leap out of bed, jet myself to the loo, and run back to my warm bed, I now have to heave my belly to the correct side of the bed, find some way to position and support myself as I ease up into a sitting position, cringe as my swollen feet painfully hit the floor that feels as though it is made of spikes, waddle painfully to the loo (because everything below the waist aches), and then repeat the process in reverse order to get back to bed. I've decided that it doesn't matter anymore if I lose sleep if the baby cries every three hours because she needs to be fed, because I'm getting less than an hour of sleep in each stint right now anyway. lol

Baby Bean has totally run out of room and is fighting me for my abdominal space. Her sweet little movements are like slow punches to the gut, sometimes literally taking my breath away. I have had constant rib pain where she loves to push her tiny little bum up against my rib cage as she stretches out in her small womb. She even protested today when I pushed her bum out of my ribs. I laughed and said, "I know baby girl, we're both running out of space." Add to that the intense pelvic pain that makes it almost unbearable to stand from a sitting position and begin walking. I am just so uncomfortable, and I still have almost a month to go yet!

I am totally over being pregnant. lol I keep asking Hubs to help me get the baby out early, but he refuses. He wants her to bake a little longer. Jerk (whom I love dearly). Then he reminds me I wanted her to wait until after our parenting class next weekend. That was before I had an insatiable belly itch and back pain! Every time I contract, I pray that the next one will be accompanied with cramps, a sign you are going into labor. In fact, I had contractions throughout the entire night last night, which made it almost impossible to sleep. Unfortunately, they were not labor contractions. Speaking of contractions, have you ever tried to drive a manual car and shift while having a contraction? Or better yet, shifting while going around a corner while having a contraction. So not cool. Yeah, I have a LOT of contractions. My doctor told me I have a cranky uterus. That whole, "call me if you have more than four in an hour" no longer applies to me because I commonly have 10 or more in an hour.

Yep, this mamma is ready to go. I am also tired of male coworkers asking when I'm "going to pop." That is such a crude way of putting it. I always want to smack them when they ask that. "I don't know, when are YOU going to pop? Ass."

Pregnancy was seriously awesome for me up until this point. I had a picture perfect pregnancy with zero morning sickness and relatively few symptoms throughout. Sure, I had a few panic moments, but what first-time mom doesn't? Everything was always totally fine, and Baby Bean always checked out perfectly. I really can't complain about the first 34 weeks. I was seriously blessed, so much so that I totally look forward to being pregnant again. I just don't look forward to the last month. lol

I am just praying that my little girl decides to come out a couple of weeks early. Perhaps I can entice her by sitting in her nursery more, or telling her about all of her sweet clothes and cool toys. Come on snuggle bug, come out and meet your parents and puppies!

Wacky Weekend

I was just about to start writing this post when I looked down at my belly and realized I can see Baby Bean breathing. That is the coolest and craziest thing ever. It is so sci fi to see your belly breathing separately from you. lol

This past weekend has been kind of crazy. A couple of weeks ago after Hubs had taken the pooches out for their daily dose of Fetch Until You Drop, we noticed that Mags started favoring her right shoulder. I debated over taking her to the vet or just waiting to see what happened. Over the next few hours, she seemed right as rain. However, if she was sedentary for an extended period of time, she would act sore and stiff when she got up, sometimes favoring the shoulder again. This behavior has been on and off ever since. Some days she is just fine, and others she seems stiff and sore. I determined it was probably a soft tissue injury and that she should probably be on some kind of pain medication, so I finally took her to see the vet on Friday.

First of all, I LOVE our vet. The woman obviously loves animals very deeply. She kept snuggling Mags and giving her kisses right on her wet nose. I loved it. After examining my baby, she also determined it was a soft tissue injury and prescribed a week's worth of remadyl. On top of the pain meds, she told me that Mags is not allowed to play fetch for a month. A MONTH?!?! I almost cried! That is Maggie's favorite thing ever. The vet was firm and told me that if I didn't keep Mags from playing that the injury could turn into arthritis or worse. The good news is, the meds seem to be helping the stiffness, but the downside is she hasn't been eating very much. My poor little baby pooch. :(

When Hubs and I first bought our house, our realtor gave us a $50 gift card to Ho.me De.pot. We decided on Friday that we had probably better use it, since we've had it for almost a year (I seriously can't believe we've almost been here for a year already!!!!). I wanted to buy decorative wall shelving for the baby's room, so we got in the car and headed to HD. I didn't find what I was looking for; however, we did find a $300 Christmas tree on sale for $75. After discussing it and making sure there was nothing else we wanted, we bought the tree. Once the purchase was made, I realized what a sweet deal we just gotten. The thing is 7.5" tall and is prelit with LED lights. Plus it looks nice. It will be exciting to decorate it next year and put Baby Bean's pressies under it. :)

That night at around 4 am (technically Saturday morning), one of our smoke detectors frizted and started going off. I know this sounds weird, but we invested in some seriously expensive smoke detectors a couple of years ago after attending a fire safety seminar. They are the only smoke detectors 100% guaranteed to go off in case of a fire and are the only company in the US who can legally make that claim. That being said, we also have the stupid cheapie smoke detectors installed that came with the house (a whole two of them). With that in mind, I was absolutely freaked out when one of the alarms started going off. The expensive ones don't fritz. After about 5 beeps, the alarm stopped, which gave me a sense of calm because I realized chances were high it was a fritzing cheapie and everything was fine. I was right. However, I could not calm my mind. I was so afraid that one of the expensive ones would start going off any moment and that our house was really on fire. Luckily it wasn't, and the expensive ones stayed silent. I hope to never wake up to the sound of a smoke detector going off again.

Yesterday was a total low key day. We went shopping for a changing table and came home empty handed. Shortly after we walked through the door, I was sacked out on the couch for the next few hours.

In pregnancy news, I am totally ready for this baby to come out. First of all, I can't wait to hold her, snuggle her, and love her to bits. I'm looking forward to Baby Bean snugging with Hubs and I on the couch. I am so excited to start dressing her in all of her new clothes and putting her in her swing and bouncer. I am also really ready for the heartburn and its backup to end. Even sleeping upright doesn't prevent the backup anymore. I am totally ready to stop being so sore I can barely walk. I am ready to lose the water weight and to stop dreading post partum. I just want the next chapter to begin already! Only a couple more weeks! :D

I Feel So Awkward

All of my life I was raised to be religious. I went to church every Sunday, attended church activities, went to seminary in high school, and even went to a church school for the first two years of my college education. Despite all of the churchiness in my life, I was never a really churchy person, believe it or not. I did all of those things because that is what was expected of me. I also did them in hopes that I would be the kind of religious person my parents wanted me to be. However, once I left the church school, I began to fall away from the religion. A big part of that had to do with the people. I know that everyone says you should go to church to receive the gospel, but I had a hard time feeling the spirit when I was around people I didn't care to be around or when I didn't feel welcomed. Over the next two years of my college education, I think I attended church maybe a few dozen times. When I graduated from college, I began going to meetings designated for single people. At this point, going to church was more so that I could hang out with my friends than anything else because I had gotten myself into the mindset where church was boring and I didn't want to be there.

A few years after graduating from college I met my husband, who was a convert. Together we got out of the habit of going to church all together. We tried going a few times after we first got married, but not once did anyone from our congregation come over and talk to us after the meetings were over. No one even acknowledged our existence. So fine, we didn't really want to go to church in the first place, but feeling completely unwelcome and unwanted only further cemented our reasons for not going. We didn't set foot in a church again for the next three years.

We always said that we would go back to church if we moved to Texas or got pregnant. As fate would have it, both happened within months of each other. Then one day in August, when I was barely starting to show my pregnancy, we went back. The difference between the congregation here and in our previous state was night and day. As soon as the first meeting concluded, swarms of smiling faces came over to meet and greet us. We were shocked. Within weeks, members of the congregation came over to our house to welcome us and get to know us better. Hubs was in heaven because he was finally meeting people (remember he works from home and is somewhat of a hermit), and not only that, but he liked them!

Now we get to the awkward part. In our church, there is a group of ladies who are in charge of compassionate service, fellowshipping other women, etc. This group came over to my house within a couple weeks of my going back to church. Within the first 10 minutes they were here, they were asking to throw me a baby shower.

I am a rather introverted person to start with, but I get even moreso when I am the center of attention. I know this sounds weird, but when I got married I dreaded the bridal showers. I hated opening gifts in front of scads of women and trying to act happy when I really felt just plain stupid. "Oh wow! A crock pot! That will come in so handy on those cold winter days. Thank you so much." Uh yeah, I felt lame. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful and thankful to the hostesses and all of the people who showed up to support me. I just don't like all eyes on me and people watching my reaction to opening gifts.

Baby showers on the other hand, are so much worse for me because I have to pretend I feel all squishy inside as I open baby outfit after baby outfit. I do love the outfits, but I just don't go all googly over baby stuff the way most women do (or pretend to). I don't go all googly over other people's babies either. I'm just not that type of woman. I attended a double baby shower for two women in my congregation I didn't know back in September, and even though it wasn't for me, I still hated it because everyone there expected the pregnant woman to be as gushy as the women opening the presents. "Aren't you just so excited to have your baby now?! Does this make you wish you were having your baby now? I bet you can't wait until its your shower." Please, let me slink into a dark corner where I can evade such silly comments. I couldn't wait to get out of there.

When the women asked to throw me a shower, I thanked them from the bottom of my heart, but respectfully declined for a couple of reasons: 1. I hate being the center of attention; and 2. I didn't know anybody here. I didn't feel right asking almost 100 women I didn't know to come shower me in gifts. The women persisted. They really wanted to throw me a shower. They said it was my opportunity to meet people and have people get to know me. Slowly, and extremely reluctantly, I gave in. When I told Hubs about it later, he was a bit disappointed in my telling them no in the first place. He reminded me that they offered, I didn't ask. They WANTED to do this for me, and I was denying them that happiness. He told me that I should allow them to throw the shower, and to just be sure that I attend all of the showers I would get invited to even when I didn't know the women. I don't think to this day he really knows what an awkward situation this is for me.

Over the next few months my church attendance was still a bit lax, while Hubs went every single Sunday with or without me. The less I went, the more I hoped they would forget about the baby shower, especially since I wasn't meeting people. Nope. Guess again. Every time I showed up, they reminded me they wanted to throw me a shower and began talking about dates. If I felt awkward about it before, it paled in comparison. Again, I tried to resist, but to no avail.

I got my evite to my own baby shower today. It is scheduled for next Saturday, and over 90 people have been invited. I don't know if many of them will actually show up. There maybe a half dozen or so. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I am totally dreading it. Yes, I am lame. I have zero problem going to showers for women I don't know, but I have a problem with being the receiver of gifts from them.

Right now, I need some form of escapism. I need to get my mind off of its current plagues and do something enjoyable so I don't follow my gut and crawl back into bed and pull the covers over my head. I think some shopping is in order.