July 28, 2004
This is my 18th year of my life.
What have I done for myself so far? I dunno.
Jiayu told me that I have always been a very nice & helpful guy, (and all thanks to you that I have been thinking about this for so long, how long can I last this way?) I could have been one. All I know that I have gone too far. I had endured being used, giving generously and trying to give whatever others need no matter what it takes. I seldom think for myself. Never was I my first priority. I can plan every single second, every single cent I have for others. What's left for myself at the end of the day? Nothing. You might say I have a large group of friends in return, but its always too large for me. I cant handle it all. There isn't might time left.
I gave up my sleep.
I gave up my friendships.
I gave up my studies.
I gave up my health.
I gave up my freedom.
I gave up almost everything.
I almost gave up myself.
never in my whole life I felt that I am that important to any particular friend, group, class, school and even the society. I always feel that I am not important.When i think that nobody remembers my existence, and the more I wanna prove them. What's the point? From the days I started irc, I spent hours and hours to get friends to know me. From the days I started playing soccer, I spent days and weeks practicing, and I never gave up. All I wanted was a group of friends to accept me. From the day I started conference over the phone, I spend nights trying to know my friends better. . From the day I started playing network games, I hoped I can have the same interests as my friends. From the day I started chilling till wee hours with my friends, I lost faith to my family cry, I steal, I lie, I drink, I smoke. I gave up almost everything I got. But nobody ever listen to what I got to say. They never take me seriously. Call me a crybaby, an asshole, a fagger, a liar, a mother fucker. Whatever you got. but i never gave up trying.
3 Justice 2001 rocks.
4 Justice 2002 rocks.
Human relations is the toughest subjection in life. Nobody will ever score full marks, barely a A. or should i say noone can ever grade it. its gradeless, pointless, no system to measure its value.
even when times are bad I am glad I got to know a group of gamers: Dom, ber, alex, melvyn, andy, fel, louis, holly, alicia, yy, shan, vikk, ron, chong, ken, kk and every single QuizQuiz gamers, DamnHappening forums, Blogspot. I liked everyone of u, I hadfun. Its okay for you guys to tease me. I am okay as long as you, my friends are happy. I learned a lot of things, no other places will teach. $$ cant buy.
QQ, DHF RAWKS.
Yes. I enjoyed my life, in return of everything.
I know nothing is free. Something has to be taken away.
I started working. Yes. Its almost 2 years already. I loved all of my colleagues. No matter how naggy, how unfair, how bad-tempered you people are, I always try to understand and give in. Even if I have to work till as if I am an under-paid dog, I will still stay. Because you guys really spiced up my life.
TR ROCKZ.
life in TP had never been better without all my mates. TB028. YOU ROCKS. Love everyone of you even when I say I hate you, which I dun mean to. esp to junwei. You are too perfectionist at times but you still rocks. I Dunne where I might have been without you. =D I got to know more of my mates, almost half of the LT. Everyone rocks. You guys are people I can really rely on.
TP ROCKS, SL ROCKS, A&F ROCKS.
I gave up too much, there isn't much time left and I wan to do a lot of things for myself and my family. I want to score. I wan my freedom. I wan my life and I still want my friends. I want to have everything.
thanks to chantel, yihan, & yongsen , and all thanks to them I am what have came to this pt of life cheerfully today. (not forgetting my family.) I love you guys, the best of the best. Sorry for I neglected a bunch of yumin clicks. rafdi, sunny, lewis, alex, ee chow. I really miss those times we had crazy times together.
YUMIN RULEZ.
I want to change.
I have decided my way.
I dun care what u have to say
I just need your support.
I gonna live my way.
tonight, its tears of joy. no matter how drastic my soul, i still believe.
July 27, 2004
Fruits Basket - For Fruits Basket
I as so happy
when you smiled at me
with a smile that melts away everything
Spring is still far away
and the cold earth is still wet
was waiting for the day when the first grass sprouts
for instance, even though today is painful
even if yesterday's wounds are left behind
if i open up the heart that i want to believe in
i can't be born again
but i can change as i go on
let's stay together... always
we were just smiling
as a bud was coming out of the garden
is our hope, our only wish, really so eternally different?
your gentle rising figure
already, the load of grief rest on me
trying my strength as i mourn
as the field of tears fall to the sea
although today is hard to the bear
someday it will be a tender memory
if i free everything from my heart
i learn why i am here
i will know they joy to be born
let's stay together... always
for example today is hard to bear
someday it will be a tender memory
if free veverything in my heart
ilearn why i am here
i will know the joy to be born
let's stay together... always
July 26, 2004
Fruits Basket - For Fruits Basket
Totemo ureskikatta yo
Kimi ga warai kakede ta
Subete o takasu ho hoemide
Haru wa mada to okute
Tsumetai tsuchi no nakade
Mefuku toki o matte tan da
Tatoeba Kurushii kyou da to shitemo
Kinou no kuzu o nokoshite itemo
Shinjitai kokoro hodo ite yukereto
Umare kawaru kotowa dekinai yo
Dakedo kawatte wa ikeru kara
Let's stay together... itsumo
Boku deke ni waratte
sono uibi de nee sawatte
Nozomi bakari ga hateshinaku
Yasashiku shitai e yo
Mon kuyanu you ni
nageki no umi mokoete ikou
tatoe kurushii kyoudato shitemo
Itsu ka atatakana omoide ni naru
Kokoro goto subete nage dase tanara
Koko ni ikiteru imiga wakaru yo
umare ochita yorokobi o shiru
Let's stay together... istumo
Tatoeba kurushii kyou da toshitemo
Istuo ka atatakana omoide ni naru
kokoro goto subete nage dasetu nara
kokoni ikiteu imiga wakaru yo
Umare ochita yorokobi o hiru
Let's stay together... itsumo
July 24, 2004
Hoobastank - The Reason
i'm not a perfect person. there are many things i wish i didnt do
but i continue learning. i never meant to do those things to you.
and so i have to say before i go, that i just want you to know
i've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new, and the reason is you
i'm sorry that i hurt you, its something i must live with everyday
and all the pain i put you through, i wish that i could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears, thats why i need you to hear
i'm not a perfect person, i never meant to do those things to you
and so i have to say before i go that i just want you to know
i've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new, and the reason is you
i've found a reason to show a side of me you didnt know
a reason for all that i do, and the reason is you
July 21, 2004
my room. hurr....
comics! comics! more comics!
piggy from wai sim as bdae present... hurr
bear from SL camp!
July 19, 2004
Extracted directly from Sel
Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?
Saying something and wishing you hadn't?, or Saying nothing and wishing you had?
I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them.
If you do, they might break your heart...if you don't, you might break theirs.
Have u ever decided not 2 become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person? Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't.You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own........when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.
Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you? Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much...for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all.
Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle? We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.
But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.
Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done, or could have had.
*What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say good-bye?
*What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?
*What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt? (even if it is that you don't care anymore)
*What would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have them?
*What would you do if you never got the chance to say I am friends with all of my family and they know I love them?
*People live, but people die. I want to tell you that you are a friend. If you died tomorrow (God Forbid)you would be in my heart forever. Would I be in yours?
Source: Unknown
i din expect all these to happen so fast. suddenly i lost track of time. its already 12, i thought its only 9. when i close my eyes for a longer sleep at 10, the next moment its 4. everything is going too fast.
projects due 2 weeks times. test next week, mid sem the next 2. school ends late, no time for dinner, no time for bus. no time for work. i have to find more time.. but theres only 24hrs a day.. i dun wan to go back to the old days... i am very sick of sleeping 3hrs a day... i need more time..
24hrs - 6hrs lesssons, 2hrs break, 2hrs travelling, 3hrs com, 4hrs work, 2hrs study, 5hrs sleep.
July 17, 2004
July 16, 2004
My japanese name is 秋本 Akimoto (autumn book) 翼 Tsubasa (wing).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.
July 15, 2004
went through some blogs. its been some time i browsed through the all the blogs. took some to tag alittle... and read some of the stuff... everything changes so fast... birthdays come and go... friends went to NS... graduated.. go overseas for holidays... without me knowing. i am thinking what have i been doing lately. holidaY? no. it was only 5days. school? work? i got no idea... i am losing everyone, little by little. i dun even know jiayu came back, melyvn went hk, dom study in tp, jessie bdae, and every single other thing else. whats happening to me all these days?
there is one particular blog i want to reply to. anyone who read this, who know this, should know. i am not going to explain or anything.
you wont lose me as a friend. its not like you betrayed me or something. you are smart, theres no need for me to tell you what to do. if i am to fall, i will fall great, fall deep, but i will climb back up again. you dun have to feel sorry, or shld i say you dun even need to feel sorry, its nobody's fault. dun ever compare. things may happen again and again, but it might not continue the same way. remember the sms i sent you. keep that in mind. always. things are not always the way you think it is. give me some time to take it back. just remember. dun ever compare. never.
assumption is the mother of all fuck ups. never assume.
comparsion is the father of all fuck off. never compare.
you are the one more painful.
July 14, 2004
went to sarawak from thursday to monday. took a late flight home. details later.
system recovered, back to normal, same old me.
July 07, 2004
badminton today AGAIN! what else is new?
kai ting kind of msg me on sunday.. haha.. she damn silly and cute, and a babe not to mention. hurr. and it was like the first time she talked to me already, who else can be more friendly sia... the two of them... havoc!
tml. wed. gotta wake up at 6. some stuff to do. VERY IMPORTANT! includes finding solution to help fix my self recovery system.
self repaired 67%. 33%? missing parts. each sold separately
July 04, 2004
CAN CAFE PROGRESS REPORT
FINAL REPORT
attendence: me, weisong, lance, helva, ruowen ,zhouwei
friday. went down for the sake of lance. he dun wan go on sat. but nevermind. latest news was TING TING graduated from tp this yr. this sucks. i thought she just got in. haix. now she has went back to china... i cant see her face anymore. nomore. maybe even not in the future. that so sadx. bei rong (nus life science) and kai ying is getting more n more friendly these days, main reason: they are quitting soon! why: sch reopen. i wonder where they are studying now. anyway can cafe has a new menu! tried the hoegaarden instead of the regular hein. was quite a nice ferment after all! maybe next time i shld drink again. went home at 1.30
saturday. it was said by bei rong n kai ying that today will be their last day. weisong and i came down on purpose to see them the last time. aooo.. thats sadz... ordered a new drink call this erm.. forget wats the name but is a berry mix milkshake with my fav strawberri! was quite a nice shake! hahahha... wei song had a duran durian... and it wasnt as nice as mine.. hee... gave the 2 of them our (me , song n rowie) numbers and only today they know OUR name. hurr... home at 12.
maybe this will be our last visit. sadx.
July 02, 2004
miss morning lec. sch till 5. a tired day after a nice 2hr fun of badminton with my friends. have dinner at tamp s11. home.
i hate this feeling. its poking ME