As much fun as I poke at ESPN, I always contended that I could not survive without it. Especially this time of year, when I finally decide to catch up on College Basketball. Well apparently a lot of men feel the same way that I do, including one guy that almost murdered his wife because she canceled the channel without telling him. Via The Hour....

Police arrested a Norwalk man on Saturday who allegedly threatened his wife at knife-point for canceling ESPN a few weeks before the Super Bowl, a department spokesperson said.

Jerome Smalls, 43, was charged with disorderly conduct and second-degree threatening.

Officers responded to Smalls' home on West Main Street on a call of an armed subject shortly before midnight on Saturday, Norwalk police Sgt. Lisa Cotto said.

At the residence, police interviewed a woman who alleged her husband threatened her with a kitchen knife after he learned that she had recently canceled the family's cable package, Cotto said.

Smalls was most upset for having lost his favorite sports channels, specifically the 24-hour sports network ESPN, she said.

Smalls admitted to grabbing his wife and screaming at her while their three children were sleeping, but denied ever threatening the woman with a knife, she said.

The wife told police that she canceled her husband's favorite programs because the family could no longer afford it, Cotto said. The husband told officers that he was upset because he believed the luxury of cable was well within the household budget, she said.

Well then. I would probably be ultra depressed for a few weeks, but I don't think I would ever turn to violence. Actually I take that back. When ESPN fired Emmitt Smith, I went outside and just started flipping cars. Who knows what I would do if the whole channel was taken from me. ESPN should really hire this guy for their next set of commercials.

Oh and look for "ESPN the Murder Weapon" at a store near you this Summer!

Dispute erupts when wife cancels ESPN, cable TV (The Hour)

When it comes to David Beckham, women do some crazy things. I'm sure he's had multiple stalkers in his past, but that doesn't compare to this awkward encounter with an Italian reporter hell bent on grabbing his junk. Via Who Ate All The Pies?....

If your Italian is not so good, the story is as follows: Elena Di Cioccio, a reporter for Silvio Berlusconi’s Uno station (yes, Berlusconi also owns AC Milan, Beckham’s current home), wanted to see if Becks was really packing Dirk Diggler-heat downstairs, as all those pants ads suggest. So she pulled on a pair of rubber gloves, walked up to Beckham while he was being interviewed in Madrid for an American TV station, and grabbed his crotch.

“Off the pitch we have seen fascinating photographs of David Beckham in his underpants and seemingly very well endowed and even his wife says that he is well equipped and calls him Golden Balls,” Di Cioccio said.

And Di Cioccio’s conclusion? A rough translation: “I touched it but it’s small! David you have conned us all. What did you use, cotton wool? It’s a trick!”

Well then. I don't really have much to add to that, I guess. I mean, I'm all for random women grabbing my crotch, but jeez ladies....there's a time and a place!

Video: Female TV Presenter Grabs David Beckham’s Golden Balls… And His Golden Penis (Who Ate All The Pies?)

I absolutely love when evening dramas decide to feature Sports stars for certain episodes. Announcers have appeared on various soap operas over the past few years, last year Jordan Farmar and Pau Gasol starred on NUMB3RS, and Gasol even got a non-Baskeball related role in CSI: Miami a few months back (he was in a car accident and died from head trauma....YEAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOW!).

Well the latest Sport (I'm skipping the CSI: NY episode about the Lingere Football League) to get the CSI treatment is Golf, as Rocco Mediate, Duffy Waldorf and Natalie Gulbis will all appear on the show tonight....

A "Body On The Back Nine"? A "Case That's Way Out Of Bounds"?!?!?! I'm sold. I mean Natalie Gulbis on the show alone had me sold, but murder mixed with Golf is an added bonus!

Pro Golfers Tee It Up in Vegas on CSI Tonight (The Sporting Blog)

There was really nothing redeeming about last night's Orange Bowl until the very end of the program. The game was dominated by Iowa's defense, but it was their quarterback who stole the show by giving a speech for the ages....

USA! USA! USA! There were a few people who thought he was celebrating the United States' win in the World Junior Hockey Championships, but I have a different idea. Stanzi was just reiterating to Chris Myers that jokes about terrorists will not be tolerated in this great country.

A very spooky bat disrupted the Spurs-Kings game on Halloween night, and who were the AT&T Center authorities going to call to remedy the situation? Well Manu Ginobili of course! Manu's line for the night....13 points, 3 assists, 1 rebound and a dead bat....

It's not exactly Rocky chasing chickens, but bat catching could seriously become an off-the-wall training method. Very impressive, but I don't think I would have gone with just the hand sanitizer after that one. Maybe some boiling water.

Bats Everywhere Quiver in Fear of Manu (Fanhouse)

You would think that CSI: Miami would pick Dwyane Wade to guest star on an episode of the show, but no. The producers have tabbed LA Laker Pau Gasol as a suspect for an episode that will air next month. From With Leather via the AP....

Spanish national basketball team player and LA Lakers star Pau Gasol says he recently completed filming a guest appearance on the hit US crime drama "CSI: Miami" in an interview published Sunday.

"It was a very attractive opportunity. I play Victor, a normal person who is involved in a car accident and police are suspicious that I am responsible for what happened. I have good, meaty dialogue with an officer," he told daily newspaper El Pais.

The episode will air on the CBS network in the United States next month. It will be one of the first episodes of the ninth season of the series about a team of South Florida forensic experts who probe mysterious or unusual deaths.

"I have always had the acting bug inside me. What this city gives me are opportunities. I'm in the best team in the league, I'm one of the best franchises and this is the city where it happens all the movies," he said.

This isn't the first time Gasol has made it onto a CBS show. Last year, he was on an episode of Numb3rs with teammate Jordan Farmar. As far as CSI: Miami is concerned, all I have to say is YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOWWWW!!!!!

Pau Gasol On CSI: Miami (With Leather)

Former Denver Broncos wide receiver Rod Smith is currently an analyst on the NFL Network, and before the season, he made a very bold prediction. I don't think a single planet predicted the Broncos to go 5-0 to start the season, but that's exactly what Rod did.

Now I know that was the homer pick of all homer picks, but still you have to give him some credit. In fact with Denver winning, Invesco is one of the loudest stadiums in the league. Too bad they have to play San Diego, Baltimore, Indy and Philly on the road.

Rick Reilly has been widely known to make outlandish bets in his columns involving "tongue baths" with various buildings in various cities. His latest involved liking the Capital Dome in Denver if the Rockies made the Playoffs, and he actually made good on the bet today....


"It tasted like crow," Reilly said. "That's the last time I open my big mouth."

Well, I guess we can thank Denver for getting Reilly to shut up. Thanks guys!

Reilly keeps his word, licks dome (850 KOA)

Mike and Mike were at the Metrodome yesterday to film that cute Miller Lite commercial you saw last night and to do their radio show. The Star Tribune decided to interview the duo early in the morning, and not only did we learn that Greenberg wants to be in "Guys and Dolls", but that Golic likes the gossip mags....

Their boss, Scott Shapiro, ESPN radio program director and a Minnesotan who claims to have been reading this column since he was 5, kindly introduced me as the "mega popular gossip columnist," and I was aces with Golic.

"That means you read all the same magazines as I do," said the former NFL defensive lineman. "The last thing I heard now, the Khloe and Lamar Odom wedding didn't really go official because they are waiting for the pre-nup to be signed. ... Sounds like it's over [at Brangelina's]. A little bird tells me that Brad [Pitt] is off living on his own, getting back into that life again but still wants to be a dad to those kids [he's got with Angelina Jolie]."

Just as I wrapped my mind around how well I was bonding with Golic, he surprised me with this riff: "I tell you, the one that I'm really worried about -- Jennifer Aniston. What is going on with her? It's unbelievable. I'm starting to think that maybe it's more her than anybody else."

I think Aniston hops into bed too quickly, but I told Golic I thought she was a little needy. "There you go. I'm with you," Golic said. "Are you kidding me! I know all this stuff."

Well that's good to know, I guess. And here I was thinking that two radio hosts needed to know more about Sports than Broadway and the Kardashians. Shame on me.

ESPN's Mike Golic struts his Hollywood gossip stuff (Star Tribune)

Sean Salisbury went from ESPN analyst to, online mogul, to radio host, in a brief period, and unfortunately controversy followed him each place. Everyone knows the ESPN alleged story about "Lil Sean" and a cell phone camera, while Sean's latest problems (after being let go by a radio station in Dallas) are rumored to be along the same lines, Salisbury is apparently suing everyone on the planet. Via Deadspin....

This is salisbury and I just want u to know ur guys lies and carelessness about CBS and espn stories has not only ruined my reputation but has cost me jobs so prepare urself for a lawsuit so big I will own deadspin u will be asked to give up ur sources so since u guys have cost me more than alot of money my only goal in my career is to ruin u like u have me. Sadly I tried to be honest with you and you have continually written lies. So you and a few major media networks arebeing sued. And put this on ur careless website. I kept a journal for 13 years at espn and a tell all book will be released in months to come. Book title: espn exposed. The truth inside the r rated company. So ur lies about a cell phone incident that is a lie and the reason I left CBS radio that u guys lied about. The time has come and I won't stop until the truth is told and deadspin is exposed.

Well then. Obviously, if the rumored cell phone incidents aren't true, then Salisbury has some leverage. Buuuut....these things have followed them everywhere, and the original ESPN employee is on record as confirming the story. It seems like big talk from someone who's frustrated with his current situation, but I'm definitely going to keep an eye on how it plays out.

(Side note: If you read that whole email exchange on Deadspin, the amount of spelling mistakes is atrocious. It wouldn't surprise me that this is/was a hoax.)

Sean Salisbury Has A Few Things To Get Off His Chest (Deadspin)

One of the more stressful things to deal with, when it comes to Fantasy Football, is when you are away from your computer right before 1pm. I know everyone has called a friend to change their lineup, and I've even ran into a random library or two in my day. Well, ESPN has a solution for you if you use their fantasy services. Yes, ESPN is starting a "help desk", that runs from 8am to 1am seven days a week, and will actually change your lineup for you. Via 12SD....


While that seems like a great idea, it seems equally creepy. Obviously Fantasy Sports are a huge business nowadays, but this might be taking it too far.

The Leader: You Never Call Anymore (12 Step Drop)

In case you were wondering where Kordell Stewart has been, you're in luck. He's been found, and he's an analyst on Versus for this season of UFL action!!! Stewart will working with PbP man Dave Sims, and the one and only Doug Flutie. Add to that Baltimore Radio's Anita Marks on the sideline, and you have your UFL announcing crew...

The United Football League announced today that four highly talented broadcasters will lead the television coverage of the UFL on VERSUS. Veteran play-play announcer Dave Sims joins the broadcast booth with color analyst and former NFL standout Doug Flutie. Former Steelers Quarterback Kordell Stewart and radio and television host Anita Marks will serve as sideline and features reporters.

“We have assembled a top-notch team to lead our inaugural telecasts on VERSUS,” said Frank Vuono, COO of the UFL. “The combined football experience and knowledge of Dave, Doug, Kordell and Anita will help us provide unprecedented access to professional football while allowing the home viewer prime viewing position that will truly make them feel like they are part of the action.”

I'm not sure anyone is going to watch the UFL, so I don't know what good it would be to judge this team. I personally like Sims and Flutie, and loathe Stewart and Marks, but who knows....maybe they'll make a good team. Here's the schedule again, in case you care....

October 8th- California Redwoods at Las Vegas Locos (9pm)
October 14th- Florida Tuskers at Las Vegas Locos (9pm)
October 22nd- California Redwoods at Florida Sentinels (7pm)
October 29th- Las Vegas Locos at Florida Tuskers (7pm)
November 4th- Las Vegas Locos at New York Sentinels (7pm)
November 12th- Florida Tuskers at New York Sentinels (7pm)
November 19th- Florida Tuskers at California Redwoods (9pm)
November 27th- Championship Game in Las Vegas (3pm)

Here's Your UFL on Versus Announcing Crew (Fang's Bites)

If you were watching FOX Baseball over the weekend, you may have been one of the precious few to get a preview of Tim McCarver's new album! MLB on FOX, played some of the songs for the viewing audience, and what was a surprise to everyone, it really wasn't that bad. Via The Sporting Blog....

McCarver has a new album coming out called Tim McCarver Sings Selections from the Great American Songbook. My assumption is that there is no actual printed songbook he reads from (if there is, I want video), but rather the concept of great American classics that people have chronicled together. And classics they are. McCarver's dulcet tones serenade us with the likes of "One for My Baby (And One More For The Road)" and "Gone With The Wind."

But here's the thing – by the sound of it, McCarver can really sing. When the Fox telecast cut back from a break they showed the Phillie Phanatic dancing to one of the old classics and play-by-play man Howie Rose made the joke that we weren't listening to Frank Sinatra play over the PA, but McCarver instead. And after hearing his 'talk-as-singing' style that Sinatra made so famous, it was quite a pleasant sound. If you're a sports fan and a fan of old crooners, this album will be right up your alley as nobody in sports is as old and 'croony' as McCarver.

Who would have thunk it? Maybe McCarver should consider a career move. In fact, I think everyone should buy it from Amazon now, so we can plant that seed.

Press Coverage (The Sporting Blog)
Tim McCarver Sings Selections from the Great American Songbook (Amazon)

There were a ton of great quotes emailed to me over the weekend on the NFL side of things, but since I was out of town for most of the weekend, I'm just going to give you one. Besides, Gus Johnson almost dying in the booth, this could quite possibly be the funniest quotes of the year. From none other than Chris Myers, via none other than TMZ....

"Going from two Super Bowls in Pittsburgh to the winless Detroit team -- that's like going from dating Beyonce to Whoopi Goldberg."- Chris Myers

Please, PLEASE!....let Chris Myers get bashed on "The View"! That would just make my week!

Now I'm really confused. I thought ESPN had signed on Kenny Chesney to sing their College Football song this season, but today the "Leader" announced that Dave Matthews Band is the "Official Band of ESPN’s 2009 College Football Coverage". What does that mean you ask? Well....

The Grammy Award-winning Dave Matthews Band will serve as the official band of ESPN’s college football coverage from the kickoff of the season to the conclusion of the BCS National Championship Game on ABC on Jan. 7, providing 10 songs – seven from their new album Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King -- for game and studio telecasts across multiple platforms. The other three songs will come from the albums Crash and Under the Table and Dreaming.

The music will be featured in various ways during game and studio telecasts, including as the networks go to and return from commercial breaks, in highlight montages and for promotions of upcoming programs and show segments across ABC, ESPN, ESPN2, ESPNU, ESPN360.com, ESPN Mobile TV and ESPN International.

On occasion, the song will be accompanied by a video montage of Dave Matthews Band concert performance footage and college football highlights. Every Saturday Night Football Presented by Southwest Airlines telecast on ABC will feature a 45-second montage of first-half highlights at the beginning of the second half.

Hmmm. And I thought I was confused before that blockquote. So let's try to get this straight using ESPN's actually quotes. DMB will be the "Official Band of ESPN’s 2009 College Football Coverage", while Kenny Chesney has "has written a song exclusively for ESPN’s college football game and studio telecasts". I now see how that's totallllllly different.

With every angle exhausted on Brett Favre, ESPN (and Scoop Jackson) have turned to the next logical slant when it comes to the flip-flopper....


What if Brett Favre were a woman? (ESPN: Scoop Jackson)

I remember Jim Traber fondly, since I grew up an O's fan, but since his retirement he's become one of those Sports Talk Guys, that you would just absolutely despise. Traber recently got into a pissing match with the OKC Thunder's, Nick Collison, over some Twitter comments, and after Bill Simmons denied a request to come on his show to talk about it, the radio host turned his hate to the Sports Guy. Ding....let's break it down blow by blow....

Simmons: "Note to unpopular, low-IQ sports radio bully/hosts in non-Top40 markets: I'd never come on your show to bring you attention. Ever. Not ever."

Traber: "Simmons's lack of knowledge on sports is only surpassed by his lack of knowledge about me. Little does he know that his own network - ESPN - did a story on Outside the Lines about this unpopular radio host. #1 in the country per capita...enough said. As far as my IQ, I do not have a masters, as I was playing Major League Baseball during that period of my life, but I was the scholar athlete for the entire state of Maryland.

Last thing about Simmons, if I had the voice of a pre-pubescent girl I'd probably stick to writing a blog as well. Meanwhile, I will just continue to struggle along to support my family without the "attention" I would gain if Bill Simmons would grace my small time OKC radio show."

Hmmm that's a tough round to score. Traber went with the standard Simmons' bashing, and did a pretty good job, but I think Simmons' tweet speaks for itself. He's like the Yankees (before 2004) saying that the Red Sox had to win something, before they could call it a rivalry. How do you like that comparison, Bill?

Simmons Twitter (Twitter)
Traber: Simmons and Seattle – a perfect match (The Sports Animal)
For He Is Traber, Lord Of The Idiots (Daily Thunder)

Soccer fights are just about the weakest fights on the planet. It's hard to believe anything could ever top Baseball fights, but when people fall just by being touched, I think Soccer takes the cake. Well that is until now. I give you Sergio Jauregui, of Blooming in the Bolivian Soccer League, kicking someone named Medina in the face! Via Deadspin....

DAAAAAAAAMN! You got knocked the f**k out!!! Now that was awesome, but you can't run away after something like that, and pretend you did nothing wrong. Still though, he didn't use his hands....which is a plus in Soccer.

Okay, so this guy isn't actually Kenny Powers, but he sounds exactly like him. Add to the fact that his analysis of Ian Kinsler getting hit in the head, is that it is "f**ked up", and you have a winner! Careful of very NSFW language....

Now that's what we need more of in Sports Broadcasting! Someone saying that the Boston Red Sox pitchers are a bunch of p**ssies. Obviously I don't condone the use of the word faggot, but there's gotta be a place for him at Fox, right?

Kenny Powers As An Analyst? (With Leather)

Well, hello there! I know that mags like to put models and stars in precarious positions, but I don't think I've ever seen a sideline reporter get covered in mud. Here are Erin Andrews' photos from the latest GQ, and a brief video of the shoot.

I guess these are the dirty photos that she wanted out there. Not the ones in the hotel. Somewhat odd, and very interesting, at the same time.

Update: Just got word that these photos were done months in advance, and thus completed way before the hotel incident. Some people are making it seem like she's playing both sides of the "sexy reporter" thing, and I don't think that's the case.