We Are Not Ourselves
by Matthew Thomas★★★★
Eileen is only a young girl when we meet her at the
beginning of the novel, but this book chronicles almost all of her life. From
the early moments, that are reminiscent of “A Tree Grows in Brooklyn”, through
the ups and downs of her marriage, this is Eileen’s story. As a young Irish
American girl, Eileen has made her way in the world alongside her husband Ed.
We follow multiple generations in her family, racing through the years
alongside Eileen. When her life takes an unexpected turn, we are right there with
her, baffled and overwhelmed by her new circumstances.
The strange thing about this novel is that it’s about
everything and nothing all at once. There’s no massive plot twists or
developments. Instead we follow these characters, slowly, through their lives.
The struggles, emotions, moments of joy and frustration, we are there for all
of it. Sometimes those details feel mundane, other times they make the novel
more intimate. We are seeing every part of their lives laid bare.
It reminded me a bit of “Freedom” and “The Corrections”,
except for the fact that I hate those books and I enjoyed this one. Where those
struck me as condescending and whiny, this one felt raw and realistic.
The thing I loved about these characters is that at times
I hated them. That might not seem like it makes a lot of sense but can you
think of anyone you’re truly close to that you haven’t been furious with at
some point? These are characters with depth, characters that make selfish
decisions at times and at others they sacrifice the world for their family.
They aren’t one-dimensional. It's much easier to see yourself in someone so
flawed than someone who's perfect and easy to love.
The language in the novel is so gorgeous. Thomas writes
in a way that makes you feel the pain and struggle and tenderness of every
scene. He chronicles their lives in such intricate detail, including failed
friendships, arguments between spouses, disappointment in a parent and so much
more. It’s these everyday moments that make up the unique fabric of a family’s
world. He breathes life in the characters through humiliating thoughts that can
cross one's mind in private or the aching desire for something you can’t
explain.
BOTTOM LINE: This is not an easy book to read. It’s
heartbreaking in a way that’s at times too familiar for anyone who has dealt
with illness in their family. The Leary family could be any family and it’s
that element of universality that makes their story so moving. It’s not an
uncommon struggle, but the author makes the tedious details of their life seem
so important and recognizable and there’s a beauty in that relatability.
“Maybe your imagination stopped at the boundaries that
contained it.”
“Empathy. He hadn't always had it. It was a muscle you
had to develop and then keep conditioned.”
