Y Relocated.

I have decided to relocate posts about my time at Yale to Wordpress, because I am able to lock posts there. There are some stories that I want to write, but not show to others. I will send some friends the link and passwords to the posts. Not so soon, though. Perhaps later in the month.

Lost.

It's amazing how I can still afford to feel lost as the clock ticks, counting down to the day of my flight back to Singapore. I have been making a conscious effort in keeping the resolutions, but haven't had much success with (1) and (3). I'm making progress for (3), though. It's taking super long for me to get used to speaking up in class, but well, I'm getting there.

I'm confused. And lost about what I should do with my time here at Yale. The other YVISP-ers are involved in so many activities. They joined student societies, got themselves invited to parties, hang out with Yalies and etc. Me, on the other hand, didn't join a single society, avoided parties and couldn't make friends outside of the YVISP circle. 

I sound like one of those sad souls who post in College Confidential about missing the "college experience".

In a sense, I am. And until this point, I chose it. I chose not to join student societies because I wanted to spend more time on the academic. I chose not to go to parties because I'm uncomfortable with crowds.  I don't hang out with Yalies because I'm still getting used to socializing in this new environment. These elements constitute much of the "college experience" that we have been sent here to experience. I indeed feel like I'm missing out on something. However, I'm not sure if I will regret missing out on all of this in the future.

I wrote "interacting with people raised in a different culture" and "expanding skill set" in my personal statements. I was so enthusiastic back then. I'm not sure what happened. I'm guessing (and hoping) that it's some sort of culture shock, and I will soon recover from it.

HELP, SOMEONE, HELP.

Yale Resolutions.

Not the one Yale wrote for Yale-NUS, but ones for me so that I can stop wasting time here. I woke up at 11:30 AM today - a disgusting waste of a beautiful Sunday morning. I could have spent it reading, or exploring the town.

This photograph actually captures the essence of how I have been spending my time here - wasting the last summer days, indoors, slacking. Ugh. Now that I'm here, I don't remember what is it that I actually wanted to achieve. I know I have always wanted to come to such a place to learn, but for what? It's weird that I don't have concrete thoughts about this. 

Tomorrow's Monday. It will be a fresh week. A great time for some resolutions to start making better use of my time here while I find out what is it that I wanted from Yale -

1. Wake no later than 9:30 AM, classes or not.
2. Explore a new place at least once a week.
3. Speak up/ask a question at least once in every class (i.e. seminar and discussion sections).
4. Learn something new (e.g. about someone, a culture, Yale and etc) every day.
5. Go to a library, sit down and think about what I have done, alone, at least once every week.

I will add more when I have them. Until then, wish me luck. (Y)

I'm in Yale!

So, I am here in Yale after the posts on how I think I screwed up the personal statements and interviews. I won't lie, and you probably already knew, that Yale is truly an amazing place - the Harkness Tower, Sterling Library, Benicke Plaza and etc. 

I am sort of having trouble in the social scene, though. College dorm life is hard to get used to, especially when I am more of a private person. I need time to warm up to people and require significant downtime in between socializing. I chickened out on talking to several professors after class and am hating myself for doing so. 

I must stop wasting precious time here. Wish me luck, friend.

That wretched feeling.

New label - "sigh", and it's making its debut with the new post. I just received results for one of the mid-terms, and I did below the average. It's 30%.

And to think I sacrificed time for the other mid-term for this one. Sigh. This is unforgivable. What's going on? Is this going to be another terrible second semester? Will I ever have a normal second semester?

A mix of happiness and bitterness.

Yale sent the actual letter via snail mail. I didn't expect this, because the letter was attached in the e-mail and so I thought that was it. It's nice receiving it. I never thought such a thing would happen to me, but it did. I used to dream of attending a school like Yale (stone buildings, old libraries and snow). Even though this is for just one year, I consider it a dream come true.

Though I must admit that I am scared. I don't travel much - only once so far in my 22 years of life. And that one time was to Batam, Indonesia with SP. I have never taken a plane and the first time I am going to, it's going to be a 20-hour flight and away from home for months. This is a frightening thought on its own, no matter how excited I am to go to Yale.

And on an unrelated note, I did badly for a 20% midterm today. I messed up the last section, which was worth 25 out of 60 marks. How could I forget that I need to address the issue of differing jurisdictions when it comes to copyright enforcement? And how could I forget the names of the collecting societies, when it was me who did the presentation on that reading? How could I? 

It is at times like this I wonder if I am worthy of the spot in the program. Am I fit to sit among some of the brightest minds in the world? There are a lot more brilliant students who didn't apply (met one with a 4.8 that said one year is too long a time to spend overseas, and so she didn't apply), and I am sure any one of them would make better use of the time spent at Yale.

Sigh. I need to stop being lazy. I don't know why I feel so lethargic this semester. Is it burnout? No matter. I need to start working.

I'm in.

Thank you. I'll treasure this.