Tachlis
חיים שאל ממך נתתה לו
Life he requested of You, You gave it to him. (Tehillim 21:5)
Hashem, You have given me life, but You keep the tachlis of why you sent my neshamah down into this world hidden from me! How can you expect me to fulfill my mission if you don't even tell me what that mission is? What will I be accountable for once I return my neshamah to You? What is my true potential that You want me to live up to?
Hashem, I am asking for life from You - but not the life of an animal who merely exists to fulfill its bodily desires. I am asking for a life in which each day I can work to fulfill the tachlis of why You put me here in this world.
4 Comments:
When I was first married I spent "hisbodedus time" focused on this question. It wasn't until I heard a shiur on B'nai Machshava Tova (given by R Weinberger) that I, sort of, gave up this path of thinking. R Weinbeger mentioned the importance of realizing when to cheshbon and think about things. The example he gave, I believe, was about greeting someone after minyan in the morning. You can think to yourself, "I wonder how this person is? I want to wish him a good day, but what if he had a bad morning or has a presentation at work in 2 two hours and is stressing out about." The other option is just to say, "I hope you have a great day!"
Sometimes, we over think too many things. I am often guilty of this.
I remember specifcally the Simchas Torah of 2001 and thinking about this. The shul I was in was singing a song that I really didn't like and not many people were dancing. I started to chesbon that I wasn't such a lebedik song to begin with and if I danced, I'd end up only being the 6th person in the circle. I caught myself and realized that I was wasting an opportunity to show my love for the Torah and just jumped in and danced.
I have found, that if I am really plugged into my observant life as a Jew with davening, learning, doing what I am obligated to do on a daily basis, then eventually I get an idea for something or opportunities come up that I find ruchnius-rooted fullfilment in doing.
I struggle with this- I really wonder what my tachlis is, and need to spend time davening to Hashem to show me what my unique path is.
There is knowing one's individual goal, of one's individual Neshamah, and one's general goal as a Jew--to keep Torah and Mitzvos.
When it comes to the latter, we have countless teachings in Chassidus that explain what we accomplish through Torah and Mitzvos, and when we attune ourselves to this, it brings tremendous fulfillment and joy to our divine service. For instance, see here, here, and here, and so on.
When it comes to the former, one answer might be that Hashem brings us to the circumstances that enable us to fulfill our life's mission. See here.
Thanks!
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