More Whine

Both babies are sleeping and I am drunk with (temporary) freedom.

Here’s how whine-y I am: I complain about being overwhelmed and I have help almost 24 hours a day. Nanny Annie is here during the day and stays until Nicole gets home from work. Nicole’s mother will be here all next week, day and night. My sister-in-law is here twice a week usually. And there is an endless stream of friends who stop by, willing to hold and feed a baby or two. The only time I am alone with the babies is from when Nicole leaves for work until when Annie arrives (around 7 am till 10 am). And that just happens to be when the babies are off the wall.

People rarely believe that Maddie and the Aviator can get so crank-because they tend to put their best face forward in the presence of company. Our friends Jon and Tim were just over and of course the babies were little angels. They tend to be angels during the day. They like to look around and play on their acid trip mat (one of those play mats) and, of course, eat. Where they experience the most difficulty, I think, is during transitional times. So when night becomes day (from 6ish to 10ish) and when day becomes night (coincidentally, from 6ish till 10ish again) the babies get quite fussy. I think they sense the change. In the morning, they hear Nicole get up and sense the sunlight that slips in through the blinds and hears the noise on the street. And at night, I think they sense the sun going down and notice that we dim the lights. It’s as if night is coming and they think in their little baby brains “I’m not ready for this!!!” I could be WAY off, but that’s my theory and I am sticking to it.

Last night, from 6ish until 10ish, both babies insisted on being held and collapsed into meltdowns if we even thought about stopping walking/bouncing. They eventually fell into an exhausted sleep. Avery then slept for four hours straight and Maddie a little less than that. Honestly, the night wakings don’t bother me so much anymore. They wake, we feed them and we all go back to bed. It is those crazy transitional times that make life really hard.

It is just all so difficult, with or without help. I agree with all of you who tell me I need to let go of the image of how I thought things we supposed to be…release that image of the uber mom. We all just do the best that we can. And it is ridiculously hard. There is NO preparation: You go from a me me me life to a completely different on in a mere day. Or even in mere moments.

I am okay with the fact that life changes with children. It is a sacrifice, yes, but one that we wanted. And in the end we can’t just go and do whatever we want to go and do anymore. This weekend, the aforementioned friends are hosting a charity event at their house on Fire Island (hosted by Whoopi Goldbe*rg!) and we can’t go. Well, we could but I can’t imagine how it would work. It is way too much effort with newborns. A month down the road, it would be much easier. But now, no way. And I really want to go, to get out of the city and to walk by the ocean and just relax. I would settle to see a movie. Or a dinner out. Having a little alone time is key. At this point, even a solo trip to the dry cleaner is restorative. But having couple time is key-er. That statistic that the average couple only engages in 15 minutes of meaningful conversation a day is frightening. And very close to being true, since our evenings are hijacked these days.

I do have something to look forward to: I am going to Blis*s Spa on Monday. Nicole has the day off and Nicole’s mom is coming up to stay with us for the week, so with two sets of hands to take care of the babies I feel like I can have an afternoon off. I am so excited and spend hours browsing the treatments with one hand while breastfeeding the babies. I need to book today, or run the chance of not being able to get in. And that CAN’T happen. I feel guilty for even wanting a mini break but I know in the end it is better for everyone if I am relaxed.

And, more important, I *think* the babies are starting to smile. It may not be gas smiles anymore. It is still too soon to tell, but both babies are getting happy little smiles on their chubby little faces. Maybe. And tears. they both are getting their tears now. That is going to be SO hard when those tears are working at full force.

Today I ate pretzels, a pickle and half a Pop Tart. I am so hungry. How do people with newborns eat?

The natives are getting restless....how is it in separate rooms they both started to stir at the same time?? This twin thing is kind of spooky sometimes.

Pictured above is us on Fire Island last year and a picture of their pool, where I won’t be relaxing by this weekend. But the thought of being there in August might help me get through a few rough patches…