The End of School

I didn't record the end of school here, but it was a happy time.  I love getting my kids home for the summer!  Check out these cute little faces.  Maybe they aren't being so cute right now!  This will be the first summer vacation for the twins, and they aren't really happy about it.  Freddie will not miss walking home after school every day.  But they think they will miss their friends, and they love going to school.  They don't understand why they have to stop going to school for a few months.  I'm glad they have had a good experience in kindergarten.

David just finished his last year at the junior high, and Eddie his first year there.  I loved just sitting back and watching the two of them flip through the junior high yearbook together.  I don't think either of them budged for hours.

I didn't get a picture of our girl, but her world is falling apart!  She is in mourning for her little friends that she won't be able to see all summer long!  You should hear her lament.  With a pouty face, it's "alllll summer loooooong!"  Like they were dying or something.  Pretty pathetic.  I'm sure she'll manage, because she's not generally looking for drama, but her friends are important to her and she loves being with other people.  Like her daddy, she is.

Here is the biggest change at the end of this school year.  Chris is done - oh happy day!  He has not been fond of being in high school, and really couldn't wait to get done with it.  I'm glad he managed to finish all of his requirements anyway.  He hates having me take his picture, so this is a splendidly pleasant face.  It will be fun to see where he chooses to go in his life.

And that is the end of the school year.  Some summers are full of goings, some are more lazy.  As much as I would love to just relax and vacation at the beach this summer, I know it will be more on the busy side.  My oldest three boys will be working, Ben will be coming home, we have a wedding coming up, and at the end of the summer, all three of them will be moving out.

This is our last summer together, and I plan to cherish every little tidbit I get.  We will have 11 people living in our house for a few months, and after this, the whole dynamic of our family changes.  Not in a bad way, but change is often fun and melancholy at the same time.  Who knows what we will look like next summer?

Track and Field

Our lives are running along faster than I want them to.  Maybe I should tie on some good shoes and try to keep up?

My three big boys were in track this year. Sidenote: I amuse myself with how the family grows and how I refer to my kids. For years, the oldest the boys were "the big boys" and David and Eddie were "the little boys."  Then the newest little ones were "small fry."  Then we had "the missionaries" and David joined Chris in the "big kids" group while Eddie and Angel were the "elementary kids" in 6th grade and kindergarten, respectively. This past year, Eddie went up to the junior high and we again had "big boys" in high school and junior high,  while the "small fry" were all in elementary school. Next year, I guess Eddie and David will be our "big boys," and the older the will be our "college boys. "  Life keeps moving along, doesn't it?   'Scuse me for a moment whilst I dab at my eyes and sing "Sunrise,  Sunset."

Ahem.  Back to track. Chris is partial to the hurdles. David did the 100, 200, and 400 meter races, as well as the 400 relay and shot put. That boy had always had tons of energy!  I remember watching him run up the street, his little chubby legs blurring to keep up with his older brothers. Eddie tried out the long jump and high jump for his first year.

It's fun to watch them run,  but it's hard to sit through hours and hours of a track meet, trying to entertain my small fry while waiting for the few minutes or even seconds of the event I wanted to see.  I go to a few meets, but not all of them. I didn't get any pictures of Eddie or Chris, but these photos came from David running in our regional finals. I love his intense concentration.  This boy has focus!

But no, I won't be running.  I don't have it in me to do physical things that energetic or require endurance.  Jay did.  He liked to go running every now and then, or do something to just push his body to its absolute limits.  It felt great to him.  For me, if I'm running, you'd best come see what's wrong, because there must be a bear or something chasing me.

Look for the Good

I love my family.  I am appreciative that we have a roof over our heads and sturdy walls to keep out the cold.  I have so many blessings!  That said, our living arrangements have been challenging.  Living with my dad has been two or three castes below renting, and I'm so fiercely independent that it is pathetically hard for me to have such boundaries.  I get it - this is my dad's house, and I can't make changes and improvements to it.  And he still lives here, so there is a lot of even the decor that I don't feel like I can change.  It made him crazy that I moved the silverware to a different drawer.

So I can keep sniveling about the things I can't change, or I can look somewhere else.  I get a kick out of the design blogs that show us a gorgeous homescape, and then turn around and photograph the other side of the room - where they have kicked the old papers and the dirty socks and last night's dessert dishes and the two blankets that don't match.  Thanks for keeping it real.

We can do that in real life, too.  I get to choose where I want to look.  I can look at the shelves overflowing with my mother's movie collection, or I can look at the somewhat-calmer fireplace.  "Organize yourselves" was our theme for January, so I thought I ought to tidy up the space around it.  Looking here makes me happy.  I just have to be careful to look down every now and then because this room also houses our spreading Lego collection.  Don't step on Legos.

I got myself a bag of cinnamon pine cones this year, after admiring them at the stores - but not buying them - every dang year.  I love cinnamon, and they still smell lovely.  This is what I want to be smelling, not burnt toast or eau de teenaged garcon.  Look for the good.

The best part of having a family is that I get to be Mama.  Love these kids!  Even when they rip my heart out and have growing pains and act unlovable.  Maybe I love them even more then, because I have to search and find the wonderful parts of them.  It takes practice.  But the more I work on loving someone who is difficult to love, the better I get at it.  My angel mother and my sweet husband have taught me this.

My mom loved me when I was prickly and not very loving.  I still want to curl up in her arms and have her just hold me.  And my man loves me now when I am having a less than lovely day.  Thanks for holding me together, Trent.

Thanks, Mom, for loving me, and for showing me how to be a mom.  Hope you don't mind that I moved the silverware.  If you do mind, just look somewhere else, ok?

Working Together

I was in charge of the family  Christmas party this year.  I'm happy to be able to say that in the past tense!  It's not that I don't like Christmas (I do), and it's not that I don't like to plan things (I do), and it's not that I don't like my family (I really, really do!).  It's just that it was a lot of work and I was on my feet all day yesterday and today I'm quite happy to hang out on the couch and recover.  Poor couch.  You missed me, didn't you?

We got home late from the party and didn't unload the vehicles, but went straight to bed.  Or as straight-ish to bed as we can, which isn't actually very straight, so I'm all the more tired.  Of course, my dad had an early - morning doctor's appointment I had to take him to today, but the vehicle was still full.  Who schedules these appointments so early, anyway??  Oh right, I do.  Gotta quit that.

And we still had boxes of table decorations and games and rolls of tape and a hot glue gun and bins of stuffed animals and soiled tablecloths and kid chairs and I don't know what else was back there but it wasn't safe. The vehicle had to be cleaned out before I could go.

I knew it would take me quite a while to haul all... that... into the house on my own.  But the older boys were asleep and it would take even longer to wake them.  I tried it anyway.  "Boys!"  I flipped on their bedroom light.  "I need to take Opa to the doctor but the vehicle is still full.  I need to leave in 10 minutes - could you help me unload it, please?"  

Not expecting any response,  I put my coat on and shoveled down the sidewalk.  The first boy was out before I finished clearing a clear path my dad wouldn't slip on.  Granted,  he didn't have a coat or even shoes on, but I was so grateful he came.

In just a few minutes,  I had all three of my big boys hauling boxes into the house.  What would have been a time-consuming,  arduous chore for me turned into a few quick loads for each of us, and then we were done.

I drove away on- schedule, leaving bare footprints in the driveway but bringing gratitude in my heart.  See what wonderful things our family can do together that would be harder to do alone?

Thanks, boys.  Yore mama loves you!

No Pictures

I took the kids to the zoo today.  We.  Had.  A.  Blast.

We have a couple of days off school and Trent took the big boys camping.  The small fry were feeling left out as they watched Chris load up the four wheelers and David pack the tents and Eddie haul out sleeping bags.  They watched forlornly as the campers headed to the mountains.

Me, not so much.  I'm happy that they get to go four-wheeling and camp out in the mountains.  I'm happy they get to spend some good guy-time together.  And I'm glad I get to sleep in my own warm bed because it's gonna be cold up in them thar mountains tonight!

It's only fair, though, that we do something fun while the big boys are gone.  So we went to the zoo.  We grabbed a neighbor girl and headed out, playing "I spy" and the alphabet game all the way there.  They played at the splash pad and drenched themselves, then ran from one exhibit to another, laughing and giggling constantly.  It was so fun to see them have uninhibited fun.  If their older siblings had been around, there would have been plenty of shushing and telling them to grow up.  But not this time.  We were delightedly little kids.  We barked at the seals and growled at the bears and chirped at the birds.  And we ran and skipped and hopped and acted like a bunch of little kids, which we were... or most of us were.

At the beginning of the trip, I wished I had brought my camera to capture the look of terror on Freddie's face when he thought the water was going to splash on his dry tummy.  I wished I could catch the excitement of three little human eaglets perched in a nest.  I wished I could forever keep the long shadows following four children skipping along the path.  But then I remembered that when I spend my time taking pictures to save memories, I often forget to make them.  I don't have the time left over to do the doing when I'm doing the shooting.  I'm glad I left the camera at home so we could just play and enjoy... and be in the middle of the living.

On the way home, they kept busy in rush hour traffic by mimicking different animal sounds.  After they ran out of animals, Margaret piped up with, "Let's hear your very best singing voice!"  She began to serenade us with an impressively clear vibrato, and Angel joined in with her favorite operatic warble.  Freddy nearly broke down, crying that he couldn't think of anything to sing.  From the back-est backseat, Georgie joined in with an enthusiastic... pterodactyl.  It was anything but melodic, but so unexpectedly funny.  After a moment, when they changed to new sounds, he protested, "I haven't had my singing turn!"  As soon as he had our full attention, he began... beat boxing.

Never a dull moment with these children.  I'm so glad I have them and the smiles they constantly give me.  All's right in the world when you are in the middle of a child's hug - or two or three or four.  It makes me fell like I'm in the middle of the Lord's embrace.

We didn't get a single picture, and that's just fine by me.

Finger Food

I recently remembered eating my mom's pull-aparts.  She would take a few rolls of those cheap refrigerator biscuits, pop them open - that was my favorite part.  She dipped the dough circles in a mixture of melted butter and orange juice concentrate and "snug them up" in a bundt pan.  She'd bake them until the house smelled warm and citrus fresh, then invert the hot pan onto a plate.  We were supposed to wait until the stuff was cool, but we couldn't wait.  Waiting for food when it is right in front of you is hard for a hungry child!  We'd burn our fingers a little bit, pulling apart the gooey rolls.  Then we'd burn our mouths a little bit by eating them when they were still oven-hot.

But they were so good and sweet, in spite of the chemically taste of the refrigerator rolls.  Hot sweet breads are the best, aren't they?

So this week I made my own, with bits of dough dipped in a butter-orange juice mixture.  I didn't have my mother's recipe so I just made it up as I went.  I wasn't sure exactly - until they came out of the oven and I saw my own children clamoring to pull apart bits of sticky sweetbread.  It was a hit.

After that, I branched out and tried a savory version.  I took a round loaf of bread and cut the top in a cross-hatch pattern, but not quite all the way through.  Kind of like slices one way and then slices the other way, too.  It ended up looking like a bloomin' onion.  I melted butter and mixed in garlic salt and other spices and drizzled it over the bread, making sure to get it in every cut.  Then I covered it with grated cheese, again getting some in all the cuts.  I covered it in foil, baked until the cheese was melted, and stepped back as it disappeared with all my boys around.

It was gone so fast I had to whip up another version with barbecue sauce and mozzarella cheese.  It
 was gone nearly as quickly.

It's good to have good food to feed my family.And I got to remember my mother for a few minutes.  Thanks for loving us, Mom.  Thanks for teaching me how to love.

Playing in the Summertime

Oh, what do you do in the summertime, when all the world is green?

We sing old songs, that's what we do.

And we play dressups with our dollies.

And we play Legos. Lots and lots of Legos.  The older boys play with Magic cards, or play games on the computer or watch funny movies on TV.

We do that, of course, after we get our chores done.  It's a nice, kick-back kind of summer.

Summer Melodies and the Pursuit of Harmony

I surreptitiously snapped this shot during family scriptures the other day.  I love having my family together in one room.  I'm always impressed that they come for family time without complaining.  Most of the time.  To be real, occasionally we'll be missing someone who chose not to be with us, but most of the time it's good and they all come.

This is the first summer we've been with my dad, living in our new, cozier (realtor-speak for smaller) digs.  As a mother, I know that the tighter my kids are packed in together, the quicker they will annoy each other.  So I've been curious - and a little nervous - about how this summer would play out.  Will our home-song be lovely, or filled with jangly emotions and cacophony?   So far, most of our interactions seem to be smooth.  The kids have regular disagreements, especially the twins.  They don't know how to deal with negative situations as well, and it appears that they are a little perturbed with all the older kids invading the turf they have quietly enjoyed while the other kids were off at school. 

This morning, I had to have a frank talk about the importance of respecting our family rules with one of our older boys.  He'd been slipping into a bad habit of ignoring the rules and needed some correction.  Bad behavior is harmful to the individual, to his relationship with the parents, and can be contagious to other family members.  I hate having these talks.  I was as forthright and unemotional as I could be... and it was not received well.  Not at all.  He turned on his heel and stormed off to his bedroom where he cranked up some loud music.  

The few times he came through the kitchen for the rest of the morning were filled with angry looks, stubborn silence, and a roar of disharmony swirling about behind him.  Gah.  I hate this part.  Playing the firm parent, the disciplinarian, is one of my least favorite parts of parenting.  I know they need to learn and be corrected, but I wish they could somehow figure it out for themselves, instead of me needing to dole out negative consequences.    They won't learn solo.  I know that.  Phooey.

A few hours later, all three of my big boys left for youth conference.  The dark cloud left with them (after being passed on to three more people).  Harmony is restored. Sometimes I wish mothering was easier, but 'tisn't.  Still worth it.

Hope he feels a little better when he come back!

Work? No Can Do

The boys have been messing around with our computers today.  I'm glad they are learning how computers work, and I am really glad the cleaned all the dustbunnies out of there.  But could ya put it back together for me, boys?  Please?

Prom Season

Prom is coming up... again.  I feel like it does this every year!  I just read that the average prom this year will cost about a thousand dollars.  Say what?  I'm not sure where all of that money goes, but we do save a little bit by having a couple of teen-sized tuxedos in the closet, and doing the flowers at home.

This year, I'm not sure where my floral wire and green tape are - probably in a box somewhere.  I'll have to go hunting.  And I don't even know what color the young lady's dress is so I can make sure I have ribbon to match.  This is what happens when the young gentleman prom-goer is involved in track and never has time to speak with his mother.

Last year, or was it last fall at Homecoming time? Chris helped me make the corsage and did a pretty good job.  Hopefully he won't claim to be too busy and he can make it himself this time.  

I was surfing around, trying to find a good diagram that shows how to make a corsage, so we could be boring - I mean quick and efficient - and make this year's arrangement.  I'm really surprised that I couldn't find any!  I won't say they aren't out there, but I sure couldn't find any.  

I did find some good tutorials, though.  You can watch these while I go crawl around in the garage and look through boxes.

Family Finances

This is how not to take care of home financial matters. Do not attempt to do online banking with children on your lap. Especially don't try to pay the credit card bill with a kindergartner sitting behind you on your chair, two other little guys alternately climbing into your lap and back down the other side, while trying to answer a boy who is asking what he can eat, and getting a teenager to turn off his video game.

If you insist on doing all this at the same time (because it is the day the bill is due, of course), you may end up inadvertently transferring money FROM your credit card into your regular checking account, instead of the other way around. And then, not only would the credit card not be paid, you might also get a late fee. And that's in addition to the big fee for the "cash advance" you just gave yourself from the credit card.

This might look like an exciting circus act, like spinning a dozen plates while balancing upside down underwater with hungry sharks, but do not be fooled. It is not fun. Do not try this at home.

Don't ask me how I know.

The Formal Dance

Isn't this boy cute adorable handsome?  Psh.  They get older and we have to quit using the adjectives that are the most descriptive. 

He got asked to the girl's choice formal dance - by a girl he knew he was supposed to know but he didn't know who she was.  It was a bit embarrassing and tense for a bit, but he figured it all out and now has a friend out of this cute girl.  So glad my kids have good friends to hang out with!

He wanted to make her corsage, and in finding out what color her dress was, he came up with a new, unfamiliar word: burgundy.  What the heck was that? I had to pull up a color chart so he could learn that burgundy was just a deep, rich, not-purply red.  

No, this was not the chart I pulled up for him.  But it does describe his expression when I started going over the finer nuances of different colors.  Eventually we got it all figured out and bought the stuff.  He helped me to make the corsage, and I think he is ready to do the next one by himself.  Awesome that my boys can take learn how to do of these kinds of things.

What a stud!

In the Backyard

I forgot to put this picture up a few weeks ago.  I found this interesting scene in my backyard just a few days before the boys went to scout camp.

Why?  Dunno.  Why do boys do funny things sometimes?  I really have no idea what the appeal is.  I shave my legs because I have to.  But to shave them just for fun?  I don't think it's fun, but what do I know?  I do know the technique, and I was asked to share the secrets of how to shave a knobby knee without nicks.  And advise about the liberal post-shaving application of lotion.  I was useful.

I guess there is a tradition for the boys to part with their leg hair on the last campout.  Fine.  Whatevah makes you happy!  All I know is that Trent shaved his legs in his younger days.  And Jay did his on mission - in a barber-shop pole stripe.  I guess it's fun when you don't have to?

I chuckled as they winced when rinsing with cold hose water.  I grin that they are such good sports to let me take this picture.  And now they are leaving - two to Madagascar and the other to Germany.

Good boys.  So glad we have such great neighbors and friends!

Scout Camp

It's that time of year again.  Scout camp season.  Eddie has his first overnighter - what fun!  David spent a week at a scout camp and earned a bunch of merit badges, and was inducted into the Order of the Arrow.  He's pretty thrilled about it.  And these two were so excited to go...

Actually, there were excited.  How often do you get to hike and swim in the Grand Canyon?  They were just less than happy about Mom taking a picture of them so early in the morning before they left.

Their camping adventure was a unique one.  They attended a lecture by a camping expert and decided to make their own hammocks to sleep in.  They did most of the work, and I just helped hem the hammocks and the mosquito netting a little bit.

They tell me the hammocks worked great, as long as they were hung correctly.  How manly is it to make your own bed?  Really.

They had a memorable time, and it was fun to look over their pictures when they came home.  This is the last time Ben and Chris get to camp together before Ben leaves, and I'm glad they got to.  Love that my boys have this chance to be together, with the amazing leaders they have, in the beautiful earth the Lord made for us.

Ben and his buddy (4th and 5th from left) making "M" for Madagascar.  Chris is 5th from the right.  Love all the farmer tans.  What a great group of kids and leaders!

nope.  don't have any affiliation with theultimatehang.com.  just think they are awesome.

In the Boys' Bathroom

Look what I found in the boys' bathroom!

I had the unique (because usually they do the cleaning) opportunity to clean the downstairs bathroom while the boys were at scout camp.  It was impressive to see their empty bottle collection.  Not sure why they didn't just throw them out.  To be fair, a few of the bottles did get tossed in the garbage... the overflowing, rarely-emptied garbage can.  Still too hard to part with the empty bottles, I guess.

I 'm just glad they know how to get clean.  Very glad, since I know what a dirty boy smells like.  Use all the shampoo you need, boys!

Eagle #2

We did it.  After several years, lots of service hours and leadership positions and learning new things and doing good turns, we did it.

This boy is a fair dinkum Eagle Scout.  It makes even the sewing of five million blankety-blank merit badges worth it.  I even get a pin for me to wear, because they are nice to Moms that way.

Too bad he put off the board of review until late enough that we don't have time to have an Eagle Court of Honor to celebrate him.  Maybe he planned it that way.  But he finished; that's the important part. So proud of you!

Prom Pictures

Ben went to prom a few weeks back, and they asked me to be their photographer.  Why, I don't know.  I'm not all that good at taking pictures (but I am getting better).

When I was in high school, the dance pictures were a big deal.  We went to the dance and danced a few songs, then joined the majority of the kids in our school in a tremendously long line that snaked through the cafeteria and down the hallway.  This is where we spent most of our time at the dance.  Not actually in the dance, doing something crazy like... dancing... but standing in the line to get a picture to prove and commemorate us being at the not-dance.  We stood in line, talking and laughing and inventing new and creative poses for the pictures.  The pictures often cost more than admission to the dance, but they were important.  I have a whole stack of them... somewhere.

I'm there on the front row, right side, in my borrowed pretty dress.

Oh, maybe that's why they ask me.  I take pictures for free.  And I guess having a professional formal portrait isn't all that important anymore, at least to my children.

That's ok with me.  I love spending a little bit of time with these kids, and I love being with them on their big date.  I was so impressed with them.

The girls were gorgeous, inside and out.  The guys were handsome and goofy.  They all just overflowed with goodness.

Every one of these boys already has his mission call.  This good group of friends will be scattered completely across the globe in the next few months.

Thanks for letting me be part of your party.  Our world is in good hands.

School and Flaming Hoops

One of my sons is struggling with school.  He isn't having a hard time understanding his classwork - the boy is actually brilliant.  Maybe even a bit too smart for his own britches.  He knows the minimum he can do to get by, and only does that much.  The minimum to get by, however, has been shrinking as his acceptance of lower grades and less effort continues to grow.

As a mother, I worry and scold.  We talk about potential and the need for work.  I search in vain for adequate consequences or work plans.  So far, nothing is working.  And he is not working.

As a used-to-be student, I understand.  I remember being fed up with my classes and feeling misunderstood and ignored by my teachers.  I didn't pull in my grades for my teachers, for sure.  I didn't do it for myself - I didn't really care.  I knew, however, that my mother would tan my hide if my grades were bad.  She worked at the school district office, and was friendly with all my teachers.  She never missed a parent-teacher conference.  She was constantly asking about how my classes were going.  She programmed the computers that calculated our grades, and she would bring home a copy of my report card before they were passed out at school.  I'm not sure how she distilled that school-is-important into me and my brothers, but she sure did.  I wish I knew, because I haven't been able to give that same school-is-important vibe to my children.

I asked my brothers, fellow scholars in our growing-up home, how they managed to get by in school.  Without exception, they all said the same thing.  "I figured out which hoops were essential to jump through and played the game their way."  One brother called them "flaming hoops."

And that is the rub, because my boy doesn't want to jump through the hoops.  He thinks that playing the game is childish and beneath him.  He loves to learn things, but not only does he not feel that his schooling  helps him to learn, but that it actually hinders real learning.

I think there is a lot more to learn in school than just the subject matter in the textbook.  How to jump through hoops.  How to respect authority.  How to accomplish things even when you don't want to.  How to be a finisher.  How to do hard things.  How to accept responsibility.  How to get along with difficult people.

I was so glad to find this article today, written by a teacher who honestly cares about his students.  It hits the nail right on the head about why school is important, and why we can't quit.

Some favorite segments:

You see, the main event of school is not academic learning. It never has been. It never will be...  The main event is learning how to deal with the harshness of life when it gets difficult — how to overcome problems as simple as a forgotten locker combination, to obnoxious peers, to gossip, to people doubting you, to asking for help in the face of self-doubt, to pushing yourself to concentrate when a million other thoughts and temptations are fingertips away. 

It is your resilience in conquering the main event — adversity — that truly prepares you for life after school. Because, mark my words, school is not the most challenging time you will have in life. You will face far greater challenges than these. Sure, you will have times more amazing than you can imagine, but you will also confront incomparable tragedy, frustration, and fear in the years to come.... 

But, you shouldn’t be worried about the fact that you will face great adversities. You should be worried because you’re setting yourself up to fail at overcoming them. Here’s the real reason I lose hours of sleep worrying about you: You are failing the main event of school. You are quitting.  You may not think you are quitting, but you are because quitting wears many masks. .

He goes on to detail a few ways that students - and all of us - quit doing our jobs.  It's a bad habit to get into, and it can destroy us.  Really.  It's that big of a deal.

I wonder how I can present it to my smarty-pants boy without him giving up because "none of my teachers care about me like that/"  But I'll Mom up and keep trying.  That's what we do.

Read the whole article - it's really worth it.  And then go take care of your job.  We can do this.

A Fully-Fledged Adult

I was accused the other day of treating my children like children and not realizing that a fully-fledged adult doesn't need to be bound by the same restrictions as a child.  Yes, it was one of my children who made the accusation.  Once I got over the sting, I wanted to delve into some research.  That's how I roll.

First of all, a few definitions:
Child - a person between birth and full growth; a son or daughter (Dictionary.com)
Fully fledged - of a young bird, having acquired its adult feathers and thus able to fly (Free Dictionary)
Adult - fully grown and developed; mature and sensible (Merriam-Webster)

I am honestly excited when I think of my children (definition 2 - they will always be my children just the same as I will always be their parent) becoming adults.  I want them to grow their flight feathers and take off.  What a wonderful world we live in!  So many opportunities for growth and development!  I love watching my children grow.  And I help them manage that growth.  I've long told them that my job as their mother is to make myself obsolete.  The idea is that as they learn and grow more, I help less.  The more they do, the less I help, until one day they are off and on their own.  Huzzah!

The challenge lies in the definition of adult.  The "fully grown" part and the "mature and sensible" part don't necessarily come at the same time.  Thus, an individual who has reached 18 - one of our society's hallmarks for "adulthood" could think that now they are fully grown and sensible.  (Stifling laughter.)


Let's see. Assuming that fully grown and developed is only referring to physical growth, I know that 18 is not yet finished.  My brothers grew in more height and broader shoulders well into their early 20s.  Brain development is not finished until the mid-20s, and sometimes later.  So nope, not finished.  As far as mature and sensible, I happen to know that sensible means that you think like I do.  Arrogant of me, no?  And my teens in general do not think like I do.  That doesn't mean that they don't think well, but is merely a showing that sensible is primarily in the eyes of the beholder.  Very subjective.  So who gets to define adulthood?

I reject the growing philosophy of "emerging adulthood," where new adults have the freedom to play and explore their world for a decade or more.  We used to go straight from child to adult.  Now we have an interim period of the teen years, where irresponsibility and fun define life.  Now we want to add another interim period, before we can buckle down and become adults?  Am I showing my bias?

I like this article that talks about defining adulthood:

Numerous studies reveal that the top three criteria for becoming adult, relatively universally and across age groups, are:
• taking responsibility for yourself
• establishing beliefs and values separate from your parents
• gaining financial independence

And another article, after listing a number of characteristics of adulthood, states:

Above all, true adults do what they have to do when it is required of them, and they do what they want when they can.  They are able to distinguish between the two and manage their time and efforts accordingly.

Do what you want to do.  Be responsible.  Take care of yourself.  Pay your own way.  Believe it because you decided to.  Manage your time.  Accept your consequences.  Clean up after yourself.  Do what you say you will.

And if you need to live at home and have me help you with things, then I am in a parental role.  I'm happy to help, but it does come with strings.  Love you, honey.  Get ready to fly!

Suck Your Brains Out

It's a school holiday weekend, which means I'll be approached with requests for a "game day."  It looks like this:

...for hours.  Do you see all their brains being sucked out?  I don't have to feed them as much when they are in stasis mode, so maybe it's not too bad.  Maybe I'll give in if they do an extraordinary amount of work first...

Or maybe not.  I have a "meanest Mom" reputation to uphold, after all.