My experiment

I lay in bed last night feeling terrible about how annoyed I've been with Madilyn. Our relationship hasn't been at it's best and I'm completely exhausted with her at the end of everyday. As I lay there replaying the events of the day/week, conversations with Madi kept running through my mind... "Come on, let's go! Hustle up! You're gonna be late for school!" "NO, Do NOT change your clothes!" "You are NOT wearing that!" "That looks ridiculous!" "Leave her alone!" "Stop screaming!" "You're SO loud!" "Stop bugging Calvin!" "Get your homework done!" "You have a HUGE mess to clean up!" "You did your E's backwards again."

Wow! It was in that moment, in my bed at night, with unkind nagging words filling my head, that I felt like the worst mom ever. All of a sudden it was clear to me why things haven't been going so well with Madi - I haven't been filling her so called "emotional back account". Ya, I give lots of hugs and kisses, tell her how beautiful she is, read to her, check off her homework, compliment her nice handwriting, feed her, clothe her, bathe her, etc. but all that doesn't amount to much when a large part of my interactions with her haven't been exactly positive. It was then that I decided to consciously make some changes.

So today started my experiment.

My goal: to be positive, spend quality time, look her in eye when she's talking to me, think before I act and/or speak, and LOVE loVE LoVE her!!

Day 1: This morning while doing Madi's hair I asked her, "Do you know how many people love you?" She stopped, smiled, and began naming people. After a few minutes of this game Madi runs of out the room. Then she comes back with her binder, pen in hand, and a piece of paper with "LOVES ME" written at the top. She then proceeded to make a list of people who love her.

It was a great way for her to spend her morning. Much better then bugging Elle or changing her clothes a dozen times. Instead she was happy and busy. After school went much better as well. She and Elle colored together at the counter, so I took that moment to sit down at my computer and check email. But then I heard Madi get out her Bob books and start to read. Instead of enjoying the few moments of peace and quiet (like I normally do), I went in, sat next to Madi, and had her read to me, reminding her of what a great reader she is. My plan was working out quite nicely until I started making dinner (made a new enchilada recipe tonight). It was then that Madi's hyper, out of control, crazy loud behaviors started. Calvin was hysterically crying in one room while Elle kept running to me telling me Madi was scaring her. Madi was dancing around shaking a tin full of coins, reassuring me that it was helping Calvin calm down. Oh boy! I lost my cool for a minute. Luckily Spencer came home just in time.

We ended the night by letting Madi stay up 45 minutes later than Elle and watch home movies from her 1st birthday. It's one of my favorite things to do and such a great reminder of how sweet and innocent these little babes of ours are. I'm pretty sure we're always gonna have struggles with defiant, unruly behavior and I want to make sure that Spencer and I have a plan on how to deal with it and correct it.

So for my sake, I will continue to add updates to this post about things I've had success with.

Day 2 (Feb 9th): While Elle was on a date with Spencer, and Cal napping (a time I'd usually use to get stuff around the house done), I sat down at the counter with Madi to eat a snack. I loved how freely she talked to me about life. Don't even remember our conversation now, but I could feel how happy she was that I was actually sitting on the stool next to her and enjoying her company (something that sadly I rarely do- dinner is the only meal that I (sometimes) sit down for).
Day 3 (Feb 10th) Sunday- made a big deal about how reverent Madi was during primary (which I always do), but then I got down on Madi's level and looked her in the eyes when she told me about what they did in class.
Day 4 (Feb 11th) Day off of school for Madi, so I took the kids to the library. On our way home we stopped by Madi's school (the gate to the playground was open) for her to show us where she play's at recess. She was thrilled to "show us around"! When we got back home, I sat down with the girls (who had just earned 5 chocolate chips each for cleaning up while I layed Cal down for a nap) and read library books for an hour straight (and shocked that I didn't doze off even once)! Then tonight we had our family meeting (were at Boppi and Gpa Al's Sun night for dinner) and Madi set some great goals and really got into our value lesson. She thrives off this kinda stuff!
Day 5 (Feb 12th) Left Madi in charge of some "important jobs" (cleaning up the guest room) while I put Elle and Calvin to bed. I was in Cal's room for a long time (stories and nursing) and Madi kept herself busy the entire time. Many times she likes to come and bug me while I'm getting Calvin off to bed, so I made a really big deal about how responsible she was tonight and how happy it makes me when she chooses the right. Then instead of whisking her off to bed so I could have some much needed "me time", I had her sit on my lap at the computer to check out the forecast for the rest of the week. It's gonna be in the 70's, but mornings are always cooler so we chatted for a bit about what she could wear. Then I talked to her about jobs and earning money (we're not planning on starting our "family economy" until Madi turns 8, but I've been feeling like we need to get something going until then), and what she can do to earn some money for working extra hard and being responsible. I gave her a check register (realizing now that Spencer's probably gonna be ticked that I did this without him), showed her how to record the date, what she did to earn the money, and how much was earned. Then I pulled out a bag of clothes from an afternoon shopping trip and showed her a new long sleeve shirt (that's all Madi wears these days and she's only got 5 of them - most too small for her). I showed her how much it cost me and we talked about how she could earn enough money to buy it from me. Madi was glowing with excitement the entire time. She's such a smart little girl and she really does thrive when I give her added responsibilities.