Lucky In Love

Lucky, I'm In Love with My Bestfriend. Ah, that’s a song. I love that song by Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat. It’s always a great feeling to fall in love over and over again. It is definitely an enormous feeling that unlocks any mystery behind and explains things unimaginable.

Now, I finally understood what Kahlil Gibran really meant when he said:
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

True enough that your joy is your sorrow unmasked and they are indivisible. The source of your joy is also your source of sorrow. And it is only when you are empty that you are balanced.

Here’s one of the favorite cards I received from my best friend-husband.

Sleeplessness

I have had problems of sleeping for the past few weeks. I noticed I don’t take naps anymore. It might be because I’m too busy at work and some other things. I even go to the gym to solve the problem but it didn’t help. I’m such a good sleeper ever since I remember and I missed those nights.

I was trying to figure out what went wrong along the way. I used to drink one cup of coffee during breakfasts. I occasionally drink Coke.

I did a little research about my problem and I found out that I drink too much coffee now hoping that would wake me up but it’s dragging me instead. I only not drink 4 cups of coffee everyday; I drink a lot of Diet Coke too and hardly drink water. Oh, I’m such a poor girl living in a hazardous lifestyle. I just give up a little bit of coffee when I throw up or having a heartburn but that’s easily resolved by taking Tagamet.

Too much of a lousy lifestyle- it’s time to start all over again. I had to cut my caffeine intake. Simple as it seems but when you’re addicted- ah, such a hard habit to break.

I used to be so happy having a good night sleep- meaning, having 8 hours of sleep or more everyday. Now, I’m contented with 7 hours and sometimes less. If I get so tempted at least, I had “Dunkin Donuts Decaf” in the pantry and I’m loving the taste.

A Pleasant Day

I was a little disappointed when my Dentist called me and told me that my schedule is moved today. Oh, bummer! I already have a list of things to-do for the day. I’ll go to the gym, attend Ash Wednesday Mass by 5PM and an American Idol on 8.

Well, I was still able to do all of it but not exactly as I planned. I attended the mass at the church near the office. Oh, it’s a nice feeling and a bit depressing at the same time seeing old people around the church. They call it a “Leisure World” place, where a lot of old people lived in the area. There are few different churches in one street, all you have to do is choose- I guess. So, when I went to my Dentist I brushed away the ashes in my forehead. I don’t want to be too imposing and they‘re Persians, you know. I guess I didn’t do a good job for that. He still noticed it and thought my husband beat me or something coz I had bruise, lol!

The American Idol wasn’t that exciting. It was a boring show except for Adam’s performance. But I’m no great singer; so, I don’t have the right to judge.

My day is pretty fine. I did try fasting but not that good. I didn’t eat my Chowking Siopao though (supposedly my dinner). I’m off for now and let’s see what tomorrow brings:)

Goodbyes and Changes

How I wished the day won’t come. How I wished the world would stop revolving. The day I remembered from my long-distant past. The day I remembered when my young heart was first broken. I was so scared of that day to arrive and I was so frightened to see them leave.

I heard the noise of the tricycle from upstairs. It seemed so tired from carrying heavy loads of luggage. A bunch of neighbors were waiting and hurried their way alongside the street. The motor stopped and then I heard a bunch of giggles. They bid goodbyes to everybody, my cousins, aunts, uncles and friends. They went from one house to another in the neighborhood.

“Good for you guys! I wished you all well!” the common phrase I overheard. Then, it’s time for them to come into our house. I hurriedly run outside exiting in the kitchen just so nobody would notice me. I ran as much as I could down the hill. I was so glad nobody was there. I don’t want to see them leave.

“It’s alright, girl. I’m gonna send you a lot of letter once we’re settled there. I’ll send a lot of great stickers and stationeries” Abby told me. They found me putting more water in the bucket on the tiny water pump. I heard them screaming at the top of the hill but I just ignored them. I pretended I wasn’t hurt at all and that it was fine and I’m happy for them.

I’m the oldest in the family of 8 kids. I had shared very good memories with my cousins. We are not related by blood at all. My Aunt adopted them. Well, not legally adopted but she took care of them since they were kids. We lived from one house renting to another house in the city. We jumped into the bridge and cross the street every night just to go to our Uncle’s place on the other side of the city to watch our favorite shows on TV. We never had one. They’re the ones who taught me the fun and cool things only older sisters can do. We go walking to the mall every afternoon after selling “benignet” for snacks at our older cousin’s office. Ah, countless memories. I remembered being scolded by my Mom because we didn’t buy the right thing in the market for her recipe. We simply forgot what to buy coz their crush was outside the house. He walked through us to the market. I remembered how they get really upset at my Aunt because she won’t allow guys to come to the house nor serenade them at nights when we moved back to the island.

I thought I’m not going to see them ever again. I’m losing my best buddies, my 3 older sisters. They bid goodbye and told me they will keep in touch.

I got letters from them almost every month. I remembered being so proud in school and bragging to my classmates all the beautiful pictures of them in Switzerland. I remembered how warming it is to receive a letter, sweet-smelled stationeries, cool stickers- things that I always look forward to every month.

One letter every month became one letter every 3 months then became cards every occasion. Things had changed and so do people. I never heard of them except from my Aunt telling me “they’re extending their warm regards”.

After 10 years, they came home for a visit, a vacation. I was already in high school. I had few good friends. The ladies that I’ve known were not the same. They were wearing heavy paintings, colored hairs- red, blonde. They were wearing short skirts, lustrous stockings, well-polished shoes, expensive accessories, nice-smelling perfumes. Wow! They looked like actresses I only see on TV.

I was standing in front of them, feeling so small. I was expecting they will ask me. Maybe ask me how I did in school? Or ask me how’s life been treating me? Instead, I only get a “Hi”.

Well, change is a natural law in life. Some change for the better. Some simply change. I welcome change. I’m always in the beat and flow of ever-changing life. Yet, I never change my friends like I change clothes everyday. I collect friends. I get rid of toxic relationships every once in a while. I do some housekeeping, you know. I don’t want to spread myself too thin. I respect people who doesn't want me nor like me nor approve of me. I lost respect for people who thinks they're way better than anybody else and treat some other people like crap. Yes, the world will still revolve no matter where I am in this world. Sometimes, there's nothing we can do but bid goodbye and say hello to "change".

Another Working Day

It’s always a breeze when B is around. I don’t have to answer the phone, lol! I understand why B sometimes had a tantrum specially after talking to some annoying callers. But that’s part of business. I remembered losing my patience when I worked in that call center before.

Anyway, my husband got a call yesterday from a staff writer of Wall Street Journal. She wanted to write something about the “babble ball” business. She had seen some videos on You Tube. That’s pretty cool! We don’t know what it’s going to bring though- might be good, might be bad. Well, who knows, right? Jim was already in OC Register when he started the business 4 years ago. We just hope for the best of course.

Busy Days

“So, was it worth that drive?” B asked. He might be thinking it's so ridiculous driving 30 minutes just to eat lunch in Cerritos. Yes, I was ambushed by my girl friends at work today. We decided to head Jollibee for lunch. Jollibee is a McDonald version for Filipinos with sweet spaghetti. Actually, we were hoping to grab some bibingka (rice cake), my favorite Filipino delicacy but it’s way too far to continue driving.

Oh, I haven’t updated this blog nor visited my blogger friends. I do apologize for that. The weekend just passes by so quickly but it was a good thing to recharge again. I had movie date with Faye last Friday. The “Confessions of a Shopaholic” was a cute movie and fun. Another movie on Friday night at home “The Family that Preys” on OnDemand. Jim stayed home all afternoon on Saturday waiting for Rafael while I spent most of my time at the gym and the bookstore. We decided to remodel the bathroom in the master’s bedroom first instead of doing the carpet and the kitchen. It would be nice to get rid of the tub (we both don’t take a bath in there, lol). It would be nicer to have a steam shower especially for me who loves taking a long hot shower every night.

Anyway, Saturday’s highlight was the movie “Madea”. Very sensible and witty movie. Kudos to Mr. Tyler Perry. I think I’m a big fan of him now, lol. I had watched his interview on Larry King and his words were very impressive. Yes, whattaman! As what Larry said.

Sunday was still a little busy. I was hoping I can laze around and watch my Filipino Channel but we went to Home Expo and look for some discounted kitchen appliances instead (the store is closing in few weeks). Anyway, I think I haven’t watched any of the Filipino shows for ages now. I was even thinking of cutting off my TFC subscription but my husband thought it’s fine. I’m just not a TV person at all. After dinner, we took advantage of Big Lots 20% off. We just shipped the 2 boxes full of Spam, canned goods to Philippines. Now, we’re trying to fill more boxes for Christmas.

It’s been so busy as always but it sure is nice to have something to be busy about. I hope all is well to all of you.

The Power Within

Listen to the words of wisdom
whispering within your mind,
They want to lead you
in the right directions.

Quietly adhere to your inner voice
that speaks to you through your emotions;
allow your heart the freedom
to make you happy.

Be truthful to yourself,
and be willing to share your uniqueness
in whatever creative fashion
your talents provide.

This is life at its best,
In fact, this is exactly as it is...
it is today- here and now.

So if you feel the power
to move and change,
then let your life flow
knowing that it is time to go.
But if you need some more time
to think about your hopes and dreams,
then find a sense of peace in staying.

Tough Economic Times

“Sir, I just came from Minnesota and I have three kids without a home now. If you could help me, I would really appreciate it”, the lady begged. A skinny lady, probably on her late teens approached my husband on his way out from Staples. It was sad to know and so Jim grabbed money from his pocket. He’s sorting through his cash (he’s not into credit cards) in front of the lady. He looked through a few 1-dollar bills, 5-dollar bill and then more 100-dollar bills. He gave the 5-dollar bill to her. Much to his surprise, she didn’t accept it. “Sir, I want a warm bed”, she flirted.

Awwww! We are all laughing when my husband told us the story when he gets back to the office. So, did you bring her to the hotel? Everybody’s teasing at him.

Last week, my brother-in-law called and told Jim that he received a call from his ex-wife whom he never heard of for almost 10 years. She was kind of nuts and left him after a year of marriage. Then, suddenly she called Rob and asked him if she could borrow money. Awwww… he hanged up after hearing that.

Well, to some people it may seem depression while some felt more blessed. Good for those who worked so hard (some are even working long hours with 2 jobs). Good for those who saved their money. Good for those who have a good and excellent work ethics.

Much of this economic crisis is psychological. Pres. Obama is right, make it an opportunity to change and grow from being sloppy spender to being smart saver.

“So far, we’re so lucky and blessed”, my husband kept telling me that. Our products are selling good in Bed Bath &Beyond and we’re proud to know that it’s the first pet toy that the company had put in their shelf (pet toy category). Walgreens orders are growing each week which is so great! Our plush toys are best-seller at PetSmart too and even made to their homepage last week.

Oh, we’re so grateful to have the business growing despite the economic setbacks.

Weird Weather

No, this can’t be true! I thought A was teasing on me. They know that I really get excited when I see snow, lol! Well, we don’t have it in the island.

I arrived at the office this morning with this pile of ice on the parking lot. I looked at the sides and I saw some pieces of ice. I was so confused. It could be that B was true when he said, it was hailing (last week). Yes, I took a picture of it right away, hahaha!

After few minutes, as I turned on my computer it rained so hard. Then, I finally got excited to see that indeed it hailed. Yap, another shot for that at A’s car, hahaha!

My husband is still sleeping at home and so I called my Pinay friends instead. They were all so excited too! Jinks had never seen a snow before and she was so surprised to see pieces of ice all over their place. Ah, weird weather. And that’s me… a “weather man” as what my husband calls me.

Jakey's First Snow

Wat is that over there, Mom? I've never seen something like this before!

Why this is all so white, like a powder! Can I go there, Dad?

Oh my Golly! I didn't realize it's too deep in here! I've got to get my boots and jacket! It's really cooolld in here! Brrrr...

Dad, please don't let me go in there:( It's soooo cooold there it burn my fiiit!

It's okay, Son. Momma's gonna take care of you!:)

Mom, le' me go... my hands are freezing!

oh no...you guys, stop it!

What is that, Jakey? Go get that bunny!!

Come on, Son... Be a man...don't be so chicken!

Hey, Mom..it's not that bad at all...I was so scaaared of that deep snow... I think I love playing here now!

Mom, I think that's enough! My fiiit are frozen now! It's okay, Mom even if you forgot to bring my jacket and boots. I had fun at Big Bear! Happy Valentine to us!:)

My Valentine

The traffic was so slow going back to Orange County. It was raining a little bit and we had to stop for dinner at some place. We’re both exhausted from the 3-day trade show and had packed everything up; put it all together in the booth box to give to the shipping guys while some materials went to the car. We checked out so early in that morning from Hilton too.

“How would you feel if I didn’t give you any card or gift at all?” he asked. I was silent for a while. I choked unto that question. I wished I’d disappear at that very moment. I melted with embarrassment and I couldn’t find any answers to that question at all.

“No, I’m serious. I’ve been meaning to ask you about this,” my husband continued. “You didn’t give me a birthday card last year and now no Valentine card too. Why is that?” he asked again.

Tears fell down my cheeks. Still no answer from me. I don’t know where to start. I wished I didn’t have to explain it. I know there will be confrontations about it but I was hoping that I can explain it later once we get home. When he asked me if it's okay to ask a favor- at that very instant I knew I was in trouble.

Yes, he fried me with his interrogations and I have a confession to make. On his birthday, we were in Chicago for a trade show. I didn’t know how to drive at that time. The only time I can get out of the house without him was when Mimi (Indonesian friend) would pick me up. I just relied on e-card but I was procrastinating until there’s not enough time to make one. We have to prepare the booth for the trade show. I didn’t realize it was a lot of work to put it all together. Then, we have to pack up for a flight the next day. We have to be there 2 days before the convention. On the first day of the show (his birthday), he left the hotel room earlier than me to help B set up some stuff at the booth. I thought I could make an e-card then. I hurriedly grab the laptop but was caught off guard reading an email from his old-time friend in Indonesia. I was not supposed to read it but he left it open. I was so pissed and jealous and instead of working on my e-card, I just thought forget it. So there, I didn’t even greet him when I get to our booth. Yes, to make even. I just told him that I have read that birthday greetings from his girlfriend. One thing that pisses me off was the closing, Love. Grrrrrr. He said she always does that. Whatever. Then, it became my problem because I read something I was not supposed to. Hey, it was left open! Well, it was history, she didn’t write to him anymore. I just found out that she used to do it to her old boyfriend too and the wifey had the same reaction.

Okay, the Valentine’s card? Well, I'm still not driving yet. So, I spent over 2 hours working on that e-card. It was really late and we have to wake up so early in the morning. We have to drive to San Diego for a trade show. We already spent the whole day at the Convention Center preparing the booth. It was exhausting and I haven’t packed my clothes to wear for the convention. After all the 2-hour of tweaking-and-making-it-more-real card when it’s time to save it… darn, it was gone. I kept hitting the “Back” button but I can’t retrieve it. Doggoneit! I was so frustrated. Then, he was telling me to hurry and pack my things coz it’s getting late. Its past 12 already and I don’t know what else to do. Bummer!

"You can just write it in a Word doc, that's fine with me" he said. I wrote him a 2-page letter in a Word doc a week after Valentine. Surprisingly, he kept all the cards that I had given him even those that I sent when I was still in the Philippines.

Oh, I felt so bad for all those 2 occasions. On the other hand, my husband never forgets any occasion at all. He’s very thoughtful.

Well, this time I make sure I don’t make the same mistake and had put an effort of making it up. I don’t have enough time but he’s worth more than my half-day, of course! I put some scrapbook-look on my Valentine card. A little amateurish but I hope he’ll like it.

Children Learn What They Live

If a child lives with criticism,
He learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
He learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
He learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame,
He learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance,
He learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
He learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
He learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness,
He learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
He learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
He learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
He learns to find love in the world.
---Dorothy law Nolte

Son and Daughter of Life

I rushed outside the house holding my tears as I can still hear the echoing voice of my father, criticizing and judging so nastily. My mother followed me through the bushes in our front yard. My heart was pounding so fast, full of anger and disgust. I sobbed and fight all the miseries I kept at the time. I taught myself not to cry. Someday, he will know my worth.

“I’m sorry. Your father doesn’t know what he’s doing. He’s just upset and stressed out,” my mother explained so calmly. I never looked at her nor say anything at all. I just continued sobbing, so confused.

“How could a father do that to his kid?” My mind drifts aimlessly. “Okay, stop crying now. Please understand that he loves you. That’s how he shows his love. He doesn’t know how to express his love and his appreciation but he's proud of you”, my mother is begging me to come inside.

It was dark and we just finished our dinner. I was so happy handing out my paper to my Mom and told her how I did in school. I was so proud of myself since I got the highest score in our class.

“You didn’t get a perfect score? That’s a chicken, a very easy quiz!” he said awfully. “A first grader can do better than that. I thought you’re smart!” he continued on and on. My father was annoyed and gave me a sarcastic laugh.

“Will you stop it? Your daughter didn’t invite you to see her paper!” my Mom screamed at him. “Why? Don’t I have the right to know?” he was fuming.

Then, there was a series of yelling and fighting. The neighbors heard it. Everybody seemed to stop eating and listened to the fights.

My father hurt my feelings so bad; yet, he didn’t even apologize for what he did. Yes, that’s my father. I don’t know where his attitude came from but that seemed to be the missing part of my growth.

I was so envious of my friends who were awarded for money by their parents depending on their score. I even got better grades than them but my father seemed not pleased by it.

My father is still the same person after all these years. A year ago, I went home for a visit and I could see his delighted face. One night, he came home drunk and he hugged me.

“You just don’t know how proud I am for what you did to the family. If not because of you, the family will not be like this today. You are the hero to the family!” he said while covering his face with the pillow as he lay down on the floor getting ready to take a nap.

“Yeah, right! If you die and God will ask you- what good did you do for your family? What would be your reply?” I asked him.

“Oh, you didn’t know but I prayed for all of my kids. I did everything I could” he said like he doesn’t mean it. He was drunk anyway.

Yes, twenty years later he is still the same person who definitely doesn’t know how to become a father nor doesn’t know how to function as a father.

Don’t get me wrong, I felt bad and sad for my father more than anybody else. Our relationship has grown over the years. I never hated him for being dysfunctional at times. I understand him better as I grew older and have become more tolerant of him. Even better than my Mom.

“Are you talking to your Father or what? You seemed to forget that” my Mom reminded me one time. I’m the only one in the family who can talk to him like a younger brother or somebody of the same age. I feel as though that’s how I can communicate with him better.

It's no big deal anymore. I never lived with my past or struggle with hatred against my parents. Not even when I was growing up.

Life is just a test that we have to pass and if we fail, we can retake the test. Otherwise, we would have taught what to do in every step of the way. It doesn't have to be taken seriously though.

If all kids will expect their parents to be perfect, then it must be a tough ride. I bet you.

A Valentine Treat

Wow! The Big Bear Mountain is covered with snow! It was raining hard yesterday and B even said there was a hail. I’m not sure about that but no doubt it was freezing.

My husband suggested that we might spend Valentine’s Day at Big Bear. I thought it’s cool! I’ve never been to the place but the snow is always visible in our area. It would be nice to have a short trip there.

Oh, so looking forward to that :)

Weekender

“I’m sorry, I’m a little shaky today. I have not done this for 2 years” said the priest. A skinny, tall guy and probably in his late 70’s. He reminds me of an Irish priest when I was a kid who was assigned in our church and says the mass in our dialect (Cebuano)- he’s very articulate and yet so funny when he pronounces the words.

His little helper was Jink’s step-daughter and he bosses her around like his own little girl. Then, the baptism began. Josh was laughing when the priest soaked his head with water. He loved taking a bath. And the ceremony was done. All the friends, families and godparents took pictures. While somebody’s taking our photos, I saw the priest was helped by the older lady who sat next to me on the pew. Oh, maybe he’s too old to change his costume. She helped him in putting his coat too. That’s very nice of her but I don’t think that’s appropriate. I wondered.

We drove separately to the reception area which is few minutes away. I was so excited to see all the different seafood. I have never been to the place- it’s a buffet. Yes, no diet for me today, hahaha!

I saw the priest sitting and eating with us on the same table. Oh, I didn’t know that priest can go and socialize too with the parents and guests after the baptism. Things are not different at all in the Philippines, I quipped.

“That’s Jink’s father-in-law!” D told me laughing. Ouch, I felt so bad for judging him. I remembered Jink’s told me that her Father-in-Law is a Deacon and her in-laws are Irish. It didn’t occur to me though since they’re living in AZ.

Anyway, here’s a group picture from yesterday's baptism. Happy Sunday!

The Secret of Keeping the Love

A happiness that is sought for ourselves alone can never be found: for a happiness that is diminished by being shared is not big enough to make us happy. There is a false and momentary happiness in self-satisfaction, but it always leads to sorrow because it narrows and deadens our spirit.

True happiness is found in unselfish love, a love which increases in proportion as it is shared. There is no end to the sharing of love, and, therefore, the potential happiness of such love is without limit. Infinite sharing is the law of God's inner life. He has made the sharing of ourselves the law of our own being, so that it is in loving others that we best love ourselves. In disinterested activity we best fulfill our own capacities to act and to be.

Yet there can never be happiness in compulsion. It is not enough for love to be shared: it must be shared freely. That is to say it must be given, not merely taken. Unselfish love that is poured out upon a selfish object does not bring perfect happiness: not because love requires a return or a reward for loving, but because it rests in the happiness of the beloved.

And if the one loved receives love selfishly, the lover is not satisfied. He sees that his love has failed to make the beloved happy. It has not awakened his capacity for unselfish love. Hence the paradox that unselfish love cannot rest perfectly except in a love that is perfectly reciprocated: because it knows that the only true peace is found in selfless love. Selfless love consents to be loved selflessly for the sake of the beloved. In so doing, it perfects itself.

The gift of love is the gift of the power and the capacity to love, and, therefore, to give love with full effect is also to receive it. So, love can only be kept by being given away, and it can only be given perfectly when it is also received.

-Thomas Merton "No Man Is an Island"

Rainy Day

Wow! It’s raining once again. I loved it! My husband kept telling me I’m such a weatherman. I don’t know but I’m always fascinated with rain. I always think of it as a blessing.

Anyway, it’s a little lazy day though and I need to get to the mall to grab a gift for Joshua’s baptism come Saturday. Good thing, we’re few minutes away from the mall and it’s not even far from the gym. Okay, I have to get going now. I have to lose at least 200 calories at the treadmill and cook a hearty dinner later:) I hope the rain won't go away till tonight.

Marriage Creed

Tap! Tap! Tap! It was all we could hear on the computer as the bidders hurriedly gave away their money for a certain coin. The coins were sold so fast like wind as well as the thousands of money gone by hastily. One coin was sold around 220grand, some around 150-170grand and for average coins- it was sold around 3grand. My husband was all so excited telling me about this cool “auction” thing online.

The whole afternoon passed by and he’s still there in front of his computer in his office. Okay, fine. Whatever. To ease my boredom, I played the hip-hop aerobics and sweat away all my frustrations in my office. No, I didn’t tell him that I’m pissed at him.

I dressed for church and decided to go early. I didn’t invite him either. Yeah, whatever. I’m pissed off. I shouldn’t be going to church but I did anyway. I kissed him goodbye and off I went. It felt better driving alone and the road is quiet empty. Ah, the Super Bowl Sunday! It’s nice though. I had some moment for myself. I’ll be better soon, I just sighed.

I came home without saying “hi” to him not even to the dog. No, my hormone level is way too high, very stubborn.

“Momma, where are you?” he screamed while looking for me in the bedroom. I said “I’m downstairs, making coffee”.
He was all so excited telling me how the auction went. I gave him a cold face. Then, he figured out.
Okay, there’s the drama again. “Did I do something wrong?” “Is there something wrong?”
As always, my answer is “I’m fine”. No, you’re lying, he said. Okay, I’m pissed!
“Why?” “It’s because you were just in front of the computer all afternoon!” I said in a high-pitched tone.

Alright, I’m being unreasonable. I knew it was such a big deal for him. I knew I’m being selfish and he felt I’m so unkind considering how important that auction to him.

I can’t even tell him upfront that I want his attention. I felt bad because I’m bored. Faye even invited me for a movie night out but I said “no”. I’m in bad mood.

After a few minutes of sorting things out in a calm way, we made up. Off we went for dinner. We agreed to leave it behind. Then, my being childish confronted me once again. Darn, the dinner went so bad, there’s not even a good conversation.

The whole evening was ruined. We stayed away from each other. I’m still not over it and I just keep clinging to my stubbornness.

The scenario is neither new to us nor frequent. It’s rare but the same thing over and over again. I seemed so stuck with my stubborn behavior.

It’s past eleven and I said “goodnight!”
“When was the last time you did this to me?” he asked.
“I don’t remember”, I answered.

“Why are you doing this to yourself and why are you dragging me into this?” he asked in an angry voice. “I know you pretty well and you can’t hide anything from me, I’m intuitive. And you know exactly what you’re doing”, he continued. Duh!

“I need some attention, can't you tell? Okay, do I get in trouble tomorrow if I don’t say bye-bye before work?” He said, “You can do whatever you want to do”.

Fine. I apologized and we tried leaving the mess behind. I went to bed with still a heavy heart. Then, I received an email from him on my iPhone. He wrote some instructions for A at work and called me grumpy Momma. Grrrr!

I woke up so fresh in the morning and forgot about my bad hair day. He brought me an apple at work and I noticed he’s making some effort to make it up. Good! He probably figured out that’s how I get his attention. Do some protest?

Come on! Its high school, isn’t it? Anyway, as I said I want to post a love article or journal as much as I can for this month, hoping to learn from my mistakes in the years ahead.

Before I go, I’ll leave you with this very reflective message from Kahlil Gibran about marriage. Once in a while, I dig into his great reservoir of spiritual teaching whenever I’m lost, confused and to stay grounded and right on track.

"But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."

Let's Talk About Love

Hey, it’s love month already! Time flies so fast like a bird. Last night, we were talking about “falling in love”. My husband told me about this pretty girl down their neighborhood. He was only 13 then and he remembered having such an enormous crush on her. They moved to Texas and had never seen her again but her lovely face kept flashing back. There was a secret longing of seeing her face once again. Yet, it never happened. Then, on his Mom’s funeral (few years ago), the girl’s Mom was invited and she came with her. All of a sudden my husband became so interested and at last that longing was fulfilled after all these years. Much to his dismay, she never looked that attractive at all! She looked like his sister, he said, lol!

According to Dr. Peck of “Road Less Traveled”;

Of all the misconceptions about love the most powerful and pervasive is the belief that "falling in love" is love or at least one of the manifestations of love. It is a potent misconception, because falling in love is subjectively experienced in a very powerful fashion as an experience of love. When a person falls in love what he or she certainly feels is "I love him" or "I love her." But two problems are immediately apparent. The first is that the,experience of falling in love, is specifically a sex-linked erotic experience. We do not fall in love with our children even though we may love them very deeply. We do not fall in love with our friends of the same sex-unless we are homosexually oriented-even though we may care for them greatly. We fall in love only when we are consciously or unconsciously sexually motivated. The second problem is that the experience of falling in love is invariably temporary. No matter whom we fall in love with, we sooner or later fall out of love if the relationship continues long enough. This is not to say that we invariably cease loving the person with whom we fell in love. But it is to say that the feeling of ecstatic lovingness that characterizes the experience of falling in love always passes. The honeymoon always ends. The bloom of romance always fades. On the contrary, real love often occurs in a context in which the feeling of love is lacking, when we act lovingly despite the fact that we don’t feel loving.

Love has a lot of dimensions. It is indeed very complicated and most difficult to understand. “Love is not simply giving; it is judicious giving and judicious withholding as well. It is judicious praising and judicious criticizing. It is judicious arguing, struggling, confronting, urging, pushing and pulling in addition to comforting. It is leadership. The word "judicious" means requiring judgment, and judgment requires more than instinct; it requires thoughtful and often painful decision-making”, Dr. Peck mentioned.

Well, I decided to post more “love” articles for this month to remind myself, to learn from my mistakes and to constantly recognize and appreciate the gifts of love every now and then.