look's like we made it

tomorrow is the last day of january! this month has DRAGGED on and i SWEAR time slowed down just to torture me. i have been carrying so much stress in my shoulders and if i look the wrong way i easily pull a muscle in my neck or traps. needless to say i am ready for february to begin. i can't wait for ljo to put up her [2] valentine's decorations (and maybe we have plans to make more?) and for sugar cookies and love songs. hawaii in march is coming up too and also a friend is coming back next week (can't wait) and there's just a lot of good stuff happening.

Daughter - "Human"

if you have netflix you should watch this documentary

homesick for the future

sometimes i just want to know what the future holds. i just want a little taste to help me get by. some days it's hard to push myself out of bed just to relive the day before. groundhog day at its best. maybe it's because january has sucked the life out of me but i just need a change of scenery or something! but then i ponder and feel like i need to be here. i have a good job that is really flexible and has a lot of variety and good benefits. i would be lucky to find another one like it. and i want to keep working with ffhe and i want to be involved with the mexican community--i love those people. i have other things in the works too that motivate me to stick around. i just don't want to feel like i'm waiting around for the next thing to happen. i want to LIVE and i want ADVENTURE.

goings ons

i've been into watching documentaries about orphans on netflix. i love learning about people. people are the best. and i just want to help everyone. even though i'm sometimes bummed out, i still have the desire to help people (most of the time). sometimes this drive gets me into funny situations (giving strangers rides home), but luckily i've always been safe and i always learn something or gain some kind of new perspective.

i've had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with family lately, and i'm really grateful for it. in the past we haven't always been as close, i think due to lack of communication or understanding or priorities being different, but i'm grateful we are now.

still trying to kick the winter blues. i CRAVE the sun. i don't know how much longer i can do these winters. they are rough. maybe i'll just have to invest ultraviolet lights for my house. i have 7 plants in my room and there are at least 12 other plants in our house so we're not lacking there...although i do want to buy myself flowers (peonies as soon as they're in season...YES PLEASE).

"i just thought of something. january and february have 'ary' at the end like it's a disease. april-august sound bright, warm, and cheerful. october-december all end in 'ber' as in cold."
-Ljo

Neko Case - THIS TORNADO LOVES YOU

"You, just as you are, and your life here, right now, are all there is and all you need to know. You don't have to do anything special. Mostly you have to be open to meeting face to face, and even dancing with, the truth that pertains to your life right now. You have to find a way to collect your fractured pieces, examine them, and then accept them as part of who you are.Spiritual practice is about transformation, but it's also, and more importantly, about working with what is."

-Angel Kyodo Williams

another new year's post

this year instead of setting resolutions, i'm setting monthly intentions as well as physical goals. this month i am not eating meat or sugar as well as attempting 100 push ups a day (or working towards it) and focusing on cleaning out any negative in my life. the physical goals haven't been too hard for me to do, the push up challenge is turning out to be easier than i thought (but my arms are perpetually sore), and because the no meat and sugar thing is something i've continually focused on, i don't seem to struggle with those either. the one thing that has been difficult is stripping away the negative. this january has been a hard one. it's only the 6th day in but i'm having a hard time getting out of bed and feeling motivated to do anything. i'm trying to accept the sadness and the feelings of aloneness and be okay with them. i know in my head (and i'm trying to believe it with my heart) that these feelings won't last forever and they're probably just symptoms of the winter blues. so i am focusing on those goals and the millions of good things in my life (seriously, there are millions) and keeping a smile on my face. i tell myself affirmations constantly and seek to feel peace from my heavenly father and to accept everything im feeling. i know it will get better.

descriptions

one word descriptions of each month in 2013:

January- strength

February- optimism

March- growth

April- love

May- learning

June- self discovery

July- adventure

August- acceptance

September- change

October- rebirth

November- courage

December- compassion