reflection

me and beth had this conversation today, and instead of trying to sum it up, here it is:

talking about matt...

Beth: yeah
he's funny though
me: but him and robbie are really good at making you feel good about yourself
and if you are someone he considers your best friend he will do anything for you and will protect you
Beth: no, matt seems like a really good guy
i'm really glad you became such good friends with them over the summer
me: me too. i needed them. esp considering the joey/jeff/whitney situation. i always talking about summers being time for me to gain my independence, but this summer i think i did. and i also grew spiritually, something else that has never happened during the summer
Beth: i know. you seemed so happy this summer. i'm so glad you stayed (as much as i wanted you to come to DC) b/c i think you benefited so much more by being here
me: i did benefit alot, it is amazing. i was really bummed at the beginning of the summer bc i felt really alone; you were gone, amy moved back to texas, and casey and i werent on speaking terms
then i started hanging out w matt and them, and also was good friends w dan standage
Beth: i think that just shows that the lord has a plan for us. your trial turned out to be something amazing for you
me: yah its so true
but ive come to the realization that my life just wasnt meant to be easy, but im used to it now
Beth: i think the lord knows that that's how you grow...through trials
me: yah, sometimes its so hard though, sometimes i cant help but just asking for a break or something. sometimes it feels like one thing after another, but most of the time i just have to laugh
and i think of all the crappy things that have happened to me and still how ive turned out
things could be a lot worse
Beth: you're so positive. that's just wonderful
me: dont get me wrong, its not positive all the time. part of it is just bc im used to having things happen to me that most people just consider bad luck. that stuff just happens to me
Beth: but i think it's good that you can still enjoy life even though you've been through quite a bit and know more is in store for you
me: sometimes its scary though, i try not to think about what could be in store bc of everything that has happened so far, sometimes i dont even want to know what will happen next
sometimes i just have to live one day at a time
Beth: it's true
but the lord will only give us stuff that he knows we can handle if we turn to him
me: i know but when youre going through it, even with the lord's help, it feels like its the hardest hting in the world
Beth: no, definitely. i just know there's always hope
me: how comforting to know there is hope
Beth: sometimes i think that's the only thing that keeps me going - just knowing that it'll be over eventually and i'll get through it
me: oh gosh i know, imagine not even having that little speck of hope

that was the end of that. it was a good conversation.