Reviews from the Instant Queue

Love in a Goldfish Bowl

Released in 1961, this movie stars Tommy Sands, Toby Michaels, and Fabian. 

This movie featured two original songs sung by our stars Sands and Fabian.

Right off the bat I should have known I was in trouble, when I saw that Fabian wasn't singing the title song.

Sands and Michaels are Gordon and Blythe respectively: two high schoolers(?) who are BFFs and sick of their parents. So instead of spending Easter break back home they cook up a wild notion to spend the holiday alone at Gordon's mother's beach house on Balboa Island, CA. 

Whoever decided that Tommy Sands needed to be bleach blonde in this movie deserves to not only have been fired but also deserves to be publicly ridiculed.

Although, his hair being awful sort of works since his character is kind of not at all appealing in anyway. He basically talks down to Blythe the whole time and convinces her to get into all sorts of trouble, tells her to lie to her dad, and is kind of a, pardon my french, dick. And Blythe is admittedly going along with it so whatever. I hate them both. But I feel bad for her. 

In one scene, Blythe tells Gordon she is afraid to sleep in a room alone because she always gets terrible nightmares and that she has been having them ever since his mother died. She tells Gordon about the nightmares and the guy is totally interested.

Gordon tells Blythe that she will be doing the cooking and shopping while they are on vacation. Blythe says she doesn't know how but Gordon is like "Meh, you're a woman so you have to." So she does. And she is terrible at it. She messes up and Gordon scolds her.

Then they go boating and since Gordon is such an expert he is teaching her. Naturally the boat capsizes and they drown. The end of the movie. JK. Of course Fabian is a sailor with the Coast Guard named Zeppe and rescues them.

After some pretty cute flirting on the boat, Zeppe drives them home in the car he has been restoring. He tells them about his big family and is totes adorable. 

Gordon is a total possessive jerk and doesn't even seem all that grateful to Zeppe for saving his life. Blythe on the other hand recognizes this dreamboat for what he is and they go on several dates. Kissing ensues.

Which leads to Gordon being a stalker.

Zeppe wants to take Blythe to a party but Gordon won't allow it. Which I really don't understand why or how he is in charge of Blythe but whatever. Since Blythe is so upset Gordon says he'll throw the party at their house. 

And basically the whole movie is worth it just for the party. Because...

I won't even bother trying to explain things. Just know that all of that really happened. And Blythe and Gordon's parents of course showed up and the jig was up. After they get busted at the party by their parents, Blythe and Gordon realize they are in love. The best part of this was when Blythe's dad shared a room with Gordon and he wouldn't let Gordon out of his sight.

The next day, Zeppe comes over to apologize that the party got crazy or something totally classy. Blythe sort of has to choose between Gordon and Zeppe because, well, this is a movie and time's running out.

Since Blythe is decidedly stupid she chooses Gordon.

So overall this movie was probably worth five out of ten Jelly Beans. But I think the sheer absurdity of that party pushes it up to a grand total of SEVEN JELLY BEANS. Plus, this movie has firmly made me in love with Fabian.

In other news, I would like for there to be a biopic about Fabian where Joshua Jackson plays him. It would be excellent casting.