Michael

So...kind of a lot has happened in the last 9 months. I sort of, ya know, had a baby. Verification below.

But that really isn't the main reason for the lack of posts. Most of the blame goes to that kid holding her. And so, because he sucks up so much attention, I will dedicate this post to Michael.
Hannah will get one of her own soon (sooner than 2014, I hope).

When asking to bless Uncle Nathan in a prayer, he blessed "Uncle Naked" instead.

I asked the kids what is good for our bodies. They answered with vegetables, exercise, etc.
I asked Michael what kinds of things are bad for our bodies. He replied, "dinosaurs".
I had to agree that being devoured by a velociraptor sounded decidedly less pleasant than death by heart failure.

While playing with cars, we heard him say, "Hey, baby. Wanna ride?"
Wondering where in the world he heard that cheesy pick up line, we turned and saw that he was talking to a baby doll.

While getting him into the car, he kept talking about sour cream. I was just trying to buckle him in his seat. When he just wouldn't give up on the sour cream subject, I looked down at his book and realized he was referring to Lightning McQueen.

I informed Michael  that it was time to take a nap. "I don't want to" was the response. I countered that with telling him that he was lucky that he got to take a nap. "Dad wishes he could take a nap, but he never can", I pleaded. He found the obvious solution by offering, "But Dad can take MY nap."
Win, win.

While playing with legos, he looks up at his father and says, "Hey Dad, you look like a dumb guy."
A little hurt (but not too much, because Mike doesn't even know what "dumb" means), Matt tells him,
"Michael, that's not nice. Say 'sorry'."
Already back to lego construction, obediently (but not apologetically), he says, "Sorry, dumb guy."
Ouch. That's insulting on so many levels.

Through Alex's Eyes

The other day Alex manifested his artistic impressionism by drawing a picture of his dad.

Not a bad rendition considering he spent about 60 seconds on it. 

Sort of resembles this guy down below if you ask me.

Then Alex took a look at me and I guess thought that, to be fair, he should sketch my portrait as well.

Click on it to get a real good look--mine is a little less favorable.

Apparently he views me as similar to this other guy down below (pun most emphatically intended).

He claims to have messed up on the eyebrows, but that still leaves me clenching my teeth with rage. Not to mention that, while Matt's are symmetrical, my eye on the right is bulging in fury and my nose just looks sinister--and a bit like a Roald Dahl character's; again, Matt has a average, neat, pointed nose.

Of course, the most disturbing thing about this is that I must be in a huff all day, growling and seething, if this is how I am projected from his mind. 

P.S. My favorite part about that red dude is the lone, split-ended hair in the middle of that bald head.

Is there a doctor in the house?

Don't sit down on the couch at our house unless you want a full work up from Drs. Alex and Bekah. Keturah was merely feeling tired, but they were not satisfied she could go until they had covered everything.
They didn't even go to medical school (well, they did go several times, just weren't enrolled); they were doing a history and physical, drawing up a list of symptoms, discussing treatments, giving shots, consoling the patient, and even referring to a pain scale all without any prior knowledge that real doctors do all that stuff. Well, they knew about shots, of course. Nature or nuture anyone?

This guy went to the doctor for his 2 year old shots. 22 lbs while fully clothed and holding a toy car.  However, anyone will tell you that he has enough attitude for 220 lb linebacker.

As far as the real doc--he's playing the part by golfing...

...and eating steak. 

For real though, that was the first steak I've bought in many years. I guess you can count it as the first ever since it was more than $3/lb--those cuts aren't usually classified as "steak". Anyhow, it was amazing. Maybe we'll get it again when we pay off our loans in 20 years.

Oh yeah, I went to the doctor, too. This could mean a couple of different things:

       a) I really am a loon, it's confirmed

       b) I want my arms to be fatter

       c) I should slide down the stairs in sleeping bags more before my condition worsens

       d) I'm due Jan 20th, 2013

       e) All of the above

Absentee

To answer your question: yes, I'm alive.I have a whole slew of excuses for the silence.
  
   I was insanely busy with my new church assignment as a Young Women leader and I had
   Dance rehearsals and performances. Plus,
   It was nice weather, so who wants to be at a computer? Also,
   Let's not forget that Matt was working long hours,
   We had/have family in town,
   We went out of town for a few days,
   We had two birthdays and a baptism to do,
   My computer is growing senile and decided not to download pictures,
   And, hello? I have 4 kids.

If that is not good enough for you, then it might console you to know that my house hasn't been clean, Matt made dinner half the time in May, and I haven't even come close to the usual intake of chocolate.
Anyway,
I'll fill in the gaps eventually (my computer will need some bribes), but for now, I'll just share something that always makes me smile.
On March 11, I jokingly exclaimed, "Hey! It's my half birthday! Hooray!"
Matt wasn't amused, but the kids got excited and disappeared upstairs for a few hours. That evening they surprised me with fake food, games, and party favors.

These are some of the favors. They're "puppets".

It cracks me up. I'm so tempted to add some fake blood around the necks to complete the picture. Also, the Willow quote comes to mind: "I'm gonna cut your head off and stick it on a pig pole!!"

                                                

Third

Keturah's first surprise on her birthday:

The she opened some cards after her bowl of sugar.

After that we went to Walmart to pick out a toy as instructed in GR and GL's card.

She came back with Strawberry Shortcake. Her next present was having the whole family home with her. Dad got done at 10am, Bekah was picked up from school early, and Alex was already with us thanks to scarlet fever.

After lunch, she took a nap with her new Rapunzel pillow.

While she was snoozing, I worked on the cake. 

Stage 1

The flower has butter cream frosting

Stage 2

 

Stage 3

I decided to make fondant because the store bought stuff is gross in my opinion. It was pretty fun and a lot like playing with play doh. In fact, I used a play doh "tool" for the one of the cutouts, but everything else I free-handed.

 

A dinner of homemade pizza, asparagus, and soda.

And finally, cake time. Unless the frosting is chocolate, we have rule that the cake must be chocolate.

And the last of the presents.

After all this, we watched  Puss in Boots. I'd say she had a pretty good day.

Comebacks and One liners

Toddlers are the best at leaving you stumped as to what to say next. All of these examples are from my kids when they were around 3 years old.

Keturah:

I tell her to eat her food. She says "No. You eat it."
I warn, "Keturah, don't argue with me."
She calmly replies, "I'm not. I'm arguing without you."

 To convince her that she should let me put on her tights, I tell her they look cute on her.
She insists, "Cute is not good for me. Cute is for Bekah."

I was driving somewhere in a hurry. When your 2 1/2 yr old asks, "Mom, are we done racing?", when you get to a red light, you might be getting a little reckless.

Again with the food. Trying to "sell" the orange to her, I said, "This is a good orange."
She wonders, "Oh. There is good on it?"

In response to Dad's tickling, "Don't tickle my butter."
(okay, so she was really saying "brother", but it is funnier when you assume she said "butter")

Alex:

To explain why we had to wash his hands in another sink, I told him the soap had run out.
He was astounded, "The soap ran out of the room?"


Explaining why he shouldn't take his toys to his nursery class at church, I said that the other kids might accidentally break them and then he'd be sad.
I then took his hand and starting walking toward the room. He was concerned and said, "Mom, they might break you, too."

Matt was driving and I read an upcoming street sign out loud, "No left turn. No U turn."
Alex exclaims, "No! MY turn."

Bekah:

I think my favorite one (and I wrote about this before) was when she excused herself for kicking her brother: "I'm exercising."

Okay, these next ones are cheating a little bit. Bekah has said all of these in the last month or so. She gets in these moods where she says the most random stuff. Alex recognizes these moments and always eggs her on because it makes him laugh like crazy.

Matt called her a monkey.
She called him a "Beef-Head Chicken"

An observation/revelation: "Shocking someone is like spicy cheese."

Changing up a classic song, "Bob the Biscuit, Can we eat it? Bob the Biscuit, yes we can!"

Narrating an animated picture of a man standing at his front door and a woman on the front step:
Man: I have an eyeball, welcome.
Woman: I want to marry you for breakfast.

Faces

Ah...Christmas morning. It feels like that was a really long time ago. 

Okay, so it kinda was, but I'm done apologizing for the lack of posts. Maybe if I never send or post pictures, it will be an incentive for more people to come and see us. 

You're right, I don't think we are popular enough for that. I'll bet if we lived in Hawaii, it would be a different story. 

This story, however, is our Christmas in Michigan. But I've got my trademark headache going on and my storytelling self is hibernating, so I'm going minimalistic here. Feel free to add your own captions if you think it necessary.

Caption anyone? This one below needs something...Michael can't just get away with that. 

Basically, everyone was happy. We did stockings, then Luke 2, then most presents. We were a little rushed because we had to get ready for church, so the kids ate their mini cereals from their stockings. We did our Christmas crepes later that week. Matt wouldn't eat breakfast on Christmas because he had to give a talk in church. He did great despite being introduced as, "Brother Gayman". I got to sing my favorite Christmas song with the choir, "O Holy Night".
After church, we had the Petersons come over for Christmas dinner and games. They are true friends for two reasons: #1. Keturah spilled her Martinelli's on the table right after I poured it. I was comfortable enough with them to go over to the mess, bend over and start sucking it up off of the card table. That stuff is like gold--you just can't let it go to waste. #2. They still invited us over for stuff after they witnessed my complete lack of  propriety.
Nice, huh? At least I didn't belch or anything.
I did that once at Chili's.
You see, I had worked there for two years. The place felt like home. I forgot that it wasn't.
Matt was with me and still married me.
What a great test that is. You should try it. Chuck manners to the wind and find out if someone is your friend.
Okay, that even rhymes. I should put that on a t-shirt.
Getting carried away.....Christmas anyone?

 Right. Christmas.

After church I wanted a family picture. Bekah was extremely uncooperative. Look at her efforts.

Scary witch face

Complete apathy

Giraffe neck

Falling asleep

Here is her best and she is still looks depressed as ever. I might have been okay with this (even without me in it) if it wasn't for Matt's impression of Gene Simmons getting hit by a truck.

Oh well. It was a merry Christmas anyway.