"C" is for "Czarfish"

Czarfish

No. Enc.:  1 (1d4)
Alignment:  Chaotic
Movement:  18' (6')
      —Swim:  60' (20')
Armor Class:  3
Hit Dice:  5
Attacks:  2 (spine-shards)
Damage:  1d6 / 1d6
Save:  L5
Morale:  9
Hoard Class:  XXII
XP:  2,300

Czarfish are 1'-diameter echinoderms adorned with glowing, crystalline growths.  They can launch 2 shards per round at a range of 20'.

The megalomaniacal czarfish embed themselves in targets (animals, humanoids, and even sentient plants), then slither headwards to be worn as "crowns".  A czarfish's Parasitic Control requires only 1 round of contact to be effective, instead of the usual 3.  Psychic leeches, czarfish drain 1d3 WIL points from their hosts per day.

In melee combat with a czarfish and its "mount", the Mutant Lord should apply all damage to the host first; only called shots with natural To Hit rolls of 18-20 hit the czarfish.  But mental attacks apply against the parasite first, which has a Willpower score of 15+1d4.

Czarfish ordinarily live marine existences, but can survive on land (attached or otherwise) for 5 days.

Mutations:  Energy Ray (Laser / Light), Force Screen (Greater), Increased Willpower, Metaconcert, Mental Barrier, Mind Reflection, Mind Thrust, Neural Telepathy, Parasitic Control (Modified), Precognition, Spiny Growth (Medium)

"L" is for "Luminoid"

Luminoid

No. Enc.:  1d4 (1d4)
Alignment:  Neutral
Movement:  90' (30')
         —Fly:  45' (15')
Armor Class:  -3
Hit Dice:  10
Attacks: 1 (weapon)
Damage:  by weapon
Save:  L10
Morale:  10
Hoard Class:  XXII
XP:  5,900

The otherworldly invaders nicknamed "luminoids" are vaporous beings contained within neon-infused membrano-suits.  Other than being nocturnal, almost nothing is known about luminoid biology.

Luminoids require their skeleton-like garb to maintain cohesion, and it's presumed their abilities derive from the tech instead of mutations proper.  Most physical attacks pass harmlessly through the suits' permeable shells, but electricity-based assaults scramble the circuitry and target as if against AC 1.

Feared across the Mutant Future, luminoids capture wildlife and sentients alike for study and experimentation, and plunder all Ancient tech they find.

Mutations:  Control Light Waves, Energy Ray (Laser / Light), Enhanced Vision (Night, Thermal, Ultraviolet), Plane Shift, Teleport

Mutants In The News — "Hungry, Hungry Hippos" Edition

The BBC is reporting that an ever-expanding colony of African hippopotamuses is thriving in rural Colombia.

How'd they get there, you ask?  They're hold-overs from deceased drug lord Pablo Escobar's menagerie.

"For about two decades, they have wallowed in their soupy lake....  Nobody knows how many there are," reports William Kremer.  They're also venturing far and wide, with some being spotted over 150 miles away from their birthplace.

And get this mind-boggling mutato-liciousness:  male hippos in Africa attain sexual maturity in seven to nine years, and females nine to eleven...but thanks their spectacularly perfect living conditions, these South American residents are reaching it in as little as three.  "All the fertile females are reported to be giving birth to a calf every year."

Seriously, the article's a fascinating read, and explains why "they escaped from zoos" isn't so far-fetched an explanation behind the monsters of the post-apocalypse.

"T" is for "Thornhopper"

Thornhopper

No. Enc.:  0 (2d6)
Alignment:  Neutral
Movement:  180' (60')
Armor Class:  4
Hit Dice:  6
Attacks:  1 (gore or kick)
Damage:  2d8 or 2d6
Save:  L3
Morale:  8
Hoard Class:  None
XP:  1,070

Thornhoppers are armored, flightless insects of bison-like proportions that reach lengths of 15' long. Domesticated over the post-apocalyptic centuries, thornhoppers can carry two riders and up to 500 lbs of extra gear.

Thornhoppers often Trample when provoked, or at their riders' insistence.  And they are nigh-invisible in verdant environs, Surprising (even if carrying riders) on 1-5 on 1d6.

Mutations:  Increased Balance

"C" is for "Craydeen"

Craydeen

No. Enc.:  1d8 (2d6)

Alignment:  Chaotic

Movement:  120' (40')
   —Burrow:  15' (5')
      —Swim:  60' (20')
Armor Class:  3

Hit Dice:  11

Attacks:  4 (2 claws, 2 weapons)

Damage:  2d6 / 2d6, and by 2 weapons

Save:  L11

Morale:  11

Hoard Class:  VI, XIV

XP:  5,200

While the Craw are relatively peaceful crustaceanoids, the miliant Craydeen are anything but.  Stronger and nastier than their arthropoidal cousins, The Craydeen are rampant speciesists who bully, torment, and enslave "lesser races" at every opportunity.

The Craydeen are nomadic and semi-aquatic, and live as brigands and pirates.  They are also polyglots who can comprehend and commune with all sentient mutant species.

Craydeen love Ancient carbonated beverages, and will do anything to acquire them.

Mutations:    Aberrant Form (Gills and Lungs), Energy-Retaining Cell Structure, Enhanced Vision (Night), Force Screen, Frailty (Heat) [D]

"F" is for "Flinch"

Flinch

No. Enc.:  2d6 (3d6)
Alignment:  Neutral
Movement:  18' (6')
         —Fly:  210' (70')
Armor Class:  2
Hit Dice:  1d2 HP
Attacks:  1 (peck)
Damage:  1 hp
Save:  L1
Morale:  7
Hoard Class:  None
XP:  7

Flinches are 6" tall birds with grimy, soot-stained feathers. Fleshy tumors erupt across their skulls, sometimes growing so pervasively as to blind the creatures outright.

Pyrokinetic pests that eat seeds, small arthropods, and ash, flinches are feared throughout the Mutant Future.  They turn settlements and ruins into infernos, and lay waste to arable land and crops.  To keep flinches at bay, villages often keep fiery "feeders" (rusty toxic waste drums filled with smoldering grains, vegetation, and debris) at the outskirts.

Some (burn-scarred, hair-deficient) individuals claim to have domesticated flinches, using exotic nectars and hand-carved whistles...which they'll happily sell for an exorbitant sum, natch.

Mutations:  Reflective Epidermis (Fire / Heat), Temperature Control (Heat), Vision Impairment [D]

"K" is for "Kurbaq"

Kurbaq

No. Enc.:  1 (1d4)
Alignment:  Neutral
Movement:  90' (30')
      —Swim:  120' (40')
Armor Class:  5
Hit Dice:  13
Attacks:  3 (2 claws, 1 bite)
Damage:  2d6+2 / 2d6+2 / 1d8
Save:  L13
Morale:  10
Hoard Class:  XIX
XP:  8,700

The hermaphroditic, brutish kurbaqs are 8' tall, hunchbacked amphibianoids with slick, shiny bodies that ripple with muscles.  A third eye—bulbous, black, lifeless, and all-seeing—juts from the humps above their misshapen, snaggletoothed faces.  Though of low intelligence, kurbaqs possess cruel cunning and grim determination (WIL scores of 9+1d8).

Kurbaqs inject poison (Class determined at random) from sickle-like protrusions on their wrists.  And they insidiously combine their Ancestral Form and Empathy mutations to create loyal gangs of primitive, devolved humanoids.  A lone kurbaq will be accompanied by 1d3 thralls, while larger groups can have 2d6 (or more).

Mutations:  Ancestral Form, Empathy, Enhanced Vision (Night, Thermal, Ultraviolet), Reflective Epidermis (Fire / Heat), Mind Thrust, Reduced Oxygen Efficiency [D], Toxic Weapon (Venom)

Radioactive Review — 'Wisdom From The Wastelands #23: Sea Monsters'

"Like, 40% of the original Gamma World monsters were fish.  What was up with that?" — WotC's Bruce Cordell, on Gamma World 4e (7e) (at GenCon 2010)

"Despite much of the planet being covered by ocean, sea monsters have oddly been absent from all editions of the game that inspired Mutant Future." — Introduction to WFTW #23

They're both (kinda-sorta) right.

Fish play a huge role in the Gamma World bestiaries from the 2nd Edition on, but they're freshwater (one supposes, based on the brief descriptions) critters.

But Dragon Magazine's two Mutant Manual supplements (found in #98 and #108) added a handful of sea-things, like aerosquids, blade whales, crusteans [crabs], draguns [saltwater crocs], and flipps [dolphins].  Sure, they're not "official" boxed-set beasties or anything, but they're close enough.

A Swiss-army version needs to happen.

WFTW #23 brings more post-apocalyptic content of a specifically salinated spin.

—

First off are nine new monsters.

There's the candy cod, a "fairly common game fish" that slightly mutates those that eat it.  It also has 30 Hit Dice, which is insane.  Compatible Labyrinth Lord tyrannosaurs have 20, fer chrissakes.

Next up is the glup, a grunion-y seal-thing that offensively shifts ambient temperatures.  Most of the text is about its mating cycle, though, so the Wisdom From The Wasteland series once again makes it abundantly clear why author Derek Holland is known as Skirmisher Publishing's Official Staff Biologist.

The greater inferno whale follows, and if you remember your Thundarr, you get the gist.  I reckon the "greater" part comes from added noxious clouds of gaseous chlorine it generates. Snazzy!

MAJESTY.

Then there's the shark king, which isn't a shark proper, but a sentient bass that makes Jaws-y sand elementals.  Nifty concept.  But this line in the description tickled me silly: "They are not a good source of information and most people ignore or avoid them."  It's just so random.  And doesn't that generally apply to EVERY monster, sentient or otherwise, in any given RPG?

It takes a whoooooooooooole lotta text to describe the shellback, when "big, poisonous clam" would've sufficed.  Same goes for the slaath, "big, explosive, carnivorous seaweed."

Close to the last but certainly not anywhere near the least, the sticky tree is a 300' long, 40' wide, 30' tall, 250 ton, 60 HD sea cucumber that swallows ships whole and is consequently stuffed with 10 times worth of Mutant Future's best treasure Hoard Class.  The Kraken as piñata!

"I CONTAIN MULTITUDES...OF STARBURSTS AND SKITTLES!!!"

Looks like my sentiment regarding the shellback and slaath applies to the stonegull, too. "Bird with hardened feathers."

And again, with the the striking lump, "coral that entombs you on contact".  Ugh.  Sooooo. Much.  Expository.  Text.  I know word-counts matter to reach the WFTW standard format, but sheesh.

—

Rounding out the issue is some crunch, with painless, down-n-dirty drowning rules (lacking from the core Mutant Future book), and three new mutations:  Animate Object, Chemical Gland, and the disadvantageous Loss Of Trait.  All of these could be covered under existing mutations like Aberrant Form, Toxic Weapon, and Frailty, respectively, but there they are.

—

This issue of WFTW isn't my favorite.  Fiery whales and shark-golems aside, it's dry (hyuck!) and too tame.

But no matter what I think, Holland's science bonafides are unimpeachable.  And the drowning bit is sllick.  Totally using it.

—

Buy it here for 99¢.  Still the best value in gaming PDFs!

"X" is for "Xeemu"

Xeemu

No. Enc.:  1d4 (1d6)
Alignment:  Chaotic
Movement:  180' (60')
Armor Class:  7
Hit Dice:  5
Attacks:  2 or 1 (1 peck, 1 kick, or 1 weapon)
Damage:  1d6 / 1d10, or by weapon
Save:  L5
Morale:  9
Hoard Class:  VII
XP:  950

The man-sized, 400 lb xeemus are mean-spirited, aggressively stupid avians that accost any humanoids they encounter.  They love shiny trinkets and weapons, and rob travelers unlucky enough to enter their territory.

Quite dexterous, a xeemu can wield 1 weapon (via prehensile feet) in combat. However, the unique resonances of energy-based melee weapons (vibro-swords, warp-field maces, etc.) drive them into a panic.

Xeemus produce live young, and carry their hatchlings in abdominal pouches.

Mutations:  Aberrant Form (Pouch, Prehensile Feet), Increased Balance, Neural Telekinesis, Phobia (Energy HTH Weaponry) [D], Teleport

"L" is for "Leapsteed"

Leapsteed

No. Enc.:  0 (2d6)
Alignment:  Neutral
Movement:  240' (80')
Armor Class:  3 / 6
Hit Dice:  5+2
Attacks:  2 or 1 (2 kicks, or 1 headbutt)
Damage:  (1d10 / 1d10, or 2d6)
Save:  L3
Morale:  9
Hoard Class:  None
XP:  860

Leapsteeds are bison-sized amphibians adapted to drier terrestrial climes.  Thick armored plating covers their heads and upper-bodies [AC 3 when attacked from the front and sides], while their backs, abdomens, and extremities are slick and smooth [AC 6 from behind].  They travel in family herds.

Leapsteeds are omnivores, dining on vegetation, tubers, and small animals.  They also, bizarrely enough, feed on psychic energies, which they procure by mentally manipulating (via Empathy) sentient beings into physical contact.  Upon a successful Mental Attack (as if from a WIL score of 2d6+5), a leapsteed motivates the target into using it as a trusted mount.  Sticky secretions adhere the target in place on the leapsteed's back (even during full-bore movement), and the leapstead is "steered" with its rein-like antennae, which also serve as telepathic conduits.  Leapsteeds drain 1d3 HP per day from their riders.

Despite the seemingly negative implications of mind-control-based relationships, leapsteeds genuinely care for their "masters", and crave positive symbiotic bonds.  In fact, most leapsteeds find that, with enough time, they don't have to use their mutations on their riders, thanks to engendered trust and goodwill.

Leapsteeds are powerful enough to carry two riders (sitting one in front of the other) and all their gear, plus an additional 200 lbs.

Mutations:  Empathy (Modified), Neural Telepathy (Modified)

"T" is for "Tapiroid" [Metamorphosis Alpha Version]

Tapiroid

Number Usually Appearing:  1-3

Armor Class:  6

Movement (Yards / Turn):  12

Hit Dice:  6

Mutations:  Heightened Vision, Hemophilia, Illusion Generation, Mental Paralysis, Molecular Disruption, Repulsion Field Generation

Tapiroid (tapir):  This 5' tall, nocturnal biped travels in small family bands.  Being hemophiliacs, they are shy and secretive, and have evolved powerful mental mutations to avoid and deter conflict.

Tapiroids prefer heavily wooded environs, and often travel along lake and river bottoms to mask their travels.  Their prominent snouts can further elongate another 1-2' to serve as (rather clumsy) extra limbs, or makeshift snorkels.

"T" is for "Tapiroid" [Mutant Future Version]

Tapiroid

No. Enc.:  1d6
Alignment:  Neutral
Movement:  150' (50')
          Swim:  60' (20')
Armor Class:  6
Hit Dice:  7
Attacks:  1 (bite, or weapon)
Damage:  1d6, or by weapon
Save:  L7
Morale:  8
Hoard Class:  XIV
XP:  2,540

Tapiroids are nocturnal, 5' tall beings that live in small family bands.  Being hemophiliacs in the merciless Mutant Future, they are shy and secretive, and have evolved powerful mental mutations to avoid and deter conflict.  Each tapiroid has a WIL score of  10+1d6.

Tapiroids prefer heavily wooded environs, and often travel along lake and river bottoms to mask their travels.  Their prominent snouts can further elongate another 1-2' to serve as (rather clumsy) extra limbs, or makeshift snorkels.

Mutations:  Disintegration, Enhanced Vision (Night), Force Screen (Greater), Hemophilia [D], Mental Phantasm, Prehensile Tail (Modified)

"P" is for "Pinnipoid — Walrusoid" [Metamorphosis Alpha Version]

Pinnipoid — Walrusoid

Number Usually Appearing:  1-4

Armor Class:  4

Movement (Yards Per Melee Turn):  15

Hit Dice:  9

Mutations:  Genius (Military, Scientific), Speed Increase, Symbiotic Attachment

Pinnipoid—Walrusoid (walrus):  This hulking biped stands 7' tall and is resistant to cold and electricity.  Though dim of wit and clumsy (-2 to all relevant Mental Resistance and Dexterity rolls), walrusoids are savant-like masters of strategy, tactics, and technology, and improve scavenged weapons and/or fabricate them outright.  They are also preternaturally fast for their bulk, and attack twice per turn.

"P" is for "Pinnipoid — Walrusoid" [Mutant Future Version]

Pinnipoid — Walrusoid

No. Enc.:  2d4 (2d8)
Alignment:  Neutral
Movement:  180' (90')
      —Swim:  240' (80')
Armor Class:  4
Hit Dice:  13
Attacks:  4 or 2 (2 gores and 2 fists, or weapon x2)
Damage:  2d6+1d6 / 2d6+1d6 / 1d10 +1d6 / 1d10 +1d6, or by weapon +1d6+4 / weapon +1d6+4
Save:  L13
Morale:  10
Hoard Class:  XXII
XP:  7,800

The bizarre walrusoids are living contradictions.

Their blubbery, hulking, clumsy frames belie amazing speed and finesse (which they cunningly reserve for combat, to the shock of their foes).  And though slow of wit, walrusoids are technological and tactical savants.  They craft masterful weapons that grant +4 damage, and use them to deadly effect in combat.  Walrusoids are relatively peaceful when left to their own devices, but often put their skills to use as mercenaries, weaponsmiths, and arms dealers.  None dare take advantage of their simple natures.

Walrusoids are immune to all cold- and electricity-based effects.

Mutations:  Atrophied Cerebellum [D], Intellectual Affinity (Martial, Tinkerer), Quickness, Parasitic Control

Mutants In The News — "Where Creatures Roam... Where Beasties Creep... Where Spooks Skulk, Shimmy, and Slink" Edition

Face front, True Believers!

We spectacular sages here in The Bullpen strongly suggest you start saving your shekels and simoleons, 'cuz you dare not skip our sense-shatteringly scarifying Shocktober issue of TALES TO FLABBERGAST!

This astonishing comic will have it all:  Adventure!  Danger!  Excitement!  Horror!  Intrigue!  Suspense!  Thrills!

Scripted by those sultans of stupefying storytelling, Jocular Justin and Alana "The Mama" Davis, and pencilled by none other than that grand guru of the gargantuan, Chris "The Wiz" Wisnia!

You simply must read this tremendous tale of trepidatious, tot-anic terror we just had to call, "The Power...and The Placenta!"

IT'S MUTANT MONSTER MATERNITY IN THE MIGHTY MARVEL MANNER!!!

Fantastically Freakish Flora

On his Facebook page, gamma-guy and all-around mutanto-master Jim Ward himself put up a link to a nifty vid.  It ties in nicely to the earlier update about Japanese plantlife that will destroy us all.

No, not this guy...but he WILL destroy you, too!

Click below.

You'll never look at post-apocalyptic plants the same way again!

Mutants In The News — "Supranatural Sprout Siege Of The Sinister Space Sakura!" Edition

Yahoo News reports that a cherry tree grown from a seed that journeyed through the cosmos to spend eight months on the International Space Station is not only growing at a startlingly rapid rate, but also flowering erratically.

Instead of taking the usual ten years to blossom, the space-sprig bloomed at a mere four.

And the potential explanation, you ask?  

Cosmic rays.

I'm pretty sure we know where this is heading....

An Overpowering Onslaught Of -OIDS

The awesome Metamorphosis Alpha Deluxe Reprint Kickstarter got me mulling over something that's always niggled / interested / irritated / something'd me when it comes to post-apocalyptic RPGs:

Sentient, bipedal critters with names that end in "-oid".  These are a select group of mutants indeed, as most intelligent ani-men lack that particular suffix.

—

Grandpappy game of them all, Metamorphosis Alpha 1e, set the precedent with four beast-oids:  bearoids, cougaroids, hawkoids, and wolfoids.  Each had pretty wonky mutations and defects.

Later editions reduced the number of -oids to one, with Amazing Engine:  Metamorphosis Alpha To Omega [semi-officially 2e] going with hawkoids, and 4e using wolfoids.

[I don't have 3e, so no clue what's in it.]

Wolfoid, 4e.  That Jim Holloway really rocks a werewolf.

—

Gamma World toned it down, too, featuring only hawkoids throughout most of the line. They appeared in editions 2nd through 5th, then got renamed as "terrorbirds" for 6th...and only showed up on the cover of 7th's Legion Of Gold supplement, without being in the text proper [that I could find, anyway].

Hawkoid, 2e-4e

5e (Alternity version)

6e (d20 version)

7e (D&D 4e version)

Man.  It's hilarious that there's clearly a go-to "hawkoid style".

—

But the game that REALLY brings the -oids is Mutant Future, with 9 separate entries.

[There are technically 13 -oids in the bestiary, but 3 are mutated humans, and 1 is a plant...so they don't count for my purposes.]

Accipitoid

Castoroid

I dunno if it was loving tribute, lack o' inspiration, sheer laziness, or some combo thereof, but MF brings the -oids like nothing before.  And they got fancied up in in the naming, going all Latin-y and such.

Sad to say, most are boring and lame, as their mutations lean towards the obvious.  Sure, they're mechanically accurate system-wise, but "real-world natural abilities" are less fun than "gonzo superpowers".

That's a flaw with Mutant Future monsters in general, actually.

—

Below is a list of -oids through the ages, with descriptions and changes between incarnations.  It's more for my reference than anything else, so thanks for humoring me.

All are intelligent, and possess manipulative paws.

Metamorphosis Alpha, 1e

• Bearoid:  12' tall; mutations: mental control, precognition, telepathy, teleportation; defects:  no resistance to gas-attacks or paralysis
• Cougaroid:  4-5' tall; immune to electricity, lasers, mental attacks, and paralysis; attraction odor, can't perceive robots [!]
• Hawkoid:  4' tall; fear generation, force field, levitation; constant appetite
• Wolfoid:  4' tall; immune to all energy attacks and contact poisons; radiation eyes, regeneration; no nerve endings

MA, 2e

• Hawkoid:  duality [lets you do 2 distinct things at once], plus same 3 as above

MA, 4e

• Wolfoid:  now 9' tall; immune to energy attacks and poisons; regenerates; loses radiation-vision and vulnerabilities

Gamma World, 2e & 3e

• Hawkoid:  fear generation, force field, levitation

GW, 4e

• Hawkoid:  duality makes a comeback, plus the same 3 above

GW, 5e

• Hawkoid:  duality, fear generation, force field; loses levitation

GW, 6e

• Hawkoid:  duality, levitation, force field; loses fear generation.  [Sheesh.  No clue why they screw with these dudes so much.]

Mutant Future, 1e & 2e

• Accipitoid (hawk):  complete wing development, increased sight
• Canisoid (dog):  control light waves, fragrance development, increased hearing
• Castoroid (beaver):  teleport
• Cockroachoid (like, duh):  immune to radiation, natural armor, metaconcert, sonic attack; males have 50% chance of additional 1d4 Mental Mutations
• Pantheroid—Leoid (lion):  density alteration (others), empathy
• Pantheroid—Tigrisoid (tiger):  damage turning, thermal vision, vampiric field
• Scuirinoid (squirrel):  neural telepathy
• Serpentoid (not even trying):  metamorph (into 8' snake), toxic weapon, thermal vision
• Suidoid (pig):  aberrant form (4 arms, lashing tail), increased sense (taste)

—

I think I'll whip up some -oids of my own in upcoming posts.  I've avoided them thusfar, but now it sounds fun.

Blame Metamorphosis Alpha being on the brain.

Megafoot Needs You!

The IndieGogo campaign for The Greatest Movie Of All Time draws to a close on April 6th.

Give them your lucre, people, so I can eventually stat this beastie for the Devastation Drive-In series!

The Guys Of Wrexus Are Upon You — Meet Mattress Mech!

Mattress Mech
Salesborg

Hit Dice:  25
Frame:  Armature
Locomotion:  Legs (Pair)
Manipulators:  Basic Hand (1), Claw (1)
Armor:  Neovulcanium (AC 2)
Sensors:  Nerve Web
Mental Programming:  Artificial Intelligence
Accessories:  AV Recorder, Holo-Screen, Self-Repair Unit, Universal Translator, Vocalizer
Weaponry:  See Below
XP:  25,000 (+ 4000 per additional weapon)

Description

In Ancient times, the Gallery Furniture business empire spread across the planet and The Colonies...and finding human salespeople wholly deficient (due to pesky "empathy" and the capacity to take "no" for an answer), The Powers That Be rolled out an army of unstoppable salesborgs.  These hulking, fission-fueled juggernauts of commerce possessed neural-nets and craggy flesh-faces cloned from company founder, Jim "Mattress Mack" McIngvale.  Sales skyrocketed.

In the Mutant Future, Mattress Mechs still prowl their ruined showrooms, single-mindedly intent on procuring tresspassers' currency in exchange for (overpriced, time-ravaged) furnishings.  Savvier models utilize holo-screens to appear human, engaging in snappy sales repartee before resorting to (literal) strong-arm tactics.  Insane models only bellow, "Gallery.  Furniture.  Will.  Save.  You.  Money.  You.  Have. Twenty.  Seconds.  To.  Comply!"

Mattress Mechs strike twice per round with fist (1d12 damage) and claw (2d10), but as the borgs were designed to juggle cumbersome objects with ease, they do 1d12+6d6 damage when attacking with sofas of opportunity.  And the more unhinged specimens have arrays of scavenged, self-installed weaponry....

Mattress Mechs clangorously plod after "customers" at 60' (20'), but hyper-hydraulics allow them to make standing horizontal leaps of 250' / vertical leaps of 100'.

Rumor has it that the original Gallery Furniture site, located mere miles in the doom-bayous south of Gunspoint, has a trove of pristine relics guaranteed to add style. luxury, and comfort to even the most bomb-blasted of bunkers...and the cryo-corpse of Mattress Mack himself!

Meatier Prototype Model