2 Pieces: One Serious, One for Purim

I have a feature article on R. Moshe Feinstein at Jewish Ideas Daily. The only real "chiddush", I believe, is in the idea of "reluctant leniency" as a strategy for enabling the mekilim without denigrating the machmirim, as it's quite clear--and R. Moshe said on occasion--that he paskened le-kula because that's what he believed, not because of any constraints. I enjoyed researching and writing the article, and I believe that we've just started scratching the surface of R. Moshe's p'sak.

While working on that article, I was also working on a shul Purim shpiel (talk about compartmentalization) which should be up on youtube by the end of the weekend. I also helped with the Lord Chief Rabbi Sacks-style translation of this excellent Purim parody by Elli Schorr:
2011 אנעים זמורות

A gut Shabbos and a freilichen Purim!

A (Lost?) Teachable Moment with a Haredi Beggar at the Supermarket

As I wheeled my heavy shopping cart toward my car after procuring the victuals that would sustain my family of six for the week, I noticed a gentleman in Hasidic garb talking to another shopper, by all appearances asking for a dole. By the time I unlocked my car, he had made his way over to me and begun his charity pitch.

I said to him that if he would help me load my goods into my car, I would give him a tip. After a look of confusion briefly crossed his face, he agreed, and began placing bags into the car with alacrity. We conversed all the while:
Me: This is the way of the world, no? You work, you get paid.
Him: It's a mitzva to help out.
M: Indeed it is. After all, it says "when you see your enemy's donkey staggering under its burden..."
H: Chas Ve-shalom that we're enemies!
M: ...you didn't let me finish. Kal Va-chomer if it's your friend!
H: Exactly!

By that time, we had finished loading, and I reached into my wallet to offer a tip. He protested that he helped for the mitzva, not for the payment. I insisted that since I gave him the opportunity to fulfill a mitzva, he return the favor by giving me the opportunity to do a mitzva. He acceded and accepted my 10 NIS as long as it was clear to both of us that it was not in payment for his services.

I wonder, why did he so insist? Was it because he really didn't want the material reward to take away from his mitzva? Or was it because he was afraid to acknowledge the causal nexus between work and pay (it must be noted that 10 NIS for 2 minutes of manual labor is one hell of a welfare program)?

As my sister-in-law said, it was probably a little bit of both.

On that note, this "rabbinic yellow pages" has been making the rounds. Quite well done:

Welcome to Jack (Abramoff) N the (Tov Pizza) Box

If it's true that there's no such thing as bad publicity, then good 'ol Tov Pizza in Baltimore just got more PR than any kosher pizza place in history. Their new hire has made the news EVERYWHERE. I mean everywhere.
It reminds me of the following classic sketch about orders being taken by another famous Jack:

On South Park Censorship

The decision of the creator's of South Park not to air a segment in which they poke fun at Muhammad is really scary. This is a show that has slaughtered the sacred cows of Judaism, Christianity, Scientology, Mormonism, and more (my favorite such episode - not that I've watched so many of them - is the one in which Jesus is in a boxing match with Satan; everyone bets on Satan, except Satan, who bets on Jesus and throws the match. Brilliant!). I can't articulate this better than David Hazony has.
Long time readers, however, may remember that after the Danish cartoon scandal four years ago, I was asked to participate in a panel discussion on humor and religion at UMD. Here's a link to my write-up of my presentation. I just reread it for the first time in several years, and much of it rings as true as ever (apologies for the shorthand).

The Gospel according to Stephen, Part II

Rabbi Riskin issues a צו פיוס.
(I couldn't resist the pun. If you get it, you get it, if you don't, you don't).

The Roseanne Barr Hitler Cookies Heeb Issue

The uproar reminds me of some of the comment I got when I told the student newspaper at UMD that Jewish men are circumcised because Jewish women need to have 10% off of everything. Some people (like the entire Muslim world, and also a few Jews, generally a generation older than me) do not understand this particular brand of humor (which I discussed here).

Another example of this type of Holocaust-related humor: One of the funniest bits of comedy I've ever seen, the "Survivor" scene in Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Another example, also from Heeb magazine: A fake Palm Pilot ad with a protrait of Elie Wiesel admonishing one to "Remember. Never Forget."

Here's another classic example:
Q. How many Jews can fit in a Volkswagen?
A. 10,005. 2 in the front, 3 in the back, and 10,000 in the ashtray.

Here's the thing: I don't think that Barr's antics are particularly funny, but that's just because they aren't funny. Maybe if it were more of a audio-visual sketch it would be funnier, like if whe were goose-stepping around the kitchen, discussing the cookies with a faux-German accent. "Und remembah: zeez cookies vill make vun fleishig."
But that's neither here nor there.

Please also note - in each of the examples cited above, the person delivering the joke is Jewish. Otherwise, it's not actually funny. It's one of those "black people can call each other nigger" things that's, well, best evidenced by the name of the magazine in question, Heeb. If the magazine would be published by, say, the UN, it would be terrible. Roseanne Barr dressing up as Hitler is not the same as Prince Whatever dressing as a Nazi. Humor is a form of rebellion (the editor of Heeb refers to the fact that, in the Warsaw Ghetto, they referred to Hitler as 'Horowitz'). Similarly, and to demonstrate that this type of humor is not unique to Jews (though we seem to have a knack for it), it is reported that as he was being grilled alive, the Catholic St. Lawrence said to his captors: "This side is done; turn me over." Had the same line been stated by one of his captors, it would have added insult to injury. Coming from the mouth of the victim, it is both funny and defiant.

Notes from the First Day in the Alter Heim

we're back in the US for a good chunk of the summer. We'll be in the DC area for the next few weeks (let us know if you're in the area and want to get together) before heading up to camp. The rebbetzin has a few teaching engagements lined up in Baltimore and DC.

Although I normally like having the opportunity of listening to regular MLB night games. Last night, the combination of jetlag and disappointment had me turning it off in the 4th inning, with the Sox up 6-1 and threatening to run up the score. What a mistake!

The rental car comes equipped with Sirius satellite radio. I found some stations with music from the 80s and 90s - amongst the first few song I heard were People are People (Depeche Mode), Welcome to the Jungle (GNR), and Mysterious Ways (U2). Needless to say, they're now pre-set and I'm trying to figure out how to get this set up in Israel.

The woman behind the service desk at the airport (I will not provide any more detail, though it should be fairly obvious that this took place at BWI) had a name tag that said LEWQUANDIS. And she wasn't even that talkative.

My Daughter's Kushya

My second grade daughter, currently learning Parshat Vayechi, came up with the following question:
Q. Why did Dina not get a bracha?
My wife and I think it's a great question.
She also came up with an answer:
A. It probably would have been something really girly, like "get married and have lots of kids".

Quid contra quo

About a month ago, my son Raphi (age 4.5) earned a prize from his nursery school teacher for behaving very nicely in school and not fighting with any other kids. The prize? A water gun. I have no idea if the irony is lost on the teacher, but we found this hilarious.

Today, I saw that the OU did pretty much the same thing. It is organizing a Campus Learn-a-Thon. One of the prizes is a Nintendo Wii console. I'd venture that computer games are the greatest single cause of bittul Torah around today.

On the other hand, I mentioned the other day that my father provided me with an incentive to learn how to layn the Megillah. The incentive was a TV. I don't really watch much TV anymore, but I still layn the Megillah.

I still think that campuses should adopt an idea that I hatched when I was the JLIC educator at UMD, but never got the chance to implement. The idea was to have a Fleisch-a-thon to raise hunger awareness. The contest would be that one must remain in a fleischige state (according to the full-6-hour opinions) for the longest time possible. That means no dairy products for the duration of the contest, and that you must set an alarm to wake up in the middle of the night and munch on some meat. Sponsorships would be per 6-hour increments. The vegetarians would go nuts with this, but I bet it would be wildly popular.

Students who want me to sponsor them should email me (adderabbi at gmail dot com). Readers who wish to sponsor students - same email.

Quick Purim Riddle

Q. What is the difference between Purim and the 2008 bailout package?


A. With regard to Purim, the הלכה is: "כל הפושט יד נותנים לו"
With regard to the bailout package: "כל הפושט רגל נותנים לו"

Purim Shpiel Clips V: Name That Shul

This is going up mostly for the benefit of shul members who missed the shpiel. I don't really expect others to find it so funny, though it is certainly entertaining.
The other 4 or 5 segments of our shpiel were either 'live action' or powerpoint, so I won't be posting them. If you missed it, you missed it (the fashion show - which included 7 or the songs on the soundtrack that I posted yeaterday - was really well recieved). Anyhow, it was great fun, and I'm looking forward to next year's. I apologize for the quality of the video. I'll repost when I figure out how to do better.

Purim Shpiel Clips IV: Sudoku

Sudoku tatzil mi-maves...
This was my Purim costume as well. A schnorrer who gives instead of taking...

Purim Shpiel Clips III: HaDarom HaMuznach

To a certain degree, this clip is Modiin-specific. It chronicles the plight of the residents of the new Modiin neighborhood of Buchman Darom (South Buchman). Of course the word "Darom" has other connotations as well. That's where the fun begins...

Purim Shpiel Clips II: Jewiish

Here, we model a new line of Jewish-themes games for the Nintendo Wii...

Purim Shpiel Clips I: Baby Lieberman

I'm going to post some clips from our shpiel. This is for regular readers as well as for shul members who missed the festivities. I'll be posting 5 clips. Enjoy!

This bit has universal Israeli appeal. We dug a little bit and found some footage of the incoming Foreign Minister as a baby...

Memorable Megilla Readings

Have Megilla, will travel. That pretty much sums up my Purims for the past 17 years or so. I got a Megillah for my Bar Mitzvah, and at some point in my teenage years, my father incentivized me learning how to work it, and so now I lain several times every year. Usually about 4x per Purim. I generally lain at home at night and by day, and then usually at least once more each night and day. This year will be no exception. Here are some of the more memorable ones:

1) On Purim, 1992, my friend Kess (who I recently reconnected with via Facebook after having fallen out of touch for over a decade) had a gig playing the drums at a post-Megillah party at a shul in B-more. He set up his equipment and then walked over to the sanctuary - where they were in the middle of the second chapter. He calls me up, I take my Megillah with me to a party scheduled for later that evening at Kosher Bite, and I end up reading it for him in his car (the only quiet place there). 21 minutes is still a personal record, I think.

2) During the KBY years (1994-96, and again just for Purim in 1998), I made a habit of travelling to Kaplan Hospital in Rehovot with some other guys, we'd go from room to room singing and making merry, and we'd also take down the room numbers of anyone who wanted to hear the Megilah. About three of us could lain and had Megillahs, so we'd divide it up and cover ground. Those really felt nice. Of course, I once ended up laining to someone who was asleep by the end of the first chapter (at least I hope she was just asleep).

3) In 1997, I got drunk at night, slept until the next afternoon, and ended up having to borrow a Megillah (my Megillah was an ocean away) from a friend (now the Rav in Yenem's Velt), which I lained in the back seat of another friend's car on the way to the Purim party of a YU Rosh Yeshiva whose shiur I was attending at the time. I left his Megillah in the car, and it was nearly a year before I got it back for him. Funny enough, me, the Megillah owner, and the car owner all ended up together at the Gruss Kollel 2 years later (where the current Yenem's Velter Rav did pishut yadayim ve-raglayim when saying "eshtachaveh el heichal kodshecha" of Yedid Nefesh; he somehow got the idea that Purim was an appropriate time for shaleshides, but I digress).

4) I wrote about this one 2 years ago, but it happened in 2004. That year, there was a woman in the community who was recovering from surgery and couldn’t really move around much, so they asked if I could come by and lain for her. Present for the reading was the woman, her husband, and their three large dogs. Three large dogs in a small apartment means that the apartment smells like dog and dog food. Plus, these were apparently shedding dogs, because I could feel my nose start to tingle as soon as I walked in (I have severe pet hair allergies). Anyhow, at first they tried to lock the dogs in one room while I layned in the another, but the dogs weren’t crazy about that and raised quite the ruckus. So we moved the dogs out to where I was layning, and they calmed down. I was layning at blazing speed, racing against time before I erupted in sneezing fits. I was going for broke, trying to shatter the 21-minute mark. But the dogs had other ideas. The first time I reached the word ‘Haman’, the (human) couple began clapping and stomping. Needless to say, this spooked the dogs, who started barking like crazy. When they finally calmed down, it wasn’t long before the same happened at the next ‘Haman’. After a little while, the dogs had been well-trained to bark like crazy whenever they heard the word ‘Haman’, much to my chagrin (though Pavlov was no doubt schepping nachas). And inevitably, I started sneezing, but I tried to hold back until the Haman breaks. So every time I said Haman, the couple would be clapping and stomping, the dogs would be barking, and I would be sneezing. I’m glad I can laugh about it now.

4) I only spent one Purim at Maryland (speaking of which, Gary must go). The other year I was there, Purim fell out during Spring Break. The next year was a different story. Students had classes, there were a whole bunch of different readings, and so I lained 5 times that Purim: once at Hillel, twice at my house, once in the room of a sick student (which then became the defualt location for another 8 or 9 students who called during the day to ask if there was going to be another reading), and, acharon acharon chaviv, at a bar in College Park (Mexican style bar/grill that hosted a Purim party that year; can't remember the name). I knew there would be a bunch of students there who hadn't made it to the earlier readings, so I worked it out with the organizers that there would be a reading on premises. A good number of people attending the reading, but the party did not stop. That was the loudest reading of my life, trying to make myself heard over the gangsta rap.

5) Last year, things got hectic between me going to shul, then the shul Purim party, and then my wife attending her school Purim party. She got home after midnight and had not yet heard the Megillah (she tried attending an earlier reading, but Raphi barged in hysterical, and she had to leave). I was sound asleep. Now, the Mishna and Gemara of Megillah are pretty well known. The Mishna refers to a case of ha-korei u-mitnamnem - one is reading the Megillah and constantly nodding off. Well, it happened. My wife had to wake me up several times during the course of the reading, as I just kept falling back asleep while reading. I already lained for her tonight, so I won't have that problem this year (she's at the same school party again as we speak).

It might be true that funny things just seem to happen, but, in truth, if you have a Megillah and are willing to travel, funny things will tend to happen on their own.

Purim Playlist

If you happen to be samuch or nir'eh to Modi'in tomorrow night, I highly recommend that you stop by the Masu'ot Neryah school after the Megillah reading for BKA's annual purim shpiel. Last year's was funny. This year, the team from AVE J Productions (I'm the E of AVE J) has produces a ROTFLYAO hilarious shpiel. It will not be long - 30-40 minutes - but it will be memorable.

As a teaser, below is the "soundtrack" of this year's shpiel. All of these songs figure into the shpiel in some way or another, and in no apparent order:

Sunday Bloody Sunday - U2
Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond
The Place where I Belong - Journeys
The Pink Panther Theme
YMCA - The Village People
Girls Wanna Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper
Chariots of Fire Theme
Shabbos Yerushalayim - Miami Boys' Choir
Nowhere Man - The Beatles

For those who miss it, there will probably be some youtube clips available at some point.

Monty Python and the Unilateral Cease Fire

In this classic scene, King Arthur duels the Black Knight. At the end, Arthur declares a unilateral cease fire and expresses a willingness to "call it a draw", while the Black Knight insists that King Arthur is a coward, beckons him to continue fighting, and threatens to bite his legs off.


I was reminded of this sketch while reading of Hamas' vow to continue fighting even as Israel called a unilateral but conditional cease fire (that seems to have ended, anyway).

Which o' deez things iz not like da uthas?

This actually appears on a website which lists government translation opportunities:

It is anticipated that Atlanta, Miami, New Orleans and Washington Field Divisions will have a variety of language requirements for Title III linguist support in the various locations. Required languages are as follows; Spanish, Korean, Vietnamese, Laotian, Jamaican Patois, Chinese (Cantonese), Haitian Creole, Hebrew, Russian, Albanian, and Ebonics.

The Land of the Blind

I’ve always been fond of the metaphoric statement: “In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king”. Like a good parable should, it provides a fantastic rubric for describing a particular type of situation. My father is full of these pearls of wisdom. Some of his other favorites – which have become my own favorites – include “You can lead a horse to water, but it’s still a horse” and “unless you’re the lead sled dog, the view never changes”.

This morning, I saw the source for the first saying. It appears in Bereishit Rabbah on this week’s parsha, and it is used to explain the verse “tamim haya be-dorotav”. This is also an excellent example of a mashal as a hermeneutic device which provides a rubric or narrative pattern within which one can interpret the verse. See Boyarin’s Intertextuality and the Readiong of Midrash, ve-acm”l.

Here’s the text of the midrash:

רבי יהודה אמר: בדורותיו היה צדיק, הא אילו היה בדורו של משה, או בדורו של שמואל, לא היה צדיק. בשוק סמייא צווחין לעווירא, סגי נהור.

Rabbi Yehuda says: In his generation he was righteous, but had he lived in the generation of Moshe or Shmuel, he would not have been considered righteous. In the blind man’s market, the dim-eyed man is called “flooded with light”.