At A Crossroad

These are some of the quotes I have heard about LaLa since the day she was born:

"Does she ever slow down?"
"She is a lovely child, but how do you deal with the energy?"
"I don't know how you do it. I couldn't."
"I wish I had half her energy!"

Believe me, I wish I had half of her energy too! Here's the thing, I for a long time have suspected that LaLa is not like most children. She is impetuous, has a ton of energy and frankly, the attention span of a gnat. I have also chalked a lot of that up to her age. I have told myself over and over again, "She'll grow out of it," and "A lot of kids can't sit still when they get home from school." Then I see her at a party of her peers and she is still running circles around them. The last party was a disco and she didn't stop dancing a single time. Most of the other kids took breaks from time to time to socialize, La only stopped to get a drink and then carried on dancing, sometimes by herself and sometimes with a group of her girlfriends.

Those of you who have read my blog for a long time know that I have long suspected that she has ADHD, but I am extremely reluctant to medicate. I don't want to change her personality and zombie her. However, upon her recent "well child" appointment with her pediatrician, he brought up the subject of her over activity. I can't remember his exact quote but it was somewhere along the lines of "Wow, she is a darling child but I don't know how you deal with this level of energy all the time!" I wasn't offended by the statement, because as I said, I have heard it before and I have often asked myself the same question. Then I brought up the fact that at 4 years old she was seen by a child psychologist in the US who thought that she may have ADHD, but it was dismissed by her teachers once she started school in the UK. On top of that she makes very good grades, but is a nightmare at home with her behavior.

Understand, I love love love love my daughter. I love her with every fiber of my being. I just don't understand her motivation 99% of the time. I don't understand why when I ask her to get her sock and shoes on so that we can leave the house she goes in her room, forgets why she is there and then comes back with her Barbies, ready to go out and about completely forgetting shoes and socks are required. I don't understand why she can't just walk instead of twirling as she walks all the time. I don't understand why when I ask her to do a small thing she doesn't do it or forgets that I asked her to do it. I am tired of shouting. I am tired of her telling me that I shout too much. I don't want to be the shouty mom. I don't want her to grow up to hate me because I didn't shout at her sister nearly as much as I do at her.

Here is my problem, I hate the idea of medicating her. My husband doesn't believe in ADHD and flat out refuses to even entertain the idea of medicating her. Right now though, I am in a downward spiral. I don't know what to do. Do I let her continue on because her grades are great or do I have her tested for ADHD. I don't know the answer. I don't expect you guys to give me the answer either. I just want to yell it off of my little cliff into the great void of cyberspace.