Labels: gratitude, moving on after cancer, natural healing, Spreading the love

...While I looked around; For my possibilities....

I disappear for months and start back with a quote from the Bangles? Well, let me tell you, there are no hazy shades of winter here. Nothing is hazy at all. It's been full speed ahead.

So many times I have started to write and as I write I get this odd feeling that I am either sounding a) whiny about the little things when really I should be grateful to be alive or b) a little full of myself regarding the things I find important as a survivor. Meh, all bloggers are a little whiny and arrogant, no? On with life as a survivor….

This year is going by at lightening speed. Seriously. Where did the first four months go? I started the year teaching three classes in addition to my regular job. I’m not sure exactly what I was thinking with this schedule, but you can do anything for ten weeks, right? But I also fit time in for a new passion: boxing. I have been working out a boxing gym. Love it! When I am in the ring, I feel incredibly strong. I literally have my Rocky moment! And then my trainer gets in the ring and I feel like a breathless, weak, wimp. But what a great work out!

The best part of being a survivor, is that the debates with the insurance company keep popping up (you feel the sarcasm, right?). Nothing like needing a service and having to wait six months to get it. I have been having lymphedema issues in my arm and back. I have been trying yoga lymph drainage massage while waiting for the physical therapy to be approved. I flew across country last week and wore my sleeve, but that didn’t stop my back from swelling (looks lack back fat on one side…sexy, no?). Hopefully the physical therapy will kick in next week. My oncologist also mentioned that recent studies are showing a 30% reduction in swelling with acupuncture. I am hoping that as soon as this study is published and the fields are identified I can start some acupuncture too.

I am paying attention to all of my New Year’s resolutions and this is a record for me. Honesty to be starting the fifth month of the year and still have those resolutions in sight is a personal best. In fact, this weekend is THE weekend I have been waiting for all year. I will be enjoying yoga, meditation, and natural healing with, wait for it…I’m about to name drop….here it is…Deepak Chopra. Not only Deepak, but Erin, my long time bloggy friend and sweet wonderful healer, is joining me. We finally get to hang out in person. How cool is that?

So much change, so much good, so much living in 2010.

Labels: gratitude, internet friends, natural healing

I have not shared any news for a while because I have had no news to share. Somehow talking (or writing) about the lack of information left me uneasy as if I would jinx myself if I said too much or verbalized how I felt about all the possible outcomes. The original plan was to wait four weeks after surgery, have a PET scan, complete my staging, and proceed with chemo. Of course plans are made to be broken, or rearranged, or designed with a plan B in mind and everything changed. In the midst of all this I was trying to wrap up the term for two classes I was teaching (yes, I know two at the same time) along with maintaining my regular job, my sanity, and my health. Thank you to everyone who left messages, sent email, or called for updates (or provided great egret information – you have convinced me -- Jan, Erin, Kathy-- it was indeed a sign!).

I was feeling fine after surgery and the post-surgery infection/seroma. In fact, I have not felt better physically in years. I was unable to complete the PET scan due to a largely unexplainable suddeen spike in blood sugar. In order to move forward with completing my staging, we opted to combine chest, abdomen, and pelvic CT scans with a bone scan. The CT scans were already completed and all negative. The only thing standing between me and a stage IV diagnosis was a bone scan. I completed the bone scan and consumed my time focusing on regulating my blood sugar which would prohibit the start of chemo until under control. I spent time walking, daily visits to the gym, walking, Pilates, walking, exercise DVD’s, walking, cleaning up an already relatively clean and sugar free diet, taking regular blood tests, and did I mention walking? It hasn’t been easy, but the numbers are dropping. Did that distract you? It almost distracted me, but the worry over the results of the bone scan kept resurfacing no matter how far I walked or how many calories I did not consume.

Finally on Christmas Eve at 3:00 p.m. as I was about to leave work (Isn’t it nice to know your public servants are there to serve you on Christmas Eve? Some of us at least.) and head over to my make a traditional Italian Christmas Eve dinner for my sisters when my doctor called with the results. I didn’t quite hear what she said.

“Negative?” I said, questioning her.

“Yes, Jeannette, your bone scan was negative. You are not stage IV.”

“Negative,” I said once more trying to convince myself that I heard it correctly.

Suddenly the sun broke through the clouds and shone like a spotlight directly on me while the angels sang, the trumpets sounded, and the creatures of the forest stopped to applaud and cheer. Or at least the screenplay in my head played out that way. Seriously, can’t you picture the hyenas laughing? The meerkats standing tall and looking in my direction? The lions roaring with approval? Yes, in my head the world stood still, but it wasn’t about me, rather, it was about God’s blessings and having many, many prayers answered.

In an otherwise dreary Christmas Eve that had me melancholy and missing my mom on the very first Christmas without her, these results were my very own Christmas miracle . . . or perhaps a message from my mom letting me know she’s still watching over me. Chemo starts soon (or as soon as I can keep my blood sugar regulated). I’ll keep you posted, but for now, join me while I continue to bask in the glory of my Christmas miracle.

Labels: cancer stage, gratitude, holidays, Recurrence

For some reason I can’t shake the idea of life imitating art in the last few weeks. Do you remember the movie, Moonstruck? Think back twenty years…

Johnny Cammareri (played by Danny Aiello) must leave his fiancé, Loretta Castorini (played by Cher), to visit his dying mother in Sicily. He arrives to find people holding prayerful vigil over her frail body. Miraculously, the mother makes a recovery now that her son has come to visit.

After a stream of visits from family, friends, nuns, priests, puppies, and neighbors, my mother’s condition has improved for now and we are grateful for this time we have had together as a family. It has been quite a rollercoaster that seemingly has no end, but for now things are somewhat stable. Although things remain emotionally difficult, the physical and medical needs are being addressed at home.

Unfortunately, none of us have enjoyed a steamy encounter with one of the Cammareri brothers, we have felt the love from all the prayers and well wishes from friends and family both near and far. Thank you so much for your support and continued prayers.

Labels: family, gratitude

The last few weeks came with its own set of highs and lows and without further delay, I bring you the last few weeks in bullets:

• My mom (and her church crafting group) was honored as the donor of the year at a state developmental hospital for ten years of making and donating hand made Christmas gifts to the clients
• My mom went into the hospital for pneumonia the next day
• I spent four nights at the hospital with her (sheesh, they never let you sleep there)
• One of my long lost friends called me while I was going to the hospital and offered to keep me company on the night shift (I told him to stay home, but the gesture was so thoughtful. Who does that?)
• My mom came home from the hospital
• We had a visit from my nephews John and Mark and Mark’s wife Kristin
• We enjoyed a lovely and relaxing Thanksgiving holiday
• My doggies were thoroughly spoiled for four days in a row
• I met with my plastic surgeon and scheduled nipple reconstruction (signifying the beginning of the end of reconstruction)
• My mom’s doctor proclaimed her lungs clear
• I was appointed to an advisory council at a local community college
• One of my dearest friends called to tell me he is flying in for a Christmas visit
• Today my mom celebrates her 84th birthday

There are quite a few milestones there. I have had much for which to be thankful this season, but they all pale in comparison to the joy of celebrating my mom’s 84th year. She is an amazingly strong woman who continues to give of herself in every way possible. She is my hero, my inspiration, my friend, and one of the best huggers around. And darn it, she can still solve the word jumbles faster than I can most days!

Happy Birthday, Mom. Here’s to many, many more.

Labels: family, gratitude