This jc life of mine have now seriously reached the lowest dip of the past 1 year 7 months. i recall there's a time my good friend, py, she said how her sister was like when she's in jc. how stressed up she was, how emotional she was, how many breakdowns there was. it didn't deterred me from going to a jc still because i think i have no other choice then. i was uncertain about what i want to be, even till now. and now i thought about it, i think im pretty much the same. i have so many numerous breakdowns. when i feel so guilty sleeping so much, already not sure if it's an excuse or im really tired now. when i feel so stressed up with the tonnes of uncompleted and yet due tomorrow homework. when i still need to keep up with the revision schedule ive done for myself. when i faces so many shit people in this world of ours. when everyone is not as real as they seem. when teachers say so many differing views at the different time. when i hate the monotony in my life. do i regret my decisions? i dont know as well, cos now im just holding on there for the sake of not willing to waste my past one year of pain and suffer. it's really painful now.. real slow pain... when we are working so hard and yet uncertain of the results i will get.
my sistas mentioned about how their life is as shitty. how the people around them seems more worst off than those around me.
so why do people still work so hard to prolong their life. more blessings than pain?? i seriously doubt so. it's just the responsibility that keeps life going.. and these responsibilities are never-ending... life is just a test of persistence. see how much you can hold on there, sustain and not LOSE OUT. i drew strength from reading my sis blog, when she said hakka have strong characters. i know have that too... i know this will just be nothing in future. if i were to have a next life i hope to be a butterfly. the beauty, and the short life of theirs would probably be less complicated. as complicated as their extrinsic may be, it's just a type of beauty. but what's most important is the simplicity of it's life.
i think these have been brooding inside me for real long. i've let it all out, and im so so fine now...
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Saturday, July 19, 2008
MTPS again..
"you better not let her down..."
i found my motivation i guess..
*****
had my MTPS today. yeahh, again.. last year mid years and this year, i think this shows that maybe i need a good fall before i learn how to take care of myself. i don't know. but hopes it really work out this way. realised my CT is pretty good, but i definitely cant say it in his face or he'll be "blown away". Lol. it's still the age of the teacher that matters. after my consultation, chatted with him. maybe i should learn from him, how to take things easy, and be more tolerant of others. hmmm.. but he seems to treat everyday like a joke? maybe that's why he's so stress-free..
*****
when i learn how to walk away and be independent.
i need to...
*****
had my MTPS today. yeahh, again.. last year mid years and this year, i think this shows that maybe i need a good fall before i learn how to take care of myself. i don't know. but hopes it really work out this way. realised my CT is pretty good, but i definitely cant say it in his face or he'll be "blown away". Lol. it's still the age of the teacher that matters. after my consultation, chatted with him. maybe i should learn from him, how to take things easy, and be more tolerant of others. hmmm.. but he seems to treat everyday like a joke? maybe that's why he's so stress-free..
i cannot stand it when people refuse to listen when i'm talking. if you guys cant listen, then i shant talk. cos it's really tiring and it requires too much of the lil patience i have in me. and i think it makes me agree further that we shouldn't have relationship at this point of our life. maybe it's the priority of mine that differs i think. i nearly lost a friendship once, and learnt the importance of it. and yes, friends are important no matter what.. maybe you will need to learn it through the hard way.. i've been tolerating well, and hope this can continue. cos i know you've really been patient with me as well.
well oh wells.. everything is simple, kelly..*****
when i learn how to walk away and be independent.
i need to...
Friday, July 18, 2008
friendship
long chats are really comforting.
though not those close GFFs and definitely not those acquaintances.
it makes me reflect the long long few months i've undergone
and know where I'm standing now.
made me know more about you...
glad that this friendship still exists.
cheerios!
though not those close GFFs and definitely not those acquaintances.
it makes me reflect the long long few months i've undergone
and know where I'm standing now.
made me know more about you...
glad that this friendship still exists.
cheerios!
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
mum
life had been down for me these few days. i especially detest it when people say things that are of no help. it's already kinda depressing and there's no point being regretful about the decisions you made in the past. i feel guilty talking back at her, but i just cant help it. yes, and it totally kill my mood. and she's none other than my... and i snapped at her? i think i did it too many a times, that she really stopped talking to me, for that night though.
*****
can someone teach me how to have better memory? i need it badly..
*****
i yearn for a rainbow to brighten up my mundane days...
*****
can someone teach me how to have better memory? i need it badly..
*****
i yearn for a rainbow to brighten up my mundane days...
Saturday, July 12, 2008
life as it is
I'm rather slack this weekend, but at the same time, if i were to study at the rate im doing before MYEs, i will definitely lose lots of hair.Because i have a bad habit of pulling my aweful-texture hair out, and many a times i can still use a scissors to bunches of them out. yeahh, this is how bad my habit is.
went shopping with mum, jiejie and kynan boy! he's seriously seriously a BIG boy..! BIG as in literal and grown up i think. hahaa, literally cos i think many strangers thought that he's two when he's only one plus, then his mommy feeling damn proud when ppl say she's a young mother. and when i heard it, it amuses me, cos that means she's those teenage mums?? that means..... blah blah blah, go figure it out yourself. but noooo.. of course she's not.
grown up cos the lil boy know's how to call so many of our names. names as in mummy, yiyi, mahmah and even KAIKAI, kaiser the doggie you know! jie jie is finally glad that he keeps calling mummy, like free like that! haha, but it's really free right? he's certainly so adoraaabllleee!! and i think all the salespersons of the shop or waitresses of the restaurant we goes to seems so entertained by him, including his loud BYE~~ when we are leaving the shop and restaurant. had dinner at Crystal Jade Palace, rather different from the other crystal jades ive been to, i think this is more high end? they even provide utensils for lil kynan, and that lil pesky one created his own "music" with those mini fork, spoon and bowl. jiejie, maybe you should be happy that he's slightly musically-inclined! bought him one cute lil crayon. it's actually a wooden ball of different colours at the different sides. too bad the he only know how to put it inside his mouth.. it's from a shop called Better Toy Shop. all made from real wood, that a part of the train tracks can cost up to 80bucks! certainly singaporeans are becoming more affluent, cos such shop even exist. you know the supply meets the demand, yadayadayada... BUT still, kids know how to appreciate the REAL wood??? butBUT STILL kynan boy seems interested in the ENTIRE train set, cos he don't seem entertained by the only one train that his mom got for him, though its cost enough to get my FOX slippers! how fortunate kids are now.. though he be so entertained and can spend so much time in the shop keeping those trains in their lil depots..
on display.
Price: PRICELESS!
the lil pesky one behind the glass display!
went shopping with mum, jiejie and kynan boy! he's seriously seriously a BIG boy..! BIG as in literal and grown up i think. hahaa, literally cos i think many strangers thought that he's two when he's only one plus, then his mommy feeling damn proud when ppl say she's a young mother. and when i heard it, it amuses me, cos that means she's those teenage mums?? that means..... blah blah blah, go figure it out yourself. but noooo.. of course she's not.
grown up cos the lil boy know's how to call so many of our names. names as in mummy, yiyi, mahmah and even KAIKAI, kaiser the doggie you know! jie jie is finally glad that he keeps calling mummy, like free like that! haha, but it's really free right? he's certainly so adoraaabllleee!! and i think all the salespersons of the shop or waitresses of the restaurant we goes to seems so entertained by him, including his loud BYE~~ when we are leaving the shop and restaurant. had dinner at Crystal Jade Palace, rather different from the other crystal jades ive been to, i think this is more high end? they even provide utensils for lil kynan, and that lil pesky one created his own "music" with those mini fork, spoon and bowl. jiejie, maybe you should be happy that he's slightly musically-inclined! bought him one cute lil crayon. it's actually a wooden ball of different colours at the different sides. too bad the he only know how to put it inside his mouth.. it's from a shop called Better Toy Shop. all made from real wood, that a part of the train tracks can cost up to 80bucks! certainly singaporeans are becoming more affluent, cos such shop even exist. you know the supply meets the demand, yadayadayada... BUT still, kids know how to appreciate the REAL wood??? butBUT STILL kynan boy seems interested in the ENTIRE train set, cos he don't seem entertained by the only one train that his mom got for him, though its cost enough to get my FOX slippers! how fortunate kids are now.. though he be so entertained and can spend so much time in the shop keeping those trains in their lil depots..
it's certainly fun to see a baby growing up, especially this is the first time for me. yeahh, im the youngest ma! last time jiejie seen me grow up, and now my turn to see her lil emperor.. Lol.. great exchange, cos both equally adorable mahh?!?!? hahaa, bhb-ness! recalling the first time i've been to the hospital to visit sis and him, he's so small and errrhhhh small, and not very aesthetically-pleasing[all new-borns are the same to me i guess..], but when i see his two deep double eye-lids and the deep-imprinted dimples, knew he will be a dashing boyfriend in future! and now, he's certainly an adorable toddler with his huge dark eyes. hope the relativity of the size of the eyes can maintain as years pass!
on display. Price: PRICELESS!
the lil pesky one behind the glass display!
it's seems that he's growing up fast, but knowing the pains and effort that so many people have to endure for him, certainly made parenting a dilemma, yeah, GP remember? more blessings than chores or vice versa? nevertheless, he certainly makes people fall head over heels in LOVE with him! and LOVE supposed to make the world goes round yeahh?
i see the way sis work so hard, all the stress, tears, politics she had to endure, to get this comfort in her life. as much as it pushes me to work hard for it, it also made me realise how much money is needed to get to ENJOY life, how much sacrifices, how much pain one has to endure. as much as qualifications can bring one up to, the negatives are also of the same equivalent. and i think the combination of "accountant/auditor+good mommy+good daughter+good wife+good daughter-in-law+overly-doting parents=real pain in the arse=high threshold level!"
tolerance and patience also make the world goes round i guess...
i see the way sis work so hard, all the stress, tears, politics she had to endure, to get this comfort in her life. as much as it pushes me to work hard for it, it also made me realise how much money is needed to get to ENJOY life, how much sacrifices, how much pain one has to endure. as much as qualifications can bring one up to, the negatives are also of the same equivalent. and i think the combination of "accountant/auditor+good mommy+good daughter+good wife+good daughter-in-law+overly-doting parents=real pain in the arse=high threshold level!"
tolerance and patience also make the world goes round i guess...
my teacher once asked us: do you wish to be a small fish in a big pond or a big fish in a small pond?
can i ask for a medium size fish in a small pond?
ain't i've gotten what i've gotten?
i think the best is still a big fish is a big pond.
but still, everything is a relativity, you wont be appeased until you've been at the worst.
can i ask for a medium size fish in a small pond?
ain't i've gotten what i've gotten?
i think the best is still a big fish is a big pond.
but still, everything is a relativity, you wont be appeased until you've been at the worst.
Friday, July 11, 2008
what i want
i think im seriously hard to entertain.
i feel real guilty.
when i complain about my mum worried about my grades AFTER the exams
and now im feeling bad about her treating me so well.
grrr...
i seriously dont know what i expect.
*****
i know life will never be like it used to be.
definitely changing for the worst
when every lectures and tutorials i enter.
it will just remind me of the hell-ish decision ive made.
i dont know what state of mind i had at that time
to make myself suffer so much.
perhaps i know deep inside that it's all for the better future??
yeahh,
perhaps when one isnt in a situation, one will be able to see things more clearly.
*****
gosh.. I'm supposed to write in proper sentences hoping that it will help me improve my language and whatsoever. Though the help may be minimal, but still, maybe i can minimise the harm done??
spoke to a couple of my subject tutors, as in like randomly after asking them some questions. they seems pretty optimistic about us scoring our A's, like they drop down from heaven like that for free. but i still cannot believe that it's possible when i've never ever ever step out of the E grade for any of my content-based subjects. i think i'm very much traumatized by my grades, hence keep harping on them. i just hope that these pain will stay within me to remind me the need to constantly work hard, and not have any excuses whenever im feeling tired.
*****
there's many a times when i wish to speak to you. but when i think about the efforts needed to keep the conservation going, it sorta stopped me. i dont know why is it like that, and i certainly hope it's just the tech that's the cause of it. maybe it's the reverse of what had happened previously. yeahh, all my nonsensical hopes. as much as technology simplify things, it also made situations harder to handle. there's so many times when i need to learn when to stop and where the line should be drawn. i seriously think i've made a fool of myself, and it's not only once but many many times. as much as it's for the fun of it, but now, the misunderstanding is abit hard to clear.
*****
i feel real guilty.
when i complain about my mum worried about my grades AFTER the exams
and now im feeling bad about her treating me so well.
grrr...
i seriously dont know what i expect.
*****
i know life will never be like it used to be.
definitely changing for the worst
when every lectures and tutorials i enter.
it will just remind me of the hell-ish decision ive made.
i dont know what state of mind i had at that time
to make myself suffer so much.
perhaps i know deep inside that it's all for the better future??
yeahh,
perhaps when one isnt in a situation, one will be able to see things more clearly.
*****
gosh.. I'm supposed to write in proper sentences hoping that it will help me improve my language and whatsoever. Though the help may be minimal, but still, maybe i can minimise the harm done??
spoke to a couple of my subject tutors, as in like randomly after asking them some questions. they seems pretty optimistic about us scoring our A's, like they drop down from heaven like that for free. but i still cannot believe that it's possible when i've never ever ever step out of the E grade for any of my content-based subjects. i think i'm very much traumatized by my grades, hence keep harping on them. i just hope that these pain will stay within me to remind me the need to constantly work hard, and not have any excuses whenever im feeling tired.
*****
there's many a times when i wish to speak to you. but when i think about the efforts needed to keep the conservation going, it sorta stopped me. i dont know why is it like that, and i certainly hope it's just the tech that's the cause of it. maybe it's the reverse of what had happened previously. yeahh, all my nonsensical hopes. as much as technology simplify things, it also made situations harder to handle. there's so many times when i need to learn when to stop and where the line should be drawn. i seriously think i've made a fool of myself, and it's not only once but many many times. as much as it's for the fun of it, but now, the misunderstanding is abit hard to clear.
*****
tears cant bring me what i want.
neither do empty words and promises.
i just need to work towards it..
and where do all my strength comes from..
i hope it's from ...
ps: sometimes i wish i could disappear and never be seen again. and im disappearing soon..
neither do empty words and promises.
i just need to work towards it..
and where do all my strength comes from..
i hope it's from ...
ps: sometimes i wish i could disappear and never be seen again. and im disappearing soon..
Thursday, July 10, 2008
music prodigy!
goshh!! I've just watched a Vblog from keechen's bloggie. IT"S AWESOME, AMAZING and FANTASTIC! like so fascinating and WOWWW..!!! it's simply flawless.. Maybe someday, when i have a child, he shall be like a music prodigy too! and shan't follow the NORM. it did remind me of the movie "Secret" and those moments. well, that is really history..
my conflicting thoughts
i think today i was hit the hardest.
like finally huh..?
in the entire jc life.
i subconsciously told myself that failing is the norm.
and as long as i improve
nothing would be worse off than that.
but today i think my glass of water overflowed...
but i think ive managed to mask my emotions in front of many many people.
except some when i finally broke down
and let my guard down.
i could not understand what is happening
when i have more time to study after cca stand down
it's really alot alot more time as compared to last time.
when all free time seems to have gone to resting cos of the overwhelming workload.
and now..
all the subjects which i used to pass have now let me down.
i seriously dont know why..
it's just so depressing knowing the fact that the results doesnt seem to match the amount of effort put in.
comparing with others,
comparing with past efforts
comparison makes everything worse off..
*****
i dont dare to count the amount of time left
cos im not sure how i will take it and how i will make use of it.
im confused when one teacher will tell us the most we can jump is 2 grades
while so many others says otherwise
not sure if one wants to wake us up or the latter trying to motivate us..
and i seriously think i should change my way of blogging cos it's affecting my language real bad, as well as my sceptical thoughts never will work out in essays.
why cant they just accept the facts that we are facing, instead of saying that they are just about our small tiny world we live in?
*****
i need more independence in myself. i've been requiring people to accompany me everywhere and doing every single thing. maybe tomorrow when i wake up and realise im on a deserted island. then i will need to learn how to do things by myself. i need to realise that everyone is different.
*****
i hate the feeling especially when i need to break the news to my mum. not that she really cares before the exams, but after when i tell her the grades, which i take efforts to do so, i dont know how to continue. maybe she's worried just like how im worried when i see these lousy grades, but i dont know how to further tell her my last two subjects. and they are my used-to-pass subjects. yeahhh, so it's like so comforting.
*****
i dislike it when people takes things out of my blog and discuss it with my face to face, especially some stuffs that i dont intend to say out explicitly. i think this had happened to me a couple of times. so i just want to make a note to those reading out there, if you wish to make any comments, just tag alright? cos im not those who blog to show off about their life. i prefer to keep these private moments for myself and my close ones. so blogging just to let off those air in my head. [so that me no AIRHEAD! Lol..] ive been tolerating cos i think it doesnt affect you and you didnt know about it. now that you know about it, please remember yeahh.. i will mention things personally to those i wish to open up with, and even if you know the hidden meaning, you dont have to announce that you know, and i know when one knows or doesn't. and i think this only applies to certain issues that's more sensitive to me. if you dont understand me well enough, just dont mention anything yeahh? this paragraphh strictly applies to MORE than ONE person, so please dont take it personally.
*****
goshh!!
and the fun of it got out of hand!!
like finally huh..?
in the entire jc life.
i subconsciously told myself that failing is the norm.
and as long as i improve
nothing would be worse off than that.
but today i think my glass of water overflowed...
but i think ive managed to mask my emotions in front of many many people.
except some when i finally broke down
and let my guard down.
i could not understand what is happening
when i have more time to study after cca stand down
it's really alot alot more time as compared to last time.
when all free time seems to have gone to resting cos of the overwhelming workload.
and now..
all the subjects which i used to pass have now let me down.
i seriously dont know why..
it's just so depressing knowing the fact that the results doesnt seem to match the amount of effort put in.
comparing with others,
comparing with past efforts
comparison makes everything worse off..
*****
i dont dare to count the amount of time left
cos im not sure how i will take it and how i will make use of it.
im confused when one teacher will tell us the most we can jump is 2 grades
while so many others says otherwise
not sure if one wants to wake us up or the latter trying to motivate us..
and i seriously think i should change my way of blogging cos it's affecting my language real bad, as well as my sceptical thoughts never will work out in essays.
why cant they just accept the facts that we are facing, instead of saying that they are just about our small tiny world we live in?
*****
i need more independence in myself. i've been requiring people to accompany me everywhere and doing every single thing. maybe tomorrow when i wake up and realise im on a deserted island. then i will need to learn how to do things by myself. i need to realise that everyone is different.
*****
i hate the feeling especially when i need to break the news to my mum. not that she really cares before the exams, but after when i tell her the grades, which i take efforts to do so, i dont know how to continue. maybe she's worried just like how im worried when i see these lousy grades, but i dont know how to further tell her my last two subjects. and they are my used-to-pass subjects. yeahhh, so it's like so comforting.
*****
i dislike it when people takes things out of my blog and discuss it with my face to face, especially some stuffs that i dont intend to say out explicitly. i think this had happened to me a couple of times. so i just want to make a note to those reading out there, if you wish to make any comments, just tag alright? cos im not those who blog to show off about their life. i prefer to keep these private moments for myself and my close ones. so blogging just to let off those air in my head. [so that me no AIRHEAD! Lol..] ive been tolerating cos i think it doesnt affect you and you didnt know about it. now that you know about it, please remember yeahh.. i will mention things personally to those i wish to open up with, and even if you know the hidden meaning, you dont have to announce that you know, and i know when one knows or doesn't. and i think this only applies to certain issues that's more sensitive to me. if you dont understand me well enough, just dont mention anything yeahh? this paragraphh strictly applies to MORE than ONE person, so please dont take it personally.
*****
goshh!!
and the fun of it got out of hand!!
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
sighs..
today had pe!
finally exercised after the long long from school.
felt so nice and refreshed
though i felt like vomiting and so dizzy after running, screaming climbing up the wobbly chair
yepp! we played captains ball!
GIRLS captains ball..
so have the screaming part INCLUSIVE.
it's nice nice nice :)
especially the feel of about the all the girls played!
i think it's like once in my these 1 year plus with them as classmates..
yeahh,
obviously my class is not bonded
and im to blame also
cos i always chose council over class i guess.
and the whole reason why i joined council was also partly cos of the class.
sighs..
all these decisions.
nehh-theless,
today had fun!
*****
i think the state of the IVLE and workbins of the different subject speaks a dozen about the department.
ive been thinking that i department seriously need a authorative and good leader.
it makes such significant impact on the grades.
not sure if it's the teachers i got for my subjects or whatsoever.
but i always and will still always feel the same.
as long as you are no longer in the first class,
you seem to must be able to accept any shit mentor you are given.
in this case, it's pretty obvious who's the mentor im referring to.
im especially pissed and disappointed with one of them today.
imagine we are going through the mcq paper
and he was going through one of the question
when he/she just read read read the questions.
i and after that,
read out the answer!
like woaaahhhh!!
we dont know like that.
and i still exclaimed loudly huh why???
but still..
we went on to the next question!
like whaaaa!
totally felt that my that subject was total goner.
dont know how to save myself.
how can i save myself even if i practise
and have no one to approach?
i seriously have no idea.
and i think i not only have one of such teacher but TWO!
shall find a way out.
WITHOUT depending on him/her.
cos i think it's more than one time.
what is the highly regarded, fine education system are we having???
are teachers just occupation for people who have no other jobs they want to be
like the last resort and last alternative
since many say it's a metal/golded rice bowl???
i seriously have no idea.
no wonder 97/100 children in singapore now have tuition.
now i understand why
and i shall join the 97 students soon..
but still feeling uncomfortable.
cos ive not have any tutors since sec2??
cos i used to think as long as we are hardworking,
all our teachers will be able to help us
and dislike tuition
but i think i better start to think otherwise..
before it's too late...
*****
im still waiting as much as i said i wont
i guess...
finally exercised after the long long from school.
felt so nice and refreshed
though i felt like vomiting and so dizzy after running, screaming climbing up the wobbly chair
yepp! we played captains ball!
GIRLS captains ball..
so have the screaming part INCLUSIVE.
it's nice nice nice :)
especially the feel of about the all the girls played!
i think it's like once in my these 1 year plus with them as classmates..
yeahh,
obviously my class is not bonded
and im to blame also
cos i always chose council over class i guess.
and the whole reason why i joined council was also partly cos of the class.
sighs..
all these decisions.
nehh-theless,
today had fun!
*****
i think the state of the IVLE and workbins of the different subject speaks a dozen about the department.
ive been thinking that i department seriously need a authorative and good leader.
it makes such significant impact on the grades.
not sure if it's the teachers i got for my subjects or whatsoever.
but i always and will still always feel the same.
as long as you are no longer in the first class,
you seem to must be able to accept any shit mentor you are given.
in this case, it's pretty obvious who's the mentor im referring to.
im especially pissed and disappointed with one of them today.
imagine we are going through the mcq paper
and he was going through one of the question
when he/she just read read read the questions.
i and after that,
read out the answer!
like woaaahhhh!!
we dont know like that.
and i still exclaimed loudly huh why???
but still..
we went on to the next question!
like whaaaa!
totally felt that my that subject was total goner.
dont know how to save myself.
how can i save myself even if i practise
and have no one to approach?
i seriously have no idea.
and i think i not only have one of such teacher but TWO!
shall find a way out.
WITHOUT depending on him/her.
cos i think it's more than one time.
what is the highly regarded, fine education system are we having???
are teachers just occupation for people who have no other jobs they want to be
like the last resort and last alternative
since many say it's a metal/golded rice bowl???
i seriously have no idea.
no wonder 97/100 children in singapore now have tuition.
now i understand why
and i shall join the 97 students soon..
but still feeling uncomfortable.
cos ive not have any tutors since sec2??
cos i used to think as long as we are hardworking,
all our teachers will be able to help us
and dislike tuition
but i think i better start to think otherwise..
before it's too late...
*****
im still waiting as much as i said i wont
i guess...
Monday, July 07, 2008
RAINBOWS
my sudden fetish for RAINBOWS since months ago
since i first saw a double archs of rainbow
when i was down..
and realised the beauty of it.
and the hopes it brought to me
pretty, beautiful rainbows...
i saw a rainbow today
a FULL-ARCH of rainbow
it gives me the much needed hopes in my life
that ive misplaced..
somehow
somewhere...
*****
a simple conversation as it may be
but the lots of effort that it requires
speaks a thousand of what it means...
does it mean just let it go and move on?
or hang on there and persist..?
though i know it's nothingness im holding on to...
*****
relationship
be it with your friends, families or other half.
it's tough to really let it go
though it easy to say it.
though you say you wont be bothered by them
they wont affect you in any sense
you wont care about any nonsense they are doing
but still
deep inside
you know it cant be ignored...
*****
i needa wake up
the last thing i would want to be is to be discouraged
i would not want to let anyone down...
the effort will bring the many choices that i want
i know it does...
*****
i always yearn to see the sun after the rain
when the sunshine will shine those hopes in these tiny droplets of water
when will i ever see a rainbow again?
since i first saw a double archs of rainbow
when i was down..
and realised the beauty of it.
and the hopes it brought to me
pretty, beautiful rainbows...
i saw a rainbow today
a FULL-ARCH of rainbow
it gives me the much needed hopes in my life
that ive misplaced..
somehow
somewhere...
*****
a simple conversation as it may be
but the lots of effort that it requires
speaks a thousand of what it means...
does it mean just let it go and move on?
or hang on there and persist..?
though i know it's nothingness im holding on to...
*****
relationship
be it with your friends, families or other half.
it's tough to really let it go
though it easy to say it.
though you say you wont be bothered by them
they wont affect you in any sense
you wont care about any nonsense they are doing
but still
deep inside
you know it cant be ignored...
*****
i needa wake up
the last thing i would want to be is to be discouraged
i would not want to let anyone down...
the effort will bring the many choices that i want
i know it does...
*****
i always yearn to see the sun after the rain
when the sunshine will shine those hopes in these tiny droplets of water
when will i ever see a rainbow again?
Friday, July 04, 2008
guys
i was so tired out
that i went to lie down for a while
and was contemplating if i should bathe again
hahaa,
decided to take another bath
and tadaaa!!
im wide awake now!
whoever who say women always doesnt know what she wants
it's so true..
and i went blog hopping again.
real random hop onto......
from soo boon's blog,
rather true.
for my part.
one of my acquaintance once told me
one will find horoscopes true because it's just a mere generalization
and i badly hope it's not true
cos i really believe in them..
and i totally agree with her with the bgr stuffs.
aint gonna be won over that easily
sweet things will never last..
shall go back to my lalaLAND!
that i went to lie down for a while
and was contemplating if i should bathe again
hahaa,
decided to take another bath
and tadaaa!!
im wide awake now!
whoever who say women always doesnt know what she wants
it's so true..
and i went blog hopping again.
real random hop onto......
from soo boon's blog,
Lets101 Quizzes - Myspace Quizzes For Fun
rather true.
for my part.
one of my acquaintance once told me
one will find horoscopes true because it's just a mere generalization
and i badly hope it's not true
cos i really believe in them..
and i totally agree with her with the bgr stuffs.
aint gonna be won over that easily
sweet things will never last..
shall go back to my lalaLAND!
emo emo
i think ive lost interest in lots of things recently.
blogs no longer interest me as they used to
communication which i once thought to be of utmost importance
but now i just hope to be silent
im pretty sure now isnt my low period
but god knows why im feeling like that now.
took a long bus ride home alone
those familiar yet forgotten bus rides
i like the feeling of it
i relish this type of feeling
when i used to do in the past
passing the many stops which i used to frequent in secondary school.
those people i used to hang out with
those many many times...
can i just be allowed to sleep and never wake up?
i think ive used up all my positives during my exams
that now im so charged up with negativities.
i feel like a fake being so optimistic in front of my friends
giving them the strength
encouragement
when i think i will help myself for being optimistic as well
but i think it works otherwise
getting results back aint a good thing
when one period after another
they results arent as satisfying as it's supposed to be
when you know you've put in the effort
but still they are the same as ever..
i think it's been rather long
since i wrote this type of entries
when i no longer have the strength to question
about life and all the blemishes in it
well,
a change for the worse??
ive been thinking about some things that a person said
the person is definitely beyond expectations
well,
but it does wake me up
and i think that's very necessary for me.
as much as i seem so discerning about certain things
they still affect me in some ways
can i believe that crying takes away energy from one?
cos i always feel so tired and sleepy
after draining all the tears out of me
after the movies also..
yess... see the S!
that's beside the point.
im feeling so tired and sleepy now
though i just slept just now
you should guessed why..
*****
im glad im going over to my sis place to stayover for the weekends.
maybe being in another part of the lil sunny island
a new environment
makes me more uncontactable and can bring me out of all these sorrows.
especially with the BIG kynan boy.
yepp! his mummy says he's no longer a baby boy :)
to his dearest mummy: you shouldnt be sad that you didnt hear him call you, it's cos you're always by his side that he doesnt need to. doesnt it makes sense? he's a smart lil boy and definitely knows how to do it, just that he knows that it's not necessary.. and always remember his adorable actions and gaga language when fatigue gets overwhelming okays.. at least you know who you are working so hard for...
*****
i think some things are just not suitable for now
this time of life time always seems to be slipping past way too fast
so fast that it never seems enough.
i think ive neglected some people.
i think things have also changed because of it
chatting no longer seems as easy as it seem.
dont think too much if it's you or not,
cos i think this is referring to too many people
that im not sure either how much people ive neglected.
*****
can i just fall asleep tonight
and never wake up...?
*****
i adore rainbows
it makes me realise how beautiful nature can be
it makes me feel important to be true to oneself
but i never see them..
cos i think it just means being true to oneself is just as tough...
blogs no longer interest me as they used to
communication which i once thought to be of utmost importance
but now i just hope to be silent
im pretty sure now isnt my low period
but god knows why im feeling like that now.
took a long bus ride home alone
those familiar yet forgotten bus rides
i like the feeling of it
i relish this type of feeling
when i used to do in the past
passing the many stops which i used to frequent in secondary school.
those people i used to hang out with
those many many times...
can i just be allowed to sleep and never wake up?
i think ive used up all my positives during my exams
that now im so charged up with negativities.
i feel like a fake being so optimistic in front of my friends
giving them the strength
encouragement
when i think i will help myself for being optimistic as well
but i think it works otherwise
getting results back aint a good thing
when one period after another
they results arent as satisfying as it's supposed to be
when you know you've put in the effort
but still they are the same as ever..
i think it's been rather long
since i wrote this type of entries
when i no longer have the strength to question
about life and all the blemishes in it
well,
a change for the worse??
ive been thinking about some things that a person said
the person is definitely beyond expectations
well,
but it does wake me up
and i think that's very necessary for me.
as much as i seem so discerning about certain things
they still affect me in some ways
can i believe that crying takes away energy from one?
cos i always feel so tired and sleepy
after draining all the tears out of me
after the movies also..
yess... see the S!
that's beside the point.
im feeling so tired and sleepy now
though i just slept just now
you should guessed why..
*****
im glad im going over to my sis place to stayover for the weekends.
maybe being in another part of the lil sunny island
a new environment
makes me more uncontactable and can bring me out of all these sorrows.
especially with the BIG kynan boy.
yepp! his mummy says he's no longer a baby boy :)
to his dearest mummy: you shouldnt be sad that you didnt hear him call you, it's cos you're always by his side that he doesnt need to. doesnt it makes sense? he's a smart lil boy and definitely knows how to do it, just that he knows that it's not necessary.. and always remember his adorable actions and gaga language when fatigue gets overwhelming okays.. at least you know who you are working so hard for...
*****
i think some things are just not suitable for now
this time of life time always seems to be slipping past way too fast
so fast that it never seems enough.
i think ive neglected some people.
i think things have also changed because of it
chatting no longer seems as easy as it seem.
dont think too much if it's you or not,
cos i think this is referring to too many people
that im not sure either how much people ive neglected.
*****
can i just fall asleep tonight
and never wake up...?
*****
i adore rainbowsit makes me realise how beautiful nature can be
it makes me feel important to be true to oneself
but i never see them..
cos i think it just means being true to oneself is just as tough...
Thursday, July 03, 2008
aTWOchalet!
i think it's just so tough to live not neglecting anyone
it's just so impossible...
*****
the spamming of the chalet stamp! it's supposed to be A2, but someone's pretty handwriting seems to say AZ??
the many many food we brought! nicceeee!!
finally had the long awaited chalet with the aTWO peeps!
it's really damn fun with so much free time in the whole wide world to spare.
the potluck, choc fondue, indian poker, forfeits, "touring" around pasir ris early in the morning, not sleeping throughout, watching sunrise or the presumed "sunset" and the so many many hilarious moments!
i think doing forfeits occupied most of our time,
forfeits ranging from the biting of ears, nose, TOES, proposing, running half naked, and many many others, which i all had videos all!
muahahaa!!
can blackmail them!
damn funny..
and the guys are always the victims of the evil lois ideas!
but we love it anyways.. :))
these videos shall remain as our lil secret though ive showed it to someone alr..!
OOOPPPSS!!!
aTWO peeps: those who stayed over! minus sean who's busy somewhere else, and me the cam women :((
the yummy choc! it took lots of effort to get all the tools required though it's worth the effort!
goodu and i holes in apples = appleBINOCULARS
the choc fondue turned out to be not bad! but the thick and rich choc-latey meal in the wee hours of the day
was certainly one of the obesity factors!
plus all the gossips and jokes about the teachers...
whaaaa!!! really didnt know my lil "muggeridian" turn out to be so happening!
the yummy choc cake--kawaiiKAIWEI surprise part II!! the layers of choc is so thick that the knife cant cut through it!
the cuckoo shots! hahaa!
went out after watching dvd while we took turns bathing
ate the yummy choc cake and drank ehhh alocohol?? or fizzy drink???
hehee..
cos it's really like flavoured fizzy drink..
watching the sunrise outside the toilet!
the oh-so-pretty sunrise
went out to watch sunrise.. but failed again.
second attempt for me,
and still the same failure..
i mean dont have those in the pretty photos when the rising sun and the sea closes to a horizon..
and went off after the disappointing sunrise..
lalalaaa
and off to lalaLAND with all our unhealthy consumption!!
all of us growing our lil tummies!
hahaaa!!
woke up and me and lois became irritating alarm clocks
when we went around tickling others and waking them up.
and finished up all our leftovers of sushi and drinks from earlier..
and off we go for check out..
which means our long awaited chalet trip had come to an end...
*****
i think the chalet was new and nice
cos the toilet is spacious and rather comfy..
plus 10 bucks per person, not a bad choice:)
as for the people..
of course we rawks..
i think it's pretty amazing going to chalet with a group of people
who barely speaks to each other in school before the seminar
and after the many dreaded rehersals and the week long of stay at ntu
taaddaaaa!!
we had so much much much fun together!
the bond amongst us i think is just simple..
like we dont have to bother about how to maintain them
but we just enjoy ourselves as it is.
though i can see that someday we will no longer hang out together
but i think it's all these precious memories that counts right.
at least when i look back in times in future,
i will know that at least the seminar which i so much wanted to withdraw from
is after all a rather significant piece of my JC life...
i shall let the photos do the rest of the talking..
*****
makan-ning time!
bananas with choc!!!
smiley and frankenstein monster!
the hard to cut cake!
the fizzy drinks??
the lights that shine...
*****
sometimes i wish that i wouldnt speak
cos when i speak
i will just cause myself more trouble...
silence
cos the otherwise is just so tormenting...
it's just so impossible...
*****
the spamming of the chalet stamp! it's supposed to be A2, but someone's pretty handwriting seems to say AZ??
the many many food we brought! nicceeee!!it's really damn fun with so much free time in the whole wide world to spare.
the potluck, choc fondue, indian poker, forfeits, "touring" around pasir ris early in the morning, not sleeping throughout, watching sunrise or the presumed "sunset" and the so many many hilarious moments!
i think doing forfeits occupied most of our time,
forfeits ranging from the biting of ears, nose, TOES, proposing, running half naked, and many many others, which i all had videos all!
muahahaa!!
can blackmail them!
damn funny..
and the guys are always the victims of the evil lois ideas!
but we love it anyways.. :))
these videos shall remain as our lil secret though ive showed it to someone alr..!
OOOPPPSS!!!
aTWO peeps: those who stayed over! minus sean who's busy somewhere else, and me the cam women :((
the yummy choc! it took lots of effort to get all the tools required though it's worth the effort!
goodu and i holes in apples = appleBINOCULARSwas certainly one of the obesity factors!
plus all the gossips and jokes about the teachers...
whaaaa!!! really didnt know my lil "muggeridian" turn out to be so happening!
the yummy choc cake--kawaiiKAIWEI surprise part II!! the layers of choc is so thick that the knife cant cut through it!
the cuckoo shots! hahaa!ate the yummy choc cake and drank ehhh alocohol?? or fizzy drink???
hehee..
cos it's really like flavoured fizzy drink..
watching the sunrise outside the toilet!
the oh-so-pretty sunrisewent out to watch sunrise.. but failed again.
second attempt for me,
and still the same failure..
i mean dont have those in the pretty photos when the rising sun and the sea closes to a horizon..
and went off after the disappointing sunrise..
lalalaaa
and off to lalaLAND with all our unhealthy consumption!!
all of us growing our lil tummies!
hahaaa!!
woke up and me and lois became irritating alarm clocks
when we went around tickling others and waking them up.
and finished up all our leftovers of sushi and drinks from earlier..
and off we go for check out..
which means our long awaited chalet trip had come to an end...
*****
i think the chalet was new and nice
cos the toilet is spacious and rather comfy..
plus 10 bucks per person, not a bad choice:)
as for the people..
of course we rawks..
i think it's pretty amazing going to chalet with a group of people
who barely speaks to each other in school before the seminar
and after the many dreaded rehersals and the week long of stay at ntu
taaddaaaa!!
we had so much much much fun together!
the bond amongst us i think is just simple..
like we dont have to bother about how to maintain them
but we just enjoy ourselves as it is.
though i can see that someday we will no longer hang out together
but i think it's all these precious memories that counts right.
at least when i look back in times in future,
i will know that at least the seminar which i so much wanted to withdraw from
is after all a rather significant piece of my JC life...
i shall let the photos do the rest of the talking..
*****
makan-ning time!
bananas with choc!!! 
smiley and frankenstein monster!
the hard to cut cake!
the fizzy drinks??
the lights that shine...
*****
sometimes i wish that i wouldnt speak
cos when i speak
i will just cause myself more trouble...
silence
cos the otherwise is just so tormenting...
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
post MYEs
im so so overwhelmed that MYEs is over
but not to forget every ending brings about another beginning..
putting draggy stuff aside,
and back to My Great Plans for post-myes!
watched 10 promises to a dog on the evening after the last paper.
i tell you, this is the FIRST time i've cried so HORRIBLY in a cinema!!!
when i watched movies last time, the most is sobs..
but ytd was like wanted to wail out loud but of course cannot mahh..!
was searching searching for the 10 promises and yeahhh!
FOUND THEM!!
when the mum is saying this out on behalf of the doggie, SOCKS,
i was already crying, especially after the 9th one.
it tells me how much we [as in my family] meant to kaiser.
it's just so true.
i shall not say so much into the storyline,
cos i retold the story to my dumb sis, and she cried!
whaaaaa!!!
im a good story teller :))
hmm, i think you peeps should really watch it,
especially those with pets!
watched it with wun ling, keechen and bizhen.
halfway through the MYEs me and wl already booked one another
and said we wanted to catch that movie..
and KC and BZ joined us!
like nearly full renunion already!
and the most amusing thing out of this movie is the dumb rows of guys infront of us.
they were like making unnecessary but yet dumb and hilarious comments at the wrong time of the movie.
when the dog died [oops! did i say sth??? yes the dog died!]
and we were already crying our hearts out,
they made a really dumb and dumber and dumberest comment
that made me really really laugh and cried
that feeling is horrible.
come ask me personally if you want to know
cos the dumb comment is in hokkien and i dont type hokkien..
really really Lol..
the movie made me learn how to cherish Kaiser
but then..
like what KC said,
after a while we will tend to forget these.
so maybe we should always watch this type of movie once in a while?
it's so true that we have so many other possessions that we love in our lives
but our dear old kaiser only have us [unless you count his soft toys, bones, leash etc etc as possessions?]
and i feel so guilty.
when i'm stressed out for exams
when im sad from somethings that happened outside
i will find him, hug him tight and complain to him.
but when he's bored to the max,
he could only go and sleep.
and how i always find excuses with myself not to brush his teeth and do all the daily doggie chores for him.
i ask you,
how guilty can i not get?
and when i saw Socks having to be left behind or when she died.
i thought about how's life without kaiser.
how to accept it?
i dont dare to think about it
but just hope the day never come
and maybe when it really comes,
i will probably learn a new experience,
of accepting deaths.
people really doesnt know how to cherish things when they are around
and when we lost it,
we cry over it.
what's the point?
that is something that everyone know of
but the thing is,
why people still do not know how to forgive and forget and be nice to one another
for fear that the next day they might just lose that someone or something?
i choose not to elaborate
cos when i do,
it will still go back to the same old conclusion.
man and his brain.
*****
during exams,
when im studying, i tend to block out noises, convos amongst others
like my sisters and parents.
but while blocking out,
they still do affect me in some sense.
cos i will still process them..
i made promises to myself
that i should learn how to accept the differences in the personality between everyone of us
one can be more heck care with things
while the other may be more particular and "calculative" about things
so we should accept others for their weakness
and try to work around with them right?
it's always better to have 1 more friend that 1 more enemy..
enough nonsense too..
Lol..
*****
later having cluster aTWO chalet!
wheeee!!!
i suggested potluck party
having jitters about what they will bring
cos 2 lazy fella told me that one will bring fruits while the other chocolate
add together equals choc fondue!
lazy lazy right!!
*****
ive yet to organise my thoughts.
for now,
i will just watch all my dramas that been enticing me to watch
all other free time shall go to my beloved doggieee!!
hahaa,
so mean.
cos that means everything comes before him...!
*****
somethings are really not meant for blogs.
in conclusion..
somethings may not be as it seem
and
i think the effort and time one spends on the other
tells you how much one person matters to you...
daLINK: http://www.kawaiisa.blogspot.com/
pps: i cant find the small one nehh and i still think your friend more chio than you, silly sis!!
but not to forget every ending brings about another beginning..
putting draggy stuff aside,
and back to My Great Plans for post-myes!
watched 10 promises to a dog on the evening after the last paper.
i tell you, this is the FIRST time i've cried so HORRIBLY in a cinema!!!
when i watched movies last time, the most is sobs..
but ytd was like wanted to wail out loud but of course cannot mahh..!
was searching searching for the 10 promises and yeahhh!
FOUND THEM!!
1. Please live patiently with me.
2. Please believe in me. Just doing that makes me happy.
3. Please don't forget that I have feelings.
4. There's a reason when I disobey you.
5. Please talk a lot to me. I can't speak human, but I understand.
6. Please don't hit me. Don't forget that I'm stronger when we fight.
7. Let's get along even when I get older.
8. I can only live about ten years. So lets cherish the moments we have together.
9. You have school and friends. But I only have you.
10. When I die, please, stay by my side.
2. Please believe in me. Just doing that makes me happy.
3. Please don't forget that I have feelings.
4. There's a reason when I disobey you.
5. Please talk a lot to me. I can't speak human, but I understand.
6. Please don't hit me. Don't forget that I'm stronger when we fight.
7. Let's get along even when I get older.
8. I can only live about ten years. So lets cherish the moments we have together.
9. You have school and friends. But I only have you.
10. When I die, please, stay by my side.
when the mum is saying this out on behalf of the doggie, SOCKS,
i was already crying, especially after the 9th one.
it tells me how much we [as in my family] meant to kaiser.
it's just so true.
i shall not say so much into the storyline,
cos i retold the story to my dumb sis, and she cried!
whaaaaa!!!
im a good story teller :))
hmm, i think you peeps should really watch it,
especially those with pets!
watched it with wun ling, keechen and bizhen.
halfway through the MYEs me and wl already booked one another
and said we wanted to catch that movie..
and KC and BZ joined us!
like nearly full renunion already!
and the most amusing thing out of this movie is the dumb rows of guys infront of us.
they were like making unnecessary but yet dumb and hilarious comments at the wrong time of the movie.
when the dog died [oops! did i say sth??? yes the dog died!]
and we were already crying our hearts out,
they made a really dumb and dumber and dumberest comment
that made me really really laugh and cried
that feeling is horrible.
come ask me personally if you want to know
cos the dumb comment is in hokkien and i dont type hokkien..
really really Lol..
the movie made me learn how to cherish Kaiser
but then..
like what KC said,
after a while we will tend to forget these.
so maybe we should always watch this type of movie once in a while?
it's so true that we have so many other possessions that we love in our lives
but our dear old kaiser only have us [unless you count his soft toys, bones, leash etc etc as possessions?]
and i feel so guilty.
when i'm stressed out for exams
when im sad from somethings that happened outside
i will find him, hug him tight and complain to him.
but when he's bored to the max,
he could only go and sleep.
and how i always find excuses with myself not to brush his teeth and do all the daily doggie chores for him.
i ask you,
how guilty can i not get?
and when i saw Socks having to be left behind or when she died.
i thought about how's life without kaiser.
how to accept it?
i dont dare to think about it
but just hope the day never come
and maybe when it really comes,
i will probably learn a new experience,
of accepting deaths.
people really doesnt know how to cherish things when they are around
and when we lost it,
we cry over it.
what's the point?
that is something that everyone know of
but the thing is,
why people still do not know how to forgive and forget and be nice to one another
for fear that the next day they might just lose that someone or something?
i choose not to elaborate
cos when i do,
it will still go back to the same old conclusion.
man and his brain.
*****
during exams,
when im studying, i tend to block out noises, convos amongst others
like my sisters and parents.
but while blocking out,
they still do affect me in some sense.
cos i will still process them..
i made promises to myself
that i should learn how to accept the differences in the personality between everyone of us
one can be more heck care with things
while the other may be more particular and "calculative" about things
so we should accept others for their weakness
and try to work around with them right?
it's always better to have 1 more friend that 1 more enemy..
enough nonsense too..
Lol..
*****
later having cluster aTWO chalet!
wheeee!!!
i suggested potluck party
having jitters about what they will bring
cos 2 lazy fella told me that one will bring fruits while the other chocolate
add together equals choc fondue!
lazy lazy right!!
*****
ive yet to organise my thoughts.
for now,
i will just watch all my dramas that been enticing me to watch
all other free time shall go to my beloved doggieee!!
hahaa,
so mean.
cos that means everything comes before him...!
*****
somethings are really not meant for blogs.
in conclusion..
somethings may not be as it seem
and
i think the effort and time one spends on the other
tells you how much one person matters to you...
*****
i hope my carousel can go round and round and never end...
*****
i hope my carousel can go round and round and never end...*****
PS: the below portion is for fanatic online shoppers!
one more new place for you!
[on behalf of my sis]
one more new place for you!
[on behalf of my sis]
daLINK: http://www.kawaiisa.blogspot.com/
pps: i cant find the small one nehh and i still think your friend more chio than you, silly sis!!
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