ideality

i have the urge to come online to read bloggies and blog
but no one seemed to have updated.. :((
and i have not much things on my brain except lots of random thoughts..

*****

excited for aTWO chalet!!
yepp, the pre-u sem SLOs from my cluster having a get-together!!
miss those hated dear old days..
so ironic but yeahh..
and we having POTluck party!!
hahaa, PORTluck or PORKluck??!!
and we shall play for the entire night like how we did it on the last night of the seminar
and see the surviving ones..
now there's no more closing ceremony for us to sleep in alr :P

*****

WHY IS THE WORLD LIKE THAT AS IT IS?

sometimes i wonder why i dislike someone..
is the person really seriously so awful?
or is it that ive yet to seen the other side of her.
and ive just been nasty to those people.
maybe i should try to accept people as who they are
and it would probably make my life happier
instead of just screaming and shouting at every single thing she does..
and just pray and hope that there is really ANOTHER side of her for me to accept.
i bet there is,
cos remember, the world is always fair...

is heaven really such a nice place??
is there such place as heaven??
why people always think death as an easy way out
when they are in times of deep trouble?
i think it's cos people always think that heaven is such a nice place where everyone will go to in their afterlife.
i dont really believe in these..
but i wonder if everyone were to go up there,
wouldnt it be as nasty as it is here
cos all the politics, competition and nonsense will be up there as well...?
and if we were to imagine Heaven as a disgusting place,
dirty, full of nasty people, politics, competition, blah blah blah...
will people stop contemplating about deaths
and learn how to appreciate what they are having now
and see things in another point of view.
i once read the book "The Five People You Meet In Heaven"
it's describes heaven as a place like the norm..
white clouds, frothy and pure
peaceful and empty..
and you will meet 5 people that you've met in your beforelife
and you understand situations with these people better
although things weren't as good before that.
abit chim..
but i think you should read it,
cos it's really really nice..
oh ya, by Mitch Albom..
back to my point.
if people need to go to heaven to understand why things happen as it is,
why cant we do it now?
why must we wait,
bear grudges for the rest of out lives
before we understand how things were supposed to be.
so i choose not to believe in the norm that heaven should be like.
for now,
my perception of heaven shall be a stretch of endless cement ground
which is really empty
better not expect to be so nice
if not we would want to choose as our next alternative if things aren't gonna work out in life.
till i find how i wish to fill it up.
cos i still believe that we wont remember anything after we passed on...

*****

i think that's all for my thoughts and questions for today.
cos i really cant put in proper words the rest of them
they really obstructed my cute lil spongebob from absorbing my econs wonderful knowledge..
i love that subject!
really!! no scarcasm..
cos i think it made so much sense.
especially after every point they will say "Ceteris Paribus"
which means the point holds if the other factors are held constant.
cos it will bring everything back to Earth
our normal life
that perfect situations wont occur as planned.

i remember once telling KC
that our study plan and academics..
that all will go smoothly and we'll score out A's if we were to follow the ideal way
but because we often have distractions and choose not to do it,
it usually deviates from ideality.
so real gas will never never exist,
and Px will never be true as supposed to be
and the last part of quantum physics will always so true.
the more you try to find out the position of an object
the less you'll be able to.
cos there's one thing that is constant.
and that is CHANGE.
whaaa... sound so like pro..!
hahaaa, actually for the physics part,
i didnt study that part!!!!
hahaaa!
cos the notes is like super duper dupLY thick
that when i reach that part,
all my stamina gone!
Lol..
and luckily it didnt come out..
so expected...:)

oh ya
another amusing convo on one of the exam days.
me kc and wl were talking about how to study for Math paper
so im like saying try out the questions in the notes
and KC replied sth like
"yahh, try until can memorise what questions inside already.."
cos we always do that,
but when the questions in the paper differs,
we will be like "ehhh!!"
hehe, then we wondered will we still be able to answer the question if it is to be exactly the same as the notes,
will we be able to do it??
hahaa, never tried before..
Math tutor, maybe can try it out.
and see how many people practise math in this sense

enough of nonsense..
shall not deviate from ideality too much today.
and have enough of my beauty sleep
cos my eyelids are like drooping to the max..!
how to go out and have fun after that in this state??!?!?!

ohh, i bought a cute squeaky toy for Kaiser.
it's a BANANAAA!!
and it can be skinned!
damn cute..!
dunno if kynan boy will snatch from him?
Lol..
btw kaiser is a old grey furry-to-be-non-furry doggie!!
and kynan is a adorably huggable lovable lil boy!!

gosshhh!!
im beginning to deviate from ideality!!
tata!!!

MYEs mid mid mid!!

wheeee!!! just one point on MYEs [cos everyone harping on it, my theory still holds:)] --
my temperature for physics paper changed from 273.15K to 293.15K and to think i spent like LOTS of precious and scarce minutes on that silly part, checking EVERY SINGLE component except that DUMB-GIVEN-IN-DATA-BOOKLET-FIGURE! this is definitely dumb...not that i cant do lohh!! that shall be called Kellys cenitgrade instead of the usual Kelvins centigrade.

double double wheee wheee!!
went out with MUM!!
mingled, slept, studied and RELAXED!
today went pretty well,
and it will continue to be well if i dont sleep after blogging.
Lol..
i suggested watching Kung Fu Panda
cos according to moi silly-sis,
its very very superb-ly hilarious.
and i guess the higher the expectations the higher the disappointment.
its funny,
but not so so funny.
ehh, my mum slept for more than half a show???
nicee...!
she wanted to eat Billy Bombers..
and im like ohh really arh, not food court??
of course deep inside i feeling the angelish-devilish feeling.
i want to,
BUT dont like to eat so expensive.
cos later she accuse i cut throat again..
hahaa, but she suggested it,
and i just went alongg...
muahahaaa...
its nice
its humongous!!

as for mingled,
i went for lunch with classy-mates:)
finally never ps the bhb girl.
hehee, or else she will be stranded with all the testosterones-overwhelmed guys
Lol...

NOT not-LITERALLY: i like the feeling of letting my hair down i dislike people breathing down my neck i detest jostling crowd i enjoy being the changed me

that portion up to you to decide and decipher what's the both side of the meaning
and i really mean it, both of them..

i like the feeling of wearing my pretty clothes instead of the school uniform out.
i like the feeling of wearing my own pretty shoes instead of the school shoes.
i like the feeling of observing others on buses and trains instead of last minute mugging of notes.
i like the feeling of going out for the sake of other things other then GOING SCHOOL FOR EXAM.
cos my normal routine for the past month is just school or home.
i will just coop myself up away from all the distractions.
and it can really drive me up to ultimate madness!!
plus PMS+cramps+stress+uncompleted schedule+bad papers before that
the ultimate madness can really escalate to silly thoughts and tears.
imagine every night going through the same torture..

but then...
triple triple triple whee whee wheee!!!
and it's gonna be over soon..
butBUT thennn...
start all over again soon also???
i told you the world is round.
the life we lived for is round
the journey is just a cycle or a routine that never seems to end...
and come to think of cycle!! my council farewell giftss!!!! dang!!

and the cycle only seems to be going down and when up?
cos it takes a lil effort to go down
but much more effort to go up.
and these effort shall prove...

fast one!

wheee..!
im here for short.
cos i kop the com when my dumb and silly sis, KAE-LO-LYN randomly go do sth..
like getting a lamp when she's halfway through her episode of jap show???
how random can that be
and i complain!
she's really a distraction when she's home..
cos she make me talk to her and disturb her
tell you she's silly alr!
at least to a positive extent,
and not like some other umph humph..
who irritates me in the morning..
Lol...
im getting evil..
MEANgirlsCLUB!
wheee!!
my classmate founded it for me!

been reading blogs.
like my NUMBERone entertainment online.
like wowww..
so entertaining.
but i bet it's just voyeurism to a small extent
for those who only speaks PIGgy-lish :P
voyeurism: desire to know about another person's life.
this is my lay-man's term
can look for proper meaning if you are interested..
yepyep
back to the point.
we read, then we comment
then we probe deeper
and this is like continuous and hilarious to some extent.
and i bet that it proves how "influential" you can be..
not something to be proud of
cos some are just criticism.
actually my MORAL of the story is that,
end up,
all our blog are mentioning about the same things!!!
friends, must be more special okayyss.
life is short and we cant keep harping on the same old problem,
so we've got to move on!!!
yeahh, dont worry too much for time will heal everything..
whaa, like time is god like that..
hahaa.. okayss!

supposed to be here for short.
but ive typed pretty fast and so it's long
lalalaaa...
no insights for these few days
cos physics a BORE!
and grrrr..
i hate those dumb physicians.
orsted, ampere, faraday and the list never end!!!
make my whole notes so thick and like ants crawling pass when i read them for long.
and that reminds me of...

from jojoKAM's one stop motivational words..
hahaa, like woww..
specially for MJC students.
and so sorry jojo, never seek copyrights :)
cos i really find it CUTE/ADORABLE:

10 reasons why mugging is FUN:

1. You learn new stuff
2. You fit into MJC [no 1 FAVE!]
   
3. You marry your notes
4. You dont have to plan what to do with your free time
5. You dont have any free time
6. You see black ants on your notes after periods of mugging [no 2 fave!]
   
7. You express creativity with highlighter
8. you dont have to handle notes PMS [actually i dont get this]
9. You have friends that motivate you [and who's that who always send me???]
   
10. You can survive anything worse than that after that! [YEAHHH, i agree totally!]

hahaa, i tell you i was like a kuku smiling to the stupid gadget when im OUTSIDE!
thanks arhhh..
make me look like a loony.. :P

arrgghhh!!
told you tech is a distraction!
and the dumb KAE-LO-LYn haven come back to bug me..
silly sis,
damn honoured to have you special zhu-lingo name mentioned here yeahh
hehee.
can you pass me some of your SLACKtime???

EXAMS

I HEREBY DECLARE THAT EXAMINATIONS IS JUST A WASTE OF PAPER!

sheeshh..
what's me to declare right.
but anyways,

from the draggy-and-boring NOTES to the dumb-yet-dont-know-useful-not REVISION PACKAGES to the half-a-stack-of-A4-papers-of-long-and-not-sure-if-i-will-use ANSWER KEYS to the stressing-and-irritating EXAMINATION PAPERS to the again long-and-demoralising ANSWER KEYS to the exam papers!!

i bet you will feel breathless after saying out the entire of previous line in ONE breath!
that is how wasteful education are.

i like what my GP compre said.
the gist of it..
the focus of education should revert back to the old when it should be grooming the innocent for the physical and emotional growth instead of the supposedly qualifications for the future workforce.
but reality is still harsh, yeahh..
you choose to live in Singapore or some developing country when you're stuck in mud and NOT studying?
so mug or mud??
Lol..
this is just the harsh reality and truth..
we choose it right?
so accept it..

-life as it is...-

ps: wheee!! having dinner with my dearies GFFs later!! still thanks to the dearest of them all to take the pains and efforts to organise it! muackss!!

3in1

wheee!! now enjoying ECONOMIES OF SCALES!
im seriously so glad and my whole brain is like a soaked sponge.
[sheesh, im imagining spongeBOB!]
okays, enough of highness..!
happy cos ive finally and succeeded not touching my com of the entire 2 and nearly 1 full days!
even more glad that im finally touching the com now!
and economies of scale cos im COMBINING all my dinner and tv hours together = COMhour!
tech is seriously a distraction,
but it can do what it is required of in times.
whaa, GP-ish again..!
isolated my hp also for these few days
and im really really proud of myself!
you see,
deariekellywellygirly can do it too!!
[sometimes i really yearn for a longer name, hehee!]
i spent less than 5 SMS on mon and tue,
and for today,
i sent more than 50!
hahaa!
outweighedd by lots lots!
but not any convo with any peeps,
i made many peoples' day today!
sent out to 46 peeps,
and got back 17 well-wishes too..
there some cute and funny one.
when he asked me who am i
cos it dont sound like me..
while others saying eeyer so mushy....but thanks for entertainting me =))
having my new name, KERRIE ZHU;
and many many jia yous!
so are you part of the 17?
so remember,

SMILES aplenty:) and hang on there!! cos what's 5 more days to you when you've been through more than 20 days!

was thinking of having it as a test.
well,
i really can tell the differences in the types of friends ive made over the years.

friendship is like a wet cement when you will leave your footprints in another's life..

i believe it so..

*****

and for these few weeks of mugging,
ive like gained few kilos!
not that im unhappy about the kilos,
BUT THEN
all of them went to the wrong place.
cant they just spread out a lil..?
angryANGRY..
grrr..
cant be helped,
if fats aren't dumb,
then pigs can fly..
no link but just..
hahaass.
Lol..
i think all the additional kilos come from the 6 meals a day habit ive been having!
hahaa, pro right!
6 small meals lah
cos everytime i eat i will feel full
but i can like eat every 2 hours.
think i will end up with gastrics again when im back in school.
when the timetable dont allow me to carry on my habit :(
then needa take my medicine for "gas" [laugh lah, mr wong!]
shall go for yoga soon with "kae-lo-lyn"..!
after MYES..
so still, till then...
"REN" is the word now

*****

comparing the productive days VS the not so productives
chem i took approxi 2 weeks with some simple math chap.
[wholly/holy MATH] minus [6 chapt and some simple math done earlier]
equals to 2 days!
and today is GP and econs day.
they are certainly MORE entertaining
no sarcasm meant
cos they are like revolving around my world
not like i will go around seeing which item is alkane, alkene, carboxylic acid, benzene blah blahh..
nor go around "since P1 is true, Pk is true => pk+1 is true, therefore, by Mathematical Induction, Pn is true."
sheeshh~~ im seriously nutty..
just hope my chem will not be forced out by my other subjects..
go my lil spongebob up there!!

*****

"To what extent do you think the world is fair?"
jojoKAM said her opinion to me,
and ive wondered for pretty long
since the ZOOy-day,
and i still cant find my OVs.
cos i take the stand that the world is fair.
yeppyepp.
everyone is born the same,
the pretty, the ugly the disabled, the blacks, the whites, the beige blah blah..
you may be disabled, but you may be living happier than a pretty person..?
you may be pretty, but your character may suck big time..?
and my idea since long long ago that God i fair,
cos the double eyelids peeps are usually short-sighted
single eyelid is perfect eyesight. [observation done from my besties, and there's sampling errors!]
but who's better looking?
it still varies from different opinion right.
linking back to Fairness..
it's still whether long term or short term.
the happiness you maybe experiencing now may not be that of the future
and another person maybe enjoying him/herself at a later time..
a teacher has 2 students,
and is biased towards one and against another
but it still depends on how one see your teacher as.
and being pampered MAY not bring you better results..
okays, this eg is lousy and cliche..
and many things are still dependent on how you see things.
yepp yepp,
so the world is still fair..
cos you just need the lil belief that karma happens
and goodwill will bring about more.
yepps!
my beliefs!
wheee!!!

*****

im glad for the distance drawn
cos im afraid things will change...
as for you,
i dont know what to say about it
cos i still dont really know you i guess..
and the time and effort still isnt there from what i see.
just another interesting out-of-ordinary occurrence
that really made me curious and want to find out more...
Lol...
im getting more and more incomprehensible
words are there for a reason..
so maybe thats why they should be kept to and meant to..

*****

my rainbow of hopes and beliefs..
i believe that what goes around comes around.
life is like a circle
the friends you once met will come back again into your life
only when you've finished your circle...

PS: so sorry for wasting so much of you guys' time.. lalalaa, who ask you all come here and read :P this is the power of 3 days thoughts and minds and my "spongebob" power..! Lol..

adios...

i think im feeling a lil tad "burn out"??
the term guys from my class like to use
when one doesnt feel like studying at all..
i hate to admit
but i keep lying to myself.
come on..
there's always time to relax after it, silly

angry and guilty at the same time
cos i did only nitro chem and 1 small math chap on friday
and that's all!
how can i not be angry..
and im not at least worried
grrrr...
this shall be my last post
till then...
i swear.
scold me if you see me posting any more post..! [cos i can still write in diary :P]
cos the term "burn-out" doesnt exist in my dictionary!!
go girly~~

*****

yeah yeahh!
cut my hair..
but ended up its the same old me
cos i cant think of any not-so-daring yet a new hairstyle..
so same old me =))

*****

i no longer feel the same towards you guys
cos things just change when time pass i think...
i hate to say it
but i feel like stopping everything
putting a halt may be difficult
but i will slowly disappear out of your lives...

*****

having so many beliefs doesnt work if i dont have the determination
i shall be like a sun
which can shine so brightly
behind all the rainbow in the world
that makes people feel wheeee!

the rainbow,

though small but it still brings hopes...

-i hate the disappointment and unhappiness after all the efforts..-

*****

till then,

.A D I O S.

my beliefs

was reading reading today's thesundaytimes
when i chanced upon a particular article in the Reflect section; lifestyle
the article is "I so want to be happy"
and it mention about an aunt who took leave from work
to be a nice yummy mummy to her 10 and 5 years old niece and nephew.
cut things short,
she concluded about Happiness.

"How can you understand happiness if unless you have lived through unhappiness and can compare the two"

the lil kids are the two examples of people.
the girl born with a higher happiner set point
who laments about stuffs,
and when time passes and she misses the old times
she laments again.
while the lil boy being the type who says things like "This is going to be the greatest day."

wouldnt it be nice if everyone is like the boy
and everyone will have a happier life.
but then...
when everyone starts doing so
and start being selfish at the expense of happiness?
and stop improving because everyone is happy with everything?
what will the world turn out to be...

sighhsss..
so i ended up with some confusion once more
though i find some sense why there's existence of unhappiness.
i agree so totally with jojo
she said that the world is made more complicated with Man.
yeahh, that is so true.
so when can we be extinct?
when we are endangering so many other species to their extinction.
let us be extinct
so that we will make the world
less competition
less complicated
less suffering
more happiness
more love.

TUITION NATION:
im part of the 97 out of 100 without tuition.
and why there are so many people making big bucks out of their "passion" of teaching?
again it boils down to the same issue.
competition and not willing to lose out..
and my GP compre about Man and aggression.
it's still as true as ever.
sighs sighs double sighs..

*****

enough of life issues.
cos some issues are just so complicated and just "sigh-yy"
i just need to believe in myself
and i believe that things just need to be done in moderation.
like what i believe in,
advancments in medicine are good.
but if we were to rely on it every single small things
where's our natural immune system going to play a part in.
then why the people of the past need not use medication for simple ailments..?
[and so i cant stand my sis in saying how good some pills are, just because of money and business, it jeopardises people's health?]
knowledge kills and helps only to certain extent.
so believe in myself is the best
because at least everything you do is based on your own decision
and not based on what others want you to do.
at least you cant have any regrets cos one will never blame him/herself
as bad as blaming others.

so so SO...
i believe in myself
i believe that those syllabus is not difficult
i believe that sleeping is a waste of time
i believe that being tired is just an excuse
i believe that if i believe i can do it, i will do it!
yeah yeahhh! go girly!!

*****

2 person once ask me
to rank the importance of "friends and academic results"
i didnt know what to answer them
because im partly guilty towards the academic side
cos i was just thinking isnt this the purpose of our life now?
but now,
i think im slightly.
maybe now it's shifted to the centre.
when both is equally important
cos both is a long term thing.
it's about these choices
and how it affects our life.
during the GP consultation..
choose between a high paying eye surgeon and a minister
choose between going on religious missionaries or a profession
choose between you and your child bonding or a good life

yeahh,
what do you believe in?
what's your purpose in life?
what's my purpose in life, girl?
i dont know either..
shall try to find out soon..
for now.
it's still the norm.
good results, uni, blah blah blahhh...

i no longer believe in a simple life that we used to have. because ive learnt to face up to reality
and accept the fact that innocence no longer exist as we mature
i think joining council, the teachers and the experiences taught me half of this.
the friends i made recently make me think about the other quarter of it
the maturity of my thinking made up the last quarter of it.
and im thankful of all
be it good or bad..

the upside down and dark world.
the rainbow that never fails to brighten it up...

-my changed utopia the rainbow i still love to see the hopes that it brings the days that it brightens up...-

control

was looking at jay chou's mv, cai hong
i like the simple meaning behind it
maybe cos it's written by him?
ehhh eehh... haahaa
yeahyeah, that's beside the point.
leaving and dependence


i guess sometimes things just arent withing your control...
so control whatever is within our means.
yeahh girl..!

what i really want?

my daily life seems more exciting
with each hour ive learnt how to spend it more wisely and productively
if meant to play,
i'll make sure i really distress from it
and when study..
umph humph, hope they are worth the effort..

i think that particular event had changed my hols totally
as in in one way or another.
cos of the people i meet i guess.
arrgghh
and sometimes they get on my nerves
cant those dumb thoughts get outta my brain
i need every lil memory space neh!
yeahh, so stop thinking dumb KELLY!
those who arent worth your time
arent worth spending on...
as simple and swift they enter into my life
as easily they can leave too..
yeahh, so shoo shoo!!
but everytime i will hesitate once again..
and have some second thoughts.
grrrr...
what you really want, girl?

-harbour no thoughts for the thoughts will become words to actions to habit to character to DESTINY..-
deleting those ruins in process... ...

my lil auntie expedition

my "lil auntie" expedition:
thought that i could prepare lunch for ourselves tmr.
so i went to get the ingredients when buying lunch.
i prepared myself with the resuable bag and a container to da bao my food.
here it goes...
when i was paying for the 1st item,
i told the auntie no need plastic bag when she straighaway reach for it once she scan it.
and she's like shock and "oh, thank you!'
yeah yeahh, "lil auntie" feeling a lil satisfied with herself alr.
then i went to the section of the supermarket downstairs
and got the sauces and pudding mix,
and this other auntie have the same reaction too.
it is like their habit to give away plastic bags like for EVERY customer
though i have a bag slung over my shoulder.
there after i walked back towards my home
and drop by the coffee shop to buy my lunch.
i wanted the porridge with the many many dishes type of lunch
cos supposed to have home-cooked porridge only, according to the naggy doc.
and i passed the auntie the container to put the porrodige.
and guess what the dishes were put in???!!!
STYROFOAM BOX!
and im like!
DANGG!!
all my efforts in saving the earth seems to be TOTALLY OUTWEIGHED by this dumb box!!
and i was too overwhelmed and still busy choosing the dishes
when the highly efficient auntie alr placed them in a plastic carrier while another uncle was serving me.
and washing the container need water right???
and soooooo...
can someone tell me that the VERY box ive used is environmentally friendly????
grrrr.. nehh mind!
shall come up with a better idea on how to save the earth in the my daily life.
and right from this,
i realised that all AUNTIES never bring their own carriers
so im so not auntie in the end!

my this lil expedition struck me after the many days of nwp reading
when there articles mentioning abt environmental friendly stuff
PLUS
my boring mugging life
PLUS
the nice lunch im preparing
makes me high and ideas keep coming non-stop..

but i think govt efforts and my very own effort wont be of any help
if habits dont change.
cos at first im feeling really auntie
carring an empty bag
but who knows..
the satisfaction is way way overwhelming[believing the fact that the box is GOOD!]
so people should stop taking free carriers
or maybe just ban them totally like in korea??
when we were overseas,
they will charge us for every bag used
and i think more people cultivate the habit
cos it gets expensive if we keep buying.
imagine 20cents per plastic bag??
yeahh, so ban and charge the use of it...?

ahhhaaa,
im thinking too much already.
back to my own lil world...
cos i think all this will be redundant
except influencing those around me who reads my humble bloggie..
yeahhh so people!
must stop taking plastic carriers!!
and be smarter and think of how not to use styrofoam boxes!

ps: font are in green, cos let's go green!

highness

back from the docs
the medicine one is small and cute
but the big one is like BLEAHH!!
cos i need to chew it then swallow it with water.
likeee totally bleaaahhh!!
cos the minty taste goes off in like split seconds.

oh yahh,
my stomach is damn dumb
my sis and i shared some claypot stuff from my house near by the coffeeshop
but ONLY i got stomachache
and the doctor just nagged me like how my dad can do it too.
just for the medicine..
wasted money and my 1 whole hour..!
and i think im only going to listen to half of what he said..
cos im training my stomach to become stronger!!
woohooo..!
so im just gonna follow a dumb analogy of mine!

finally chat with someone from my class online.
my group leader!
wakakaa..
im suaning him about his competition
and he doesnt mind..
lol.
entertainment for that few minutes.
cheap thrill for me..

im finally seeing the last few bit of chem
but this is the most "brain-strengthening" part
where i needa create LOTS and LOTS of neurones.
abit chimm
but nehh mind
i understand can alr!

im seriously not knowing what ive been saying.
im been talking gibberishly..
cool..!
going to the ZOO this saturday!!
and talking to some dumb dumb girl on the phone..!
tataa..!!
high high noww!!
wooottss!!

heart to heart

im glad that im able to touch someone's heart in a simple gesture of mine.
yeahh as in not literally lahh..
thanks for those around me who allow me to do all these
it made my day.
at least a little in one way or another..
be it distant or close
they are still someone i've come across in Life
fate see to it
and so i should cherish it..

i needa go! cos i snitched the com when my sis left it empty!!

-it's not the presence that is needed.
it comes straight from the heart..-
i needa heart-to-heart HUG..
my "self-designed" terms..
nights and honey dreams..
COPYRIGHTED!

to my dearest ones

i think it's so sweet and amusing
when my friends sent me emails..
like specially for me..
cos they're those who doesnt like forwarding to everyone
and only to those who matters..
whooooowhheeee!!
thankss!
cos it really entertains me with real value..
hahaa,
blogs arent enough.
cos those TWB[talkwithbrain] dont update that often
while some who update often are just becoming my *itching topics.
oooppsss!
rach and some others i think you get it.. hahaa

from the email:

"Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."

*****
"Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you might not get them back. Sometimes we get so busy with our own lives and problems that we may not even notice that we've let them fly away. Sometimes we are so caught up in who's right and who's wrong that we forget what's right and wrong. Sometimes we just don't realize what real friendship means until it is too late. I don't want to let that happen so I'm gonna tie you to my heart so I never lose you."

-to my dearest ones...-

KKK... arrgghhh!

here's another video of kynanBOY!!
kawaaiii nehh..!!


he will definitely make you smile..
cant see him this weekends..
cos need to study..
dumbdumbbb exams!
never mind..
they shall be over soon!

*****

i love it when you lie close to me
i love it when i can tell you everything that im feeling.
i love it when a hug is always there whenever i need it.
i love it when you will always be the one when im alone.
i love it when you wait for me outside the toilet when im in a bath
i love you for the past so many years..
all the affection and everything..
and guess who is the you......

my dog lahh!! =P
what were you thinking!!!
i love you when you always lie at my feet to keep them warm when it's raining..
and he wait for me cos he's afraid of the thunder!

thought of this when im watching tv yesterday,
and he keep cuddling close to me..
lol...
this is called nothing better to do..

yeah yeahh, at home for the whole of yesterday, today, tomorrow..
and many many more days to come.
dont have much good feeling for mid years though..
dieeeeee..!

in my life for now..
friends and family and doggie...!!
yepp..

i'm doing all these as a friend..
nothing else..
yeah..
complicated stuffs should just stay out of it.
cos things are always better this way.
stop thinking too much too kellyZHU!

-there is always something that can brighten up your mundane day...-

gigggly kynan

my human touch for the day:kynan boy and his cheeky SMILE!
out shopping long long time ago..

giggles giggles..
hahaa, watching it will definitely make you smile,
especially after the whole morning of
DUMBdumb, NEVERending chemistry revision.
i'm still not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel...
cos organic chem is too BIG that it blocks everything!!
this is just one of the videos..
cos he's too adorable that there's always lots of moments to catch on the cam!
jiejie gonna collect copyright fees from me soon!
hahaa..!
laalaaalaaaa, till i see him again next sunday!

when can my notes be as adorable as KYNANboy and make me SMILE when i see them??
i think never ever..
what am i thinking, lol...!

-i realise i should have just kept to myself.. and not take any initiative..-

TECHNOLOGY

technology is seriously a DISTRACTION!
sheeessshhh!
AND IM STILL ONLINE SINCE THE PAST 1 HOUR!!!
DANGGGG!! DUMB KELLY!!!!
I SHALL BE GONE IN 5 MINUTES!

beloved kc!

oh yah,
another thing to note.
i'm glad i've managed to cheer you up..!
and really glad that the message works our well,
cos i just thought it's abit dumb to chat with myself
as in literally..

"because we have long shown and know that
we'll always be there for one another.
love you!
(:"
--kC

and aint i glad you are feeling that way too!
love ya too!

-i like the comfortable silence when you will know what im thinking and not probe..-

denied entry

yeahh, and im done with my GP assignment!
just completed an essay.
and i think typing provokes my thinking more critically
too bad examinations doesnt uses that.. =((

had a 3-hour plus GP consultation with Ms Tan.
i think she really rawks with her knowledge and everything.
and i think is all the preparation that really made us felt at ease.
at first we were still clueless how to ask so much questions in like 1 hour plus slot.
because all of us didnt have consultation habit at all since last year.
and im like the 1st one to reach can,
cos the guys doesnt want to be alone waiting there.
like so nice huh...
make me worry like some goon..
cos im like alone sitting there and she's like sitting with another group a few tables away.
i made her sound like she bites..
wakaka..
but i waited for like damn long..
neh mind lahh,
worth it de..
better do well for GP arh KELLY,
if not you've wasted 3 hours of another person's life.

was abit irritated by many things since i come home.
you just nag and nag
like every sentence you say will just be nagging me.
and i came home with a headache plus the bad weather.
it just made everything worst.
i think im exploding soon,
if i were to spend anymore afternoons at home.
not just the food, but everything...
i hate it even more when you starts to compare.
like we compare to make ourself better can..
grrrrr...
enough said
enough complains..

i keep craving for so many different type of food
like i felt full already,
but i can still eat and snacked.
shall go to supermarket soon.
not sure if it's exam stress that's working subconsciously
or is it because it's some part of the month.
hahaas..!
cant find the photo which i took of all the snacks i've bought for the week mugging for MBT.
wait till i locate it..

*****

-life is like a coin, you can spend it any way you wish, but you only spend it once..-

decisions decisions...
get a life,
a life in the future or a life now..?

*****

Money will buy a bed, but not sleep;
Books, but not brains;
Food, but not appetite;
Finery, but no beauty;
A house, but not a home;
Medicine, but not health;
Luxuries, but not culture;
Amusement, but not happiness;
Religion, but not salvation;
A passport to everywhere but Heaven.
-Anonymous

so what's the point of paper-chase then..
afterall that we did out of it is for the comfort of future..

*****

shall end off with this..

You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consist of.
You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.
-Albert Camus

yeahh, so i should just concentrate with what i should be doing
have it both ways
and it shall come naturally to me..

-i can feel you exiting out of my life, please do not enter again...-
denied entry.
contented.
everything shall be as it is now..

fried up!

i felt like i just fried my brain!
!@#@$#@$
though i've been waiting to get home just now..
but now i've got no mood for revising!
darn darn it!

friends

went to read someone's philosophical bloggie.
i like the feeling of it opening up my perspectives
on looking at things.
but then again..
i dont know how to apply all these philosophies into my daily life.
i still cry because it happened
and didnt smile..
i still have regrets after doing some things..
these thoughts are maybe just there as a consolation
and not to help us in our lives?
cos despite the rich meaning behind it..
how much can we retrieve it out
and use it..

-make new friends and keep the old; one is silver, the other gold.-
making new friends are easy.
but mention about maintaining a friendship can be like....
i dont know how to discribe..
bittersweet??

saturday at home

i think examinations can make me stay at home for longer duration.
stayed at home for the entire day
and i think that's why it makes me love and hate my family more..

something that jolted me up from my nap..

i washed my BRAND NEW council badge
which i ordered AFTER my term in the dumb washing machine AGAIN!
the circle on the left is the old badge which i used a double-sided tape to secure it. and the NEW BADGE, the whole side is broken off!
when my mum passed it to me,
i was already like screaming and wailing like some kid.
so long since i felt so angry and irritated with myself.
cos i JUST gotten it in like less that 12 hours ago,
brand new in the bloody squished packaging.
and it's GONE again!
whhhaaaa..
really not fated to have a beautiful intact memory of it is it...?

this is the best i could get. it's still a beauty from far. though those fine lines of cracks will always be there. hmmm, infer infer...

after that something happened too.
come on,
being NICER-looking does not seem so good after all,
after all the destroy it can do to yourself.
the extra confidence you gain from it
doesnt benefit you in anyways,
but i think it just made you too complacent of yourself
too big a head will only get you into deep shit.
wait till you wake up and regret terribly.
friends whom you know for a while,
chats with you
tells you lotsa of stuff
doesnt mean they are really that great.
better than those who are really there..?
i dont understand the disgusting affection for each and everyone of them.
it's just gross me out.

pushing that outta my brain,
i studied real hard okays.
actually not very hard.
but i needa motivate myself even further..
cos im LAGGING behind my OPTIMUM schedule.
darn it.. like always..
and hana kimi taiwan version
is still as sweet as the previous time i watched it
whhhoooshh!!!

dinner with my mum!
i love it...!
i prepared it okayyss..
and preparing means just rearranging the stuffs nicely..
hahaa, cos she cooked it!
wakakaa..salmon, chicken, mushroom and veggie..
nicee!!

was reading a book i borrowed, 100 Great Principles to Live By.
it's just another of the small books with lil words per page.
actually it just have 1 meaningFULL line per page!
one that i like:

-He who had nothing to die for has nothing to live for.-
-Moroccan Proverb

-so where is my something to die for and live for...? it's my everything...-

my family

as we grow old, we will make less friends. we will be more into the "I' world when nothing can bother you except those that jeopardise you and your love ones...

i hate this feeling. it bothers me too much when all around me, i'm sandwiched between those who have grown and those who have not. grown as in emotionally and thinking-wise.
so which do i truly belong to..? cos i could not stand both at times...

my FAMILY:
the ones who never fail to make me so angry and pissed
the ones who never fail to make me glee with joy..
the ones who never fail to make me feel out of place totally
and back in place almost immediately
the ones who can really make me feel proud of them
[at times, and some only..!]
the true meaning behind the word, FAMILY.

family portrait with new addition to it!

Kaiser cant get into the family portrait,
[so businessman, do something!]
but he's not forgotten!
kaiser boy!
i think he's getting old.
cos he seldom growl and bite me when i'm waking him up
from his handsome-sleep to brush his teeth.
but he sleeps like the whole day
when he's 2, 4, 6, or 8 months/years old.
yeahh
and he never fail to make me sneeze when i cuddle him.
and he's forever like a big FUR BALL every 3 months!
that makes him so SO SO huggable and lovable!

farewell

yesterday's farewell was hmmmm...
enjoyable at a glance of it
but deep inside i can still feel some negative emotions.
but no doubt the entire programme was so sweet and thoughtful.
KUDOS to no 6s!
imagine they baked a HUGE brownie and place it on top of a photo collage of 5s.
and the reveal the photos of our journey bit by bit.
aint it touching...
yeahh,
i think i still like it best when all the 5s are not the ones speaking.
so that we can all enjoy the process of being the participants together..

the thank you speech
i cant stand it when someone cant listen to another person without frowning
and made his/her speech as if it's so meaningful and thoughtful.
well,
i guess they are all empty words.
especially after how you hurt the FAMILY you claimed to mean so much to yourself.
it's just so unfeeling and disgusting and so full of bullshit
and i just thought i should walk away during yours.
i should have walked away long ago
so that i wont have to see so much of your another side.
the 32 will ever mean so much to me.

that aside..
i missed the loud noises we made [EXCLUDING the pantat!]
i missed the bastarding they give one another.
it subconsciously become a habit
that almost everything we say to a person will have a hidden agenda.
i miss i miss..
but it's just all the different impressions i must learn to accept.
maybe that's the true meaning behind a family..

the huge sandcastle was down to a ruin.
those done by the participants and us.
but the centre piece was still there
though the trains were gone
pieces of it gone with the weather..
left were just photos of it.
it seems so like experiences.
that will fade away after some time..
and all that is left is nothing but memories...
i hope they will be happy memories..

tell you sth..
i finally uploaded my photos from hp to my com!!!
like FINALLY!

the global city after one week... when the towers are no longer with its sharp corners..
and the "city" is nearly gone...

we tried many times capturing us and the castles together.
this is one of the better failed attempts!
this proves that we are not ultimate cam-whores!

from an email:

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time.

You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."