Please forgive me if I can't forgive anymore.

You know, I never really told you this but

I loved you.

I loved how you smile.

I loved how you laugh.

I loved how your eyes shined.

I loved the way you talk, your voice was music to my ears.

I loved your face, the face that used to be able to make me smile.

Now your face just makes me cry.

Not even silent crying, but uncontrollable sobbing. 

I cry when I see your face, the memories we had, the fun times we spent together. I cry thinking about my stupidity and stubborness for holding on to you, despite everyone else telling me to let go because you weren't worth it. 

But I felt you were worth it. I felt that 'good things come to those who wait'. Ha, boy was I wrong.

You posted that photo of your new lover. Someone I didn't know existed because you never mentioned anything about her. You didn't bother telling me your heart has been taken by someone else so easily while I fought for it for 5 fucking years. I broke down the walls you built around your heart only for someone else to take it. I deserved at least the truth about your feelings. Truth hurts, so you should've told me sooner. At least it wouldn't have hurt as much. I was in love with you but I still deserved to know because I was your friend. 

I was your friend for 5 years - listening to your rants, keeping all your secrets, sharing moments. I should've at least been told that you found someone else and that you're sorry. But even till now, you've never formally apologized to me for breaking my heart. You didn't see me suffer while you went around frolicking in the fields with your new lover. Because I was suffering on the inside. It was eating me alive. I kept quiet.

I thought you would at least have the common sense to come to me first to apologize for not telling me sooner, considering the fact that you actually knew how I felt about you for the past 5 years. I never stopped loving you.

Until I found out that day.

You little shit. I had to forget about you. I drowned myself in the virtual laggy world of Destiny. I opened my heart to let others in. I finally gave up on you because you never gave a damn about me. I forced myself to remember all the bad things you did to me, all the mini heartbreaks, the complete disregard for my feelings, the lack of guilt and remorse for leading me on. I hated you for making me chase you for 5 years and of which along the way, you actually gave me false hopes. 

No don't even say you treat all your female friends the same way you treated me. That's just bullshit. After everything we've been through, you and I both know, we had a thing going on at one point. But it fell through, along with your heart.

Maybe that's why you're so heartless towards me.

I'm over it now. I've moved on. I crush on other guys. You're just merely a memory of what could've been. 

I only broke into tears because I realized I had really loved you. 

I'm sure we can be friends now, but it won't be the same anymore. You've changed me, thank you but also, fuck you.

Say you'll be my nightingale.

Hello there. :)

I saw a recent spike of viewers from yesterday and I'm guessing it's the same people who saw my tweets about a new date, huh?

Yeah you're right. I'm definitely gonna post about him. And I'm gonna do that now. On a weeknight. At 2am. When I'm supposed to be sleeping because work tomorrow. But for you all... Okay lah. :')

So anyway, let's start from the very beginning.
I was talking to Luqman, a personality people know as Mak Jah on social media and he was telling me to use Tinder to make new friends because who knows, one of those new friends could be someone I'm supposed to meet in life, much like fate, you know? I was a huge skeptic, because I was afraid of all those weird creepers and mats and bengs chatting me up if we get a match and then annoying the hell out of me. But I gave it a shot anyway, so I downloaded the app the next day, set up my profile and tried getting use to the left and right. I swept left for a lot of people and right for some qtpais and got a few matches.

It was like 7 or 8 matches then I got bored and just left the app. But then someone sent me a "Hello" and to which, I responded back. You know, just test water first. Then he asked if I was his mum's ex-student because he saw his mum on my mutual friends and I just burst out laughing because yes I was, then it felt momentarily awkward but we started talking. I told him I had seen him around SP campus before because he looked really familiar. Then we talked about our work and stuff and he told me he had been patrolling RWS too, which was weird because then I remembered I was admiring this cute police officer while eating McD and waiting for my dad and it was probably him. Hahaha, talk about fate right?

So then we exchanged numbers, within one day of conversing within Tinder itself. I trusted him because he was my ex-primary school teacher's son and that teacher was really nice so I assumed her son was great too. And I was right. He was adorable. We were exchanging cute texts and offering to take each other to places. But it was all rated G, no NSFW stuff. I told Luqman about this and he advised to meet up as soon as possible, because online friendship usually fades off into the abyss after a period of not talking, and then the meet up will never happen. So while talking about certain places, "date" kept coming up and we both were mentioning it.

He finally gave a day we could go out and it was the Sunday in the same week we first talked. We were keen on cafe-hopping and trying new things, so we made that our goal. We initially wanted to go to Gardens By The Bay, but then we changed our plans.

On Sunday, 21 Feb 2016, we finally met at the busy Jurong East MRT. He was cuter in real life, with cheeks I'd love to cup in my palms all the time, a smile that warmed my heart and height that would match Jensen Ackles (I would say Jared Padalecki but Jared's a giant). We started talking, gradually becoming more and more comfortable with each other. My stomach had butterflies the whole time, and it was too damn long since I last felt that way while with a guy. My heart swelled. I felt my smile growing wider and wider as he told his stories and let out that adorable laugh. I realized I was actually liking this guy.

We were headed to Bugis because we wanted to try the steak at The Royals Steakhouse. We reached the restaurant at 11:40 but it wasn't open yet, so we went to Zam Zam and had ice teh 'o' while getting to know a little bit more about each other. He was funny, he made me laugh till my cheeks hurt. Haven't had that in a while.

An hour after ice teh 'o', we headed back to the steakhouse for our lunch. The place was great. It had a chill atmosphere, beautiful decor and a pretty costly menu, like seriously pricey. But I had a great view so I didn't really care. ;)

After a great, fulfilling lunch, we intended to go play some video games at Bugis+ but apparently, the shop isn't there anymore so we had to travel to The Cathay. We went over, still rambling on about our lives and our interests, laughing with each other a tad too much. I think I really like this guy.

We got to St Games at The Cathay and we got the 1-hour slot. We intended to play Halo but then the controller was spoilt in some way so we changed to Rock Band and rocked out on the guitar and took turns to sing. I did well, he didn't so well but because he was so fucking adorable, I let him off. ;)

So, after that, we decided to go to Zulos in Clementi so we took the train to Buona and then to the cafe. Along the way, there were comfortable silence. Mainly because we were both exhausted and still full from the steak. But half the time, I felt like it was so comfortable.

We reached Zulos, had some nice waffles and churros and talked a little bit more. I realized just then how often I was gazing at him. He wasn't as handsome as Jensen Ackles but he was handsome enough to make my heart skip beats. When he smiles, a piece of my heart fixes itself from the broken past. I was falling for a stranger I had only met once.

After having dessert, we headed home. He had night shift work that night so he had to get home to get his stuff then leave again. We took 188 together, since he lived just three bus stops away from me.

Thanks for the great first date, Aziz.
Looking forward to our next adventure together, insya'Allah.

P/s: We're still texting and he definitely knows how to make me blush.

10-5.

here's my workplace eyecandy. we call it 10-5. ;) cute right?

SIN - LHR: Part 2

Hello! I'm back for part 2 of the trip and I'll try to squeeze as many days as possible into this one, I promise.

Day 2: 29th December 2014

Because of the crazy long queue to enter Madame Tussauds the day before, we all decided to wake up as early as possible so we could actually be the early few to queue at the wax museum before it opens, so we woke up at around 7:30am. We got dressed and ready to go out by 8:30am. We took the tube to Baker Street and arrived at the museum at around 9/9:15am and saw that there was already a queue forming so we quickly turned on our kanchiong spider mode and joined the queue. It was moving pretty quickly so it wasn't too bad. The museum began operating at 9:30am so most people got the 9:30 time slot. We got to the ticketing counter and because of our bookings with the National Rail services, we were entitled to the 2FOR1 offer for the attraction with the vouchers I printed out so basically, one of us went in for free. Hehehe. Our time slot was 10am so we were told to return and queue at 10 but then we asked a staff if we could start queuing earlier and he told us to try and enter the museum already because hahaha, 10am was just about 15-20 minutes away. The difference wouldn't hurt so they let us in early!

The moment we went in, we were amazed at the wax figures. And there were so many people at the famous waxes so we went to some bollywood corner first and my mum was the only one taking pictures with the bollywood heroes and heroines. After that, we slowly moved to waxes that were empty and had no one waiting to take photos with. But then again, eventually, we had to go to the famous waxes because they were famous. People like Benedict Cumberbatch, Morgan Freeman, Tom Cruise, Jackie Chan. The first part was Movie stars so there was everyone. We spent like 30 minutes at the movie section and taking photos after photos with the waxes.

Then we moved along towards the famous One Direction room where there was the official photographer and Aniq and I just queued and I told my mum to just get photos from the side too, in case we didn't want to buy the photo. Our turn and we got a quick snap and I got to sit next to Liam heheehhehehehhehe well I mean that's the only way the photo would turn out good, and my brother sat next to Zayn. Hurhur. We were given a number and we went to the photo counter and saw that the photo pack was reasonably priced so we got a photo and 2 keychains.

This was the original souvenir photo. Hehehe. ;)

After One Direction, there were more movie stars, current and past. And we breezed through that area with really quick photos because the crowd was beginning to get larger for some weird reason. I can't exactly remember the route but then there were the musicians like Justin Timberlake, Jennifer Lopez, Britney Spears, Michael Jackson and even Justin Bieber. That area was fun because there were a lot of musicians that we knew, I guess almost all. So we took a lot of crazy photos with them, most of it came out shit, hahahaha. The next section was the political leaders, like Obama and Adolf Hitler, which I totally just went full on history nerd. Then there was the Sports area with waxes of Cristiano Ronaldo, Usain Bolt and Michael Phelps among others. After that area, was the Royal Family area with all the Queens and Princes and Princesses of Britain. We took another official photograph with the Royal Family but the photo wasn't very nice so we didn't buy it for souvenir. Although I feel like we should have because it's a UK thing. But never mind.

Once we were done with the wax figures, we joined the queue to the Chamber of Horrors & Scream! section where it was kind of a scare walk. I knew I couldn't handle scares but I went anyway with my mum and brother and I spent most of the time cowering with my eyes closed while I walked through. It was the usual Halloween Horror Night type of thing. After the scare walk, it was the area of infamous serial killers and the display of their method of killing. Kinda insightful if you ask me.

We went for the Spirit of London ride where we got on to a London Cab ride and we got to see all these pretty pretty displays of the history of London, I guess. When the ride ended, we walked a little to the Marvel side and saw more waxes of Marvel characters like the Hulk, Ironman and Wolverine. It was like the pre-display for the 4D Marvel Superheroes experience. We reached the entrance of the theatre but the show hasn't started yet so we waited about 15 minutes and then we finally got in with our 4D glasses and, it was a pretty cool 4D movie! I loved how they used the Marvel characters and had the scene outside the Buckingham Palace.

So yeah, all that for £30 per person. But we paid like £60 only so £20 per person. Not bad huh? ;)

Their Press-A-Penny machine looks so much cooler than ours at SEAA/ACW ):

After Madame Tussauds, we planned to visit Stamford Bridge and since we also had the 2FOR1 voucher for the Chelsea Stadium Tour, we thought, "Why not?" We took the tube to Earls Court station with the help of our tube map. The moment we got out of the station, I saw the huge TARDIS in the middle of nowhere and I just had to take a photo with it to send to Belle. Apparently, that was the same exact TARDIS Misha Collins took a photo with the year before and I was like "Ah damn I'm a year late." After the TARDIS, we had to take a bus to Stamford Bridge so I had my Google Maps in hand while the bus moved so I could keep track and make sure we don't miss the stop. Of course, we weren't the only ones to alight there.

Along the way towards the stadium tours and merchandise shop, we took photos and realised how there were also other Malaysians/Singaporeans around us also. We got to the shop and to the counter, and we were given a time slot. So while waiting for our tour to begin, we went to the museum and hung around there. There were frequent announcements to call for those who were going for the tours at the particular time. Our announcement came and we assembled at the meeting point along with a lot others and we waited for our tour guide to come and bring us around. Of course, nothing is complete without an eye candy so yes, there was this cute guy who was pretty tall and he looked pretty awkward but like awkward cute. Hahaha, anyway, the tour was pretty cool. We've got enough time to take pictures and ask questions. The tour guides were also nice and fun. We got to see the home and away dressing rooms, the conference room, the interview room, the dug out and of course the field. By the way, guys, the weather at that time was freezing cold with the wind and stuff, like holy shit. So all of us were dreading the walk outside and the moment we were in the building, we were all just enjoying the heater.

After the tour ended, we went back to the merchandise shop because Aniq had stuff to buy for some of his Chelsea fan friends. By the time we were leaving Stamford Bridge, the sun was beginning to set and we planned to just go back to the shopping district. We took a bus and after a while of riding, we heard the announcer on the bus say "Harrod's" so we were like "Wait, Harrod's?!?!" And we didn't think twice, so we just alighted and found the huge ass Harrod's building, decorated with fairy lights probably from the Christmas period. It was like magic. We excitedly went in and agreed on a meeting time and place because my mum and I were splitting up with Aniq. The first thing we found in Harrod's was the food section so we saw a lot of nice food and desserts. We actually ended up buying cake because it was on promotion and we thought the slice was small BUT IT WAS HUGE!!!! Then my mum and I were thinking like "How are we gonna finish this?" Hahaha, then we continued walking around and going up to the other departments but then we realised the stuff was kinda pricey. So we just window-shopped.

We met up at a certain time and was planning to continue walking down to other shops while having light dinner. But after searching for good halal food and finding it and buying and consuming it, we realised it was pretty late already and the shops were closing. It was probably around 6 or 7pm though. Most shops along Oxford apparently closes early on certain days and closes at 9pm on other days so it was pretty confusing for us. After walking and realising there was no more point in walking since the shops were closed, we headed back to our hostel and decided to get more food from the fried chicken shop opposite.

We took the same bus back towards Tavistock and walked the short distance through the cold cold cold night. We went to Grrilla and ordered our usual fried chicken. We thought it was closed because there were some drainage thing going on but it was still functional so we just went in. I noticed there was one of the drainage guys who looked so handsome. No kidding sia, he was so hot like dirty, scruffy hot. And his body was lean. Ugh it drove me crazy and I just stared at him the whole time he was doing his job and he noticed and our eyes meet and I just continued staring for some weird reason and he smiled at me and I just smiled back. I swear to God, it was reflexes but I didn't look away the whole time. I was simply admiring him. And thinking like "wow I'd let him do me."

Then we had to leave the place and I just sad, because I know I'll never see him again since the whole draining thing was just once in forever probably. I was just lucky enough to actually have seen him. Ah, his face is still on my mind right now, now that I'm recalling everything. Wow. I wish I had taken a photo of him.

K then we went back into our room and ate our food there despite the no eating rule in the room hahaha. I was still thinking about that labourer by the way. Took him to my dreams that night, haha!

Day 3: 30th December 2014

That day, we've booked train tickets to travel to Liverpool for our Anfield Stadium Tour. Our train departs from Euston Square station pretty damn early, like at 7am. So we left our hostel about an hour before because the train station was just a 15-minute walk away. When we reached the station, we went to redeem our tickets at the ticketing machine and then got some snacks from Marks & Spencer Foods for the trip. We saw the departure board and our train was on time so just before we boarded, we bought coffee and hot chocolate from Costa Coffee. I got myself a Christmas special - Brownie Hot Chocolate and it was delicious as fuck. Yum. So we got on the train and got our seats and we settled down. There was a table for our drinks and snacks and also power points for charging our phones so it was pretty awesome.

It was a 2 and a half hour journey to Liverpool and the sights along the way were magnificent. Pretty fields covered in snow, sheep and cows and beautiful countryside houses. Also the sunrise was so amazing, I wish I had taken more photos of it. During the ride, I spent my time transferring photos from my digital camera to my phone and then editing it. Mainly because the 3G connection was spotty since we were moving from city to city. After editing photos, I went to get some shut-eye before we arrived in Liverpool Lime Street.

As soon as we arrived and alighted, we could feel the freezing cold wind from outside because the station was pretty open. We got some more snacks for our light breakfast and ate them while walking towards the bus station. I used Google Maps for directions to the bus stations and to check on which bus to take to Anfield. We found the bus berth and boarded the bus and because in London, we used our Oyster Cards to tap and pay, I asked the driver how the payment was like there. His response was in pure Scouser accent, "With money!" and then I realised my question was pretty odd. So I corrected myself and asked if we pay by cash or card. Haha, but he was actually kind enough to inform us that we've arrived at Anfield and also suggested that we could go to Everton if we wanted to. Of course if we had time, we would but we only had less than a day and our train back to London was at 3+pm.

We alighted the bus and Aniq was probably on the verge of crying because we were there, at Anfield. While he took photos of everything, I went to go redeem our tour tickets that we pre-purchased online. We got our time slot and while waiting for the tour to begin, we took some more pictures on every photo taking device that we had. Like at Stamford Bridge, there were a lot of Malaysians & Singaporeans there too and we had brief conversations about this other China tourist or something that was hogging the area for us to take photos.

Our time slot came and we were told to assemble in front of the entrance of the merchandise store. There were quite a lot of people in our group and we had two tour guides. They gave us an introduction and then brought us into the stadium via the back and Aniq was so excited. I can't exactly remember the route like, where we started first and where we went next. Hah, I'm terrible.

Anyway, the tour was very enlightening. The guides gave us a lot of information about the past of Liverpool and also the stadium itself. They were also making jokes about the other teams especially Everton, hahaha. The guides joked about the teams that some of the other people support too and we all just laughed along, I mean it was bound to happen. Hahahaha. So I'll just let the pictures do the talking.

Almost forgot about this cute pup with its owner outside the LFC shop!

After we were done with the tour, we went to the merchandise shop and got some stuff for ourselves and souvenirs for other people. Then we went over to the museum and took some more pictures and we spent a lot of time in there for some reason. We left the stadium at around 2:30pm because our train back to London was at 3:45pm. We took the same bus back and while on the way, we were looking around, hoping to see a halal store so we could have our late brunch first. Then we saw a few along the same stretch just about 2 stops away from the bus interchange, so we alighted and went to check them out. It was a halal store selling pizza, kebab and chicken and we just went with it because the price was reasonable too.

We quickly finished up our food and walked back to the train station, just in time to get a cup of hot drink then board the train. I think I spent most of my time on this ride back, sleeping. We reached London when it was already dark and it felt like it was so late already. But it was actually still before 7pm. We were too tired to go anywhere else so we took a stroll back to our hostel, in the chilly night. Our day ended there.

Day 4: 31st December 2014

It's new year's eve!!! We woke up at around 8am and got dressed to leave the hostel by 9am. But of course, we delayed and left the hostel around 9:30am instead, lol. We were planning on going for the Arsenal stadium tour that morning so we took the tube from Russell Square station to Arsenal station, which was said to take us pretty close to the stadium. The ride was a short one as it wasn't too far from where we came from. We alighted and it was so quiet, probably because it was mid-week and the working adults had gone to work. Again, I used Google Maps to find our way to the stadium and when we reached there, we saw the ticketing booth open. We knew there was match that was happening just before we would leave London for Singapore so we wanted to try our luck to see if there were any tickets for that. But of course, it was for season ticket holders only. Meh.

We followed the directions to the stadium tour counters and took pictures along the way, and not to mention snapchats, hahaha. It was quite the long walk around the perimeter of the stadium towards the store and we were wondering if we were walking in the right direction. When we finally reached, we went straight to the counter, paid for our tour and started it immediately. It was a self-guided tour with audio guides so we could spend our own amount of time at certain places with no time restrictions. It was pretty cool and I liked the Arsenal tour more than the previous 2 tours because of that. So again, pictures will do the talking.

After the tour, we hung around the Arsenal store and I had contemplated to buy the Arsenal 3rd kit but then I realised that it was more expensive than it is in Singapore, surprisingly. Then there was someone who walked by me, almost hitting me, rushing into some side door and I was like "Holy crap, was that one of the players?!" Too bad I was the only one who noticed so no one could notice and confirm with me. ):

Once we've made our payment for the merch, we left the store and was planning to taking the tube to the river again so we walked in the general direction of the nearest tube station. But we got distracted when we saw a halal restaurant that sold pizza and chicken so we went in and had our brunch. It's so hard to get halal food that ISN'T pizza, fried chicken or kebab. But we weren't complaining. ;)

When we were done with brunch, we headed out, intending to take the tube as mentioned but then we saw that there was a bus that was heading to London Bridge so we just boarded it and let it take us there. We didn't exactly have a proper plan on where to go but if a bus takes us to one of the London landmarks, then we'll go there.

We arrived at London Bridge Walk and I was pretty much desperate for toilet so we went looking for one and found a hospital just behind the train station. We also got ourselves some hot drinks after using the loo and headed towards the river. It was very very very cold. My fingers were freezing most of the time but I didn't use my gloves because I needed my fingers to take photos.

Yeah so we took a lot of photos as we walked closer to the famous Tower Bridge we explored the places around it, walked towards a dead end then walked back. We intended to go into the Tower Bridge but the ticket price was pretty much, so we just headed towards the nearest bus stop and headed back towards the shopping district.

Oxford Street was a long stretch and the first time we were there, we only covered like less than half of it so we decided to go to the other side. Primark was essential for us to visit because honestly, the sale there was irresistable. So we hung around till it was about 7pm and we got pretty tired so we just went back to our hostel and lazed for a bit. We had planned to go find a good spot to ring in the new year and watch the fireworks come out of the London Eye. So I asked the hotel staff and also Lewis, my random online friend who is a gaming vlogger. I checked out the map and decided that The Buckingham Palace should be a good place.

We left our hostel at about 9:30pm and slowly made our way to the tube and to Green Park station. We just realised that the train rides after midnight will be free so yay for that! There were a lot of people already there, probably the vicinity around the London Eye is closed since they would have to pay for tickets to be in that area. The three of us picked our spot against the gates of Buckingham Palace, where we could seat on the ledge and it was freaking freezing cold that night, despite that the temperature was like 11ºc or something, which shouldn't be as cold as 1ºc. But maybe because we didn't move around much and we spent the 2 hours wait from 10pm, just sitting and playing with our phones, till the battery almost ran out.

Lucky for us, there was a stall selling hot drinks and snacks just nearby so at around 11pm, Mum and I went to queue for hot chocolate. The queue was really long because it was really so cold that night. Many people wanted to get hot drinks. So we queued for about half an hour. We got our drinks and by the time we walked back to our spot, the drinks were already room temperature, seriously. Then we just sat there, waiting for midnight and watching snapchat like, the rest of the world already celebrating New Year, including Singapore, lol, well.

Seconds before midnight came, there were just a few of us actually counting down and it was midnight then everyone was just "yaaaay!" and began snapping photos. It wasn't as great as I imagined it to be but yeah at least the fireworks were pretty cool! It was I think, a 10-minute display of fireworks spewing out of the London Eye and around it. It's beautiful. After it ended, everyone headed back towards the tube and surprisingly, the tube line we had to take wasn't too crowded. And just like that, the first part of our trip in Europe was done as we headed back to our room to pack up.

I'm gonna stop here for now! I will post the third part soon. On January 1st, WE WENT TO WATCH A LIVERPOOL MATCH AT ANFIELD! So stay tuned for details on that! ;)

Thanks for reading!