Category: blogs

2026

Well, we made it thru another year. I’m not exactly sure how we did it, but we did. I mean the world is twirling on a ledge of ignorance and bias, but we made it to another year.

It is cold and rainy here so stayed my ass at home. We rang in the new year watching reruns of fireworks and then catching the local ones on replay. [1]We don’t have cable and couldn’t find a live stream that worked. Lol I’ve never really been big on the whole NY thing. I used to make resolutions but they were always half assed and I rarely stuck with them. I eventually gave up and just started making “resolutions” on a regular basis vs waiting for the “New year, new me” approach. I’d like to think it worked out bettera that way. That said, if you make resolutions I hope you stick with them!

Someone asked me recently if I still did personal growth updates here on the blog. This blog definitely started to help me cope with not only my life but also my issues. And it was a success. One might say too much of a success, as I haven’t really felt the need to delve into my id much in the last few years. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve still have bad days, but I’ve dealt with the soul-crippling issues from my past. I’ve tried not to turn this site into a bitch session about the Orange turd and the related tragedy that is politics lately. No one needs another page of bitterness to read. Lol I’ll try to make more personal posts, but at some point you get tired of hearing about my ailments. hehehe

Anyway, Happy New Year! I hope you have a very safe and happy one.

References

References
↑1 We don’t have cable and couldn’t find a live stream that worked. Lol

Moving

So I’ve been having significant issues with my host for months now and I’ve finally decided to change hosting services.

They always pretend nothing is wrong but the service has just declined to the point where I’m not happy. I may not be a big account, but I’ve been loyal and always paid on time.

I’ve already found a new host but life is crazy right now. Between work and caring for a senior friend who’s been very sick lately, I’m just exhausted most days.

I haven’t really posted here or social media much at all recently. I’ll be back in a bit.

Subscribers Update

If you are seeing this in your email box, at some point in the past you signed up for my blog updates.

I turned off my subscriber options for awhile while working to get the blog back in order. Since I’ve turned it back on you might see some posts you weren’t notified existed. As I continue to clean out the cobwebs, I’m also noticing some of the old registered accounts are constantly getting hammered by bots. I may have to eventually purge them. Just a heads up for the few followers I have left. I will post a notice prior to deletions so the 1 or 2 of you who still subscribe can resubscribe if you wish.

This should not affect anyone using an RSS reader.

 

 

Who?

So….. I’m not dead. 😂. I’ve been distracted and I actually got locked out of my own blog for awhile. I didn’t get hacked. I somehow suspended my incoming email account and this caused the WordPress software to freak out and lock me out. I’m self hosted so I can’t email someone else to ask for a reset. I’m usually that contact, as the owner / administrator.

I knew the gist of how to get back in I just kept putting it off. I finally sat down and got it all sorted and I’m back in. For clarity, none of my site data was lost or compromised.

Of course, half-assing it I screwed up my main installation by not updating my php version before updating a plugin. This in turn caused the whole site to fail. I then had to look up how to log into my php to reset the plugins to null. Lolol. I finally got my shot together and got it all sorted.

Yes I’m still here.

Tinkering

This thing has been running awhile without much tinkering on my part. However, as everything keeps getting upgraded, some old plugins have been depreciated or abandoned by their creators. It is time for me to start updating and replacing older plugins w/new ones.

You could care less, I’m sure; however, the blog may display unexpected delays or errors while I work on it. For you subscribers, I’ll turn off the auto notify feature so you don’t inadvertently get spammed. One of the plugins being replaced has to do with hidden or private posts on my blog. My concern is after I remove the plugin the other one may suddenly see new posts and try to blast out emails. A small but possible error. I rarely most my daily/weekly journal updates simply because they are many and very tedious. I’d hate for the site to start blasting hundreds of those out. lol

So if you visit and notice errors, downtime, or random stuff is missing, don’t fret I haven’t gone anywhere.

 

Deaths

I’ve had not 1, but two significant deaths lately. My good friend Rick passed away. He lived in Hawaii with his husband Jeremy. It was unexpected and a total shock. I don’t need to go into the details, but I’m sad to have lost my friend. It was not covid-19 related, btw. Rick and I met years ago when he was still living here in SF. We met at the gym and he was kind and friendly, even if he looked intimidating as a big ole bodybuilder. I was at what I refer to as the “end-stages” of some of my emotional growth. I had overcome a lot of my demons and was finding my confidence. Out of the blue, Rick came into my life and was just a good genuine friend. We briefly flirted with dating, but it just wasn’t meant to be. Our friendship survived his move back to Hawaii, and Shawn and I have visited him there more than once. He was one of our destinations as soon as we felt comfortable traveling again.

Rick was a war vet and suffered from PTSD. With the current state of political affairs, he was often upset and unhappy with where our country is heading. Not only that, he was denied his rightful military benefits for years due to the old DADT law. He did finally get them, but I know it bothered him he had to fight for so long to get them. I hope he is in peace now, free of the torments of this life and worries for the future. He will certainly be missed! Rick, we love and miss you.

*

Trailing right behind that, I found out the very next day, my old blog buddy ‘ThisboyElroy’ passed away as well. [1]They actually died on the same day It was the day before his 40th birthday. This one also really shook me as I just never thought of someone so full of life could go so soon. I met Adam back after he started his blog, when he and his ex were still together. We actually met at one of the blogger shindigs that were so popular back when blogging was still new. He, Brad, and I hit it off right away! We randomly hung out together over the span of years. And after Adam and Brad split, we sort of became distant but not from any tension. We were just on different paths and didn’t often interact as much. I never got to meet Adam’s new husband. I didn’t want to bother or intrude on his grieving, so I’ll try to reach out to him after some time has passed. Adam was a positive force in this world. He was smart, not afraid of confrontation, and singularly focused on the goals he wanted for himself. His infectious smile and sharp wit will be sorely missed.

*

When I was younger, I often commented I didn’t expect to live into old age. For a variety of messed-up reasons, I never thought I’d live to see 40. Here I am pushing 50 and I am grateful for my life. It was wrong of me to be so callous about it. Life is too fragile and finite to be so careless about it. I should be so fortunate to be remembered as fondly as I remember Adam and Rick.

Be at peace my dear friends.

 

References

References
↑1 They actually died on the same day

Aging

Well color me surprised, I got several welcome back emails after my last post. lol Thanks to those who responded. I honestly didn’t think anyone still visited the site. However, I forgot about my RSS feed and the email push. Duh!

Anyway, I’m always touched when folks read here. It’s pretty bland these days as I’ve resisted discussing current events. I don’t want the blog to turn into a bitch fest so I’ll have to really think it over. Lawd knows I have an opinion on most current events. Social media is so toxic these days I may open the blog up to more topics. I miss it.

A reader did follow up about my age post and I figured I’d update on what I meant. I have definitely noticed my age these last few years. It started around 46 but the following year seemed to really be the dividing line. I’m fast approaching ‘ancient’ [1]if you’ve ever read here you’ll know I lovingly refer to reaching 50 in gay years as ancient. I’m just a year and a few months away! Oh dear, how will I cope? The same as always.

To the question put to me, I have noticed why some older guys tend to resent the gay community as I age. Many of these things don’t phase me but I can see how it can turn ugly fast. The one I get most tickled over is when young guys hit me up on ‘certain apps’ and then get bitter when I either don’t respond or politely decline. Many times the trending retort is something along the lines of” your old anyway” or “your bald and old“.  One guy went so far as to setup a fake profile to try and harass me. He would send me messages like, “what’s up chubs” or “how you doing gramps“.  It was hysterical. The less I reacted the more he tried to get me upset. I finally took pity and let him know his attempts to hurt or anger me had failed and he had my compassion. If your life is so bad you need to resort to such antics, you truly have my sympathy. The profile disappeared after that. When he sees me on the streets now, his sneers have turned to just ignoring me. Either way, not my problem.

On the flip side, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t sting a little when someone I’m into declines and I get the impression it’s due to age. But sting vs tantrum are very different feelings. I accept the fact it will happen and so it makes handling it much easier….usually.

And that is how I approach some of the more negative aspects of aging in the gay community. I get it, we’re very carnally driven and as we age the desire remains while our attraction from others wanes. This can lead to some painful conflicts. I think it really falls back on how much you accept and love yourself. If you haven’t tackled those demons, then aging can be very hard and even isolating when you’re single. I adore my Shawn but if things went south, I’d never hold onto him out of fear of being alone. Been there, done that and no thanks. Fortunately, we’re doing good. It helps that I care more for his happiness than whether we are together or not. I love him dearly but I’d never want us to stay together and be miserable just so we aren’t “single.”

I have more funny examples but I feel like I’m rambling. I’m sure I’ll share them later.

 

References

References
↑1 if you’ve ever read here you’ll know I lovingly refer to reaching 50 in gay years as ancient.
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