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LETTER OF CAUTION FROM SHIGMAA URASTA

Arquad—

These most recent requests have proven most challenging, and the resulting creations may prove both delicate and dangerous.

First, the members of the danse macbre are not to be trifled with. The gifts you ask of them have only been achieved by imbuing them with the essence of the Crimson Court. They harness, thus, the endless revelry of that eternal celebration, but also carry in the marrow of their bones the malefic curse of the Court’s taint.

As for the stitched zombies, their endurance and baleful death curse are all that we had hoped, and they require no special caution beyond avoiding any breaking of their skin.

—Shigmaa Urasta

LETTER FROM ALIASTER TO ARQUAD

Master Arquad—

I have need of additional brute labor capable of the utmost discretion. My sister suggested that you might be able to supply me with the perfect candidates.

Please dispatch four of your adamantine skeletons to our apartments on Crossing Street. Select those with slender phalanges, if you would. I may have need to employ them in tasks of a delicate nature.

—Aliaster of the House Vladaam

REQUEST FROM HOUSE SADAR

Arquad—

House Sadar requests one dozen skeletons be prepared to perform the danse macabre and delivered to their manse upon the 30^th in time for their celebrations.

The utmost care must be taken with their construction, for they must be capable of the most intimate interactions with the many and esteemed guests of House Sadar. Each must be capable of performing at least six dances in response to both music and vocal request — the waltz, bachata, tango, paso doble, cotillon, and gavotte. Lord Renn has also requested that they perform, upon command, a coordinated schuchplatter for the entertainment of the guests.

We have the greatest confidence in both your ability to fulfill these needs in the most exemplary of fashions, and also with the most respectful discretion. House Sadar wishes neither any untoward reumours to accrue towards them; nor do they desire that this most splendid display should be anything less than the most exquisite of surprises for the guests of their celebration.

—Majordomo of the Esteemed House of the Merchants Sadar

LETTER FROM GATHAR TO ARQUAD

A.—

Lilith offers to you a pair of great and wondrous gifts. Milady knows the craft of these Tomb Maidens of old, and these have been but recently discovered within a mausoleum in the deep vails of the Quiet. From the vast book of her memory, she speaks of a time when these beautiful maidens of iron were placed as guardians upon the great houses of the dead throughout the southern city-states. Sadly superstition and fear of the necromantic energies which course through their lithe forms led to the practice being outlawed.

Use them for your own protection or dispose of them to whatever profit or advantage you would wish. Lilith cares only that you know the value she places upon you and your work.

Regretfully, this will need to be the last shipment of consequence for at least a fortnight. My brothers among the Deathguild have grown suspicious of my activities. The correct application of additional coin may be required, but I am hopeful that a little time will serve to quiet worried minds. I certainly do not expect any lasting difficulty, but caution is never unwise.

Gathar

BILL FOR THE RATLING ARROWS

Owed: 240gp 5sp

You’re spoiling those ratlings! These arrows are too good for them.

Make sure they keep them in the sheaths we’ve prepared, lest more than your enemies come to regret our work.

The bill has been folded for delivery.
A return address is given on the outer fold:

F. Gld. — Vanguard Street
Guildsman District

Go to Part 18: Vladaam Drug Running

Review Originally Published May 21st, 2001

One of the first scenes in A Knight’s Tale is that of a crowd chanting and stomping their feet to Queen’s We Will Rock You while watching a medieval jousting tournament. Throughout the film – telling the story of a young peasant who dons armor and competes as a knight while falling in love with a princess – rock music will appear again and again, along with other anachronistic elements such as: Geoffrey Chaucer using WWF-style language while acting as the knight’s herald; a medieval dance which transforms itself into a dance party; and a host of modern colloquialisms.

When I was leaving the theater, I heard the couple behind me utter the following:

Girl: I liked it.
Boy: Yeah, but the music wrecked it.
Girl: Yeah.

These two people, my friends, are idiots. The music in A Knight’s Tale does not ruin the movie. To the contrary, the music saves it.

Let’s get one thing straight: From a certain point of view, A Knight’s Tale is cliched, trite, and predictable. From the moment you see the previews you already know everything which is going to happen in this film: The main character is going to succeed brilliantly as a knight, he’s going to win the heart of the princess, the bad guy is going to get beaten, and there’s going to be a happy ending.

End of story. Done deal.

But the minute that crowd starts stamping its feet and chanting We Will Rock You something magical happens: A Knight’s Tale imbues itself with what I can only describe as an ineffable energy – an excitement which permeates every performance, every scene, every moment.

Perhaps the only analogy that really suits is that of the roller coaster: Before you ever get on the roller coaster you know exactly what’s going to happen – you’re going to go up, you’re going to go down (really fast), you’ll probably do a couple of loop-de-loops, and then you’ll end up right back where you started. But you still get on the roller coaster because the ride is fun

The ride in A Knight’s Tale is fun. Sure, you know where you are every step of the way. “Oh,” you say, “This is the scene where the handsome young knight makes a fool of himself in front of the princess, and she is bemused.” Or: “This is the scene where the villain establishes himself as superbly talented, but cruel and heartless.” But at the same time you’re enjoying yourself.

The real key here is that A Knight’s Tale isn’t trying to fool anybody. We Will Rock You is, quite simply, the filmmaker’s way of saying: “Look, you know and I know you’ve seen this plot a dozen times. But, look, I’m not taking myself too seriously here. Kick back, relax, and let’s have fun, okay?”

The couple behind me probably thought this movie was historically accurate except for the bizarre musical numbers. This movie ain’t for them – they don’t get the joke.

And, of course, most of use have already heard from the historians who are so tightly wound up that Shakespeare in Love gave them a aneurysm. This movie ain’t for them, either – they couldn’t get a joke if it can labeled with a disclaimer.

This movie is for people like you and me, who can kick back and enjoy something on its own terms. For us, this movie is pure fun. So go grab yourself a ticket, a bucket of popcorn, and a large soda.

Style: 4
Substance: 4

Director: Brian Helgeland
Writer: Brian Helgeland
Distributor: Sony Pictures

A Knight’s Tale is like a fine wine: Every time you come back to it, you can savor it in new ways.

This movie review came out of the same gestalt as my previous review of The Mummy Returns: I was moving a forum discussion into a review. At the time I considered doing more of these film reviews for RPGNet, but I ended up drifting away from them instead. Checking the Reviews page, it looks like it’s been a hot minute since I did a movie review here at the Alexandrian, too.

For an explanation of where these reviews came from and why you can no longer find them at RPGNet, click here.

Go to Table of Contents

This shipping facility is used to supply undead to various unsavory interests throughout Ptolus.

MARQUETTE’S TEXTILES: The front of the building masquerades as a high-class clothier. Anyone inquiring about rates, however, is politely informed that they are currently beyond capacity and are not taking on new customers.

BROTHERS ARQUAD: The operation is overseen by a pair of assassin doppelgangers. Both doppelgangers go by the name of Arquad and only Navanna Vladaam knows that there are two of them.

RATLORDS: The Brothers Arquad have hand-picked and groomed the ratlings who work with them in the undead shipping warehouse.

DENIZENS	Location
Brother Arquad*	Area 1 (disguised as elder seamstress)
Ratlord Fighter x6*	Area 3
Ratlord Fighters x2**	Area 7
Brother Arquad	Area 3 (25%) or Area 6 (75%)

^* Arquad wears a ring which creates a telepathic conection with one of the ratlords in Area 3. (He uses it to summon the ratlord to escort legitimate customers into the back area.)

^** These ratlords each carry longbows and four dreadwood arrows in special sheaths. The ratlords have conditioned themselves to the dreadwood. (DC 12 Wisdom saving throw or become frightened for as long as they are near dreadwood and 1d6 rounds thereafter.)

Arquad – Doppelganger Assassin: Use stat block for assassin (MM 2024, p. 22), with the following doppelganger traits:

• Cha 14
• Immunities Charmed
• Senses darkvision 60 ft.
• Read Thoughts. Arquad casts detect thoughts, requiring no spell components and using Charisma as the spellcasting ability (spell save DC 12).
• Unsettling Visage (Recharge 6). Wisdom Saving Throw: DC 12, each creature in a 15-foot emanation originating from Arquad that see Arquad. Failure: The target has the Frightened condition and repeats the save at the end of each of its turns, ending the effect on itself on a success. After 1 minute, it succeeds automatically.
• Shape-Shift. As a bonus action, Arquad shape-shifts into a Medium or Small Humanoid, or he returns to his true form. Arquad’s game statistics, other than size, are the same in each form. Any equipment Arquad is wearing or carrying isn’t transformed.

Ratlord Fighters: Use stat block for guard captain (MM 2024, p. 162), with the following ratlord traits (Ptolus, p. 592):

• Disease Carrier. Their bites transmit cackle fever.
• Fear of Light. If within 10 feet of a light at least as bright as a torch or lantern, they must succeed on a DC 10 Wisdom saving throw or flee for 1d3 rounds. (These ratlords have already succeeded on this saving throw for the ambient light in the Undead Warehouse.)
• Sneak Attack. Once per turn, the ratlord deals an extra 7 (2d6) damage when it hits its target with a weapon attack and has advantage on the attack roll, or when the target is within 5 feet of an ally of the ratlord.
• Bite. Melee Attack Roll: +6, reach 5 ft. Hit: 9 (1d10+4) piercing damage + disease. (Can be used with Multiattack.)
• Dragon Pistol. Ranged Attack Roll: +4. Hit: 6 (1d10+1) piercing damage. (Can be used with Multiattack.)
• Equipment: potion of haste (x2), Vladaam deot ring

Guildsman District
Pitch Street – D8

AREA 1 – MARQUETTE’S TEXTILES

This area appears to be a normal textile shop.

DOOR TO AREA 2 (Steel-Cored): AC 19, 40 hp, DC 18 Dexterity (Thieves’ Tools)

IRON COFFER: 10% chance of being present.

• 500 gp
• 40,000 sp
• 50,000 cp
• Instructions to have the Ithildin Couriers ship it to the Red Company of Goldsmiths on Gold Street (see Part 12).

AREA 2 – TRAPPED HALLWAY

Old coats hang from wooden pegs on the wall near the door to Area 1.

There are two traps hidden along this back hallway.

SPIKED PIT: Pulling one of the wooden pegs disables the pit trap for 30 seconds.

• DC 14 Wisdom (Perception), DC 14 Dexterity saving throw, 20 ft. deep (2d6 bludgeoning), pit spikes (2d10 piercing), blue whinnis poison (DC 13 Constitution saving throw or 4d10 poison damage).

WAIL OF THE BANSHEE TRAP: Triggered by anyone not wearing (or accompanied by someone wearing) a Vladaam deot ring. The trap emits a terrible scream that alerts everyone in the building and can also kill the unwary.

• DC 24 Wisdom (Perception), DC 20 Dexterity (Thieves’ Tools) or dispel magic (DC 14) to disable, DC 18 Constitution saving throw (7d8+30 psychic damage, half damage on successful save).

AREA 3 – UNDEAD HOLDING PENS

This large warehouse has a thirty-foot-high ceiling. It’s filled with numerous holding cells (A-J). Along the back wall two wooden towers have been constructed (Area 5 and 6), with doors leading into the towers and ladders on their sides. A catwalk extends between the tops of the two towers (Area 7).

HOLDING CELLS: The cells are stone cubes with a portcullis of iron bars on one side. The portcullises have no visible mechanism for opening them and are instead operated from levers on the catwalk above (Area 7), which cause them to magically levitate into the air.

CELL A: 12 Skeletons (MM 2024, pg. 282)

CELL B: 12 Zombies (MM 2024, pg. 346)

CELL C:

• 2 Tomb Maidens
• Ogre Zombie (MM 2024, p. 346)
• Deathlock (in an antimagic field cell) (Monsters of the Multiverse, pg. 86)

CELL D: The bars and walls of this cell block are made from ethereal metal in order to hold incorporeal undead. DC 15 Intelligence (Arcana) recognizes the nature of the metal, in which case you can use the Ethereal Metals handout, below.

• 2 Shadows (MM 2024, pg.272)
• 2 Wraiths (MM 2024, p. 336)

CELL E: Beholder Zombie (in an antimagic field cell) (MM 2024, pg. 347)

CELL F: 2 Minotaur Skeletons (MM 2024, pg. 283)

CELL G: 12 Stitched Zombies

CELL H: 12 Ghouls (MM 2024, pg. 132)

CELL I: 12 Adamantine Skeletons

CELL J: 12 Skeletons (MM 2024, p. 282).

• These skeletons are dressed in formal wear of crushed, purple-black velvets. If released from the cell, they will begin to danace. (They have been specially crafted for a party to be held at House Sadar.)

Stitched Zombies: Use stat block for zombies (MM 2024, p. 346), except that their eyes, ears, and mouths have been stitched shut. They’ve been filled with spiders and when they die, a swarm of insects (MM 2024, pg. 370) emerges.

Adamantine Skeletons: Use stat block for skeletons (MM 2024, pg. 282). Adamantine skeletons have had adamantine metal plates fastened to their bones, greatly fortifying them.

• Armor Class 16
• Damage Vulnerabilities none
• Damage Immunities: Slashing damage from non-magical attacks that aren’t adamantine

ETHEREAL METALS

Ethereal metals are naturally co-existent upon both the Ethereal and Material Planes. As a result, incorporeal creatures can both use and be affected by items crafted from an ethereal metal. Ethereal metals, although expensive, are often used to construct safes and sheathe walls in order to provide a certain degree of security against incorporeal incursions.

Armor built from ethereal metal is effective against incorporeal creatures. It can also be picked up, moved, and worn by incorporeal creatures, although this prevents the incorporeal creature from passing through solid objects. Similarly, weapons crafted from ethereal metal deals damage normally against incorporeal creatures. Such weapons can also be picked up and used by incorporeal creatures at any time. (This effect is similar, but not identical, to the ghost-touch special ability. For example, ghosts can use weapons forged from ethereal metal without manifesting upon the Material Plane.)

To normal sight and an untrained eye an ethereal metal is indistinguishable from its normal equivalent, but it can be detected trivially with true seeing and similar effects.

AREA 4 – SECRET WAREHOUSE DOOR

This door is located in the back wall of the building and leads to the alley. DC 22 Wisdom (Perception) to locate it.

AREA 5 – SEWER ACCESS TOWER

This wooden tower has a lower and upper floor.

LOWER FLOOR: A trap door in the floor leads to the sewers. A ladder leads to the upper floor. A heavy, wooden trestle table with an acid-scarred surface has been shoved up against one wall and there’s a rack of shelving  nailed to the opposite wall.

• Table: On the table is a brass box and a Letter of Caution from Shigmaa Urasta (see handouts). (For more information on Shigmaa Urasta and the Crimson Court, see Ptolus, p. 113 and 110, respectively.)
• Brass Box: This small box contains 12 lesser rings of undead binding, 6 rings of undead binding, and 2 black pearls of undead control.
• Oil Racks: Racks on the wall holds zombie oil (24 vials + 4 vials of control concoction) and necromancer’s oil (10 vials). (See Addendum: Alchemical Lorebooks.)

UPPER FLOOR: The upper floor of the tower is crisscrossed with hammocks, serving as a barracks for the ratlords (who sleep in shifts).

• DC 18 Intelligence (Investigation): There are several caches hidden behind false stones in the walls.
• Caches: potion of remove paralysis, silvered longword, potion of fox’s cunning, potion of goodberry, potion of bear’s endurance, warding bond tokens (matched pair), gems (110 gp red-brown spinel, 11 gp azurite, 30 gp onyx, 40 gp peridot), 100 gp, 6,000 sp, and 23,000 cp.

AREA 6 – ARQUAD’S TOWER

This wooden tower has a lower and upper floor.

LOWER FLOOR: A work area with a desk, chair, and fireplace. A ladder leads to the upper floor.

• Desk: Among other papers, the PCs can find Letter from Aliaster to Arquad, Request from House Sadar, Letter from Gathar to Arquad, and Bill for the Ratling Arrows.

UPPER FLOOR: A simple cot used by Arquad in otherwise empty room with bare walls.

• DC 20 Intelligence (Investigation): There are two iron coffers cunningly built into the frame of the cot. (Each one is used by one of the Arquads.)
• Iron Coffer 1: 821 gp, 1 sp, 9 cp, sard gem (30 gp), rose quartz (40 gp), violet garnet (400 gp)
• Iron Coffer 2: 500 gp

AREA 7 – CATWALK

Ladders ascend the sides of Area 5 and Area 6 to a catwalk which crosses the room. The gates for the undead holding cells are operated from this area. (Twisting control dials cause the magical portcullises to levitate into the air.)

VATS OF HOLY WATER: Two large vats of holy water are positioned at either end of the catwalk. The sides of the vats have silhouette of a tree inlaid in bronze.

• DC 10 Intelligence (Religion): The symbology of the tree identifies it as Aredhel, the sacred ur-tree.
• DC 15 Intelligence (Religion): This specific depiction of Aredhel is associated with the Temple of the Great Mother, a minor cult that used to be active in Ptolus a half decade or so ago.
• GM Background: These vats were placed here to be used in case undead escape from their cells. They were taken from Part 6: The Abandoned Temple of the Great Mother.

Go to Part 17B: Undead Warehouse Handouts

At Green Dragon Fest, you’ll escape the chaos of a typical convention’s swarms of attendees and immerse yourself in a fantasy village where you game with top YouTube dungeon masters, feast family-style, and forge a tight-knit gaming tribe. Over two action-packed days, play four one-shot sessions a premium venue, learn from legends, and connect with passionate TTRPG fans.

Don’t settle for mediocre games and fleeting encounters. Join us April 30th-May 3rd, at Ancient Lore Village for an unforgettable adventure that’s as much about community as it is about rolling the dice.

I’m thrilled to have been invited back to GM again this year at Green Dragon Fest in Knoxville, TN! This is one of my favorite events to attend! The people, the games, the location, the food! All just make for an incredible experience.

If you’re looking for something a little more exclusive and intimate than a regular con, this might be the event for you.

The other GMs who have been invited to run games this year include:

• Baron de Ropp (Dungeon Masterpiece)
• Professor Dungeon Master
• Bob World Builder
• Kelsey Dionne (The Arcane Library)
• Dungeon Dad
• Grace World Destroyer
• Faye Morel (Mendarii)

This year also includes very special guest David Wesely. Before there was D&D, there was Dave Arneson’s Blackmoor. Before Blackmoor, there was David Wesely’s Braunstein, which David will be running at Green Dragon Fest! Check out the full list at Meet Your Game Masters.

See you in May, Dragonraiders!

GREEN DRAGON FEST
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A tomb maiden is a lithe, sinuous, and fully-articulated iron maiden. The sacrificial victim placed within the tomb maiden is animated through necromantic rites and the negative energies of its undead existence are bonded to the iron shell of the maiden.

Guardians of the Necropolis. Historically, it was once very popular to set them as guards for mausoleums built within the Necropoli of the southern city-states. The practice faded over time and has been outlawed in most civilized lands, but these ancient guardians can still be found within the most ancient of burial grounds.

Warded Tomb Maidens. The iron sheath of some tomb maidens are marked with arcane sigils. To the trained eye — DC 14 Intelligence (Arcana or Religion) — these sigils clearly reveal the undead nature of the tomb maiden, but also ward the undead energies within. These tomb maidens use the standard stat block below, but also have turn resistance, gaining advantage on saving throws against any effect which turns the undead.

TOMB MAIDEN

Large Undead, lawful evil

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Armor Class 18

Hit Points 114 (12d10+48)

Speed 30 ft.

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STR 22 (+6), DEX 14 (+2), CON 18 (+4), INT 8 (-1), WIS 12 (+1), CHA 10 (+0)

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Skills Perception +4, Stealth +5

Resistances Bludgeoning, Necrotic

Damage Immunities Fire, Poison

Condition Immunities Exhaustion, Poisoned

Senses Darkvision 60 ft., passive Perception 14

Languages Understands the languages it spoke in life but cannot speak

Challenge 6 (2,300)

Proficiency Bonus +3

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Construct Healing. Mending and other spells which can repair a magic item or construct can heal a tomb maiden.

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ACTIONS

Multiattack. The tomb maiden makes two attacks with Bladed Arm or Slam in any combination.

Huge Halberd. Melee Attack Roll: +9, reach 10 ft. Hit: 17 (2d10+6) slashing damage.

Slam. Melee Attack Roll: +9, reach 5 ft. Hit: 12 (1d10+6) bludgeoning damage.

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REACTIONS

Maiden’s Spikes. When an opponent within 5 ft. makes a melee attack targeting the tomb maiden, the tomb maiden can invert its spikes, causing them to spasm out. (When the spikes snap back into place, the spectral scream of anguish from the spirit within can be heard.) Melee Attack Roll: +9, reach 5 ft. Hit: 15 (2d8+6) piercing damage.

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Tomb Maidens appear in The Vladaam Affair.