GLOGmas 2025: GLOG Class: I Can't Believe I've Been Transported Into Another World But I'm GLOG Blogger Anon???!

Merry GLOGmas everyone. This year the recipient of my gift is Anon, of the Pillar of Worms blog.

Gift-giving is an aggressive act. It indebts the recipient to the giver - binding them surely as if they were clapped in irons.

If you've ever seen Nathan Fielder's show The Rehearsal, I've been doing that to Anon for the last month, to ensure that I understand him inside and out - perhaps grasping things about himself that even he's not aware of. I've done all this to create the perfect GLOGmas gift for him.

En garde:

GLOG Class: Anon
Equipment: The clothes on your back, whatever's in your pockets, a phone with an inexplicable internet connection to Phlox's GLOG server and only Phlox's GLOG server, plus two items from the table of curiousities below
Skills: Frog-handling, gaming, rites & rituals
A: Outlander, Anonymity, Mr. Bones
B: Earworm, Painted World
C: Wormcle, Umbral Oubliette
D: Pillar of Worms

A

Outlander: You're from Earth. You know Earth-stuff, but nothing about your new world. People who know this will be more likely to forgive breaches of etiquette and suchlike, but may also try to take advantage of your ignorance.

Anonymity: People are essentially faceblind when it comes to you. Nobody who's seen you before can recognize you without you giving them some sign, or wearing a distinctive costume, or somesuch & suchlike.

Mr. Bones: You have a skeleton butler. He doesn't have to be named Mr. Bones, but it's recommended. His head is a goat's skull. His stats are as a skeleton. He can do everything a butler can do, and won't do anything a scrupulous butler wouldn't do, and in all things is loyal towards you. If destroyed he returns a week later complaining about dust. You can also command him to self-immolate, and he will do 1d6 fire damage to everything beside him until he perishes. It makes sense to me that you'd have this.

B

Earworm: You can cough up a worm. It does whatever you command. You can hear anything it hears. It moves as fast as a caterpillar, and is easily squashed. Outside of soft and damp loam it will perish in 1d6 hours. You can cough up as many worms as you like, but they're made out of your body mass so you can't solve a famine with worm-feed or whatever.

Painted World: If you touch a painting you can create an illusion of something depicted in that painting within 30'. The illusion will be as realistic as the painting. If the illusion is destroyed or disbelieved, the painting it drew from is ruined.

C

Wormcle: If you command your worms to create a circle, whatever is within the circle is held in suspended animation. Food won't rot, fire will provide heat and light but not consume fuel, the dying won't fully die, etc. They're not frozen, and can leave the circle if able. The effect ends the instant the circle is broken or covered. You are an uncle to all worms, and they react accordingly. Sorry I'm kind of fixating on the worm thing.

Umbral Oubliette: If someone is rude to you, you can command Mr. Bones (or whatever else you've decided to call your skeletal butler) to drag them into your shadow. He must grapple them normally to do this. Within your shadow they are trapped in a lightless, soundless chamber only just big enough to fit them. You may only have one person in your shadow at a time, though you may hold them or release them at will. In truth all butlers can do this.

D

Pillar of Worms: Once a week you can raise a pillar composed of worms from the ground. The pillar can be up to 100' tall and 10' wide. As it is made out of worms it's not that good at pushing stuff - if it meets a stone ceiling or suchlike it will simply stop with a splatter of worm-juice rather than bust through.

Any and all corpses within sight of the pillar will rise up and defend it. You and any who you designate will be ignored by the corpses, but they will attempt to kill any others within 100' of the pillar. The corpses de-animate if they leave that radius. Those killed by the corpses don't re-animate.

If you create a pillar of worms that raises 100 corpses, you can choose to have the corpses and pillar merge into a gruesome miracle that allows you to return to Earth. This will happen in real life so keep an eye on the news.

Curiousities (D12):
1. Bottle Full of Vodka: Cleverly constructed with internal chambers of invisible glass, between which fluid can be transferred or from which fluid can be poured depending on how you hold it - e.g. allowed you to make it appear as though you've chugged from the bottle without drinking a drop, or slipping someone a transparent poison while pouring everyone else at the table an ordinary shot.
2. Lucky Coin: Worth 1 silver. Lands on whichever side you want it to. Only works for you.
3. A Banana: Extremely slippery peel.
4. Bird Feed: A handful. Birds that eat it gain the ability to talk. They are still dumb birds otherwise however. The ability never goes away.
5. A Package: When opened in a temple, shrine, or suchlike, it is found to contain an appropriate offering for the god of the temple, etc. Can be used three times. A label on the package reads: "Made In Heaven".
6. Dead Bug: Glossy. Live bugs must save vs. morale to approach it when brandished.
7. Deed to an Inn: A humble establishment off the beaten path somewhere in this new world.
8. A Tin Spring: Springy.
9. Hidden Pocket: Stitch it into whatever you like. Nobody else will be able to find it.
10. Book of Riddles: Invaluable to sphinxes.
11. Harmonica: Now's as good a time as any to learn how to play.
12. Jar of Leeches: Hungry.

The Seven Mysteries of St. Fiachra's - Session 3

Session 1

Session 2

The party awakens once more in the Bannock & Boobrie, only to find Miss Marble comatose in the lobby, with Officer Dimbly attempting to bring her to the church, on Sheriff Knowles' orders. They offer to help, and while carrying Miss Marble to Dimbly's car she deliriously asks the nice gentlemen to keep people out of her office. While rooting through Miss Marble's pockets while Dimbly was occupied inside the inn, the Private EyeNTJs find a ring of keys, $40.00 Canadian (equivalent in value to approximately R$3 Brazilian reals), and some gross old people candy that had been collecting lint in there for some time.

Dimbly thanks them and goes on her way, cautioning the crew that St. Fiachra's was heading into some dark times and they'd best get out of town while they could.

The team agrees to check out Miss Marble's office, and with her keys locks up the Bannock & Boobrie and unlocks the office. The office shows signs of struggle - several struggles, in fact, some of them old enough that the scuffs and scratches left behind were full of dust. They check through the filing cabinets in the office, finding that documents relating to certain guests' stays in town had been doctored - sparsely in past decades, but ramping up significantly in the last year, with Johnson Bronson's name among those whose guest records had been altered.

Walking around, they discover a hollow space hidden under the rug - and I learn in real life what distinguishes a rug from a carpet. Beneath the rug is a trap-door, with fingernail-tracks dragged through the flooring towards it.

After some debate, they decide against cowardice and descend down the trap-door, and find themselves in a cave. They use the thread from Billy's sewing kit to keep track of their path, and use the bug-repellent candle once more to light their way. Going deeper into the cave, they find it unnaturally lush, with moss and suchlike increasing the deeper they got, and almost-animal veins threaded through the greenery. The party speculates that they have entered into the scrotum of a kaiju - a sort of giant, Japanese monster - and agree that the real kaiju is in the White House.

They come to a larger cavity within the cave. They spot vegetable growths resembling the silhouettes of people, and Shorty cuts off a sample from one and see if the rest react. Fortunately, they do not. He notices that the growths have threads of some black substance growing through them.

The Private EyeNTJs follow a groaning sound and find Pepto-talk curled up under a small outcropping and bleeding to death, looking quite mauled. Pepto-talk tells them they fell down their diarrhea-hole in the flophouse and ended up in these caves - and then while trying to find a way out was attacked by a monster.

A humanoid figure appears at the edge of their candle-light during the conversation. After a failed attempt at dialogue it attacks - revealing itself to be a malformed elderly person, with innards similar to the tuna that Chuck pulled up last session where its skin's been damaged.

After a tussle in which Shorty's throat is nearly torn out, Billy knocks the thing's head off with a baseball bat. Examining the head they find it's got teeth made of vegetable ivory, which is a real thing look it up. Shorty takes a sample of the head as well, and they go to check on Pepto-talk.

They discuss plans to rescue Pepto, but it becomes clear the poet is on their last breaths. They regale the group with their final poem: 

"Fixin' the material conditions,
That was my mission.
I found the sub-structure,
It made me go grrr!
I'm gonna die..."

And then expire. The Private EyeNTJs take Pepto's journal and make sketches of the cave, the growths, and the monster, and put the samples Shorty had taken into a plastic baggy Pepto had been keeping joints in.

Exploring the cavity, they find it branches into three other paths - one going deeper, and two going off from the sides. The vegetation gets even denser on the deeper path, so they take one of the sides.

Blah blah blah, they walk through the cave for a while, blah blah blah, and eventually end up in an artificial chamber below the brewery. They find dollies and barrels in the chamber, the barrels containing the algae stuff that Shorty had seen in the brewery yesterday. Climbing the ladder to the trap-door, they hear two inebriated men standing guard in the room above. Shorty uses the imitation skills he learned in the circus to mimic the roar of a lion, scaring the guards into going into another room - they don't know what's beneath the brewery, only that it's dangerous and that they should never go down there.

Ascending into the brewery, the party finds themselves in a store-room, with lots of empty beer cans discarded about and some improvised weapons leaning against barrels and boxes. They head back to the Bannock & Boobrie through the cave, and looking over the map of the cave they'd made in Pepto's journal find that the deeper paths converge below St. Fiachra's church.

Outside the inn they are called into an alley by Dunkey Blart, one of the town's evil delinquent children. Dunkey confides that the adults of the town have been replaced with changelings by fairies, and that fire is one of the only surefire weapons against them. He asks their permission to load up their trusty 1993 Ford Aspire with improvised explosives, so that it can be rammed into the church where the adults are gathering & detonated. They turn down the children's plan, but remain open to working together on other schemes.

The session ends with the Private EyeNTJs driving back to the Blue Giant Crew's flophouse, to return Pepto-talk's beat poetry journal, notify them of Pepto's death, and offer their condolences. There they reunite with Quasar Mike, as well as meet other BGC members Stim Jackson and Wheeler. Quasar Mike is put off at first by the party's Protocols of the Elders of Zion-esque story of conspiracy and underground tunnels, but quickly comes around. The group shares Pepto's final, samurai-like death poem, and the Crew make plans to turn Pepto's diarrhea hole into a shrine & art gallery dedicated to Pepto & their work. 

The Seven Mysteries of St. Fiachra's - Session 2

It's still happening. People are still having fun. I like to have fun.

Session 1

We rejoin our intrepid investigators at the flophouse of the Blue Giant Crew. There is some chit-chat, some further inquiry into the nature of the Procyonian menace, and then the Private EyeNTJs head out.

Sheriff Knowles is waiting for them in her patrol car outside. She appears sick, with black veins in her eyes. She tries to pull something on the party, but they pass their saves. I think. My notes for this session are sparse and it happened a while ago. Knowles warns them to stay out of trouble because she's got her hands full with the town's children acting up and people freaking out about the disease spreading. They also meet Knowles' assistant Officer Dimbly, who is much friendlier and of a normal human body temperature. The cops respond to an emergency call about people barricading a street with furniture and drive off.

Uhhh I think after this the Private EyeNTJs go to the police station because they know the cops won't be there. They run into the station's secretary, Charlene, talk to her for a bit, and then pussy out about breaking into the station.

From someone somewhere sometime, maybe Charlene, they hear that a man by the name of Panthera LeSharp came to town looking for his missing wife Cheetah.

So they look around town for Panthera, and make their way down to the docks, where a fisherman - Fisherman Chuck - is showing off his latest catch: a big tuna with a whack interior. The fish looks normal on the outside, but on the inside is a mess of green and black growths that even to the non-fish-expert would not resemble any organs a fish should have. Chuck tells them he's going to cook it up in a fish fry that evening, and that they should come by for it.

Fortuitously, Panthera had been living out his van not too far away, living off the scraps the fishermen gave him. Panthera tells them that his wife went missing on a girls' wine-tasting trip near St. Fiachra's, disappeared right from the AirBnB she was staying at, with only a chillingly cut-off voice message and a couple of cans of St. Fiachra's Finest Ale kicked into a bush for a trail. The Private EyeNTJs ask a few other things I can't remember, and promise to keep an eye out for Cheetah. Panthera tells the party that he believes that St. Fiachra's is full of Georgists, that these Georgists were responsible for his wife's disappearance, and that Georgists were Hitler's real target, that Georgists want to instate a land value tax because they want to grind everyone up into fertilizer to use on their land.

Oh yeah and the party notices that St. Fiachra's Finest Ale has a similar smell to the freaky fish that Chuck pulled up at some point.

Based on the beer-clues, the party decides to check out the town's brewery. They find the place closed due to lack of available personnel, so Shorty tries to sneak in through the rooftop ducts. As fellow gentlemen and business-owners, Walter and Billy are able to distract the brewery's owner Mr. Crabatt from noticing Shorty sneaking around in the ducts, and convince him that they're trustworthy enough to watch the establishment while he goes and runs some errands. They deliberate breaking into the brewery's cash register, but decide against it.

Shorty discovers some barrels in the brewing area containing what appears to be live algae, which shares a smell with the beer and the beer's mash and the freaky fish, etc. Also he finds a journal which suggest Mr. Crabatt has been experimenting with mixing the algae-stuff  into the mash, with solid recent success.

The other two do something, but also Shorty goes back to the docks to scope out the fish fry. He pretends to eat the fish & drink some beer, and notices that Panthera has been drinking heavily and seems much more friendly towards the townsfolk, particularly Mr. Crabatt. 

Fisherman Chuck takes a shine to Shorty and cautions him to take care, because people with dwarfism were Hitler's most hated enemy, that he only killed other groups of people so that people of dwarfism didn't cotton on and get away, and that far-right-wing sentiments were on the rise in Canada according to the CBC. He also says something about the soul being interpreted as one's psychological identity in St. Fiachra's interpretation of Christianity, but I forget what exactly.

At some point Mr. Crabatt becomes aware that his brewery has been broken in to, but rather than blaming the party blames the town's children. Mr. Crabatt exclaims that exterminating the children of Europe was Hitler's true goal, and that so many adults got caught up in it because people were shorter back then. He rouses up a lynch mob of drunken adults, who leave the fish fry to go chase down some children. The children engage the mob in a fighting retreat as the Private EyeNTJs follow the action in their trusty 1993 Ford Aspire - at one point almost getting their windshield smashed by a rock, but fortunately it flew right through the previous hole that was smashed through their windshield by a rock.

The children retreat into a house, the drunken adults are lured inside after them, and the house is set on fire, with children escaping by jumping out a 2nd-storey window onto a pile of mattresses out back. Some children spot the party, and recognize them as human based on the fact that they were able to touch the hag-stone unharmed.

Tuckered out by a day of adventure the party returns to the Bannock & Boobrie, where its normally-bubbly owner Miss Marble seems to be coming down with something. They pay for the room for another night, and go to bed.

D6x6 Ostentatious Oils

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Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here: https://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

D6	This oil is rendered from
1	the fat of men hanged for crimes they didn’t commit.
2	pitch-black mineral deposits that encrust the rims of craters where star-titans fell to earth.
3	the seeds of a plant which grows only on the backs of zaratans (giant sea turtles).
4	the flesh of coconuts miraculously found with an infant within them (the infant is not included).
5	the blubber of unearthly whales that swim the sky instead of the seas.
6	the lipid-rich sweat of egg-laying horses.

D6	This oil looks
1	pale orange in direct light, and an off-putting shade of brown in shade.
2	like a spill of iridescent sunset.
3	like mercury shot through with strands of crimson hair.
4	like gritty, bubbling blue sludge.
5	like flowing magenta velvet.
6	like sparkling liquified emeralds.

D6	This oil smells like
1	mashed bananas dunked in coffee.
2	coriander with a hint of rotting fish.
3	burnt bacon.
4	liquorice and caramel at first, and then it hits you with a stinging ammonia reek.
5	hot asphalt that's been spread with marmalade like it's toast.
6	dill that's been soaked in bad wine.

D6	This oil is may be found
1	in a skull-shaped amethyst decanter.
2	in a painted clay amphora sealed with beeswax.
3	in a battered tin flask.
4	in a mottled goat-hide wineskin.
5	in a shimmering geode plugged up with a chunk of pumice like a cork.
6	in the sewn-up mouth of an undead frog.

D6	When spread on
1	stone,
2	metal,
3	flesh,
4	wood,
5	textiles,
6	clay and other such ceramic materials,

D6	This oil has the power to make that stuff
1	totally non-conductive to heat and electricity.
2	invisible.
3	weightless.
4	fuse to the next thing it touches.
5	perfectly rigid.
6	slide through another material as if that material were water. Roll again on the previous table to get that material.

D20x5 Spellbinding Spellbooks

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D20	This spellbook is bound
1	with panels of stained redwood carved with intruiging mythical figures.
2	with embossed plates of verdigrised brass.
3	in smaragdine dragon-scale, the tome eternally warmed by the trace of fire-made-flesh.
4	with spiders' silk, wefted through with the jewel-like husks of the spiders that wove it.
5	with tartan cloth in the pattern of its authour's clan.
6	in black velvet inlaid with fractal patterns of gold leaf.
7	in some alchemical material that seems halfway between ceramic and steel.
8	in a colourful patchwork of leering, stitched-together imp faces.
9	with corded zebra-leather.
10	in blue-white crystalline origami.
11	in layers of delicate silver chains.
12	with thickly-laminated autumn leaves.
13	with thin, geometrical chunks of green marble, interlinked like the pieces of a puzzle-box.
14	with slabs of teeth lumped together by a pale fungus like tempeh.
15	with rounded slats of yellowed bones, inscribed with arcane formulae.
16	in fuzzy grey cloth woven from the voluminous beard of an arch-mage.
17	with strips of purplish bamboo, inked with prayers to a tutelary deity.
18	with fused crab shells with patterns suggestive of the arcana of the oceanic abyss.
19	with the platinum skin of some half-divine lamb.
20	with blood-splattered sackcloth.

D20	This spellbook contains
1	spells of internal pyromancy - of the art of inflaming passion, sparking inspiration, and burning away the soul.
2	rituals which allow for the summoning and interrogation of extraplanar entities which have knowledge of lost treasures and hidden powers.
3	spells of flesh-forging, which allow the reshaping, alloying, and purification of living tissues.
4	spells to call up or cast out plagues and swarms of vermin.
5	spells which mimic the incredible feats of a legendary hero.
6	spells perfect for an aspiring dark lord - spells which allow one to brew goblins in a cauldron, cow others with terror, raise fortresses of black stone, and suchlike.
7	spells which induce the growth of fractals, and behaviour mimicking fractals.
8	spells which draw out the latent powers of the mind - telepathy, telekinesis, astral projection, and suchlike.
9	numismatic spells, which imbue things which are not coins with the attributes both physical and abstract of coins - fungibility, flippability, etc.
10	spells of reversed golem-making, for taking the life out of flesh to turn it into inert clay, and then applying that raw life to varied ends.
11	spells to trap things within folded paper, animate origami, instantly pulp wood into paper, and other such things of a papery theme.
12	subtle & long-term spells affecting urban environments - spells which preserve some buildings or lead others to ruin, spells which attract or repel target demographics to or from areas, a meta-spell that allows others to benefit from using a city as a ritual diagram, and so on.
13	spells to conduct bees & their feeding habits, with fantastical effects on their honey & hives - though it can also be immediately useful, such as by making them feed on the blood of your enemies or on acid.
14	spells which blur boundaries, such as those between nightmares and the waking world, or between shadows and the bodies that cast them.
15	spells that let you half-ass creating magic items by tricking the universe - such as turning a stick you just found into a wand with a fraction of the time and materials you'd normally need, but with few charges & an increasing risk with use that the universe will notice your trick and inflict backlash.
16	spells fit for a chef - spells to slice things to pieces, to bring the heat of the oven, to preserve with cold, and so on - all able to be put to lethal effect.
17	spells of blood magic - spells to injure someone's relatives by injuring them, to control what one's blood has soaked into, to make oneself more vivacious by bathing in others' blood, and so on and suchlike.
18	spells to manipulate time - to stop its flow, to hold things in stasis, to accelerate it, even to reverse it.
19	spells dealing with wounds - able to transfer wounds from one body to another on contact, to speak with wounds to learn about the one who dealt them and the means they used to do so, to turn wounds on oneself into fanged mouths, to birth beasts made of gore from wounds, and so on and suchlike.
20	power word upon power word - a collection of utterances of terrible potency.

D20	This spellbook is protected
1	by its writer's ageless familiar, who takes the form of a fat calico cat that can hiss out curses.
2	by a complex mechanical lock.
3	by an enchanted lock which can only be opened with a paired key which by most accounts is entombed alongside the spellbook's authour.
4	by a hell-beast mystically bound to carry it from place to place until the end of time.
5	by trapped pages that entrance the unwary with maddening nonsense.
6	by the mutant descendants of the apprentices of the wizard who wrote it, all members of a wealthy secret society who wear heavy clothing to conceal their deviations from the uninitiated.
7	by a curse which prohibits readers from speaking of or replicating its contents, on pain of a lot of pain.
8	by a warrior oathbound to defend it beyond death.
9	in a vault surrounded by a complex full of deadly contrivances.
10	by a vengeful wraith imprisoned within the spellbook, the vestige of someone slain and bound by its authour, released when it is opened.
11	in the forbidden library of the temple of an order of warrior-monks who have deemed it anathema.
12	by its location in a cave at the peak of a monster-haunted mountain.
13	by its riddlesome encryption.
14	by the ghost of its authour's dog, able to possess whole packs of canines at once to maul whoever tries to take the spellbook.
15	by its current bearer, a wizard of some power and renown.
16	by obscurity - it is stuff into a hollow between the walls of an old house, known only to the spiders and the rats, who hate the thing and want it gone.
17	under lock and key and constant watch in the office of a witch-hunter who burned its previous bearer at the stake.
18	by the statue holding it, which will come to murderous animation when the spellbook is taken from it.
19	by a trap set to go off when the spellbook's weight is lifted off the pedestal it rests on.
20	by being written in an ancient, mostly-forgotten language.

D20	This spellbook is written
1	in a grandiose, prolix, self-aggrandizing manner.
2	briskly and brusquely, requiring one to read between the lines to really grasp it.
3	in a friendly, condescending tone, and is peppered with personal anecdotes.
4	with many ranting tangents on unrelated subjects.
5	circularly and self-referentially, the end being needed to understand the beginning, the middle of a section being needed to decode its adjoining parts, and so on and so forth.
6	in a paranoiac tone that switches freely between first-, second-, and third-person perspective.
7	haphazardly, with an abundance of over-crossed lines and marginalia.
8	in the form of an overly-expository novel.
9	using the politics of its time as a series of metaphors for magical procedures.
10	in the form of a sprawling cosmic mythos.
11	in colourful, extended allegory.
12	with clear excitement in the parts the authour was interested in, and with near-suicidal proceduralism in the parts they weren't.
13	in a tone of erotic temptation.
14	in a morbid and morose mood, with a grossly pessimistic slant.
15	beginning with simple syllogisms and escalating into mind-bending conclusions.
16	in an obscure dialect, with frequent & impenetrable allusions.
17	in alternating religious admonishment and heretical glee.
18	apparently by several different authours with clashing attitudes and styles.
19	sharply, comedically, in critique of its contemporary magical traditions.
20	in an exhaustively-detailed, mind-numbingly dull manner.

D20	Besides spells, this spellbook also contains
1	a collection of recipes for an especially-acquired taste.
2	a memoir of the authour's time as an apprentice.
3	seasonal poetry.
4	fanciful accounts of distant lands and other realms.
5	a frame narrative written from the perspective of wizards in some future period discovering the spellbook and praising its authour's genius.
6	some really bad puns.
7	the outline for a malformed ethical philosophy.
8	complaints about the authour's wife.
9	wrong theories about natural phenomena.
10	enough text in certain other occult languages that it functions as a sort of Rosetta Stone for them.
11	schematics for various Rube Goldberg machine-esque labour-saving devices.
12	strong opinions on the diet one must have & the exercises one must do to live a healthy life.
13	an account of a failed attempt at lichdom.
14	meditations on power, its meaning & responsibilities.
15	hat-centered fashion advice.
16	a eulogy to the authour's child.
17	polemics against its authour's rivals.
18	a guide to gardening magically-potent plants.
19	pages of sheet music.
20	a series of instructive riddles.

D6x6 Dungeon Gardens

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6	This dungeon garden primarily grows
1	groves of terrestrial tube-worms which filter out the dust and chemical contaminants of the air.
2	spiny, neutrally-buoyant cacti floating in an elastic web of vines under tension - slamming into creatures who blunder into that web incautiously.
3	scraggly fruit-trees with roots and boughs that grow intertwined with each other and with the walls and roof of their home - their fruits thin and black and seedy.
4	tremendous tubers that glow with a slimy coating of bioluminescent, symbiotic bacteria, their leaves broad and white and shiny.
5	a plethora of predatory plants - pitchers and flytraps and so on.
6	great warty red gourds with translucent flesh that flash in pin-points irregularly with absorbed neutrinos.

D6	This dungeon garden is tended
1	to by a crew of goblins whose botanical knowledge is inversely proportional to their enthusiasm about gardening.
2	by an affable old otyugh who fertilizes it with collected waste.
3	by an albino dryad with gouged-out eyes, hair thin like fungal hyphae.
4	by a retired adventurer, still wise to the dungeon-ways - they will defend this sanctuary to the death.
5	by a silent, faceless golem molded from blue-grey clay - a sword impaled transversely through its head.
6	by a clutch of chattering skeletons who strip the flesh from intruders to feed their plants, then animate the bare bones to join their number.

D6	This dungeon garden is designed
1	in concentric circles, the inner circles lower & more lush and elaborate.
2	to be the pleasure-retreat of some under-noble - at its center is that under-noble's cozy yet richly-appointed cottage.
3	to lay along the serpentine path of an artificial stream, making up the serpent's flanks.
4	in fields of orderly interlocking geometries - it is a farm as much as a garden.
5	as a sort of living airlock between a more breathable cave system and one full of toxic, stale air.
6	to appear as a natural oasis of underground flora rather than a tended space.

D6	In this dungeon garden you may encounter
1	a wayward giant shrew, snuffling about for a route up to the underlands closer to the sun.
2	an ornery hermit full of cynical wisdom, who lives and rolls about in a big snail shell.
3	swarms of pollinating bats that drink blood opportunistically.
4	skittering alchemical drones, like dog-sized wingless mosquitoes made from filigree of copper tubing and bulbs of glass - sent out by their wizardly master to suck up ingredients. If obstructed in their mission they can spit streams of acid.
5	a blind and furless great ape who lairs nearby and sneaks into the garden to pilfer fruit and suchlike high-value food items - the ape's got a hair-trigger temper, is strong enough to rip your arm clean out of its socket, and is infested with so many parasites that just touching it is enough to risk catching them.
6	a pitflower cuckoo - a vegetable creature blooming with superstimuli to sound and smell, designed to broodily parasitize places such as this garden.

D6	This dungeon garden's boundary
1	is a fence of barb-cut bones.
2	is a moat of briny hard water populated by oversized, predatory barnacles with barbed, flesh-ripping cirri.
3	is a curled-up cave wall painted with a trompe l'oiel of verdant surface vegetation.
4	is an ashlar wall with carefully-placed holes that produce a whistling song.
5	is a crevasse of some lightless depth, criss-crossed by spindly stone bridges.
6	is a coiled vermiform fossil.

D6	From this dungeon garden you might harvest
1	a strong, straight-growing stipewood that makes for good crutches, splints, and stakes.
2	nuts that act like flashbangs when smashed.
3	nodules that can be crushed to extract a musk that mimics the scent of a dragon.
4	a drug that lets you astrally project your soul half the times you take it, and just gets you high enough to believe you did the other half.
5	flowers that can be boiled into a tea that acts like a truth serum on those who drink it.
6	vines that make for serviceable and elastic rope.

D6x6 Mountains of Madness

Click the button below to get your own mountains of madness (As seen in "At The Mountains of Madness"):

Special thanks to Spwack for the generator generator here: https://meanderingbanter.blogspot.com/2018/10/automatic-list-to-html-translator-v2.html

D6	These mountains of madness loom
1	in the rimey northern reaches of the Canadian Rockies.
2	in a pocket-space that can only be found by following certain pilgrim-paths in the Pyrenees that predate the coming of Christianity.
3	strangely snowless among the peaks of the Tian Shan.
4	in a corner of the Drakensberg, and only appear during certain celestial alignments.
5	at the dry & dusty southern tip of the Andes.
6	nameless & geologically-impossible somewhere in the north pole.

D6	These mountains of madness are
1	sickly things, rotten from within by a strange silvery radiance that leaks out from within as will-o'-wisps.
2	near-agless, thick cords and veins of their structure standing against erosion and gravity, reinforced by some unknown energy, the lacuna between these timeless components worn into deep & honeycombed crevasses.
3	volcanic, emitting a feverish heat and sometimes spewing poisonous, invisible clouds of gases.
4	sheer, unevenly-stepped things, their cliffs engraved with unwholesome shapes that might be unlikely natural formations, or the rough hewings of an unaesthetic hand.
5	unstable, but not geologically - landmarks and safe passages shifting by the day.
6	blasted by unforeseeable winds and storms, horned with branching fulgurites.

D6	These mountains of madness are home to
1	giant land-conches that leak a numbing slime - if they come across you sleeping they will lick the flesh from your bones with long radulas without you ever waking.
2	tall, headless man-things whose necks taper to an antenna-point which receives commands from some unknown signal-source.
3	big, hateful rats which bear heavy, worm-filled boils.
4	infectious octopi that can wriggle beneath your skin and convert your muscle fibers into more of themselves.
5	fat saucers of fungoid flesh which hover about with an ululating whimper. They can swallow things of an improbable size.
6	great cats with grinning, eyeless faces, and toxin-leaking spines instead of fur.

D6	An expedition to these mountains of madness
1	was funded by crypto-Posadists in communist Albania. It went horribly wrong.
2	was launched by a tech billionaire & adrenaline junkie who thought Everest was for pussies. It went horribly wrong.
3	was put together by the Jesuit Order. It went horribly wrong.
4	was arranged by the occult department of the University of St. Andrews, who believed that it was the location where their relic-corpse of St. Andrew was washed ashore from. It went horribly wrong.
5	is being organized by a new religious group called the Brethren Stars - whose leaders were all born from donations to the same sperm bank. It will go horribly wrong.
6	is being assembled by a militarized branch of NASA with the mission to tame & colonize the unusual spaces of the Earth rather than look among the stars. It will go horribly wrong.

D6	These mountains of madness bear ruins
1	of a temple complex constructed by an offshoot-species of Rhynchippus, uplifted into sapience and manipulative dexterity by ray-finned arachnoids from somewhere in the embrace of Cassiopeia. The art and records of the complex indicate a shift from worship of the arachnoids to a more existentialist faith recognizing a waning divinity in their communities after their once-benefactors infected them with a sterility-plague and left the planet.
2	that grow from their stone like mineral-vegetable hybrids. Flickering holographic "ghosts" found in the ruins suggest the ruins were grown by a species non-native to Earth, as they bear a dizzying variety of forms with no resemblance to any Earthly life. Those the "ghosts" pass through find themselves porous.
3	built by a culture of intelligent Xenarthrans sometime around the mid-Eocene. The ruins are apparently the palace of a "sacred king" type figure, constructed according to occult principles so that when the exactingly-cultivated "sacred king" was sacrificed their mind would be sent beyond the bounds of space-time.
4	of a last redoubt raised haphazardly by a species anatomically resembling labyrinthodonts to survive some mass extinction event which swept the planet several hundreds of millions of years ago, yet is not reflected in fossil records or any other signs detectable by human science.
5	built from the fossilized bones of an entire and as-yet unknown sub-species of homo sapiens. It's unclear if the sub-species built the ruins themselves.
6	assembled by a collective of fungal symbiotes that arose in the wake of a mass-extinction, glutted to easy intelligence by the abundance of rot. The original purpose of the complex seems to have been to launch chunks of the Earth impregnated with spore-infused embryos of the fungal symbiotes into space, on collision courses with other planets deemed likely to bear life.

D6	In these mountains of madness is entombed
1	an old god and its cult - slithering, prolapsed things - who've attained a sort of immortality by devouring & defecating out each other.
2	a gateway of stable superheavy needles that sing in energetic vibrations. The gateway leads to the Field of the Ultra-Spectral Rays spoken of in Swedenborg's unpublished work The Daughters of Wormwood, where the spiral winds descend from Nith, glutted and open to negotiation.
3	a sorcerer from the modern day who hoped to use his advanced knowledge together with his magic to conquer early agrarian humanity - however a miscalculation saw him trapped in these mountains, forced to enter a long period of hibernation to survive.
4	the vermiform Bgnghaa-Ythu-Yaddit, which torturously bore the people of red vapour from their shrouded world within the nebula Zlykariob before its doom. If unleashed, the people of red vapour will attempt to optimize the Earth for caloric production, and restore their vessel with a planet-consuming feast to take to the stars once more.
5	the eggs of Glorious Echrr, which mutate those who touch them into that great one's children.
6	a living, borborygmus extrusion-portal leading to the fabled Viscous Vortex of Sillhaa, wherein one can reshape their atomic nucleii into new and imperishable forms, or else suffer a nigh-infinite hellish implo-explosion into a conscious though powerless singularity.