Don't Blink

Today at Little Church on the Corner we shared worship as we tend to do on Sunday mornings. Following our service, we held a lunch along with a time and talent auction, complete with our own auctioneer. She was phenomenal!

There were many great items up for bid including meals, trips to the dump with spring-cleaning gash, baking, a painting, and so much more. The bidding was fast, furious and very generous.

One item stood out for me. 

A beautiful, gentle woman in our congregation has experienced not one but two devastating losses in her life this year. In the midst of her own suffering she placed an item in the auction – a special meal that she will prepare for, and share with, two people.

When the bidding began, everyone was in and the offers were flying. Eventually folks let the bidding go to two fierce competitors. Do I hear $150? 155! Do I hear $160?

The last two bidders stared each other down, each wanting this evening of good food and good company as much as the other. The bidding stopped at $205, a small price for the joy of breaking bread with such a lovely woman.

On the way home I was thinking about that meal. Will it be a break from the monotony of grief for our host? I'm certain that it will be.  Is it yet another way that our church family can extend a caring hand, a listening ear, and a ministry of presence? Definitely. Will it be blessing for our successful bidders? Yes, in so many ways, yes.

But perhaps I’m over-thinking it. This is a meal generously offered and prepared for the enjoyment of all who will partake. It is by all accounts an ordinary meal. Or is it? It seems to me that this meal bears a resemblance to another one that we've heard about.

“When he was at the table with them, he took bread, blessed and broke it, and gave it to them. Then their eyes were opened, and they recognized him; and he vanished from their sight.”

Don’t blink. Don’t miss the moment. This is communion in its truest sense.

Table for four please.

Three, plus the One who said “Do this in remembrance of me.”

An Advent Prayer

This comes from the RevGal Prayer Pal site and reflects well the often hectic world of clergy-types at this time of the year.

While I have certainly been busy, I have to say that this Advent has been less frantic than many others. As in previous years, people in our congregation have accompanied me on my home communion rounds. I do enjoy these special visits. One visit last week was especially inspiring. Our Advent worship has been lovely and life-giving for me and I am looking forward to the Cantata this weekend. I am so blessed to be a part of this faith family.

Amidst the many blessings are the many "to do" lists of the season. It is Advent and life is in "hurry up and wait" mode. So I share this prayer from the website, posted by revkjarla (thanks!):

a Tuesday prayer for the honestly overwhelmed...

Dear God,
why is it that Advent
-a time that is supposed to be all peaceful (at least it is in the pictures!)-
tends to be anything but?
Why does everything seem to happen at once? And how in the world do you imagine that little ol' we can attend to all of it?!
Please o please give us all the strength to get through these next couple of weeks with hope, faith, and some semblance of meaning.
Help us to remember that, though it's not mentioned, it's more than likely that even peaceful and innocent Mary puked and screamed and cursed out all those good creatures around her before coming face to face with her saviour and son.
In him. Amen.

(written by the Rev. Cheryl Kerr)

This prayer is for all of you and for anyone feeling rushed in this season of Advent. May Christmas and all of the preparation for it bring you joy, a sense of God's power and presence, and peace.

Sue

Shifting Gears....

The pattern of my days shifts today. This is the final day of my sabbatical and tomorrow is the start of some vacation time. It has been an excellent sabbatical. I have managed to fit a lot into this stretch of days!

I have read, researched and compiled a final report on my sabbatical study topic “The Relationship between the United Church of Canada and the Canadian Military.”

Here is what I learned: It is complicated.

Very complicated.

Even so, given the time and resources available, I feel I have done well by the subject matter. I have made every effort to be objective and present a diversity of views and theological perspectives.

I have enjoyed this wonderful time with P. This time to simply enjoy each day and whatever it might bring has been gift and grace. We have laughed a lot, shared delightful meals, lounged on the patio, and treasured each day.

I also read a multitude – and I mean, a LOT – of excellent fiction. What a treat to dive into a good book and not need to worry about staying up half the night to finish it!

I finish this sabbatical time with a renewed energy and enthusiasm for my return to ministry in September. I have read a few books (unrelated to my study) that may be good Fall group studies and I have some ideas for upcoming worship. As much as I have enjoyed this time, I have also missed my church. It will be good to dive back into the “congregational river” when I return.

Perhaps the most important thing I have learned during these past months has been the importance of self-care.

I know that I’ve learned this a few times in the past. And I’ve forgotten in the past. It is so difficult to remember how to hold up one’s personal need for spiritual nurture when caught in the maelstrom of the needs of the day.

I’ve discovered again how much more clearly I can gather my thoughts and reflections after a good night of sleep.

I’ve learned again how to still my mind and spirit and find my meditative sweet spot. How did I not visit this God-shaped space everyday?

This has been an excellent time to test out dietary and environmental triggers for my migraines. I have a much clearer sense of what it takes for me to minimize the frequency and severity of my pain. I feel now, more than ever before, that I have the upper hand on the pain. I no longer seize up with fear (which makes the pain worse) at the onset of a migraine. I map out a plan so that I have options when and if the pain ramps up. It does not remove the challenge of living with migraine. It does empower me to transform the way I cope with it all.

I have also reaffirmed something I already knew. I LOVE to be organized. I have cleaned closets, organized cupboards and discovered that I hum while sorting socks in order of colour. Sometimes I wonder if this is a result of living a relatively unpredictable and occasionally chaotic life. If I can have even one area of my life that shouts “Order!” every time I hang up my jacket, well, that’s pretty amazing.

Yes. This has been a time of deep blessing!

Happy August everyone!

Any Day....

One of the luxuries of sabbatical time is the opportunity to spend an entire day reading a great book. The other day I read Katherine Willis Pershey's book "Any Day a Beautiful Change."

Her candor and authenticity provide the delightful thread that runs through the entire book. She invites us into her deepest theological insights as she recounts her journey through marriage, parenthood and ministry. The book left me with the hope that in a few years we will hear even more of the story!



Thanks Katherine!

Spring/Summer Sabbatical Notes

Just checking in to say "hey". I hope all is well here in the Interwebs.

I've been enjoying my sabbatical time a great deal. I miss everyone from our congregation, but I'm loving this opportunity to spend the spring/summer with P. We've been laughing a lot! Also, Truffle is loving this new arrangement (shhhh, we haven't told her that I'll be back to work in September. We'll cross that bridge when we get there....). She approves of this sabbatical.

We have been sorting through the ten gazillion (roughly) containers in our downstairs storage locker that are labelled "Keepsakes". Good grief. Who knew we had so many "sakes" to "keep"? The fun part is going through old yearbooks and report cards. The most hilarious moment so far was finding P's school picture from Grade 2. So, he's 7 years old in this picture, wearing a shirt and bow tie (too cute!!!) and sporting the SAME HAIR CUT that he's had since I've known him.

I don't know about you, but that sounds to me like a bit like a rut. He seemed to think it was all redeemed by the fact that in high school he went through a brief period of shoulder-length "Fabio" style hair. A brief sojourn into hair rebellion, then it was back to Haircut Number 3 on the barbershop wall.

*snerk*

I have done plenty of reading so far as well.

Sabbatical related: "Padres in No Man's Land" by Duff Crerar. "Peacetime Padres" by various authors. Great books, both of them! Interesting material that is clarifying for me the complex relationship between "Church" and "Military."

Non-sabbatical related:

The Best Laid Plans and The High Road by Terry Fallis. If you follow the Canadian political scene and would like abreak from its inherent frustrations, you will LOVE these books. The best Liberal politician that never was, Angus McLintock, will have you laughing out loud.

Another good read was What Alice Forgot by Lianne Moriarty. The book is set in Australia, which added another element to an already interesting premise: What would it be like to wake up and have a decade of your life missing?

There have been a few others, but this post is long enough. I will finish what has become a summer book-review post with the book I am presently reading. "Let's Pretend This Never Happened" by Jenny Lawson is another laugh-out-loud book, but only if you have a VERY dark sense of humour (which I do) and your sensibilities won't be forever damaged by coarse language. Also, there is plenty of zombie and vampire talk, so if that gives you nightmares consider yourself warned.

The thing with this book, set in rural Texas, is that a few friends (*cough* Rach & Mindy *cough*) come to mind about every other page. Funny how some books just remind you of special people. Must have been the zombies.... (spoiler alert: Mindy, so far there has been no mention of clowns in this book. I would tell you if that were the case. Probably.)

Soooo......that's it for now. Once this rain lets up and the summer arrives, I will be putting in some excellent patio time and reading more books. When I need a break from that, I'll be walking and enjoying the lilacs, or taking my bike out on the road now that it's been freed from the crowded prison of our formerly messy storage locker. Yaaaayyyy!!!!!

Happy Summer!

A Review: TheraSpecs

Another migraine warrior who lives South of Here, Kerrie Smyres, has been an inspiration to me for many years. Despite debilitating pain, she offers up a great deal of wisdom, humour and insight over at The Daily Headache. I always look forward to her posts and have so much respect for her "knowledge is power" approach to living with migraine disease.


Kerrie's husband Hart Shafer emailed me several months ago to ask if I would be a participant in a trial of his invention - a pair of glasses specifically designed to filter out the fluorescent light waves that cause migraine sufferers the most grief. These waves are called FL-41. Hart had designed several prototypes and needed some people to try them out. So I did.

I wasn't sure what to expect in terms of how the glasses would "look" (because even in pain, one must be stylin', yes?) - but it turned out they were very cool. P calls them my "Bono glasses".


More importantly, they work.


I have often had trouble going into large crowded spaces. This is not news to anyone who knows me. Places like big box stores freak me right out. Partly, that is related to general social anxiety and a need to know where the exits are. Mostly, however, it has to do with the horrific fluorescent lighting in those places. You may just as well shine a bright flashlight directly into my photophobic eyes as send me into one of those stores.


My first test of the TheraSpecs outside of the condo was a trip to Canadian Tire. Again, not my favourite place. The overwhelming odour of rubber tires, paint, and motor oil is bad enough. The ridiculously bright overhead lighting is simply dreadful. My plan is typically to go in, pick up what I need, and leave. But not this time! I got into the store, put on my TheraSpecs and could hardly believe the difference. I actually stayed in the store long enough to browse the colour swatches in the paint department. (All the greens looked the same, but apparently that's normal given the particular light waves that are being blocked by the glasses).


The TheraSpecs have also been very helpful in my work. I have found the lighting at our local hospital and long-term care facilities to be really rough on my light-sensitive eyes. Given that my hospital visits are in the afternoon, when any pain I might have that day is starting to ramp up, there have been some fairly horrible days of pushing through some nasty pain to see the people I need to visit.


The first time I wore the glasses for visiting, the difference in how the light was affecting my eyes was amazing. It was like night and day (pun intended). With the TheraSpecs, I could focus more on my visits and less on how to visit without letting on that I was in terrible pain. I've had several years now of people in hospital beds asking me "Are you okay? You don't look so good." It has been sooooooooo delightful to end that conversation. If anything, a patient might ask about the glasses, but I can quickly explain that they protect my eyes from fluorescent lighting, and then we're back on track with our visit - a focus on the patient. Yaaaayyy!!!

I give TheraSpecs a definite thumbs up. They have made a difference in the way I live with migraine on a day to day basis.


Hart, I don't know how to thank you, so I'll just say thank you.

Humbling

When I have a difficult time "turning off" my ever-ruminating brain so that I might, you know, sleep and stuff.....I find Tara Brach - both her messages and her voice to be profoundly relaxing and meaningful. She has a great sense of humour but also the deep wisdom of the ages. She is a practicing Buddhist, but I find almost everything she says to be perfectly applicable to Christian life and spiritual practice.

I've been listening to her a lot lately.

Since my recent head injury, I have found that I need to respect and listen to my body more than ever. Tara speaks often about the wisdom of the body and our own need to show the same lovingkindness to ourselves that we so willingly offer to others.

My body hasn't given me much choice in terms of listening over the past two weeks. To be clear, all three docs that I saw over the course of my injury said the same thing: My recovery could happen in a week, or in six months. No one has the magic ball to see and know how my brain will heal itself. In the meantime, the more I can rest my brain, the better. (reminder: that means no tv, no books, no computer, nothing - it's the only way the brain can heal itself. Yes, I'm turning off the computer after this.)

It's been a very humbling experience to be sure, but I have certainly learned more than I ever thought I would know about listening to my body. What I've found over the past two weeks since returning to work is that when I'm done, I'm seriously done. In other words, when those waves of nausea and profound "Every Cell In My Body Is Screaming For Rest" moments occur, I could not ignore them even if I wanted to.

I still have "Foggy Head". Most things take twice the time to do, especially if they involve thinking or problem-solving.

After six years of "toughing it out" with excrutiating head pain, it is an entirely different dynamic when the body just says "No Way!" It used to be that I could make one more visit, or respond to a few more emails, or read a few more chapters of material relating to Sunday's sermon.........and THEN rest up with my favourite ice pak.

It's hard to believe that I actually found that limiting!

Now, it's not a matter of choice. When the brick wall hits, the only thing I can do is reach for some peppermint tea for the nausea and STOP.

Thankfully, this will pass.


Going back to Migraine-Life will feel like a walk in the park by comparison. Who would have every thought?????

My perfectionist tendancies have taken a serious hit over the past few weeks. I've had to take notions of myself as "not enough" or "not good enough" and let those go. Letting go is a challenge for me. I like to meet goals. I like to do my best. Not quite reaching the bar on either of the above has been humbling to say the least. But it will pass, and God-willing, I will have learned something from it all.

Lesson #1: Stay out of the kitchen unless absolutely necessary.

Lesson #2: The bar will always be higher than any goal I can ACTUALLY meet. Why do I do that to myself, even when I'm feeling healthy and good? Why can't I just be good enough the way I am at any given time?

Hmmm........food for thought that will become much clearer over time. For now, I'm sleepy again and need to nap. Again.

But that's okay too.

I don't have a cast on my arm or a sling over my shoulder, but I am just as injured as anyone who might have those things. Acknowledging that is both humbling and liberating. I don't have to reach the bar right now because I simply cannot do it. What I AM able to do has to be enough.

When my body heals and speaks that healing into my soul (thank you Tara), I'll be ready for more. Until then, I remain a humble, if somewhat broken, servant of Divine Love, Holy Mystery, the same God who created me in Love and holds me in Love - no matter what.