Stuff I Think You Should Know

Senator Durbin issues statement condemning Dennis

Hurricane Dennis thrashed the island of Cuba today on its rampage toward the United States. While the Southeast braces itself for yet another storm, a U.S. Senator- from Illinois, of all places- had some harsh words for Dennis.

Packing devastating 145 mph winds, Hurricane Dennis tore down a guard tower at the U.S. detention camp for terror suspects as it stalked Cuba's south coast and moved Friday toward the heart of the largest Caribbean island.

Upon learning of this, Senator Dick Durbin (alQ-IL) issued the following statement:

"If I read this to you and did not tell you that it was a report describing what Mother Nature has done to prisoners under her care, you would most certainly believe this must have been done by Nazis, Soviets in their gulags, or some mad regime - Pol Pot or others - that had no concern for human beings. Sadly, that is not the case. This was the action of Hurricane Dennis in the treatment of his prisoners."

The Senator went on to demonize Mrs. Nature and "her wicked son Dennis". He declared that he felt "deep sympathy for those incarcerated at Gitmo, who must've been traumatized. First, the A/C was up too high, and now wind and rain? I imagine they were terrified, and are now scarred for life."

He concluded his statement by calling for an immediate closure of the Guantanamo facilities, and an inquiry into possibilities that Dennis has been hired by the Marines stationed there.

The other 99 Senators had to be awakened upon completion of his speech.

Well? Whaddya think? Have I successfully channeled Scrappleface?