disconnecting

When I first heard the news about the wind causing possible power outages this weekend, I turned into a flurry of activity. I did the dishes at midnight rather than wait til morning, started a load of laundry, filled some pitchers of water (we're on a well), and nested. All Saturday, a part of me was in wait while the power stayed on through heavy rain and wind.

Today the power went out for a couple of hours because a tree fell on wires on our street. When the power went out, my initial reaction was excitement - it feels like an adventure (at least if it's only for a few hours!) We made tea over a camp stove, and I walked away from the computer with a burst of energy that I didn't know was pending, and started sweeping the stairs, and when I finished that, I tackled the top of my dresser, which was beginning to look like a leaning tower of clothing. I heard the power come back on, turned on a light to be sure, but because I wasn't ready for it yet, I turned the light back off and kept going.

The world is different without electricity - and in some ways, it's better. I think when the power went out, my energy burst was a refocusing of the energy that usually gets focused on electronic devices. It's neat to do something different with that energy - to feel a different part of life.

poor blueberry

I wish I had just stopped him from driving today. It's a very rainy, stormy day. Steven was running just a quick errand.... I didn't want him to go out in the storm, but at 18 you have to start letting them go.

Too soon after he left the house, the phone rang, and he had been in an accident. Probably not his fault, and no one hurt on either side. Except Blueberry again (and the other car looked worse than Blueberry).

I could drive her home, so I think she's fixable. When she's fixed, I think he has to drive a car that means less to me. I have a newer car, but Blueberry is like that old comfy Aerosole shoe that fits just right.... And they don't make Camry wagons anymore, so she is truly irreplaceable.

I feel like my priorities are all messed up. I am grateful no one was hurt, especially Steven. I am fortunate that my biggest worry is my car - I haven't lost sight of that, and I feel guilty to be so upset over a car. But upset I will be til I drive her home in one piece again.

Gym class, revisited

I was never good at gym. I dreaded gym day throughout grade school and high school. I just was not interested enough in any of the activities to actually care enough to put any effort into them. And I felt not very good at it, which gave me another reason not to put effort into it. Even now, when looking at my kids' report cards, I just don't care about their gym grades - it's not academic so it's just not important to me.

I have not had a lot more luck showing Batman. He got two more points at a second show, but in the shows since, I've had trouble getting him to stand still when he's supposed to... Today he won his puppy class, but when it came time to go back in the ring with the winners of the other classes, he just didn't want to cooperate.

A lot of this is in my own head, I think. I'm feeling like I'm not good at this, so I don't approach the task with confidence. I feel far more confident in front of 6000 people with my computer at Lotusphere than I do with Batman in a show ring with only 10-2o people watching. Just like I would have far preferred to go to any class other than gym at school...

I have to show him again on Thursday - I'm going to try a new approach - confidence. He's my dog, I'm entitled to walk him wherever I want. If I want him to stand, he will. I want him to do well, and he needs me to be confident to do that.

And if that doesn't work, I can always retreat to my laptop.

we did it!

Midweek this week, I had a good solid case of post-partum depression.

This would be why: https://www14.software.ibm.com/iwm/web/cc/earlyprograms/lotus/ilcd60/

I'll join the fray

Pete and Dave have posted their top ten favorite songs. This is actually very hard to do and I think the list may vary greatly with my current mood. But at this snapshot of time, my top ten are:

James Taylor - Gaia
James Taylor - In My Mind I'm Goin' to Carolina
Ellis Paul - Conversation with a Ghost
Ellis Paul - Weightless
Dar Williams - Playing to the Firmament
John Gorka - Flying Red Horse
John Gorka - Morningside
Eric Clapton - Layla
Byrds - Chestnut Mare
Tom Rush - No Regrets
Carly Simon - Bound for the Island

Yes, that's 11. I thought of the Carly Simon song after I was done, but couldn't take any other off the list. If it works for Spinal Tap, I can do it, too. The order is only slightly significant - if I heard any of those, the words coming out of my mouth when I heard it would be "that's my favorite song!"

Ask me tomorrow and you may well get a different list. As I look at that list, many (but not all) of those songs are associated with different events in my life. Odd to think of music as a soundtrack to a life, but it's true :-)