Last week, my friend Zaz, the man and I went to Vanessa Paradis’ concert preview, in a small hall, not even in Paris. Right, I wish I could tell you it was thanks to my fame but I have to face the facts, I’m not yet in Universal’s listings. The truth is my friend Severine works in show-business and thus had the information about the preview. Then, we booked our ticket like everyone else and paid for them. We even had to book another show to get the right to attend this one. In Marne La Vallée. Right when we just sold our crappy car. But, you have to admit nothing’s too good to see Johnn… hum, Vanessa…
Come on, wanna read about it?
18h00: I rush out of work, tonight I have an appointment with Johnny Depp.
18h03: Ok, his wife will be there too but since she’ll be on stage, she shouldn’t disturb us too much.
18h06: Anyway, personally, Vanessa, I have nothing against her, right, but you see, right. I barely know her songs and I’ve always been a fan of Charlotte [1]. Actually I’m going to please my friend Zaz.
18h12: I warn the man that he can come but I won’t promise anything. I explain that sleeping with Jack Sparrow, is not being unfaithful.
18h15: The man answers he is willing to turn a blind eye if he can watch the rugby final together with Jef.
18h18: In fact a successful marriage is easy. You just have to make a few concessions here and there.
19h00: Off we go to Marne La Vallée. Vanessa performs at “La ferme du buisson [2]“. Mmmm, Johnny, I hope you’re not allergic to hay because, you and I, we’ll have some all over, believe me…
19h04: My friend Zaz is very moved, it’s the fourteenth time she sees Vanessa.
19h06: Zaz warns me she won’t sit next to me if I allude one more time to the fact that Vanessa must be on stuff to be that skinny.
19h10: I don’t care what she’s on, I tell her. I’m just sad for Johnny, that’s it. With me he wouldn’t have all those worries.
19h45: We find La Ferme du Buisson. So much for hay, my dear Johnny. It’s an old market hall, very nice, made of bricks. There are small lights everywhere, you’d think you were in Le Grand Meaulnes[3]. I find it very poetic. I hug the man and tell him, never mind Johnny, he’s my ‘grand Meaulnes’.
19h50: The man answers he’s hungry.
19h55: Marriage actually is bullshit.
19h57: The man doesn’t see how five waffles and ten choux buns eaten during our way to Marne La Vallée could put him off his food. He says travels make him hungry.
20h00: People are already waiting in line to enter the hall and get a good spot. The public is really fan, I can feel it. Poor Johnny, he must feel completely discredited.
20h03: The man warns that if we don’t first find something to eat, he will hold his breath.
20h05: We resuscitate the man who’s always been short-winded and we drop the idea of being in the front row. Direction: the refreshment area.
20h06: The man is too happy, for 10 euros he gets a complete meal. With Zaz we start a nervous breakdown.
20h08: On the menu there are accras.
20h09: The man never managed to digest accras.
20h12: With Zaz we try to find a way to leave the man behind.
20h15: The man has eaten half of the buffet. We can finally enter the hall. We find spaces in the front but on the side. I feel Zaz will take some time to forgive that accras event.
20h18: I tell Zaz that making a preview concert with M [4] playing guitar is class.
20h20: Zaz, she says it’s normal for Vanessa since she sucks Johnny’s dick every day.
20h22: We both agree this is truly class.
20h24: In full digestion, the man opens a baleful eye and says he ok to be called Johnny if it can help.
20h26: Zaz answers that his having a chewing-gum could help.
To be continued…
