Enter NAUSISTRATA, in haste, from the house.
NAUSISTRATA
Who calls my name?
CHREMES
in alarm. Ha!
NAUSISTRATA
My husband, pray what means this disturbance?
PHORMIO
to CHREMES. Oh, oh, why are you mute now?
NAUSISTRATA
Who is this man? Won't you answer me?
PHORMIO
What, he to answer you? who, upon my faith, doesn't know where he is.
CHREMES
to NAUSISTRATA. Take care how you believe that fellow in any thing.
PHORMIO
to NAUSISTRATA. Go, touch him; if he isn't in a cold sweat all over, why then kill me.
CHREMES
'Tis nothing at all.
NAUSISTRATA
What is it, then, that this person is talking about?
PHORMIO
You shall know directly; listen now.
CHREMES
Are you resolved to believe him?
NAUSISTRATA
Pray, how can I believe him, when he has told me nothing?
PHORMIO
The poor creature is distracted from fright.
NAUSISTRATA
It isn't for nothing, i' faith, that you are in such a fright.
CHREMES
What, I in a fright?
PHORMIO
to CHREMES. All right, of course: since you are not in a fright at all, and this is nothing at all that I'm going to tell, do you relate it.
DEMIPHO
Villain, is he to relate it at your request?
PHORMIO
to DEMIPHO. Come now, you've managed nicely for your brother.
NAUSISTRATA
My husband, will you not tell me?
CHREMES
But----
NAUSISTRATA
But what?
CHREMES
There's no need to tell you.
PHORMIO
Not for you, indeed; but there's need for her to know it. At Lemnos----
CHREMES
starting. Ha! what are you doing?
DEMIPHO
to PHORMIO. Won't you hold your tongue?
PHORMIO
to NAUSISTRATA. Unknown to you----
CHREMES
Ah me!
PHORMIO
He married another----
NAUSISTRATA
My dear sir, may the Gods forbid it!
PHORMIO
Such is the fact.
NAUSISTRATA
Wretch that I am, I'm undone!
PHORMIO
And had a daughter by her, too, while you never dreamed of it.
CHREMES
What are we to do?
NAUSISTRATA
O immortal Gods!--a disgraceful and a wicked misdeed!
DEMIPHO
aside, to CHREMES. It's all up with you.
PHORMIO
Was ever any thing now more ungenerously done? Your men, who, when they come to their wives, then become incapacitated from old age.
NAUSISTRATA
Demipho, I appeal to you; for with that man it is irksome for me to speak. Were these those frequent journeys and long visits at Lemnos? Was this the lowness of prices that reduced our rents?
DEMIPHO
Nausistrata, I don't deny that in this matter he has been deserving of censure; but still, it may be pardoned.
PHORMIO
apart. He is talking to the dead.
DEMIPHO
For he did this neither through neglect or aversion to yourself. About fifteen years since, in a drunken fit, he had an intrigue with this poor woman, of whom this girl was born, nor did he ever touch her afterward. She is dead and gone: the only difficulty that remained in this matter. Wherefore, I do beg of you, that, as in other things, you'll bear this with patience.
NAUSISTRATA
Why should I with patience? I could wish, afflicted as I am, that there were an end now of this matter. But how can I hope? Am I to suppose that, at his age, he will not offend in future? Was he not an old man then, if old age makes people behave themselves decently? Are my looks and my age more attractive now, Demipho? What do you advance to me, to make me expect or hope that this will not happen any more?
PHORMIO
in a loud voice. Those who have1 a mind to come to the funeral of Chremes, why now's their time. 'Tis thus I retaliate: come now, let him challenge Phormio who pleases: I'll have him victimized2 with just a like mischance. Why then, let him return again into her good graces. I have now had revenge enough. She has got something for her as long as she lives, to be forever ringing into his ears.
NAUSISTRATA
But it was because I deserved this, I suppose; why should I now, Demipho, make mention of each particular, how I have conducted myself toward him?
DEMIPHO
I know it all, as well as yourself.
NAUSISTRATA
Does it appear, then, that I deserved this treatment?
DEMIPHO
Far from it: but since, by reproaching, it can not now be undone, forgive him: he entreats you--he begs your pardon--owns his fault--makes an apology. What would you have more?
PHORMIO
aside. But really, before she grants pardon to him, I must take care of myself and Phaedria. To NAUSISTRATA. Hark you, Nausistrata, before you answer him without thinking, listen to me.
NAUSISTRATA
What's the matter?
PHORMIO
I got out of him thirty minae by a stratagem. I give them to your son; he paid them to a Procurer for his mistress.
CHREMES
Ha! what is it you say?
PHORMIO
sneeringly. Does it seem to you so very improper for your son, a young man, to keep one mistress, while you have two wives? Are you ashamed of nothing? With what face will you censure him? Answer me that.
DEMIPHO
He shall do as you wish.
NAUSISTRATA
Nay, that you may now know my determination, I neither forgive nor promise any thing, nor give any answer, before I see my son: to his decision I leave every thing. What he bids me, I shall do.
DEMIPHO
You are a wise woman, Nausistrata.
NAUSISTRATA
Does that satisfy you, Chremes?
CHREMES
Yes, indeed, I come off well, and fully to my satisfaction; indeed, beyond my expectation.
NAUSISTRATA
to PHORMIO. Do you tell me, what is your name?
PHORMIO
What, mine? Phormio; a well-wisher to your family, upon my honor, and to your son Phaedria in particular.
NAUSISTRATA
Then, Phormio, on my word, henceforward I'll both do and say for you all I can, and whatever you may desire.
PHORMIO
You speak obligingly.
NAUSISTRATA
I' faith, it is as you deserve.
PHORMIO
First, then, will you do this, Nausistrata, at once, to please me, and to make your husband's eyes ache with vexation?
NAUSISTRATA
With all my heart.
PHORMIO
Invite me to dinner.
NAUSISTRATA
Assuredly indeed, I do invite you.
DEMIPHO
Let us now away in-doors.
CHREMES
By all means; but where is Phaedria, our arbitrator?
PHORMIO
I'll have him here just now. To the AUDIENCE. Fare you well, and grant us your applause.3
