With his usual empathy and dry humor, the j.’s Dan Pine explores how the image of the over-bearing Yiddishe mama who ladles out guilt with the soup she’s been slaving over all day is so, well, over. At least in the San Francisco Bay area, anyway.

He found that “instead of the kugel-baking shrew meddling in her grown children’s affairs, today’s Jewish mother shares the progressive post-feminist outlook of other modern women.” I have to agree when I see the Jewish mothers around me — the college professors, the filmmakers, the Phd candidates — who also volunteer on the PTA, keep kosher kitchens and bake their own challah. While as a mere blogger I can hardly count myself as a high achiever, I’m honored to be among these amazing mamas. We balance carpool and obessessing over healthy meals with our own ambitions; we struggle to keep our own identities as we succumb to the fierce love we have for our children. In short, the new Jewish mother still has her children at the center of her life, it’s just that life includes a personal quest to be part of something larger than the nuclear family.

So maybe our “centers” have evolved and grown larger since the shtetl days to accomodate this complicated dance. While we’re still perceived as “pushy,” I think the current stereotype of the Jewish mother is a Lexus SUV-driving gym addict with fabulous nails rather than a rugalach-pushing immigrant. But still, I don’t know anyone who actually fits either description, which is why it’s called a stereotype. Rather than go there, I’ll just agree with one interviewee that “Jewish women have this courage and positive attitude, and a tremendous amount of chutzpah.”

But you should know that I won’t rest until the stereotype of the new Jewish mother is perceived to be an organic foods-pushing, energy-conserving, religious and cultural outlaw with blue hair.

Everyone knows Jewish mothers are a little crazy, but it comes to giving out first prize trophies for meshuggah, these two win. You’ve got Sarah Bernhard, bulldozing her way through her lesbian pre-Esther Madonna days and then emerging again to the public spotlight, only to start sh*t-talkin’ on morning TV and pissing off the prissy ladies on The View, then getting her MAC lipstick commerical pulled. And then there’s Roseanne, who, along with her other personalities, basically wrote the book on batsh*t.

And I love both of them. I worship at the pedicured toenails of the these screamingly hilarious divas for their unapologetic presence in a world that would rather not hear from loud, smart, gleefully inappropriate in ways that-make-your-pootie-pucker types of women. Sandra and Roseanne are heroes, do you hear me?

Sarah’s out there these days performing, skewering George Bush and his ilk on a verbal shish kabob and practicing a personal form of non-obnoxious kabbalah. And Rosie’s in Vegas and has a fat (in juicy, exciting way that has nothing to do with eating disorders) blog, where she dabbles in everything from kabbalah to Katrina relief.

Like it or not, these are the crones of Jewish mother culture and we must pay respect. Otherwise, at least one of them is known to spit.

Rumor has it that Madonna wants to get her adopted baby boy circumcised, presumably so he’ll look like all the other kids in the JCC locker room come time for basketball season.

The Kabbalah Queen brought one year-old David Banda home from Malawi a few months ago in spite of global criticism, and like any Jewish(ish) mother, deems it necessary for her son to join the covenant of Abraham. However, David’s biological father, Yohane, is vehemently opposed to such an act since this the boy was already baptized in Africa. “This goes against the Christian religion and is not something we would ever consider in Africa. We don’t ever get circumcised here. I would urge her to think again.”

(Sorry, Yo, scissors beat water every time. That and y’know, Madge’s bank account worth more than the entire GNP of your country.)

Of course, Jewish law states that a boychik be snipped on the eighth day of life, not 14 months later, so it’ll be quite interesting to see how a rabbi rules on this decidedly unorthodox brit milah. Since Madonna not actually Jewish, she just makes up her own rules anyway, doesn’t she?

Mazel tov to brave Jewish mama Dayna Klein, who gave birth to a baby boy this week after surviving last summer’s shooting rampage at the Seattle JCC.

One woman was killed and five others wounded when Naveed Haq burst into the building on July 28 with a gun, violently distressed about the war between Israel and Hezbollah. Klein was shot in the arm and leg while protecting her womb from the spray of bullets, an act police called heroic. I call it fierce mother’s instinct, and the fact that Klein managed to call 911 and persuade the attacker to get on the phone and eventually give himself up to police makes her one serious balabusta.

Blessings to the new parents and little Charlie Paz. May you enjoy every sleepless night and poopy diaper — you already know how precious they are.