"stimulus"

I'm pretty sure putting the word "stimulus" into quotation marks makes it dirty, automatically. Thanks, Will.

global example

Jarno from Finland translates this sign this way:
New!
Filled pita bread "heated"
*Chicken alioli
* Ham + Cheese
* Tuna

So I guess they are kind of cold.

sure you're my "dad"

I like how this craft, made by Meredith's brother in first grade, both questions paternity and is vaguely threatening.

"only" you say?

At Cari's work it is a bit unclear of what you are supposed to put in the toilet, but it is something "only toilet paper" is code for.

"water"

The "water" and the "soda" are totally not the same thing at all. Thanks, Suzie.

yes, "please"

We "really" don't want you to hilariously slip and fall on your butt. We wouldn't like to see that at all. thanks, Megan.

"caution"

I think I can probably let the hand written note on this one speak for itself. Thanks, Sarah.

"do" "not"

So this is some kind of a secret code for something. Thanks, Kris.

more like stews

I guess these foods have some relationship to "soup." Thanks, Sarah.

In the court of hard knocks?

They will pretend to prosecute you! Thanks, Jordan.

huh?

I don't usually associate the word "cold" with comfort. Or, actually, chocolate. I have no idea what this has to do with the snapples in this case. Thanks, Kate.

"someone must be"

I guess it doesn't have to be YOU. Thanks, Paul.

that means you

Anthea writes: "When I saw this sign, I burst into a chorus of "Silent Night". Then I did a little investigation and discovered that a woman known to her neighbors as Carol has a habit of walking into people's houses uninvited, taking potshots at their cats, and generally making a nuisance of herself, whomever she may really be..."

Pure awesome.

oh, those "loveable" "moptops"

Actually, it's the Monkees. Thanks, Jennifer.

(This is Christmas appropriate, because my dad generally gets beatles related things for Christmas. And we may or may not have a family viewing of Help! today.)

oh is it?

What if I just borrow it for a while? I was just holdin' it officer, really! Thanks, Jeremy.

ok, lukewarm

This mulled cider is not that sexy. Thanks, Emily.

"don't" do it

So I guess water-like liquids are also ok. Thanks, Rose!

Classic quotations there

Remember the old sayings "winter time = snow" and "we will be not responsible for damage"? Those are so well known! Thanks, Dawn.

sounds "tasty"

Nothing like some tasteless baked goods that can barely be called cookies for the holidays. Thanks, Sally.

uh....

I guess they offer you insincere greetings here. Thanks, Ben.

christmas card slogans

J. C. spotted this one. Remember that great movie quote, "we sell stamp"? I don't.

well, actually....

This picture from a Christmas card Erin received offers some nice unintentional commentary on the relationship between Christmas and the Christian religion.

"meats"

Celebrate Xmas with some ambiguous meat-like products! Thanks, Sarah.

"yum"

Theadra and her sons noticed this one. I'm guessing a cake that has to tell you what to say isn't that "yum"-worthy.

most of them

Berry spotted this in Traverse City, MI where I guess certain backpacks are exempt from rules.

"flu shots"

I had the "flu mist" and it was more like a squirt, but I don't know what they're getting at with the "flu shots." Maybe they don't have the real inactive H1N1 in there. Thanks, Taylor.

Is this on fleet street?

Jessica spotted this one in England. I guess they style other body parts?

"attentionplz"

I think "attentionplz" is my new favorite made-up expression. There's also a joke in here about unemployment and the ability to find "work" but it's probably offensive and I can't find it. Thanks, Jim.

"authentic"

I guess if you get a Brooklyn Pizza in Florida, "Authentic" is the best you can ask for. Thanks, Jonah.

Holiday Posting Forecast

Dear readers,

Thanks for visiting my site so frequently, sending me pictures, making hilarious comments and generally being awesome. Running this blog is a surprising and uplifting part of my life, and I genuinely appreciate all of you making it that way.

I am attempting to pre-schedule posts for Christmas week (Christmas is the holiday I celebrate this time of year), though I expect traffic to be down as it usually is during times when people aren't working or in school. I know sometimes we all need a break for humor, especially in a time with too much or not enough family.

I might be a little lighter than usual but hope to not drop off entirely. I am busy this week with my wonderful family and my wonderful future in-laws, but hey. Some things are important. Like quotation marks.

Love and Season's Greetings,
Bethany

a little slippery

Actually, the floor is just regular type slippery. Thanks, Dena.

no semantic confusion here

I imagine a conflict where somebody said "I'm not leaning ON the glass, I'm leaning OVER it" and then this sign appeared with quotation marks to signify extreme disdain. Thanks, Steve.

some kind of burrito

Vegetarians beware, perhaps. Thanks David.

8 days "a" week, huh buddy?

Somebody gave Coke a phone number with this message on it. I guess 8 days is actually more than "a" week....

boys and girls really

Actually these people are ALIENS!!!!1!! Thanks Hope.

if Lois IS your real name...

Maybe Lois isn't the only one who's retiring, the others just don't know it yet. Thanks, Sean.

possibly necessary?

I am trusting Bata, who sent me this, that these quotation marks are in fact unnecessary. Since I can't read that language.

sad excuse for a microwave

I mean, if you want to use a MICROWAVE you should see what I have at home... Thanks, Josh.

"now" "open"

This whole sign is a secret code that I don't know. You may or may not be "welcome."

like fake glass

I don't know if "glass" is more or less fragile than real glass. Thanks, Jessica.

prices negotiable

Sean spotted this in NYC. I guess the coffee price varies.

thanks for NOTHING

Submitter L Thomas explains, "Jason Couch is a pro bowler, and I saw this in a bowling pro shop. I guess he didn't find Rich and the crew very helpful..."

"fries"

Will found this on his mom's dinner menu. I wonder what they were really going to eat...

"clearance"

I don't know how many inches EXACTLY it can clear, but hey. more or less. Thanks, Clint.

that sinks

I mean, without a disposal, that's a lousy excuse for a sink. Thanks, Brandon.

moderate cleanups acceptable

I guess there is some question about how "clean" it has to be. Thanks, Dave.

looks like a key...

Kathleen notes that this key went to a bathroom so disgusting she and her friend chose to hold it. Which doesn't qualify it for dubious identity as "key" but hey...

mime knocking

Acting like you'll knock is apparently good enough here. Thanks, nameless submitter.

neither bread nor pudding: discuss.

I guess bread pudding is kind of like grapenuts, now that I see this... Thanks, Pace.

ORLY?

That sounds like a shirt that is going to be very "flattering." Thanks, unnamed submitter.

As you call them here

I guess this store is too proper to call a twenty-five-cent piece but is less formal name without quotation marks. Thanks, Trevor.