Hello There!
I was perusing my social network over lunch the other day
and came upon a link posted by a mother’s group I attend. The link was to a
blog post titled, “
Your Children Want You.” I decided to take a few moments out
of my day to read it. Oh geez. I wish I hadn’t. I was spitting mad about it by
the time I read through half the comments.
After a few failed attempts to post to the blog (for some
reason, probably because I disagreed with the content, my comments wouldn’t
post.), I’ve decided to write my own response.
First of all, I do see the valid points in the post. From my
interpretation, there are two points. 1) Your kids don’t care what you do as
long as it’s with them, and 2) Crafty websites and blogs can make moms feel
inferior and moms shouldn’t because of point 1.
That makes sense, right? I will agree with that. However,
the blog creates some assumptions about what makes “good moms” and “bad moms”
and the comments just show how people are interpreting it. I hate to even go
down that road. I am pretty loosy goosy with my definition of “good moms.” I’ve
seen good moms that stay at home, good moms that work, good moms that do this
method of parenting and good moms that do that type of parenting. “Good moms”
is such a relative word to the situation at hand. I mean, I suppose there are
some things we can agree on. If you abuse your child, you’re *probably* not a
good mom. Although, to be honest, I hate to even say that absolute, since there
might be a mom out there that is abusive because they are sick and need
medicine or treatment. Anyways. My point is, when it comes to parenting,
absolutes are a big trap. We all want to use them, but in reality, they don’t
exist.
So, I want to address some of the inferences that this post
and the resulting comments made.
(1) Time Management.
There is this tone of SOCIAL MEDIA IS EVIL AND SUCKS TIME
AWAY FROM YOUR CHILDREN AND THEY WILL GROW UP TO BE TERRIBLE MEMBERS OF
SOCIETY. RUN! DELETE YOUR ACCOUNTS! Well, the article doesn’t actually say
that, but if you read the comments under it, you would certainly think so! I
don’t know about other parents out there, but there are times where my children
aren’t around. For example, I highly doubt my pinning after my daughter goes to
bed is going to make her steal things in 10 years. Or, you have to be honest
with yourself, there are times when your kids don’t want to play with you. My daughter is not a fan of dancing with me.
If I attempt to start dancing with her, she pushes me and says “No!” Speaking
of which, maybe my Pinterest account is making her act so aggressively. Or the
fact she’s two with an attitude. I digress.
Instead of blaming these websites, take some accountability
for your time and actions! When you join Pinterest, there isn’t a blood
sacrifice requiring you to spend so much time on it a day. If you’re ignoring
your children, stop. And if you can’t stop, you have something called an
addiction, and you need professional help. The website isn’t to blame. I mean,
I understand it’s AWESOME, but I still find time to bathe my daughter and eat
and sleep.
(2) Evil Craft Moms!
In the article and in the resulting comments, several people
refer to the “Perfect Pinterest Mom.” Usually it’s referred to with what I can
only imagine is a metaphorical sneer. Those moms who would rather put spices in
magnetic jars than feed their children, or those moms that make fun designs out
of food instead of taking their kids to school. Wait, you don’t do that? Well,
guess what. I have one of “those crafty moms.” She did that before there was
Pinterest. I know. How is it even possible? My mom didn’t have to make Mickey
Mouse or Minnie pancakes. I certainly would have loved her even if she didn’t.
But I felt special that she would take the time to make the bow on Minnie. It’s
been years and years since I had a Minnie pancake, but I still remember it and
appreciate it and can’t wait to do it for my daughter.
I know I don’t have to do “special” crafty things for my
children’s love. But it’s that love that makes me WANT to. I want to let them
know that I feel special, because they love me, and I want to spend my time
doing something special for them. I didn’t make my daughter a growth chart
because I wanted to “buy” her love. If I did, that would be a really poor
choice. It would much more appreciated and economical to buy Oreos. I made her
a growth chart because 1) I like to make things. It’s my hobby and makes me
happy, and 2) I look forward to the day when she’s an old maid in high school
and I can go on and on about how I can’t believe how much she’s grown while she
says “Mom, you’re embarrassing me in front of my prom date!”
In the post and the following comments, moms talk about the
guilt that comes from not doing all things crafty. Well, I’m sorry moms feel
that way, but that’s nothing new! Moms have envied mothers with children that
sleep through the night, wash their hands and say “Please” for decades. That
guilt comes from nowhere but yourself. I have never read a blog post or seen a
pin that says, “IF YOU DON’T DO THESE CRAFTY OVER THE TOP THINGS YOU ARE A
TERRIBLE TERRIBLE MOTHER!” Of course, that’s an exaggeration (I live in
exaggeration), but I have never even seen a passive aggressive dig to those who
don’t craft! I don’t post my crafts to show off to those moms that don’t make
them. (If I did, I would be a poor show off…especially considering my CraftFail
project). I post them to pass along the ideas. It saves time and energy. You
know how many times I’ve had a problem and been racking my brain for a solution
and then ta da! Pinterest has a solution for me! (Who knew that water I was
using on the microfiber couch was making it worse? Rubbing alcohol is the
solution?!?! Thanks Pinterest!)
(3) Craft Project = NO KIDS ALLOWED
This
perception came more from the comments than the actual post itself, but
apparently there are people out there that think if you’re doing projects,
you’re avoiding your children. I would say, have you ever done arts and crafts
with your children? Arts and crafts are fantastic for children. They can learn
how to use fine motor skills, and artistic abilities (no matter how lacking)
should be nurtured. Why in the world is there a perception my children are
locked up while I’m doing my project?
I have pictures of my daughter trying to fix a chair long
side of me. This is great! It teaches her how things work. She gets to use new
things in new ways. I want to expand her mind to new things. My mother used to
make my Barbie clothes. I started sewing right alongside of her. It’s a hobby
we share together. I know several moms that share quilting with their daughters.
Expand this thought to cooking. How many daughters learn how to cook alongside
of their mothers? (I unfortunately did not and to this day avoid the kitchen
like its detention.) Craft projects can be a wonderful way to have alone time
or a great way to spend time with your children.
That brings me to another point. There is no reason that
mother’s shouldn’t get “me” time. Some moms might be able to spend ever second
with their child. I needed some alone time (especially when I was a
stay-at-home mom). I need time to see friends, to talk about adult things and
probably have a glass of wine or two. My children BENEFIT from this. A happy
mom is a better mom. If doing a craft project with my craft club helps me keep
my patience with my daughter, I think it’s time well spent. My own mother was a
stay-at-home mom for a long time. She didn’t get to see friends or get out of
the house. You cannot imagine the difference going back to work made for her.
As her daughter I appreciated the chance to see her become independent and
happy in her own self. We owe it to our children do what we can to be good
mothers and that might include not spending every second with them.
My last point. I will admit that the article does not say
this and doesn’t hint at it. However, the comments underneath allude to this.
Working mothers shouldn’t be working and should be spending time with their
children. I cannot tell you how crazy angry this makes me. I am the provider in
my family. My child can eat food because I work. I will not be ashamed for
spending time working. When I was in law school, we had a judge say that if you
want a family you cannot have a career. He probably finds it difficult because
he’s a man and wasn’t born with the amazing multitasking abilities mothers are
born with. (I kid! Men can multitask if they really really try. ;) ) Technology
is also a wonderful way to stay connected. I take a break from work to Facetime
with my daughter. I can work on work things from the comfort of living room. Being
a working mother is not a dirty word.
So, I know it’s a bit of a soapbox rant, but it’s much
better to take a second to write it here than continue to yell at my iPad as I
try to post an autocorrect atrocity of a comment on the blog and then never see
the comment come into existence.
